If a kid is being mean to your kid, do you talk to the parents about it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Nope. I talk to the kid directly.

You talk to other people's children directly you mean?

Yep. Not sure how that wasn't clear.

This sucks and is inappropriate.

Someone did this to my kid in 4th grade. Went up to him at school and told him to stop "picking on" her daughter. Facts are her daughter was the instigator and a known bully. To everyone apparently except her own mother. I was PISSED. I told my son if this woman ever spoke to him again in any setting to tell me immediately and I'd report her to the principal.

Do not go up to other people's children.

Do not bother to tell me what to do. It won't be effective. If I see a kid being mean to my kid, I will say something right then to the kid if their parent either isn't there or isn't doing their job.

Ew. You need help and I’m going to guess your lack of impulse control skills have been passed on to your child. I hope you are on the no guns allowed list.

DP, no. If you see it and nobody is around, I don't see the problem with saying something to a kid. Why should he get away with it? If someone did something to me, I'd say something to them too, just because kids are more powerless doesn't mean there are no consequences if something happens to them. Do you let people abuse you and just stand there and do nothing because of your superior impulse controls or because you're a doormat?

That isn’t the scenario OP is discussing, they are saying this is happening during school. And the “don’t bother to tell me what to do.” In combination with the parent “isn’t doing their job.” Means this poster is defensive and aggressively reacting. It is troubling and I hope they don’t walk around with a gun.

PP said "if I see a kid" and I'm responding to that. Because I would do the same. OP didn't see the thing, so, not the same.

Well, try this PP put those two things together. “don’t try telling me what to do. It won’t be effective.” I’m gonna do what I’m gonna do. “If you aren’t doing your job and keeping control of you kid, I’m gonna say something.”

It isn’t about what that poster is doing, it is about the tone, manner and way they are stating they will go about it. It is defensiveness and aggressiveness speaking. Like “I’m going to protect my kid.” Just modeling bad behavior. If they had stated it in a similar fashion to you, it would be fine.

So, no I guess I don’t stand around when people are being abusive. I call it as I see it. Even when the abuse is hiding in “just words.”

Meh im not worried about that PP because my kids don’t cause problems. Why are you bothered? Hitting too close to home?

Meh- consider it me “not letting the PP get away with it” and let’s call it a day. Swapping insults online gets boring fast.

You and the PP calling things out are two sides of the same coin.

Good thing kids don’t read DCUM!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you strike up a conversation with the mom at pickup and ask her how the kids are doing? At least then you’ll know if she’s aware of the situation.

Not necessarily. She might not bring it up in response to that question.

How would she know. Do you think her kid goes home and shares he was mean to someone?
.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you strike up a conversation with the mom at pickup and ask her how the kids are doing? At least then you’ll know if she’s aware of the situation.

Not necessarily. She might not bring it up in response to that question.

How would she know. Do you think her kid goes home and shares he was mean to someone?
.

I doubt he shares that he was mean, but he might share that he doesn’t like the other boy or say the other boy was mean to him—something that might alert the mom that there may be an issue. Just a softer approach than going in with guns blazing.

[Anonymous]

You already got your answer. Bring it up with the teacher if it’s a classroom issue. Do not intervene with the parents. Even if you think you’re friendly with them, 9 times out of 10 it will not go well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. I talk to the kid directly.

You talk to other people's children directly you mean?

Yep. Not sure how that wasn't clear.

This sucks and is inappropriate.

Someone did this to my kid in 4th grade. Went up to him at school and told him to stop "picking on" her daughter. Facts are her daughter was the instigator and a known bully. To everyone apparently except her own mother. I was PISSED. I told my son if this woman ever spoke to him again in any setting to tell me immediately and I'd report her to the principal.

Do not go up to other people's children.

100%. If you ever approach my child directly to fix their behavior, you will be hearing from me and from the school, and I will be telling everyone else that knows you to avoid you because you are nuts. Totally inappropriate. It happened to me once when my kid was in preschool. The preschool ended up counseling that family out because they recognized how messed up it is to think you can approach a child and try to intimidate them based on hearsay from your own child. There is a 50/50 chance that your child is not telling you the whole story. And even if they are telling you the whole story, it is still not appropriate to get in the face of a child, when they see you as a stranger, and give them your advice on how they should shape up.

Holy $hit.

How are children not being supervised at preschool and elementary school that adults are able to confront them? I thought schools have controlled access (though admittedly not perfect) and at the playground are under a teacher’s supervision?

I was the PP with 4th grader. In my school pre covid parents could come in before school started. Also parents are volunteers and in the building that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would advise my child to talk to the teacher and ask for help at that age. I would talk through with my kids what to say. If that didn't work, I'd have a conversation with the teacher myself.

Don't talk to the mom directly.

This. I would add before asking the teacher for help, I would tell my child to avoid whomever was being mean and keep company with the kids they enjoy and aren't mean. If they are still be bothered, then seek help from the teacher or another adult at school.

[Anonymous]

A lot of crazy responses here. It would never occur to me to go seek out another parent bc their kid was "being mean" at school. If something serious was going on (and the school didn't know about it), then you reach out to the school/teacher and they would be in touch with the other parents and student

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. I talk to the kid directly.

You talk to other people's children directly you mean?

Yep. Not sure how that wasn't clear.

NP here. Do you go to the kid's house after school for this conversation, or what?

(Knock knock)
Is Billy home?
(Billy comes to door.)
This is Mrs. Smith, Fred's mom. I heard about what you said to Fred at recess today. If I ever hear about you doing that again, you'll be scared to walk out of your house the next morning.

Something like that maybe?

This is a joke right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. I talk to the kid directly.

You talk to other people's children directly you mean?

Yep. Not sure how that wasn't clear.

This sucks and is inappropriate.

Someone did this to my kid in 4th grade. Went up to him at school and told him to stop "picking on" her daughter. Facts are her daughter was the instigator and a known bully. To everyone apparently except her own mother. I was PISSED. I told my son if this woman ever spoke to him again in any setting to tell me immediately and I'd report her to the principal.

Do not go up to other people's children.

100%. If you ever approach my child directly to fix their behavior, you will be hearing from me and from the school, and I will be telling everyone else that knows you to avoid you because you are nuts. Totally inappropriate. It happened to me once when my kid was in preschool. The preschool ended up counseling that family out because they recognized how messed up it is to think you can approach a child and try to intimidate them based on hearsay from your own child. There is a 50/50 chance that your child is not telling you the whole story. And even if they are telling you the whole story, it is still not appropriate to get in the face of a child, when they see you as a stranger, and give them your advice on how they should shape up.

Holy $hit.

How are children not being supervised at preschool and elementary school that adults are able to confront them? I thought schools have controlled access (though admittedly not perfect) and at the playground are under a teacher’s supervision?

This was pre covid. Parents came and went freely; if you had a child in the school you were allowed to enter the classroom. In my particular situation, the mom waited outside my son's classroom until he came in. It wasn't until she started talking to him about "fixing his behavior with her daughter" that the teacher realized she shouldn't be there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of crazy responses here. It would never occur to me to go seek out another parent bc their kid was "being mean" at school. If something serious was going on (and the school didn't know about it), then you reach out to the school/teacher and they would be in touch with the other parents and student

That’s because this area is full of socially awkward helicopter parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of crazy responses here. It would never occur to me to go seek out another parent bc their kid was "being mean" at school. If something serious was going on (and the school didn't know about it), then you reach out to the school/teacher and they would be in touch with the other parents and student

That’s because this area is full of socially awkward helicopter parents.

Da troof

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you strike up a conversation with the mom at pickup and ask her how the kids are doing? At least then you’ll know if she’s aware of the situation.

Don’t do this.

[Anonymous]

No! Of course you don’t talk to the parents!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you strike up a conversation with the mom at pickup and ask her how the kids are doing? At least then you’ll know if she’s aware of the situation.

Don’t do this.

It won't work anyway. 99% of parents won't let on even if they know there is a conflict because (1) they likely believe it is your kid who is at fault, and (2) who wants to be the one to bring this up in a casual conversation? I don't think you should bring it up either but I also think it's just pointless because you aren't going to get to the bottom of anything. You'll have a polite conversation and move on and no one will learn anything. Plus worse case scenario, you will antagonize them or they will jump on you. Just no.

Talk to your kid and if it doesn't improve or seems to escalate, reach out to the school/teacher for resolution.

[Anonymous]

Depends on the thing. Cutting in line, not sharing in class or on the playground, situations where my child would feel annoyed- I would coach my child on how to handle it in the moment.

Consistent bullying behaviors where a child is regularly teasing, intimidating, or physically hurting my child; I’d bring it up directly with the teacher.

It’s unlikely I would bring it up with the other parent… They aren’t at school where it’s happening and even if they say something I think a teacher in the classroom would be more equipped to handle the interactions as they occur