Does your girls-school high schooler interact at all with boys (or even date/have a boyfriend?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to an all girls school and the lack of experience with boys wasn’t ideal for me. There are definitely benefits - and for some, the lack of boy distraction in high school was definitely a good thing - but personally I felt like it set me back when it came to adult relationships.

I did interact with boys through awkward dances (the worst), a summer job, friends boyfriends, and some extracurriculars but not normal day to day interactions or any starter relationships (other than making out with random boys at model in dances 🙄). That’s just my personal experience though - for others, it was a non-issue.

Yep agree. Parents never understand this. This is a developmental time and no interaction can hurt. It will vary based on the individual, their connections outside the school, etc. We had a brother school but you never really got to know anyone over there.

Emphatically disagree - there are plenty of interactions that can hurt and have negative emotional and physical consequences.

[Anonymous]

I went to NCS, albeit more than twenty years ago.

I really didn’t intermingle much with boys in middle school at all other than during a couple plays.

In high school, I met boys through government club, drama, glee club, and orchestra.

Sta boys are….not the best IMO. I think the all boys environment brews sexism.

I did have a nice boyfriend for my last year or so of high school, an sta guy. In retrospect I don’t even know if that was a good thing because it distracted me from focusing on my friends and my schoolwork. So if it does not happen that’s fine.

In my day, the group you refer to that does know boys tend to go to Beauvoir and often went to Schippens dancing school or at least wooey and sometimes know each other from country club. I don’t know if that dynamic still exists. But I wouldn’t want my daughter to be in that group. Not to slut shame, but they tended to party more and I don’t think the sexual experiences they had were always consensual or positive.

I agree with the dad above not to stress about it. Teenage boys can kinda suck anyway. I think dating in high school is overrated.

I did do some coed summer programs and I think that was good for social development. I also went to a coed college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to an all girls school and the lack of experience with boys wasn’t ideal for me. There are definitely benefits - and for some, the lack of boy distraction in high school was definitely a good thing - but personally I felt like it set me back when it came to adult relationships.

I did interact with boys through awkward dances (the worst), a summer job, friends boyfriends, and some extracurriculars but not normal day to day interactions or any starter relationships (other than making out with random boys at model in dances 🙄). That’s just my personal experience though - for others, it was a non-issue.

Yep agree. Parents never understand this. This is a developmental time and no interaction can hurt. It will vary based on the individual, their connections outside the school, etc. We had a brother school but you never really got to know anyone over there.

In a perfect world your single sex education is expanded by meaningful connections with members of the opposite sex. As a teenager you need to have repeated exposure to coed activities to be able to internet comfortably within the world after you graduate and so that the kid doesn’t place undo importance (subconsciously) by bring a bit uncomfortable around members of that opposite sex. It is especially important genders for different reasons.

[Anonymous]

I found my boys focused much more on school and built deep male friendships where they could be vulnerable when they weren't trying to impress girls in the hallways, at lunch and in the classroom. They took more risks. They tried things outside of their comfort zone.

My kids did go to public K-8. Frankly, 8th grade was a mess of hormones. The time spent doing the hair or wearing the right thing to impress the girls. The drama. The lunch room. The after school time. The OUTFITS. Our public school essentially has no dress code so the girls were coming to school in essentially bootie shorts, midriff tops, etc.

My kids are very comfortable around the opposite sex. They have friends that are female, many they have known since kindergarten in the neighborhood. They are sometimes 'set up' with these female friends' girlfriends when they need a date. They do some group stuff outside of school.

I am of the group that thinks there is so much time to be a grown-up and having sex before the responsibility and emotions have had a chance to mature brings a lot of trouble.

In other words, your daughter will be fine.

In general, I find the kids that were in 8th-9th during Covid lockdown (one of my sons) are a bit behind socially and are a lot like your daughter because those were pretty critical years of social exploration. We have seen a difference in my younger son (rising 9th) friend group/classmates and my rising Junior. The rising Juniors are all more like your daughter because they didn't have the co-ed dances and arranged time between the all-girl schools that would have happened w/out Covid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is at NCS (she chose a girls school).
Obviously we knew this meant limited exposure to boys. However, I'm now wondering if she will ever talk to boys.
There were a few in her art class this year but that's about it.
My understanding is that there are a few girls (a half dozen max?) in the grade who go to parties with boys or hang out drinking with boys (and have for several years) but that's about it.
My daughter and her friends are lovely, athletic, outgoing, etc.
Her life is turning out to be very different than mine was at her age. I'm just wondering what others are experiencing.


My daughter hangs with a group of kids from both NCS and STA. They met through their shared sport. She's not dating anyone but she has nice friendships with everyone in that group.

Voyager
Cross Country
Swimming
Track

All sports where boys/girls train together.

Junior/Senior year they have more opportunities to take classes together.

[Anonymous]

Girls I knew from girls's schools were not comfortable around boys. I can't imagine them having friends who were boys. Joking around. I wonder what kind of wives they became.

Surely some of them had brothers

[Anonymous]

I went to NCS and very few girls had boyfriends in high school. My very good friend at Holton had a similar experience. We had some guy friends we talked to, there were crushes, dances, and lots of phone calls, but basically no dating.

[Anonymous]

So what do we collectively think about Wellesley or Smith?

[Anonymous]

What grade are you talking about? From our older son’s experience, I’ve seen more mixing starting in 11th grade.

[Anonymous]

Young men of quality are still taught to date.

We’ve found the best pair ups came from our country club.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Young men of quality are still taught to date.

We’ve found the best pair ups came from our country club.

Did they take their dates to the sock hop in their thunderbird?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Young men of quality are still taught to date.

We’ve found the best pair ups came from our country club.

That's funny. My DD refuses to date any boy from our club. She says they have no idea what a tongue is for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to NCS and very few girls had boyfriends in high school. My very good friend at Holton had a similar experience. We had some guy friends we talked to, there were crushes, dances, and lots of phone calls, but basically no dating.

Interesting. Care to share when you were there? In the eighties and nineties there were plenty of NCS-sta couples. There were also plenty of girls with little to no dating experience as well tho.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to NCS, albeit more than twenty years ago.

I really didn’t intermingle much with boys in middle school at all other than during a couple plays.

In high school, I met boys through government club, drama, glee club, and orchestra.

Sta boys are….not the best IMO. I think the all boys environment brews sexism.

I did have a nice boyfriend for my last year or so of high school, an sta guy. In retrospect I don’t even know if that was a good thing because it distracted me from focusing on my friends and my schoolwork. So if it does not happen that’s fine.

In my day, the group you refer to that does know boys tend to go to Beauvoir and often went to Schippens dancing school or at least wooey and sometimes know each other from country club. I don’t know if that dynamic still exists. But I wouldn’t want my daughter to be in that group. Not to slut shame, but they tended to party more and I don’t think the sexual experiences they had were always consensual or positive.

I agree with the dad above not to stress about it. Teenage boys can kinda suck anyway. I think dating in high school is overrated.

I did do some coed summer programs and I think that was good for social development. I also went to a coed college.

The bolded is a drastic over exaggeration. Just like saying teenage girls kinda suck. Neither is helpful and each breeds contempt for the other gender.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to an all girls school and the lack of experience with boys wasn’t ideal for me. There are definitely benefits - and for some, the lack of boy distraction in high school was definitely a good thing - but personally I felt like it set me back when it came to adult relationships.

I did interact with boys through awkward dances (the worst), a summer job, friends boyfriends, and some extracurriculars but not normal day to day interactions or any starter relationships (other than making out with random boys at model in dances 🙄). That’s just my personal experience though - for others, it was a non-issue.

Yep agree. Parents never understand this. This is a developmental time and no interaction can hurt. It will vary based on the individual, their connections outside the school, etc. We had a brother school but you never really got to know anyone over there.

In a perfect world your single sex education is expanded by meaningful connections with members of the opposite sex. As a teenager you need to have repeated exposure to coed activities to be able to internet comfortably within the world after you graduate and so that the kid doesn’t place undo importance (subconsciously) by bring a bit uncomfortable around members of that opposite sex. It is especially important genders for different reasons.

I actually disagree, unless I suppose you spent your whole education in a single sex environment with no coed activities (which is extraordinarily rare). The way teenagers interact with each other has little to do with how college students and then adults and then coworkers interact with each other. You certainly don't need to be interacting in geometry class to develop well and have normal relationships later in life. Working together at a summer job, doing service projects, being on a coed club team, going to social events, having sisters/brothers, knowing friends' sisters/brothers -- these are more than enough. It's not like kids get to college and see the opposite sex and say, "Oh my gosh! What is that strange creature I've never seen before? Does it speak?" Socially awkward kids will feel socially awkward no matter where they go to school.