How to gently ask MIL not to always include cousins?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
My MIL lives two hours away. My DH's sister and her kids live in the next town from my MIL.
Whenever we visit, she arranges for the cousins to also be there. They are much older than my kids (older teens versus elementary schoolers) and naturally just take up more attention. She also sees them all the time. Occasionally I'd like my kids to visit with their grandmother and have special outings that don't also include the teenagers, but I don't know how to convey this diplomatically. It feels like my kids get short shrift a bit. DH is doesn't care one way or the other. I've never said anything but I'm wondering if I could ever tactfully bring it up. |
Anonymous
| Do your kids care? Maybe this is just your issue and absolutely nobody else is bothered by this. |
Anonymous
|
The obvious thing is to plan the special outing yourself, and just invite MIL. Also, do your kids care?
It seems like your MIL enjoys having all the grandkids there, or perhaps thinks that it's good for the cousins to spend time together. Viewing this as shortchanging your kids is not really a healthy way to look at it. |
Anonymous
| This isn’t even your mom. Whatever, dude. If your kids want just grandma, they can ask. Find something to actually be bothered about. |
Anonymous
OK dude! Peace |
Anonymous
|
The teenagers take up more time and attention than the elementary kids? Huh.
My kids have only older cousins on one side (10 years older). And it actually worked out great. They adore the older one, follow her around, and want to be sitting glued to her all the time. It works out great for me. |
Anonymous
Yeah, I'm not following how attention seeking the teens are. Most teens are on their phones and checked out. Are these teens begging grandma for endless rounds of Uno, elbowing out the younger cousins? |
Anonymous
| I’m stuck on how older teens take up more time then little kids. When mine visit, they are nothing but helpful, they clean up after themselves and their grandmother without being asked and they are completely self sufficient. |
Anonymous
| I'm the OP. No, it's: Let's spend the morning at one teen's soccer game. Then let's check out the other teen's swim meet. Then let's go to the coffee shop where she works. |
Anonymous
"We'll join for Larlo's soccer game, but the kids have been dying to go back to (XYZ cool place in Grandma's town). We'll catch Larla's swim meet next time." It's not just grandma including the cousins, it's you seeing your nieces/nephews. |
Anonymous
| Yeah my MIL is like this. You just have to accept it if you go to her. If you can get her to come to you, you might be able to control who else is there. |
Anonymous
I think it's OK to say, "Actually, the kids don't really enjoy watching soccer, but they'd love to go to the children's museum with you!" And I agree that you can make some suggestions in advance. Then if she comes back and says she can't because there's a soccer game, your DH might be able to step in and suggest that since you're the ones visiting, she should do things with you. |
Anonymous
|
I’m sure it is because she wants all of the grandkids together.
If you want one on one time with them then you should plan some thing and invite her. |
Anonymous
If you are visiting and your MIL suggests you run all over town watching teens do sports, can't you just say "no thanks, we'd rather just have lunch here with you". But I will say, if your DH doesn't care about this dynamic, I'd let it go. And if it bothers you, then I'd start skipping the trip here and there. Not every time. But sometimes. All of a sudden you have lunch plans with a friend from out of town, but "bye bye DH and kids, have fun with MIL's schlepping all over Richmond to see the cousins!". |
Anonymous
“Actually we were thinking of sticking around the house and having some quality grandma time today- we aren’t really up for sports event hopping this Saturday.” And if grandma says “oh well I’m planning on going to the sports events to cheer on Larlo and Larla” then maybe next visit plan activities for the kids to do with grandma in advance. Or just accept that when you’re visiting she is still going to be focused on the older grandkids |