Advice: I had an altercation with a homeless person

[Anonymous]

OP, you didn't have an "altercation," you were "assaulted." I'm sorry it happened. It sounds like you handled it well. Report it to the police.

And continue to be open to your son as he processes what happened. Do not be surprised if he is still processing in 6 months or a year. Until the assault occurred, he has been used to feeling 100% safe whenever he was with you. Now his worldview has been knocked and he realizes that even you are not all-powerful, and bad or scary things can happen even when he is with mommy. I'm not saying this to make you feel badly, because you did NOTHING wrong and EVERYTHING right after the assault, but you need to anticipate that because his worldview has been shaken, and that will affect him going forward. You may want to talk to his pediatrician about it. And certainly give his teacher (kindergarten? 1st grade) a head's up, too. Hugs.

Team Report It.

[Anonymous]

OP you kept you and your son from bodily harm, so you did good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am really sorry that happened and it must have been scary.

As for what to do going forward, drop romanticizing homeless people. Yes some homeless people are violent. Yes some take advantage of charity. Yes some don’t appreciate the donations given. Don’t give to people on the street. Don’t worry about crossing the street and avoiding someone who gives you pause. Trust your gut and turn around, cross the street whatever. Don’t immediately defend homeless people in conversation by insisting they are just people down on their luck. Sure a few are but many have serious problems. When you constantly tell yourself that and other people do to you ignore the reality when you are in a situation.

This.

If you would like to donate, consider organizations like Friendship Place or A Wider Circle. I would never pull out cash on the street these days.

[Anonymous]

I can relate to your experience. Random violence is always shocking when it occurs, and more unnerving when your children are in its orbit. I (a young woman) was once punched in the stomach very hard by a homeless man in Grand Central Station. It was rush hour and no one did anything. There were no police in view, so I got on my train to the suburbs, quite shaken up.

There is mental illness and addiction everywhere, but it is more concentrated and tolerated in urban areas. Thank God what happened to you was not worse. All I can say is to support programs and policy makers who fund evidence-based programs for treating mental health problems and addiction.

So glad you are both okay.

[Anonymous]

I would tell your son that the man's brain is broken/injured/sick. It made him take an action that was not right. That there is nothing your family did to cause his behavior, it was the problem inside his brain.

You can say let's hope that he is able to go to a special kind of doctor that can help him get better.

Most people are not like that and you don't think that will ever happen again to your family, because it never happened before to you and you are all safe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was walking with my son on 14th street to get ice cream but got distracted and soon realized we were turned around. I stopped on a corner - was talking to my son and a homeless guy took a Frappuccino out the garbage and hit me in the face. I was stunned but was scared. We went into Teds bulletin to rinse off and wait a while for the guy to leave. I then just asked a staff to accompany me to the corner to cross the street. Of course this was traumatic but I also had a hard time explaining to my son what happened and how to deal. He is 6. He was nervous, I was nervous.. all my best judgement went out the window. I’ve given homeless people money on occasion - to show my son empathy. I dont think I ever want to do that again. I feel violated.
Im also a bit scared now - is there anything I can do better? Any thing I can teach my son? I also wanted to fight back but something in me said it wasn’t worth it. This is weird to ask for advice — but if you have any that would be great. I’m lucky it was just a drink and not glass or spit or metal.

You should have reported it to police and still can. That is the lesson for your son. Years ago I was flashed in the stacks at old B+ N in Gtown. Staff made a feeble attempt to catch the guy running out of the store. I had a good look at ALL of him and should have reported it then or after. Instead, like many women, I let shock and my namby pamby husband who was there and did nothing take over. Terrible lesson for our daughter. Who knows what the flasher went on to do? Women have been murdered by aggressive crazy homeless on 14th Street. Don't know if you are a man or woman but report it! There will be video footage and you can ID this a**-hat, or mentally ill person, who violated you in front of your child.

So I’m a woman. Is it too late to report this? I’m 100% sure if I went down 14th he would be there.

No, you can still report it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was spit on by a homeless lady years ago (during the Obama administration!) and it was terrible and clear we had a problem with mentally ill homeless then. It has only gotten worse and the reason for this problem is that mentally ill people are left on the streets to their devices. This isn’t a DC politician problem but a problem created by Ronald Reagan.

Plenty of mentally ill people don't assault others. These are bullies.

These mentally ill people, peaceful or not, should not be living on the streets. Reagan did cause this. The problem lies in the fact that these sick people cannot be forced into hospitals even by loving family members who want them safe and clean. No one deserves to live like this.

+1

People this ill need to be institutionalized.

I wish people would stop saying this. Being institutionalized is not a magic bullet. I work in an inpatient mental health facility. It is a revolving door of patients in and out. They will receive treatment, stabilize, and get discharged. They leave, go off their meds, commit another crime, and are right back where they started. We can’t hold these people forever. And once they leave, we can’t force them to take their meds. There is really no good answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would tell your son that the man's brain is broken/injured/sick. It made him take an action that was not right. That there is nothing your family did to cause his behavior, it was the problem inside his brain.

You can say let's hope that he is able to go to a special kind of doctor that can help him get better.

Most people are not like that and you don't think that will ever happen again to your family, because it never happened before to you and you are all safe.

I would not say the last part because it may just not be true. I think it is wiser to teach kids to have empathy but ALSO to protect themselves, keep a distance, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am really sorry that happened and it must have been scary.

As for what to do going forward, drop romanticizing homeless people. Yes some homeless people are violent. Yes some take advantage of charity. Yes some don’t appreciate the donations given. Don’t give to people on the street. Don’t worry about crossing the street and avoiding someone who gives you pause. Trust your gut and turn around, cross the street whatever. Don’t immediately defend homeless people in conversation by insisting they are just people down on their luck. Sure a few are but many have serious problems. When you constantly tell yourself that and other people do to you ignore the reality when you are in a situation.

This.

If you would like to donate, consider organizations like Friendship Place or A Wider Circle. I would never pull out cash on the street these days.

I'm sorry, but I wouldn't give to Friendship Place. As far as I can tell they said and abet homeless living on street. We've had the same homeless for years and more moving in, inches from FP. When they can show stats on how they move people to treatment and placement, I'd give.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was walking with my son on 14th street to get ice cream but got distracted and soon realized we were turned around. I stopped on a corner - was talking to my son and a homeless guy took a Frappuccino out the garbage and hit me in the face. I was stunned but was scared. We went into Teds bulletin to rinse off and wait a while for the guy to leave. I then just asked a staff to accompany me to the corner to cross the street. Of course this was traumatic but I also had a hard time explaining to my son what happened and how to deal. He is 6. He was nervous, I was nervous.. all my best judgement went out the window. I’ve given homeless people money on occasion - to show my son empathy. I dont think I ever want to do that again. I feel violated.
Im also a bit scared now - is there anything I can do better? Any thing I can teach my son? I also wanted to fight back but something in me said it wasn’t worth it. This is weird to ask for advice — but if you have any that would be great. I’m lucky it was just a drink and not glass or spit or metal.

You should have reported it to police and still can. That is the lesson for your son. Years ago I was flashed in the stacks at old B+ N in Gtown. Staff made a feeble attempt to catch the guy running out of the store. I had a good look at ALL of him and should have reported it then or after. Instead, like many women, I let shock and my namby pamby husband who was there and did nothing take over. Terrible lesson for our daughter. Who knows what the flasher went on to do? Women have been murdered by aggressive crazy homeless on 14th Street. Don't know if you are a man or woman but report it! There will be video footage and you can ID this a**-hat, or mentally ill person, who violated you in front of your child.

So I’m a woman. Is it too late to report this? I’m 100% sure if I went down 14th he would be there.

No, you can still report it.

Correct. For example, many victims of sexual assault wait until a few days to report it (due to trauma) and that's totally OK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was spit on by a homeless lady years ago (during the Obama administration!) and it was terrible and clear we had a problem with mentally ill homeless then. It has only gotten worse and the reason for this problem is that mentally ill people are left on the streets to their devices. This isn’t a DC politician problem but a problem created by Ronald Reagan.

Plenty of mentally ill people don't assault others. These are bullies.

These mentally ill people, peaceful or not, should not be living on the streets. Reagan did cause this. The problem lies in the fact that these sick people cannot be forced into hospitals even by loving family members who want them safe and clean. No one deserves to live like this.

+1

People this ill need to be institutionalized.

I wish people would stop saying this. Being institutionalized is not a magic bullet. I work in an inpatient mental health facility. It is a revolving door of patients in and out. They will receive treatment, stabilize, and get discharged. They leave, go off their meds, commit another crime, and are right back where they started. We can’t hold these people forever. And once they leave, we can’t force them to take their meds. There is really no good answer.

Decriminalization has also meant that many who in the past would be jailed for misdemeanors or who might be offered mental health treatment or addiction treatment instead of a longer custodial sentence now are just out on the street with a notice to appear. The sidewalks are functioning as open air psychiatric facilities and jails.

Perhaps drugs are given too much "credit" for behavior change in this era since they cannot be compelled unless in patient. So it's the only "go to" and really isn't one in reality. We used to have long term facilities, but without the laws changing and serious money being spent to create long term alternatives (and there are genuine civil liberties concerns), it's just a never ending cycle until a serious crime is committed and they are held in a prison. When the facilities were closed the idea was that community resources would be created, that did not happen. And without laws that compel treatment, it's all somewhat moot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am really sorry that happened and it must have been scary.

As for what to do going forward, drop romanticizing homeless people. Yes some homeless people are violent. Yes some take advantage of charity. Yes some don’t appreciate the donations given. Don’t give to people on the street. Don’t worry about crossing the street and avoiding someone who gives you pause. Trust your gut and turn around, cross the street whatever. Don’t immediately defend homeless people in conversation by insisting they are just people down on their luck. Sure a few are but many have serious problems. When you constantly tell yourself that and other people do to you ignore the reality when you are in a situation.

This.

If you would like to donate, consider organizations like Friendship Place or A Wider Circle. I would never pull out cash on the street these days.

Thanks for that feedback. Perhaps A Wider Circle then, it focuses on aiding women and children.

I'm sorry, but I wouldn't give to Friendship Place. As far as I can tell they said and abet homeless living on street. We've had the same homeless for years and more moving in, inches from FP. When they can show stats on how they move people to treatment and placement, I'd give.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was spit on by a homeless lady years ago (during the Obama administration!) and it was terrible and clear we had a problem with mentally ill homeless then. It has only gotten worse and the reason for this problem is that mentally ill people are left on the streets to their devices. This isn’t a DC politician problem but a problem created by Ronald Reagan.

Plenty of mentally ill people don't assault others. These are bullies.

These mentally ill people, peaceful or not, should not be living on the streets. Reagan did cause this. The problem lies in the fact that these sick people cannot be forced into hospitals even by loving family members who want them safe and clean. No one deserves to live like this.

+1

People this ill need to be institutionalized.

I wish people would stop saying this. Being institutionalized is not a magic bullet. I work in an inpatient mental health facility. It is a revolving door of patients in and out. They will receive treatment, stabilize, and get discharged. They leave, go off their meds, commit another crime, and are right back where they started. We can’t hold these people forever. And once they leave, we can’t force them to take their meds. There is really no good answer.

You must be younger bc you are misunderstanding what people are suggesting. In decades past, people could be committed and remain in an residential institution for a long time - even a lifetime - and you can image the abuse that occurred. Laws were changed and those residential institutions had to be closed and the people reintegrated into their local communities. But the support to those communities and families was not well established and it was ignored that some families would lack the ability to deal with a mentally ill person who is unmedicated.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am also Team Report It.

Several years ago, pre-pandemic, there was the same homeless guy who wandered the streets near my office. We would all see him daily on K Street. One day, my colleague was walking down the street, and this homeless guy came up to her and started strangling her. This was in the middle of the day, on a major street in downtown DC. Luckily, there were patrons in a restaurant who witnessed this and immediately came to her rescue.

The incident was reported to the police. It kept him off the street for a day and then he was released.

That said, it's important to have a paper trail so if your assaulter did something to someone else, the police will have a record.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry. Try to remember it was one person not a category of people. If you need support look for a desensitization counselor. Don’t read more into it than it is. Not minimizing for you just don’t want you to making bigger than it is.

Don’t act like homeless people are equally likely to randomly assault you on the street as someone with a middle class job. The category of person is 100% related.

If you look at crime offender statistics, you could also say that certain races are more likely to be perpetators also. Should one cross the street when they are approach by someone of that race also?