How to gently ask MIL not to always include cousins?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP. No, it's: Let's spend the morning at one teen's soccer game. Then let's check out the other teen's swim meet. Then let's go to the coffee shop where she works.

That would get old, traveling to see her and then shuttling around to other activities. That's not really optimal cousin time because the kids are involved in their sports and your kids are hanging out. Do your kids seem to enjoy it, and is grandma engaged with them or just focused on the teens' activity? I think people initially assumed all the cousins were invited over to her house to hang out which would be a different dynamic IMO.

"Sounds like a busy weekend, would there be a better weekend for us to visit?" otherwise plan something and invite her that will be just your family.

[Anonymous]

Paternal grandmothers are often closer to their daughters' children than their sons', especially if they live near to each other. It is what it is, you can try to put up barriers, but the grandmother is much more enmeshed with the other grandkids' lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP. No, it's: Let's spend the morning at one teen's soccer game. Then let's check out the other teen's swim meet. Then let's go to the coffee shop where she works.

OK?

Please spell out what the problem is. Are your kids complaining about this? Yes or no.

[Anonymous]

"Occasionally we'd like our kids to visit with their grandmother and have special outings without the other kids"

[Anonymous]

I would probably not want to micro-manage my kids' relationships with any of their grandparents but certain NOT an in-law. Unless something egregious is going down, you leave it be.

[Anonymous]

*certainly

[Anonymous]

What a petty thing to occupy your head space with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP. No, it's: Let's spend the morning at one teen's soccer game. Then let's check out the other teen's swim meet. Then let's go to the coffee shop where she works.

"We'll join for Larlo's soccer game, but the kids have been dying to go back to (XYZ cool place in Grandma's town). We'll catch Larla's swim meet next time."

It's not just grandma including the cousins, it's you seeing your nieces/nephews.

Who is larlo and larla?

[Anonymous]

I'd be annoyed too. Nothing wrong with prior posters' suggestions to have a day where your kids don't need to go to cousins' games.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What a petty thing to occupy your head space with.

Who's to say? Why bother responding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP. No, it's: Let's spend the morning at one teen's soccer game. Then let's check out the other teen's swim meet. Then let's go to the coffee shop where she works.

It sounds like she is trying to get the kids out of the house. Maybe she is afraid they will be bored or maybe it stresses her out to have kids in her house all day. Perhaps suggest you all go somewhere else (park, out to lunch, etc) but suggest upfront.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP. No, it's: Let's spend the morning at one teen's soccer game. Then let's check out the other teen's swim meet. Then let's go to the coffee shop where she works.

"We'll join for Larlo's soccer game, but the kids have been dying to go back to (XYZ cool place in Grandma's town). We'll catch Larla's swim meet next time."

It's not just grandma including the cousins, it's you seeing your nieces/nephews.

Who is larlo and larla?

You must be new to DCUM. Those are generic names. I'm sure someone knows the thread that started it. DCUM standard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Paternal grandmothers are often closer to their daughters' children than their sons', especially if they live near to each other. It is what it is, you can try to put up barriers, but the grandmother is much more enmeshed with the other grandkids' lives.

This is true. Same in my family and my H's family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would probably not want to micro-manage my kids' relationships with any of their grandparents but certain NOT an in-law. Unless something egregious is going down, you leave it be.

This. I would let this go. I mean if you do t want to go to all the games say you’d rather not and suggest a different activity but I would not have some weird convo saying you don’t want the other cousins around. That’s weird. Are you an only child or the kid in your family who had everything rotate around you?

[Anonymous]

Why are you not inviting your MIL to your house to spend 1:1 time with your kids? The teens were born first and live nearby, she’s naturally going to be closer to them. It’s up to your husband to foster a close relationship between his kids and his mom. Sounds like he doesn’t care to.