Does your girls-school high schooler interact at all with boys (or even date/have a boyfriend?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem is that there are lots of kids at these schools who truly have zero interaction with the other sex.

I was shocked when I realized my friend's son (HS senior) has zero female friends or even acquaintances. He doesn't follow any female friends on Instagram, and he doesn't have a single teen girl's cell phone number. He literally has no interactions with teen girls either online or IRL. His dad insists that the boy is interested in meeting girls and says that he talks about how much he'd like to have a girlfriend, so it's not as if he isn't wanting that. The sad fact is that he lost all touch with the girls he knew from middle school, he has no activities through which to meet girls outside of school in a casual way, and he has no practice talking with girls as just normal people and potential friends. Without that, it's pretty difficult to make the leap all the way to initiating a romantic relationship with a perfect stranger. Yes, he has a sister, but she's much older than him. He has a few female cousins who live in California. Those female interactions are pretty useless to him when it comes to helping him feel comfortable forming friendships with teen girls who are his age.

For normal teen boys who aren't especially attractive to teen girls or really confident and outgoing, the all boys setting can present serious pitfalls when it comes to normal adolescent social development if you're not careful as a parent. For the "popular" guys it's much easier because girls will usually have no qualms about approaching them while out and about even if they don't know them. I see this all the time with my own daughter and her friends.

Yes I agree. There are always going to be popular kids, the normal kids and the shy kids in terms of interacting with the opposite sex. What happens at single sex school is there is less chance to interact with the same age opposite sex. It’s like everyone drops a category- the popular kids are more like normal kids, the normal kids are shy kids and the shy kids are very shy. Many of the boys and girls just do not interact with the same age opposite sex for weeks or months. Really hard to “date” in those situations.

[Anonymous]

My DD goes to an all girls, not religious school in MD. Half of her friends hang out with boys and some have boyfriends. I believe it has more to do with each kids' personality. If you want to promote boy interaction I suggest something like swim team, or lifeguard at Summer.
My kid just did a summer class where she was the only girl, there was no problem at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem is that there are lots of kids at these schools who truly have zero interaction with the other sex.

I was shocked when I realized my friend's son (HS senior) has zero female friends or even acquaintances. He doesn't follow any female friends on Instagram, and he doesn't have a single teen girl's cell phone number. He literally has no interactions with teen girls either online or IRL. His dad insists that the boy is interested in meeting girls and says that he talks about how much he'd like to have a girlfriend, so it's not as if he isn't wanting that. The sad fact is that he lost all touch with the girls he knew from middle school, he has no activities through which to meet girls outside of school in a casual way, and he has no practice talking with girls as just normal people and potential friends. Without that, it's pretty difficult to make the leap all the way to initiating a romantic relationship with a perfect stranger. Yes, he has a sister, but she's much older than him. He has a few female cousins who live in California. Those female interactions are pretty useless to him when it comes to helping him feel comfortable forming friendships with teen girls who are his age.

For normal teen boys who aren't especially attractive to teen girls or really confident and outgoing, the all boys setting can present serious pitfalls when it comes to normal adolescent social development if you're not careful as a parent. For the "popular" guys it's much easier because girls will usually have no qualms about approaching them while out and about even if they don't know them. I see this all the time with my own daughter and her friends.

Yes I agree. There are always going to be popular kids, the normal kids and the shy kids in terms of interacting with the opposite sex. What happens at single sex school is there is less chance to interact with the same age opposite sex. It’s like everyone drops a category- the popular kids are more like normal kids, the normal kids are shy kids and the shy kids are very shy. Many of the boys and girls just do not interact with the same age opposite sex for weeks or months. Really hard to “date” in those situations.

OP here. This is very insightful and exactly what I observe. There are girls who have a lot of contact with boys through an outside activity but outside of those...

The popular girls have the popular boys contacting them through social media, etc. once you get invited to a few things you're likely to get invited to more.
The shy girls can go weeks or months with no boy interaction.

My daughter and friends are in the middle ground (typed the "normal kids" above). In a coed school they would have (and had) guy classmates, friends, boyfriends. They're not the popular girls who are fielding all sorts of attention online and in-person but they would have a regular amount of attention and interaction with boys.
Now all those normal interactions are removed. They're not popular enough or outgoing enough or whatever to garner attention (mostly via social media) from the popular boys and the normal or shy boys aren't reaching out either. Some do have regular contact with boys from coed sports but many (my daughter included) do not
(she does not swim or run track)

Of course, none of this should come as a surprise--we signed up for a single gender school. But it's interesting to observe.
And it has helped with grades. This group gets fantastic grades with some significant distractions removed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is at NCS (she chose a girls school).
Obviously we knew this meant limited exposure to boys. However, I'm now wondering if she will ever talk to boys.
There were a few in her art class this year but that's about it.
My understanding is that there are a few girls (a half dozen max?) in the grade who go to parties with boys or hang out drinking with boys (and have for several years) but that's about it.
My daughter and her friends are lovely, athletic, outgoing, etc.
Her life is turning out to be very different than mine was at her age. I'm just wondering what others are experiencing.

I could have written this post about my daughter (different girls school but same experience). She has almost no occasion to interact with boys. It does concern me as it’s not preparing her socially for college.

[Anonymous]

My daughter has brothers and regularly interacts with their friends. She does not have or seem to want a boyfriend yet. She used to see boys more often doing community service work but a lot of that is still returning to normal post Covid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is at NCS (she chose a girls school).
Obviously we knew this meant limited exposure to boys. However, I'm now wondering if she will ever talk to boys.
There were a few in her art class this year but that's about it.
My understanding is that there are a few girls (a half dozen max?) in the grade who go to parties with boys or hang out drinking with boys (and have for several years) but that's about it.
My daughter and her friends are lovely, athletic, outgoing, etc.
Her life is turning out to be very different than mine was at her age. I'm just wondering what others are experiencing.

My daughters are at NCS and they interact often with STA boys and also boys and girls from other schools. They are not drinking with them or doing other things you insinuate so you should stop posting those things on here and saying them in person (yes you sound very familiar) because it makes you sound like a very jealous mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is at NCS (she chose a girls school).
Obviously we knew this meant limited exposure to boys. However, I'm now wondering if she will ever talk to boys.
There were a few in her art class this year but that's about it.
My understanding is that there are a few girls (a half dozen max?) in the grade who go to parties with boys or hang out drinking with boys (and have for several years) but that's about it.
My daughter and her friends are lovely, athletic, outgoing, etc.
Her life is turning out to be very different than mine was at her age. I'm just wondering what others are experiencing.

My daughters are at NCS and they interact often with STA boys and also boys and girls from other schools. They are not drinking with them or doing other things you insinuate so you should stop posting those things on here and saying them in person (yes you sound very familiar) because it makes you sound like a very jealous mom.

100+

[Anonymous]

For those who are worried about limited male interactions. I posted above about my girls having little contact with boys through the Covid year, but when they did interact with boys through sports it was not like there were any issues to overcome from the previous lack of interaction.
It all seems to happen pretty naturally when kids are given the chance to spend some time together so if your daughter has not had this opportunity yet I am not sure it is going to be any kind of problem.
I did noticed that there was more interaction in Junior year. Sports are good though as the interaction is repeated so they may not speak to each other at first but eventually they all become friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to an all girls school and the lack of experience with boys wasn’t ideal for me. There are definitely benefits - and for some, the lack of boy distraction in high school was definitely a good thing - but personally I felt like it set me back when it came to adult relationships.

I did interact with boys through awkward dances (the worst), a summer job, friends boyfriends, and some extracurriculars but not normal day to day interactions or any starter relationships (other than making out with random boys at model in dances 🙄). That’s just my personal experience though - for others, it was a non-issue.

Yep agree. Parents never understand this. This is a developmental time and no interaction can hurt. It will vary based on the individual, their connections outside the school, etc. We had a brother school but you never really got to know anyone over there.

+2. It has advantages and disadvantages so it really varies by person. But I agree with the posters, it creates a skewed reality where there is no regular day to day normal interaction with half of population. Whether that’s a positive or a negative depends on specific child. As someone who went to all girl school, I prefer coed for dd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those who are worried about limited male interactions. I posted above about my girls having little contact with boys through the Covid year, but when they did interact with boys through sports it was not like there were any issues to overcome from the previous lack of interaction.
It all seems to happen pretty naturally when kids are given the chance to spend some time together so if your daughter has not had this opportunity yet I am not sure it is going to be any kind of problem.
I did noticed that there was more interaction in Junior year. Sports are good though as the interaction is repeated so they may not speak to each other at first but eventually they all become friends.

I do not understand what you are saying. How is having contact during a sport the same as social interaction with the opposite sex. I doubt the boys and girls are on the same team. Sports teams are very controlled. You do not just stop playing/practicing and go to and hangout with someone because you want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem is that there are lots of kids at these schools who truly have zero interaction with the other sex.

I was shocked when I realized my friend's son (HS senior) has zero female friends or even acquaintances. He doesn't follow any female friends on Instagram, and he doesn't have a single teen girl's cell phone number. He literally has no interactions with teen girls either online or IRL. His dad insists that the boy is interested in meeting girls and says that he talks about how much he'd like to have a girlfriend, so it's not as if he isn't wanting that. The sad fact is that he lost all touch with the girls he knew from middle school, he has no activities through which to meet girls outside of school in a casual way, and he has no practice talking with girls as just normal people and potential friends. Without that, it's pretty difficult to make the leap all the way to initiating a romantic relationship with a perfect stranger. Yes, he has a sister, but she's much older than him. He has a few female cousins who live in California. Those female interactions are pretty useless to him when it comes to helping him feel comfortable forming friendships with teen girls who are his age.

For normal teen boys who aren't especially attractive to teen girls or really confident and outgoing, the all boys setting can present serious pitfalls when it comes to normal adolescent social development if you're not careful as a parent. For the "popular" guys it's much easier because girls will usually have no qualms about approaching them while out and about even if they don't know them. I see this all the time with my own daughter and her friends.

Yes I agree. There are always going to be popular kids, the normal kids and the shy kids in terms of interacting with the opposite sex. What happens at single sex school is there is less chance to interact with the same age opposite sex. It’s like everyone drops a category- the popular kids are more like normal kids, the normal kids are shy kids and the shy kids are very shy. Many of the boys and girls just do not interact with the same age opposite sex for weeks or months. Really hard to “date” in those situations.

OP here. This is very insightful and exactly what I observe. There are girls who have a lot of contact with boys through an outside activity but outside of those...

The popular girls have the popular boys contacting them through social media, etc. once you get invited to a few things you're likely to get invited to more.
The shy girls can go weeks or months with no boy interaction.

My daughter and friends are in the middle ground (typed the "normal kids" above). In a coed school they would have (and had) guy classmates, friends, boyfriends. They're not the popular girls who are fielding all sorts of attention online and in-person but they would have a regular amount of attention and interaction with boys.
Now all those normal interactions are removed. They're not popular enough or outgoing enough or whatever to garner attention (mostly via social media) from the popular boys and the normal or shy boys aren't reaching out either. Some do have regular contact with boys from coed sports but many (my daughter included) do not
(she does not swim or run track)

Of course, none of this should come as a surprise--we signed up for a single gender school. But it's interesting to observe.
And it has helped with grades. This group gets fantastic grades with some significant distractions removed.

OP, thanks for starting the thread and sharing your observations.

DD is switching to an all-girls HS after being at a co-ed K-8. She has an older brother and always has had some guy friends but I would not place her in the popular category on social media etc. I'm wondering if you or others have advice for girls new to the all-girls environment? Should co-ed summer activities/work be a priority in your experiences? TIA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem is that there are lots of kids at these schools who truly have zero interaction with the other sex.

I was shocked when I realized my friend's son (HS senior) has zero female friends or even acquaintances. He doesn't follow any female friends on Instagram, and he doesn't have a single teen girl's cell phone number. He literally has no interactions with teen girls either online or IRL. His dad insists that the boy is interested in meeting girls and says that he talks about how much he'd like to have a girlfriend, so it's not as if he isn't wanting that. The sad fact is that he lost all touch with the girls he knew from middle school, he has no activities through which to meet girls outside of school in a casual way, and he has no practice talking with girls as just normal people and potential friends. Without that, it's pretty difficult to make the leap all the way to initiating a romantic relationship with a perfect stranger. Yes, he has a sister, but she's much older than him. He has a few female cousins who live in California. Those female interactions are pretty useless to him when it comes to helping him feel comfortable forming friendships with teen girls who are his age.

For normal teen boys who aren't especially attractive to teen girls or really confident and outgoing, the all boys setting can present serious pitfalls when it comes to normal adolescent social development if you're not careful as a parent. For the "popular" guys it's much easier because girls will usually have no qualms about approaching them while out and about even if they don't know them. I see this all the time with my own daughter and her friends.

Yes I agree. There are always going to be popular kids, the normal kids and the shy kids in terms of interacting with the opposite sex. What happens at single sex school is there is less chance to interact with the same age opposite sex. It’s like everyone drops a category- the popular kids are more like normal kids, the normal kids are shy kids and the shy kids are very shy. Many of the boys and girls just do not interact with the same age opposite sex for weeks or months. Really hard to “date” in those situations.

OP here. This is very insightful and exactly what I observe. There are girls who have a lot of contact with boys through an outside activity but outside of those...

The popular girls have the popular boys contacting them through social media, etc. once you get invited to a few things you're likely to get invited to more.
The shy girls can go weeks or months with no boy interaction.

My daughter and friends are in the middle ground (typed the "normal kids" above). In a coed school they would have (and had) guy classmates, friends, boyfriends. They're not the popular girls who are fielding all sorts of attention online and in-person but they would have a regular amount of attention and interaction with boys.
Now all those normal interactions are removed. They're not popular enough or outgoing enough or whatever to garner attention (mostly via social media) from the popular boys and the normal or shy boys aren't reaching out either. Some do have regular contact with boys from coed sports but many (my daughter included) do not
(she does not swim or run track)

Of course, none of this should come as a surprise--we signed up for a single gender school. But it's interesting to observe.
And it has helped with grades. This group gets fantastic grades with some significant distractions removed.

OP, thanks for starting the thread and sharing your observations.

DD is switching to an all-girls HS after being at a co-ed K-8. She has an older brother and always has had some guy friends but I would not place her in the popular category on social media etc. I'm wondering if you or others have advice for girls new to the all-girls environment? Should co-ed summer activities/work be a priority in your experiences? TIA.

Not OP, but is your school NCS or have a brother school nearby or on the same campus? If so your DD will have some interaction with the opposite sex, where’s some girls school are completely isolated due to the limited environment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is at NCS (she chose a girls school).
Obviously we knew this meant limited exposure to boys. However, I'm now wondering if she will ever talk to boys.
There were a few in her art class this year but that's about it.
My understanding is that there are a few girls (a half dozen max?) in the grade who go to parties with boys or hang out drinking with boys (and have for several years) but that's about it.
My daughter and her friends are lovely, athletic, outgoing, etc.
Her life is turning out to be very different than mine was at her age. I'm just wondering what others are experiencing.

I think it would be worth examining why it bothers you whether your “lovely, athletic, outgoing” daughter “will ever talk to boys” or that her “life is turning out to be very different than [yours] at her age.”

You don’t say that your daughter is bothered by this. Why are you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is at NCS (she chose a girls school).
Obviously we knew this meant limited exposure to boys. However, I'm now wondering if she will ever talk to boys.
There were a few in her art class this year but that's about it.
My understanding is that there are a few girls (a half dozen max?) in the grade who go to parties with boys or hang out drinking with boys (and have for several years) but that's about it.
My daughter and her friends are lovely, athletic, outgoing, etc.
Her life is turning out to be very different than mine was at her age. I'm just wondering what others are experiencing.

I think it would be worth examining why it bothers you whether your “lovely, athletic, outgoing” daughter “will ever talk to boys” or that her “life is turning out to be very different than [yours] at her age.”

You don’t say that your daughter is bothered by this. Why are you?

Agreed. Your daughter sounds like she’s doing great and not causing you angst—enjoy it.
When I was her age, I was dating losers and sneaking out at night; nearly giving my Mom a heart attack on a regular basis. I can’t wait for what karma has in store for me when my daughters get to be teenagers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Girls I knew from girls's schools were not comfortable around boys. I can't imagine them having friends who were boys. Joking around. I wonder what kind of wives they became.

Surely some of them had brothers

Did a 13 year old write this?