Age for first boyfriend/girlfriend

[Anonymous]

How old was your tween/tween when they told you they have a boyfriend or girlfriend? What did this first relationship look like? Strictly hanging out in school halls and group friend outings ? Or were they actually going to each other’s houses and 1:1 outings?

[Anonymous]

My 12 year old had a girlfriend and they hung out in groups and occasionally hung out 1 on 1 after school. He would walk her home. Things like that. All they ever did was hold hands.

I thought this was insanely early but other kids were doing this in middle school and I do remember kids from my own Gen X childhood “dating” at this age.

[Anonymous]

I think teens these days generally lack the maturity to handle a BF/GF before age 17.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 12 year old had a girlfriend and they hung out in groups and occasionally hung out 1 on 1 after school. He would walk her home. Things like that. All they ever did was hold hands.

I thought this was insanely early but other kids were doing this in middle school and I do remember kids from my own Gen X childhood “dating” at this age.

I remember people having boyfriends/girlfriends as early as 6th grade, termed “going out.” But to my knowledge no one ever even went out anywhere. It was pretty much just a term thrown around and you maybe held hands in halls and talked in the phone at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think teens these days generally lack the maturity to handle a BF/GF before age 17.

Cool story

[Anonymous]

7/8th grade

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think teens these days generally lack the maturity to handle a BF/GF before age 17.

Ok. That's nice you think that.

So back to the question because lots of kids have relationships before age 17.

[Anonymous]

7th grade -12/13

[Anonymous]

I have 4 kids. This is my take on today's scene.

Going out or dating our whatever you would call it starts in middle school. This typically involves almost no one on one time. They will call each other girlfriend and boyfriend though.

One on one outings and going to each other's houses I saw starting somewhat freshman year and by sophomore year a lot of kids doing this. Not by any means all kids.

[Anonymous]

My DS is in 7th grade, and there is a lot of "dating." It mostly seems to involve walking to Starbucks, walking home from school, or sitting together a football games. I did hear about a kiss on the cheek, which was a SCANDAL according to my son. The girls are more into it than the boys, but there are a handful of boys who are actively asking girls out on "dates." My DS is weirdly open with me about things like this, and he said he doesn't know anyone who is kissing or engaging in other physical contact, but I'm sure it's happening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS is in 7th grade, and there is a lot of "dating." It mostly seems to involve walking to Starbucks, walking home from school, or sitting together a football games. I did hear about a kiss on the cheek, which was a SCANDAL according to my son. The girls are more into it than the boys, but there are a handful of boys who are actively asking girls out on "dates." My DS is weirdly open with me about things like this, and he said he doesn't know anyone who is kissing or engaging in other physical contact, but I'm sure it's happening.

I have a 7th grader and my son also tells me a lot. One kiss reported. Not the norm it seems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 4 kids. This is my take on today's scene.

Going out or dating our whatever you would call it starts in middle school. This typically involves almost no one on one time. They will call each other girlfriend and boyfriend though.

One on one outings and going to each other's houses I saw starting somewhat freshman year and by sophomore year a lot of kids doing this. Not by any means all kids.

I have a freshman and a junior and I agree with with this part. But, they are very strict about what the terms "dating" and "boyfriend/girlfriend" mean. In my kids' circles that means the same thing, when you are exclusive and an official couple, then you are dating and that person is your boyfriend/girlfriend. If they are just talking, hanging out, making out, they will not use those terms. And, they will have sex before the label, so discuss your family values and birth control early and often!

[Anonymous]

My oldest had his first girlfriend in 6th grade. Only at school and a few times in group outings. They dated for the whole school year.

Then he had his first "real" girlfriend 9th thru 10th grade. Almost 2 years. Mostly Covid time. (Too long/too young)

My youngest is in 9th grade and he's not interested in dating at all yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 12 year old had a girlfriend and they hung out in groups and occasionally hung out 1 on 1 after school. He would walk her home. Things like that. All they ever did was hold hands.

+1

DD had a boyfriend at age 12. They were friends first - knew each other well and had hung out together as part of a group all summer. They started dating and it lasted more than a year.

Lots of FaceTime and hanging out at school and in groups. Occassionally at our house or his house - often with siblings in the mix. And always in public spaces or with the door open, only when parents were home. Even so, it sounds like he was her first kiss, so not just hand-holding.

BTW, the public spaces / door open requirements at first seemed unnecessary for kids that young, but it's hard to say, so we just put those rules out there. Plus we figured it was better to set the expectations from the beginning when things were super innocent rather than have to negotiate the rules from scratch later. So far, so good.

[Anonymous]

Both of my kids were in 11th grade. DS and his gf broke up first semester freshman year and DD is currently a senior and still dating her bf, will be one year in a couple months.