How to gently ask MIL not to always include cousins?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL lives two hours away. My DH's sister and her kids live in the next town from my MIL.
Whenever we visit, she arranges for the cousins to also be there. They are much older than my kids (older teens versus elementary schoolers) and naturally just take up more attention. She also sees them all the time. Occasionally I'd like my kids to visit with their grandmother and have special outings that don't also include the teenagers, but I don't know how to convey this diplomatically. It feels like my kids get short shrift a bit.
DH is doesn't care one way or the other. I've never said anything but I'm wondering if I could ever tactfully bring it up.

The older cousins take up more attention? Your kids may be younger now but when they are grown, age will be irrelevant but they will have a good relationship with their cousins and this is a good thing.

Frankly. The only person who sounds unhappy is you

This can happens when cousins actually spend time together not watching their cousins from the sidelines — especially if they don’t want to be there. Not sure whether OPs like watching their cousins play sports all the time.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like Grandma already had plans those weekends, go to the games, coffee shop, when you decided to pop in for a visit. When you plan the next visit, ask what the plans will be for the weekend and come up with someone mutually agreeable. If Grandma tries to change the plans then cancel the visit and reschedule. Or go later in the day, after the games are done, suggest a place for dinner and an activity, don't let Grandma make the plans.

[Anonymous]

Just drop by unexpectedly with an idea in mind of what you'd like to do.
Or plan something and say hey we thought we'd pick you up and head to the zoo. Does that work?. If there's not room in the car, she can't invite more people right?.
Or be vague about the plans? Like we have an exciting day planned. We're so excited. We'll pick you up in 10 minutes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL lives two hours away. My DH's sister and her kids live in the next town from my MIL.
Whenever we visit, she arranges for the cousins to also be there. They are much older than my kids (older teens versus elementary schoolers) and naturally just take up more attention. She also sees them all the time. Occasionally I'd like my kids to visit with their grandmother and have special outings that don't also include the teenagers, but I don't know how to convey this diplomatically. It feels like my kids get short shrift a bit.
DH is doesn't care one way or the other. I've never said anything but I'm wondering if I could ever tactfully bring it up.

The older cousins take up more attention? Your kids may be younger now but when they are grown, age will be irrelevant but they will have a good relationship with their cousins and this is a good thing.

Frankly. The only person who sounds unhappy is you

This can happens when cousins actually spend time together not watching their cousins from the sidelines — especially if they don’t want to be there. Not sure whether OPs like watching their cousins play sports all the time.

We have no way of knowing whether OP's kids like watching their cousins play because OP has dropped off the face of the earth. I can see it going either way -- just being win the general presence of the older cousins will be enough for some kids, while it will be boring beyond measure for others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL lives two hours away. My DH's sister and her kids live in the next town from my MIL.
Whenever we visit, she arranges for the cousins to also be there. They are much older than my kids (older teens versus elementary schoolers) and naturally just take up more attention. She also sees them all the time. Occasionally I'd like my kids to visit with their grandmother and have special outings that don't also include the teenagers, but I don't know how to convey this diplomatically. It feels like my kids get short shrift a bit.
DH is doesn't care one way or the other. I've never said anything but I'm wondering if I could ever tactfully bring it up.

The older cousins take up more attention? Your kids may be younger now but when they are grown, age will be irrelevant but they will have a good relationship with their cousins and this is a good thing.

Frankly. The only person who sounds unhappy is you

This can happens when cousins actually spend time together not watching their cousins from the sidelines — especially if they don’t want to be there. Not sure whether OPs like watching their cousins play sports all the time.

We have no way of knowing whether OP's kids like watching their cousins play because OP has dropped off the face of the earth. I can see it going either way -- just being win the general presence of the older cousins will be enough for some kids, while it will be boring beyond measure for others.

People asked OP before you commented on the soccer game whether her kids minded. She didn't responded but she did respond to clear up why teens take more time than kids. So I would bet her kids don't mind.

[Anonymous]

I would feel annoyed with that as well, OP. Maybe invite MIL to your home or to activities in your town so that your kids can have some solo time with her as well, if that is important to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sure it is because she wants all of the grandkids together.

If you want one on one time with them then you should plan some thing and invite her.

This is true. She wants the cousins to also spend time together. Don't micro-manage. Let it be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL lives two hours away. My DH's sister and her kids live in the next town from my MIL.
Whenever we visit, she arranges for the cousins to also be there. They are much older than my kids (older teens versus elementary schoolers) and naturally just take up more attention. She also sees them all the time. Occasionally I'd like my kids to visit with their grandmother and have special outings that don't also include the teenagers, but I don't know how to convey this diplomatically. It feels like my kids get short shrift a bit.
DH is doesn't care one way or the other. I've never said anything but I'm wondering if I could ever tactfully bring it up.

The older cousins take up more attention? Your kids may be younger now but when they are grown, age will be irrelevant but they will have a good relationship with their cousins and this is a good thing.

Frankly. The only person who sounds unhappy is you

This can happens when cousins actually spend time together not watching their cousins from the sidelines — especially if they don’t want to be there. Not sure whether OPs like watching their cousins play sports all the time.

That is not the point. Kids are around family and that is important. You could be doing something perfectly normal and blah like weeding the flower beds.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like OP is the one getting bored with these activities. I don't see why anyone would care whether their kids get more/less attention from grandparents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like OP is the one getting bored with these activities. I don't see why anyone would care whether their kids get more/less attention from grandparents.

Bull

No one wants their kids to be treated inferiorly.

[Anonymous]

I’m feeling like she’s not used to being stuck at home all day, much less with her DIL and young kids to amuse. And seeing as everyone is just sitting around the house anyway, wouldn't everyone like to go to the soccer game and support the cousins like she usually does?

[Anonymous]

Granny might not know what to do with your kids and these are her suggestions. It might be helpful if you come up with some structure for the weekends and say "the kids would like to go to a pumpkin patch. Here are two that are near your house, can we take them to one?" or something like that.

My ILs make zero plans, I have to do all the planning for the weekend or else we will sit around their house and do nothing.

[Anonymous]

Honestly - do you all expect your parents or in-laws to plan out the entire weekend with fun activities for your kids? Their YOUR children, you should come up with ideas. FFS!

[Anonymous]

It is beyond rude to ask/demand anyone to refrain from inviting someone to their home. I would tell you where to go fast.

[Anonymous]

It’s antisocial behavior to not include family members. There is no way to ask this rude request to MIL. Let it go.