Expectations of your adult children

[Anonymous]

When my kids were in college we did Sunday night calls and occasional text during the week.

Once they are fully grown they are busy and texting is easier. I used to dread phone calls from my parents because they were usually heavy, laden with guilt, health complaints and complaints in general. I think older people get very negative and whiny and it pushes people away. Why would anyone want a call from Debbie downer once a week?

[Anonymous]

I talk to my adult single daughter almost everyday, usually late at night when she gets off work, she calls me. I talk to my adult single (but with a live in GF) son about once a week, it varies who calls who. The three of us do a face time call about every other week and sometimes we include their dad, my exH. Typically we all text first before every call to see if it's a good time to call. We chat about everything you can imagine.

[Anonymous]

My mom calls me every week to chat. It makes her very happy and she is interested in my life. It’s not the most fascinating conversation or especially meaningful but it makes her happy and I want my mom to feel happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We don't call our kids. They call us time to time (once or twice a month) to talk about whatever they want to talk about - usually their work, food, weather...etc. We don't talk about anything serious.

Why don’t you call your kids? You are the parent.

[Anonymous]

We have a family text going where someone posts at least daily. Our sons less frequently. The girls and I have a text chain without the guys that we post to several times a day with jokes, recipes, cleaning solutions, TikTok’s on random things and the boys are HAPPY to be excluded from these conversations. Because of that, we don’t have a set time to call them. One daughter lives in town and we have her over for supper a couple times a month. The other lives two hours away and I talk to her on the phone probably three times a week.
The boys we call every Sunday on our way home from the lake. They really like a weekly check in. One talks for 10 minutes and the other for about 45 minutes, and half of that is sports talk with his dad.

I will say the daughter I talk to 3 times a week has been like this since she was born, needing more contact with us than the others. Kids are different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don't call our kids. They call us time to time (once or twice a month) to talk about whatever they want to talk about - usually their work, food, weather...etc. We don't talk about anything serious.

Why don’t you call your kids? You are the parent.

Boomer/other older generations think that it is a sign of Respect Your Elders for the kids to be the one to call.

I usually call my parents at least once a week, but if I forget and a few extra days go by, they act all wounded bird about it. Recently I told them that the phone works both ways, and I will no longer be accepting guilt trips. If you want to talk to me, pick up the phone. That usually works but when they revert to pouting, I say the phone works both ways and I end the call sooner than I usually would. I’m not putting up with essentially temper tantrums when the solution to the “problem” is literally at their fingertips.

[Anonymous]

I text with my parents every day or two, and I think they call me as often as I call them? We live close by though and they see us/our kid once a week or so.

[Anonymous]

My parents never call me, but they are local and I reach out midweek to make weekend plans wi the them. If we don’t see them for a week or more, the kids FaceTime them. The kids sometimes FaceTime for 5 min on a weeknight just to tell them a story about school. My parents are also busy so we will text each other first - “let me know when you have time to talk”.

My husband has a busy text chat with his parents and siblings, with just his parents, and with just his siblings. We talk to each sibling every 1-2 weeks. We talk to his parents 1-3x a week. We each call each other when we have a story to tell. The kids often ask to call them to tell them things and then we stay on and chat for a bit. Like my parents, both sides tend to text first “is this a good time to chat?”