Expectations of your adult children
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Anonymous
| If you are the parent of an adult child, do you make effort with them (call them, stay interested in their lives, etc)? My parents never ever call or text me and when we do talk or get together, it’s just endless conversation (complaints?) about themselves and their ailments. I’m not sure they know what DH or I do for a living and rarely ask about/engage with DC. It’s a very one sided relationship and they’ve made it pretty clear that I should be the one making all of the effort. Thoughts? |
Anonymous
| We don't call our kids. They call us time to time (once or twice a month) to talk about whatever they want to talk about - usually their work, food, weather...etc. We don't talk about anything serious. |
Anonymous
| That hasn’t been our experience at all. We always talked regularly with our own parents and our kids interact with us all the time. We both had great relationships with our parents and have close relationships with our kids. But lots of families don’t have those dynamics. |
Anonymous
But do you make the effort with them or is it all on them to maintain the relationship? |
Anonymous
As much as i would love to have a daily visit or chat with my kiddos, it won't be fair to them. We text each other several times in a week but unless there is something urgent, i let them call me at their convenience. They call once or twice every week. |
Anonymous
| We have three adult children who are married with kids and we interact with them differently. One daughter I speak with every day or two and the other one every week or so. Same with our son. They all have young children so that’s always a topic of conversation. I don’t probe too deeply into their lives but I’m always willing to listen and provide advice if asked. My mother is still alive and I speak with her every couple of days just to make she is ok. |
Anonymous
| Normal, my parents are the same way. |
Anonymous
| Adult children have busy lives with jobs, chores, significant others, children, friends, hobbies, travel etc. I don't like to intrude by calling randomly. OP's parents probably have same concerns as well and hope for her to call when she can. |
Anonymous
+1. That's why we don't call. Kids know how to reach out to us when they have time and want to talk. The last thing we want to do is interrupt their lives with some random calls. |
Anonymous
| My mom and MIL called a lot and mostly at inconvenient times without much concern about time difference. As a result of my experiences, I'm very sensitive about respecting my boundaries. |
Anonymous
| Mine call more often if i'm sick or if they have something on their mind. |
Anonymous
Op here, but do you guilt them when they haven’t called you at some frequency that’s expected? My mom claims that because I’m busy, she never calls or texts. But then on the other hand doesn’t understand that because I’m busy, I can’t call multiple times a week. |
Anonymous
No absolutely not. That's just wrong, right? We are happy to talk to them when they call, no ifs or buts about it. |
Anonymous
How are are you How old are your parents? |
Anonymous
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If your parents were born in say ... the 60's or earlier, they come from a time of "respecting your elders" which means the younger generation should do for them.
Two of my kids are in their 20's. We have a family Zoom every Sunday, and aside from that DD only calls when she's upset about something, and DS calls a couple other times in the week (mama's boy). They tell me what's going on with their work, their friends, what they're cooking, we discuss what we're watching and reading, what's going on with the younger siblings, etc. I'd say it's a fair give and take. They probably tell me a bit more minutia than I tell them, but I'm happy to hear them prattle on about it, and hear how they're figuring out life. |