Is this an OK ‘line’ to use with needling relative?

[Anonymous]

My uncle is exactly like this and I find it hilarious but if you actually want it to stop, act ignorant. Just look at him and say "I don't really know much about it. politics aren't my thing. " He will immediately --at light speed! --move on because you're too boring to talk to. The problem is that most people aren't willing to do this, they have to prove they are right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My cousin’s husband is confrontational and enjoys being “edgy” in his extreme conservative views. Never mind that most of the people in my family vote the same way he does; if he perceives someone to be liberal or remotely tolerant of “liberal views” (even though they maybe only voted for a Democrat for president once or twice), he loves to pounce on them and needle them. He really tries hard to engage with me and with my brother and sister, because we are Democrats. We don’t care to talk about political issues or hot-button social topics at family events, but this guy comes out of the gate and doesn’t even bother saying hello, he just gets all up in your face trying to get you to disagree with him and engage.

Another cousins wedding is coming up, and I just know he’ll try to do this, even though it is a wedding and should be a purely fun and joyful day. I’m thinking if he tries this on me, I can simply say, “Jake, today is about celebrating Anna and Steve, and if you want to dance or eat cake, I’m here for that. But if you want to talk about politics or social issues, I’m afraid I can’t indulge you today.” I know that’s kind of pointed, but this guy ruins every event, honestly. He makes even fellow conservatives uncomfortable because he his so outlandishly rude. As far as I know, no one has ever said this to them or to his wife, but nobody likes having him around. He’s a special type of jerky that even if you agree with his view, you are annoyed by his “look at me, I’m so scandalous” behavior. Many relatives have talked about how tired they are of his antics. Is there a better way to shut this down?

This is way, way too polite.

"Jake, you do realize you ruin every event with this behavior, right? And you embarrass your wife. Just this once, please don't make a spectacle of yourself, and concentrate on celebrating Steve and Anna."

You do realize, OP, this is your (all of your) fault for not calling out this behavior earlier.

OP here. I have definitely challenged this behavior, but I have never gone as the pointed language I suggested. In the past, I’ve said things like, “I don’t want to talk about that when there are crab cakes.” So I’ve never just like let him sit there and lecture me. Thing is, he hops from person to person until he gets a reaction.

And actually? No, HIS BEHAVIOR is not *my fault.* It’s his, primarily, and if anyone else should have stopped him by now, it should have been his wife. But you tried it.

If you think the language you suggested is "pointed" you haven't actually challenged his behavior.

Yes. So you’ve said. And yet you haven’t actually offered an actual response that you would deem challenging. Interesting, that. Almost sounds like you’re exactly the loves-to-argue a-hole that OP is trying to avoid.

You must be OP. Instigating. Your cousin doesn't sound like the drama freak, you do.

[Anonymous]

Deep sigh. "You are tiresome." Walk away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My cousin’s husband is confrontational and enjoys being “edgy” in his extreme conservative views. Never mind that most of the people in my family vote the same way he does; if he perceives someone to be liberal or remotely tolerant of “liberal views” (even though they maybe only voted for a Democrat for president once or twice), he loves to pounce on them and needle them. He really tries hard to engage with me and with my brother and sister, because we are Democrats. We don’t care to talk about political issues or hot-button social topics at family events, but this guy comes out of the gate and doesn’t even bother saying hello, he just gets all up in your face trying to get you to disagree with him and engage.

Another cousins wedding is coming up, and I just know he’ll try to do this, even though it is a wedding and should be a purely fun and joyful day. I’m thinking if he tries this on me, I can simply say, “Jake, today is about celebrating Anna and Steve, and if you want to dance or eat cake, I’m here for that. But if you want to talk about politics or social issues, I’m afraid I can’t indulge you today.” I know that’s kind of pointed, but this guy ruins every event, honestly. He makes even fellow conservatives uncomfortable because he his so outlandishly rude. As far as I know, no one has ever said this to them or to his wife, but nobody likes having him around. He’s a special type of jerky that even if you agree with his view, you are annoyed by his “look at me, I’m so scandalous” behavior. Many relatives have talked about how tired they are of his antics. Is there a better way to shut this down?

This is way, way too polite.

"Jake, you do realize you ruin every event with this behavior, right? And you embarrass your wife. Just this once, please don't make a spectacle of yourself, and concentrate on celebrating Steve and Anna."

You do realize, OP, this is your (all of your) fault for not calling out this behavior earlier.

OP here. I have definitely challenged this behavior, but I have never gone as the pointed language I suggested. In the past, I’ve said things like, “I don’t want to talk about that when there are crab cakes.” So I’ve never just like let him sit there and lecture me. Thing is, he hops from person to person until he gets a reaction.

And actually? No, HIS BEHAVIOR is not *my fault.* It’s his, primarily, and if anyone else should have stopped him by now, it should have been his wife. But you tried it.

If you think the language you suggested is "pointed" you haven't actually challenged his behavior.

Yes. So you’ve said. And yet you haven’t actually offered an actual response that you would deem challenging. Interesting, that. Almost sounds like you’re exactly the loves-to-argue a-hole that OP is trying to avoid.

You must be OP. Instigating. Your cousin doesn't sound like the drama freak, you do.

No, I’m not. I am awaiting any helpful suggestions. Oh wait you still have none? You tell OP she’s doing it wrong but you can’t suggest how to do it right? Hmmmmm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My uncle is exactly like this and I find it hilarious but if you actually want it to stop, act ignorant. Just look at him and say "I don't really know much about it. politics aren't my thing. " He will immediately --at light speed! --move on because you're too boring to talk to. The problem is that most people aren't willing to do this, they have to prove they are right.

Ha, unless you meet up with the type that likes to "educate" you on the issue. Saying you don't know anything about it is like raising a red flag to them. They feel they must fill your empty vessel.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't say, "Billy, I don't want to talk politics with you," because it sounds like he's the type that will use that as a springboard to continue with the political bullying.

I'd try once to change the subject to something non-controversial (if possible, since some people will try to make anything and everything controversial) and if that didn't work, I'd walk or turn away. Every. Single. Time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My cousin’s husband is confrontational and enjoys being “edgy” in his extreme conservative views. Never mind that most of the people in my family vote the same way he does; if he perceives someone to be liberal or remotely tolerant of “liberal views” (even though they maybe only voted for a Democrat for president once or twice), he loves to pounce on them and needle them. He really tries hard to engage with me and with my brother and sister, because we are Democrats. We don’t care to talk about political issues or hot-button social topics at family events, but this guy comes out of the gate and doesn’t even bother saying hello, he just gets all up in your face trying to get you to disagree with him and engage.

Another cousins wedding is coming up, and I just know he’ll try to do this, even though it is a wedding and should be a purely fun and joyful day. I’m thinking if he tries this on me, I can simply say, “Jake, today is about celebrating Anna and Steve, and if you want to dance or eat cake, I’m here for that. But if you want to talk about politics or social issues, I’m afraid I can’t indulge you today.” I know that’s kind of pointed, but this guy ruins every event, honestly. He makes even fellow conservatives uncomfortable because he his so outlandishly rude. As far as I know, no one has ever said this to them or to his wife, but nobody likes having him around. He’s a special type of jerky that even if you agree with his view, you are annoyed by his “look at me, I’m so scandalous” behavior. Many relatives have talked about how tired they are of his antics. Is there a better way to shut this down?

This is way, way too polite.

"Jake, you do realize you ruin every event with this behavior, right? And you embarrass your wife. Just this once, please don't make a spectacle of yourself, and concentrate on celebrating Steve and Anna."

You do realize, OP, this is your (all of your) fault for not calling out this behavior earlier.

OP here. I have definitely challenged this behavior, but I have never gone as the pointed language I suggested. In the past, I’ve said things like, “I don’t want to talk about that when there are crab cakes.” So I’ve never just like let him sit there and lecture me. Thing is, he hops from person to person until he gets a reaction.

And actually? No, HIS BEHAVIOR is not *my fault.* It’s his, primarily, and if anyone else should have stopped him by now, it should have been his wife. But you tried it.

If you think the language you suggested is "pointed" you haven't actually challenged his behavior.

Yes. So you’ve said. And yet you haven’t actually offered an actual response that you would deem challenging. Interesting, that. Almost sounds like you’re exactly the loves-to-argue a-hole that OP is trying to avoid.

You must be OP. Instigating. Your cousin doesn't sound like the drama freak, you do.

And, the DCUM insufferable ahole has arrived.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My cousin’s husband is confrontational and enjoys being “edgy” in his extreme conservative views. Never mind that most of the people in my family vote the same way he does; if he perceives someone to be liberal or remotely tolerant of “liberal views” (even though they maybe only voted for a Democrat for president once or twice), he loves to pounce on them and needle them. He really tries hard to engage with me and with my brother and sister, because we are Democrats. We don’t care to talk about political issues or hot-button social topics at family events, but this guy comes out of the gate and doesn’t even bother saying hello, he just gets all up in your face trying to get you to disagree with him and engage.

Another cousins wedding is coming up, and I just know he’ll try to do this, even though it is a wedding and should be a purely fun and joyful day. I’m thinking if he tries this on me, I can simply say, “Jake, today is about celebrating Anna and Steve, and if you want to dance or eat cake, I’m here for that. But if you want to talk about politics or social issues, I’m afraid I can’t indulge you today.” I know that’s kind of pointed, but this guy ruins every event, honestly. He makes even fellow conservatives uncomfortable because he his so outlandishly rude. As far as I know, no one has ever said this to them or to his wife, but nobody likes having him around. He’s a special type of jerky that even if you agree with his view, you are annoyed by his “look at me, I’m so scandalous” behavior. Many relatives have talked about how tired they are of his antics. Is there a better way to shut this down?

This is way, way too polite.

"Jake, you do realize you ruin every event with this behavior, right? And you embarrass your wife. Just this once, please don't make a spectacle of yourself, and concentrate on celebrating Steve and Anna."

You do realize, OP, this is your (all of your) fault for not calling out this behavior earlier.

OP here. I have definitely challenged this behavior, but I have never gone as the pointed language I suggested. In the past, I’ve said things like, “I don’t want to talk about that when there are crab cakes.” So I’ve never just like let him sit there and lecture me. Thing is, he hops from person to person until he gets a reaction.

And actually? No, HIS BEHAVIOR is not *my fault.* It’s his, primarily, and if anyone else should have stopped him by now, it should have been his wife. But you tried it.

If you think the language you suggested is "pointed" you haven't actually challenged his behavior.

Yes. So you’ve said. And yet you haven’t actually offered an actual response that you would deem challenging. Interesting, that. Almost sounds like you’re exactly the loves-to-argue a-hole that OP is trying to avoid.

You must be OP. Instigating. Your cousin doesn't sound like the drama freak, you do.

No, I’m not. I am awaiting any helpful suggestions. Oh wait you still have none? You tell OP she’s doing it wrong but you can’t suggest how to do it right? Hmmmmm

Sigh. This isn't that hard, OP. Say this: "Oh, hi, Uncle Larlo! It is great to see you. Didn't Cousin DeeDee look great in her dress? Have you tried the meatballs yet?"

[Anonymous]

This is a TROLL, folks. Look at the nasty responses she is posting. Don't feed the TROLL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My cousin’s husband is confrontational and enjoys being “edgy” in his extreme conservative views. Never mind that most of the people in my family vote the same way he does; if he perceives someone to be liberal or remotely tolerant of “liberal views” (even though they maybe only voted for a Democrat for president once or twice), he loves to pounce on them and needle them. He really tries hard to engage with me and with my brother and sister, because we are Democrats. We don’t care to talk about political issues or hot-button social topics at family events, but this guy comes out of the gate and doesn’t even bother saying hello, he just gets all up in your face trying to get you to disagree with him and engage.

Another cousins wedding is coming up, and I just know he’ll try to do this, even though it is a wedding and should be a purely fun and joyful day. I’m thinking if he tries this on me, I can simply say, “Jake, today is about celebrating Anna and Steve, and if you want to dance or eat cake, I’m here for that. But if you want to talk about politics or social issues, I’m afraid I can’t indulge you today.” I know that’s kind of pointed, but this guy ruins every event, honestly. He makes even fellow conservatives uncomfortable because he his so outlandishly rude. As far as I know, no one has ever said this to them or to his wife, but nobody likes having him around. He’s a special type of jerky that even if you agree with his view, you are annoyed by his “look at me, I’m so scandalous” behavior. Many relatives have talked about how tired they are of his antics. Is there a better way to shut this down?

This is way, way too polite.

"Jake, you do realize you ruin every event with this behavior, right? And you embarrass your wife. Just this once, please don't make a spectacle of yourself, and concentrate on celebrating Steve and Anna."

You do realize, OP, this is your (all of your) fault for not calling out this behavior earlier.

OP here. I have definitely challenged this behavior, but I have never gone as the pointed language I suggested. In the past, I’ve said things like, “I don’t want to talk about that when there are crab cakes.” So I’ve never just like let him sit there and lecture me. Thing is, he hops from person to person until he gets a reaction.

And actually? No, HIS BEHAVIOR is not *my fault.* It’s his, primarily, and if anyone else should have stopped him by now, it should have been his wife. But you tried it.

If you think the language you suggested is "pointed" you haven't actually challenged his behavior.

Yes. So you’ve said. And yet you haven’t actually offered an actual response that you would deem challenging. Interesting, that. Almost sounds like you’re exactly the loves-to-argue a-hole that OP is trying to avoid.

Seriously? I did that earlier in this thread. I'll repaste here, because you seem incapable of . . . well, a whole lot of things.


"Jake, you do realize you ruin every event with this behavior, right? And you embarrass your wife. Just this once, please don't make a spectacle of yourself, and concentrate on celebrating Steve and Anna."

[Anonymous]

I think in this situation it would be best to let everyone know that you do not discuss politics.

With anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My cousin’s husband is confrontational and enjoys being “edgy” in his extreme conservative views. Never mind that most of the people in my family vote the same way he does; if he perceives someone to be liberal or remotely tolerant of “liberal views” (even though they maybe only voted for a Democrat for president once or twice), he loves to pounce on them and needle them. He really tries hard to engage with me and with my brother and sister, because we are Democrats. We don’t care to talk about political issues or hot-button social topics at family events, but this guy comes out of the gate and doesn’t even bother saying hello, he just gets all up in your face trying to get you to disagree with him and engage.

Another cousins wedding is coming up, and I just know he’ll try to do this, even though it is a wedding and should be a purely fun and joyful day. I’m thinking if he tries this on me, I can simply say, “Jake, today is about celebrating Anna and Steve, and if you want to dance or eat cake, I’m here for that. But if you want to talk about politics or social issues, I’m afraid I can’t indulge you today.” I know that’s kind of pointed, but this guy ruins every event, honestly. He makes even fellow conservatives uncomfortable because he his so outlandishly rude. As far as I know, no one has ever said this to them or to his wife, but nobody likes having him around. He’s a special type of jerky that even if you agree with his view, you are annoyed by his “look at me, I’m so scandalous” behavior. Many relatives have talked about how tired they are of his antics. Is there a better way to shut this down?

This is way, way too polite.

"Jake, you do realize you ruin every event with this behavior, right? And you embarrass your wife. Just this once, please don't make a spectacle of yourself, and concentrate on celebrating Steve and Anna."

You do realize, OP, this is your (all of your) fault for not calling out this behavior earlier.

OP here. I have definitely challenged this behavior, but I have never gone as the pointed language I suggested. In the past, I’ve said things like, “I don’t want to talk about that when there are crab cakes.” So I’ve never just like let him sit there and lecture me. Thing is, he hops from person to person until he gets a reaction.

And actually? No, HIS BEHAVIOR is not *my fault.* It’s his, primarily, and if anyone else should have stopped him by now, it should have been his wife. But you tried it.

If you think the language you suggested is "pointed" you haven't actually challenged his behavior.

Yes. So you’ve said. And yet you haven’t actually offered an actual response that you would deem challenging. Interesting, that. Almost sounds like you’re exactly the loves-to-argue a-hole that OP is trying to avoid.

Seriously? I did that earlier in this thread. I'll repaste here, because you seem incapable of . . . well, a whole lot of things.


"Jake, you do realize you ruin every event with this behavior, right? And you embarrass your wife. Just this once, please don't make a spectacle of yourself, and concentrate on celebrating Steve and Anna."

And leave OP open to being labeled as the person who ruined the wedding by coming down this hard on the cousin. Yeah, great advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Deep sigh. "You are tiresome." Walk away.

I like this.

[Anonymous]

Does this guy work at AEI?