Is this an OK ‘line’ to use with needling relative?

[Anonymous]

“After so many of these conversations, you’ve convinced us you are right. No need to discuss politics with us anymore.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My cousin’s husband is confrontational and enjoys being “edgy” in his extreme conservative views. Never mind that most of the people in my family vote the same way he does; if he perceives someone to be liberal or remotely tolerant of “liberal views” (even though they maybe only voted for a Democrat for president once or twice), he loves to pounce on them and needle them. He really tries hard to engage with me and with my brother and sister, because we are Democrats. We don’t care to talk about political issues or hot-button social topics at family events, but this guy comes out of the gate and doesn’t even bother saying hello, he just gets all up in your face trying to get you to disagree with him and engage.

Another cousins wedding is coming up, and I just know he’ll try to do this, even though it is a wedding and should be a purely fun and joyful day. I’m thinking if he tries this on me, I can simply say, “Jake, today is about celebrating Anna and Steve, and if you want to dance or eat cake, I’m here for that. But if you want to talk about politics or social issues, I’m afraid I can’t indulge you today.” I know that’s kind of pointed, but this guy ruins every event, honestly. He makes even fellow conservatives uncomfortable because he his so outlandishly rude. As far as I know, no one has ever said this to them or to his wife, but nobody likes having him around. He’s a special type of jerky that even if you agree with his view, you are annoyed by his “look at me, I’m so scandalous” behavior. Many relatives have talked about how tired they are of his antics. Is there a better way to shut this down?

This is way, way too polite.

"Jake, you do realize you ruin every event with this behavior, right? And you embarrass your wife. Just this once, please don't make a spectacle of yourself, and concentrate on celebrating Steve and Anna."

You do realize, OP, this is your (all of your) fault for not calling out this behavior earlier.

OP here. I have definitely challenged this behavior, but I have never gone as the pointed language I suggested. In the past, I’ve said things like, “I don’t want to talk about that when there are crab cakes.” So I’ve never just like let him sit there and lecture me. Thing is, he hops from person to person until he gets a reaction.

And actually? No, HIS BEHAVIOR is not *my fault.* It’s his, primarily, and if anyone else should have stopped him by now, it should have been his wife. But you tried it.

So his response is he goes away. Bingo. What he does with other people is his business and theirs. You're already found what works. Why are you stirring this up??? Sounds like there is more than one person in the family who hopes to get a reaction, just sayin'.

Looks like we’ve found the guy who can’t read the room. Bye!

LOL. The poster CAN read the room. It's you who is off. Why do you have to stir things up? What's wrong with you that you have to cause a scene in order to make your point? Grow up.

DP.

[Anonymous]

“Add me to the list of people who don’t want to talk to you about this.”

If he keeps going say “Please stop trying to force me into topics I don’t care to discuss with you. I’m going to chat with Uncle Bill”

[Anonymous]

I would just stare at him, not saying a word and then turn away. He can't force you to talk to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My cousin’s husband is confrontational and enjoys being “edgy” in his extreme conservative views. Never mind that most of the people in my family vote the same way he does; if he perceives someone to be liberal or remotely tolerant of “liberal views” (even though they maybe only voted for a Democrat for president once or twice), he loves to pounce on them and needle them. He really tries hard to engage with me and with my brother and sister, because we are Democrats. We don’t care to talk about political issues or hot-button social topics at family events, but this guy comes out of the gate and doesn’t even bother saying hello, he just gets all up in your face trying to get you to disagree with him and engage.

Another cousins wedding is coming up, and I just know he’ll try to do this, even though it is a wedding and should be a purely fun and joyful day. I’m thinking if he tries this on me, I can simply say, “Jake, today is about celebrating Anna and Steve, and if you want to dance or eat cake, I’m here for that. But if you want to talk about politics or social issues, I’m afraid I can’t indulge you today.” I know that’s kind of pointed, but this guy ruins every event, honestly. He makes even fellow conservatives uncomfortable because he his so outlandishly rude. As far as I know, no one has ever said this to them or to his wife, but nobody likes having him around. He’s a special type of jerky that even if you agree with his view, you are annoyed by his “look at me, I’m so scandalous” behavior. Many relatives have talked about how tired they are of his antics. Is there a better way to shut this down?

This is way, way too polite.

"Jake, you do realize you ruin every event with this behavior, right? And you embarrass your wife. Just this once, please don't make a spectacle of yourself, and concentrate on celebrating Steve and Anna."

You do realize, OP, this is your (all of your) fault for not calling out this behavior earlier.

OP here. I have definitely challenged this behavior, but I have never gone as the pointed language I suggested. In the past, I’ve said things like, “I don’t want to talk about that when there are crab cakes.” So I’ve never just like let him sit there and lecture me. Thing is, he hops from person to person until he gets a reaction.

And actually? No, HIS BEHAVIOR is not *my fault.* It’s his, primarily, and if anyone else should have stopped him by now, it should have been his wife. But you tried it.

So his response is he goes away. Bingo. What he does with other people is his business and theirs. You're already found what works. Why are you stirring this up??? Sounds like there is more than one person in the family who hopes to get a reaction, just sayin'.

Looks like we’ve found the guy who can’t read the room. Bye!

LOL. The poster CAN read the room. It's you who is off. Why do you have to stir things up? What's wrong with you that you have to cause a scene in order to make your point? Grow up.

DP.

NP. Please tell me how OP would be “causing a scene” if she tells someone who starts talking politics at a wedding that she…isn’t going to talk politics at a wedding? I don’t recall anyone advising her to scream this or to stomp her feet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would just stare at him, not saying a word and then turn away. He can't force you to talk to him.

Yep this

I learned to do this with an over bearing relative. Alternatively I once said really loud omg that’s distrusting! you are so weird - stay away from my kids and me! when he just said something annoying but not really disgusting. Worked though and he avoids me.

I also had other relatives chide me and say I was being rude to the relative in question so I smiled and said “good!” and walked away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My cousin’s husband is confrontational and enjoys being “edgy” in his extreme conservative views. Never mind that most of the people in my family vote the same way he does; if he perceives someone to be liberal or remotely tolerant of “liberal views” (even though they maybe only voted for a Democrat for president once or twice), he loves to pounce on them and needle them. He really tries hard to engage with me and with my brother and sister, because we are Democrats. We don’t care to talk about political issues or hot-button social topics at family events, but this guy comes out of the gate and doesn’t even bother saying hello, he just gets all up in your face trying to get you to disagree with him and engage.

Another cousins wedding is coming up, and I just know he’ll try to do this, even though it is a wedding and should be a purely fun and joyful day. I’m thinking if he tries this on me, I can simply say, “Jake, today is about celebrating Anna and Steve, and if you want to dance or eat cake, I’m here for that. But if you want to talk about politics or social issues, I’m afraid I can’t indulge you today.” I know that’s kind of pointed, but this guy ruins every event, honestly. He makes even fellow conservatives uncomfortable because he his so outlandishly rude. As far as I know, no one has ever said this to them or to his wife, but nobody likes having him around. He’s a special type of jerky that even if you agree with his view, you are annoyed by his “look at me, I’m so scandalous” behavior. Many relatives have talked about how tired they are of his antics. Is there a better way to shut this down?

This is way, way too polite.

"Jake, you do realize you ruin every event with this behavior, right? And you embarrass your wife. Just this once, please don't make a spectacle of yourself, and concentrate on celebrating Steve and Anna."

You do realize, OP, this is your (all of your) fault for not calling out this behavior earlier.

OP here. I have definitely challenged this behavior, but I have never gone as the pointed language I suggested. In the past, I’ve said things like, “I don’t want to talk about that when there are crab cakes.” So I’ve never just like let him sit there and lecture me. Thing is, he hops from person to person until he gets a reaction.

And actually? No, HIS BEHAVIOR is not *my fault.* It’s his, primarily, and if anyone else should have stopped him by now, it should have been his wife. But you tried it.

So his response is he goes away. Bingo. What he does with other people is his business and theirs. You're already found what works. Why are you stirring this up??? Sounds like there is more than one person in the family who hopes to get a reaction, just sayin'.

Looks like we’ve found the guy who can’t read the room. Bye!

LOL. The poster CAN read the room. It's you who is off. Why do you have to stir things up? What's wrong with you that you have to cause a scene in order to make your point? Grow up.

DP.

NP. Please tell me how OP would be “causing a scene” if she tells someone who starts talking politics at a wedding that she…isn’t going to talk politics at a wedding? I don’t recall anyone advising her to scream this or to stomp her feet.

Here is what she said in her OP:

I’m thinking if he tries this on me, I can simply say, “Jake, today is about celebrating Anna and Steve, and if you want to dance or eat cake, I’m here for that. But if you want to talk about politics or social issues, I’m afraid I can’t indulge you today.” I know that’s kind of pointed, but this guy ruins every event, honestly. He makes even fellow conservatives uncomfortable because he his so outlandishly rude. As far as I know, no one has ever said this to them or to his wife, but nobody likes having him around. He’s a special type of jerky that even if you agree with his view, you are annoyed by his “look at me, I’m so scandalous” behavior. Many relatives have talked about how tired they are of his antics. Is there a better way to shut this down?

Why can't she simply say "It is nice to see you, too, Jake! What did you think of the ceremony? Wasn't it lovely!?!" But nooooooo. OP needs to make a statement. That's rude and she is causing a scene. I would disinvite OP before I would disinvite Jake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My cousin’s husband is confrontational and enjoys being “edgy” in his extreme conservative views. Never mind that most of the people in my family vote the same way he does; if he perceives someone to be liberal or remotely tolerant of “liberal views” (even though they maybe only voted for a Democrat for president once or twice), he loves to pounce on them and needle them. He really tries hard to engage with me and with my brother and sister, because we are Democrats. We don’t care to talk about political issues or hot-button social topics at family events, but this guy comes out of the gate and doesn’t even bother saying hello, he just gets all up in your face trying to get you to disagree with him and engage.

Another cousins wedding is coming up, and I just know he’ll try to do this, even though it is a wedding and should be a purely fun and joyful day. I’m thinking if he tries this on me, I can simply say, “Jake, today is about celebrating Anna and Steve, and if you want to dance or eat cake, I’m here for that. But if you want to talk about politics or social issues, I’m afraid I can’t indulge you today.” I know that’s kind of pointed, but this guy ruins every event, honestly. He makes even fellow conservatives uncomfortable because he his so outlandishly rude. As far as I know, no one has ever said this to them or to his wife, but nobody likes having him around. He’s a special type of jerky that even if you agree with his view, you are annoyed by his “look at me, I’m so scandalous” behavior. Many relatives have talked about how tired they are of his antics. Is there a better way to shut this down?

This is way, way too polite.

"Jake, you do realize you ruin every event with this behavior, right? And you embarrass your wife. Just this once, please don't make a spectacle of yourself, and concentrate on celebrating Steve and Anna."

You do realize, OP, this is your (all of your) fault for not calling out this behavior earlier.

OP here. I have definitely challenged this behavior, but I have never gone as the pointed language I suggested. In the past, I’ve said things like, “I don’t want to talk about that when there are crab cakes.” So I’ve never just like let him sit there and lecture me. Thing is, he hops from person to person until he gets a reaction.

And actually? No, HIS BEHAVIOR is not *my fault.* It’s his, primarily, and if anyone else should have stopped him by now, it should have been his wife. But you tried it.

So his response is he goes away. Bingo. What he does with other people is his business and theirs. You're already found what works. Why are you stirring this up??? Sounds like there is more than one person in the family who hopes to get a reaction, just sayin'.

Looks like we’ve found the guy who can’t read the room. Bye!

LOL. The poster CAN read the room. It's you who is off. Why do you have to stir things up? What's wrong with you that you have to cause a scene in order to make your point? Grow up.

DP.

NP. Please tell me how OP would be “causing a scene” if she tells someone who starts talking politics at a wedding that she…isn’t going to talk politics at a wedding? I don’t recall anyone advising her to scream this or to stomp her feet.

Here is what she said in her OP:

I’m thinking if he tries this on me, I can simply say, “Jake, today is about celebrating Anna and Steve, and if you want to dance or eat cake, I’m here for that. But if you want to talk about politics or social issues, I’m afraid I can’t indulge you today.” I know that’s kind of pointed, but this guy ruins every event, honestly. He makes even fellow conservatives uncomfortable because he his so outlandishly rude. As far as I know, no one has ever said this to them or to his wife, but nobody likes having him around. He’s a special type of jerky that even if you agree with his view, you are annoyed by his “look at me, I’m so scandalous” behavior. Many relatives have talked about how tired they are of his antics. Is there a better way to shut this down?

Why can't she simply say "It is nice to see you, too, Jake! What did you think of the ceremony? Wasn't it lovely!?!" But nooooooo. OP needs to make a statement. That's rude and she is causing a scene. I would disinvite OP before I would disinvite Jake.

Again, tell me how saying a sentence or two in a calm tone of voice—even if the words are a little direct—is “causing a scene”? Do you understand that “a scene” would involve yelling, stomping, pointing and yelling, etc.? Calmly telling someone you won’t be talking about politics (after years of already telling them that, by the way) is not causing a scene. It’s very funny to me that you don’t understand talking in a calm tone does not “a scene” make.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My cousin’s husband is confrontational and enjoys being “edgy” in his extreme conservative views. Never mind that most of the people in my family vote the same way he does; if he perceives someone to be liberal or remotely tolerant of “liberal views” (even though they maybe only voted for a Democrat for president once or twice), he loves to pounce on them and needle them. He really tries hard to engage with me and with my brother and sister, because we are Democrats. We don’t care to talk about political issues or hot-button social topics at family events, but this guy comes out of the gate and doesn’t even bother saying hello, he just gets all up in your face trying to get you to disagree with him and engage.

Another cousins wedding is coming up, and I just know he’ll try to do this, even though it is a wedding and should be a purely fun and joyful day. I’m thinking if he tries this on me, I can simply say, “Jake, today is about celebrating Anna and Steve, and if you want to dance or eat cake, I’m here for that. But if you want to talk about politics or social issues, I’m afraid I can’t indulge you today.” I know that’s kind of pointed, but this guy ruins every event, honestly. He makes even fellow conservatives uncomfortable because he his so outlandishly rude. As far as I know, no one has ever said this to them or to his wife, but nobody likes having him around. He’s a special type of jerky that even if you agree with his view, you are annoyed by his “look at me, I’m so scandalous” behavior. Many relatives have talked about how tired they are of his antics. Is there a better way to shut this down?

This is way, way too polite.

"Jake, you do realize you ruin every event with this behavior, right? And you embarrass your wife. Just this once, please don't make a spectacle of yourself, and concentrate on celebrating Steve and Anna."

You do realize, OP, this is your (all of your) fault for not calling out this behavior earlier.

OP here. I have definitely challenged this behavior, but I have never gone as the pointed language I suggested. In the past, I’ve said things like, “I don’t want to talk about that when there are crab cakes.” So I’ve never just like let him sit there and lecture me. Thing is, he hops from person to person until he gets a reaction.

And actually? No, HIS BEHAVIOR is not *my fault.* It’s his, primarily, and if anyone else should have stopped him by now, it should have been his wife. But you tried it.

So his response is he goes away. Bingo. What he does with other people is his business and theirs. You're already found what works. Why are you stirring this up??? Sounds like there is more than one person in the family who hopes to get a reaction, just sayin'.

Looks like we’ve found the guy who can’t read the room. Bye!

LOL. The poster CAN read the room. It's you who is off. Why do you have to stir things up? What's wrong with you that you have to cause a scene in order to make your point? Grow up.

DP.

NP. Please tell me how OP would be “causing a scene” if she tells someone who starts talking politics at a wedding that she…isn’t going to talk politics at a wedding? I don’t recall anyone advising her to scream this or to stomp her feet.

Here is what she said in her OP:

I’m thinking if he tries this on me, I can simply say, “Jake, today is about celebrating Anna and Steve, and if you want to dance or eat cake, I’m here for that. But if you want to talk about politics or social issues, I’m afraid I can’t indulge you today.” I know that’s kind of pointed, but this guy ruins every event, honestly. He makes even fellow conservatives uncomfortable because he his so outlandishly rude. As far as I know, no one has ever said this to them or to his wife, but nobody likes having him around. He’s a special type of jerky that even if you agree with his view, you are annoyed by his “look at me, I’m so scandalous” behavior. Many relatives have talked about how tired they are of his antics. Is there a better way to shut this down?

Why can't she simply say "It is nice to see you, too, Jake! What did you think of the ceremony? Wasn't it lovely!?!" But nooooooo. OP needs to make a statement. That's rude and she is causing a scene. I would disinvite OP before I would disinvite Jake.

No, the rude person is Jake bugging the shit out of everyone with his politics. People like you are pretty weird and excuse a lot of dumb stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My cousin’s husband is confrontational and enjoys being “edgy” in his extreme conservative views. Never mind that most of the people in my family vote the same way he does; if he perceives someone to be liberal or remotely tolerant of “liberal views” (even though they maybe only voted for a Democrat for president once or twice), he loves to pounce on them and needle them. He really tries hard to engage with me and with my brother and sister, because we are Democrats. We don’t care to talk about political issues or hot-button social topics at family events, but this guy comes out of the gate and doesn’t even bother saying hello, he just gets all up in your face trying to get you to disagree with him and engage.

Another cousins wedding is coming up, and I just know he’ll try to do this, even though it is a wedding and should be a purely fun and joyful day. I’m thinking if he tries this on me, I can simply say, “Jake, today is about celebrating Anna and Steve, and if you want to dance or eat cake, I’m here for that. But if you want to talk about politics or social issues, I’m afraid I can’t indulge you today.” I know that’s kind of pointed, but this guy ruins every event, honestly. He makes even fellow conservatives uncomfortable because he his so outlandishly rude. As far as I know, no one has ever said this to them or to his wife, but nobody likes having him around. He’s a special type of jerky that even if you agree with his view, you are annoyed by his “look at me, I’m so scandalous” behavior. Many relatives have talked about how tired they are of his antics. Is there a better way to shut this down?

This is way, way too polite.

"Jake, you do realize you ruin every event with this behavior, right? And you embarrass your wife. Just this once, please don't make a spectacle of yourself, and concentrate on celebrating Steve and Anna."

You do realize, OP, this is your (all of your) fault for not calling out this behavior earlier.

OP here. I have definitely challenged this behavior, but I have never gone as the pointed language I suggested. In the past, I’ve said things like, “I don’t want to talk about that when there are crab cakes.” So I’ve never just like let him sit there and lecture me. Thing is, he hops from person to person until he gets a reaction.

And actually? No, HIS BEHAVIOR is not *my fault.* It’s his, primarily, and if anyone else should have stopped him by now, it should have been his wife. But you tried it.

So his response is he goes away. Bingo. What he does with other people is his business and theirs. You're already found what works. Why are you stirring this up??? Sounds like there is more than one person in the family who hopes to get a reaction, just sayin'.

Looks like we’ve found the guy who can’t read the room. Bye!

LOL. The poster CAN read the room. It's you who is off. Why do you have to stir things up? What's wrong with you that you have to cause a scene in order to make your point? Grow up.

DP.

NP. Please tell me how OP would be “causing a scene” if she tells someone who starts talking politics at a wedding that she…isn’t going to talk politics at a wedding? I don’t recall anyone advising her to scream this or to stomp her feet.

Here is what she said in her OP:

I’m thinking if he tries this on me, I can simply say, “Jake, today is about celebrating Anna and Steve, and if you want to dance or eat cake, I’m here for that. But if you want to talk about politics or social issues, I’m afraid I can’t indulge you today.” I know that’s kind of pointed, but this guy ruins every event, honestly. He makes even fellow conservatives uncomfortable because he his so outlandishly rude. As far as I know, no one has ever said this to them or to his wife, but nobody likes having him around. He’s a special type of jerky that even if you agree with his view, you are annoyed by his “look at me, I’m so scandalous” behavior. Many relatives have talked about how tired they are of his antics. Is there a better way to shut this down?

Why can't she simply say "It is nice to see you, too, Jake! What did you think of the ceremony? Wasn't it lovely!?!" But nooooooo. OP needs to make a statement. That's rude and she is causing a scene. I would disinvite OP before I would disinvite Jake.

Because it isn't nice to see Jake. HI, JAKE!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's not pointed. Not at all. I think it's too wordy.

"Jake, we're never talking politics again. Ever. Go away."

He is a bully and will walk all over you. Does he tend to be worse with women?

One of my friends married a creep and the guy tends to do what you describe very aggressively wiith women. The guy is a racist, loser, bully gun nut and full on traitorous ass. He is also the biggest man baby I've ever met. He brags on sm about stalking neighbors who have the "wrong" political signs and stalks a local female representative who flipped off the orange oaf. We stopped socializing with them and if we ever run into them, he, no matter where we are, will immediately approach us and launch into some an insulting diatribe about my husband getting me in line. We would attempt to shut him down politely then ignore but he wouldn't stop. I shut him down hard after years of being polite.

Remind your relative that he is probably late for his KKK meeting. Ask him if he plans on attacking any govt buildings or assaulting any female democratic representatives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My cousin’s husband is confrontational and enjoys being “edgy” in his extreme conservative views. Never mind that most of the people in my family vote the same way he does; if he perceives someone to be liberal or remotely tolerant of “liberal views” (even though they maybe only voted for a Democrat for president once or twice), he loves to pounce on them and needle them. He really tries hard to engage with me and with my brother and sister, because we are Democrats. We don’t care to talk about political issues or hot-button social topics at family events, but this guy comes out of the gate and doesn’t even bother saying hello, he just gets all up in your face trying to get you to disagree with him and engage.

Another cousins wedding is coming up, and I just know he’ll try to do this, even though it is a wedding and should be a purely fun and joyful day. I’m thinking if he tries this on me, I can simply say, “Jake, today is about celebrating Anna and Steve, and if you want to dance or eat cake, I’m here for that. But if you want to talk about politics or social issues, I’m afraid I can’t indulge you today.” I know that’s kind of pointed, but this guy ruins every event, honestly. He makes even fellow conservatives uncomfortable because he his so outlandishly rude. As far as I know, no one has ever said this to them or to his wife, but nobody likes having him around. He’s a special type of jerky that even if you agree with his view, you are annoyed by his “look at me, I’m so scandalous” behavior. Many relatives have talked about how tired they are of his antics. Is there a better way to shut this down?

This is way, way too polite.

"Jake, you do realize you ruin every event with this behavior, right? And you embarrass your wife. Just this once, please don't make a spectacle of yourself, and concentrate on celebrating Steve and Anna."

You do realize, OP, this is your (all of your) fault for not calling out this behavior earlier.

OP here. I have definitely challenged this behavior, but I have never gone as the pointed language I suggested. In the past, I’ve said things like, “I don’t want to talk about that when there are crab cakes.” So I’ve never just like let him sit there and lecture me. Thing is, he hops from person to person until he gets a reaction.

And actually? No, HIS BEHAVIOR is not *my fault.* It’s his, primarily, and if anyone else should have stopped him by now, it should have been his wife. But you tried it.

So his response is he goes away. Bingo. What he does with other people is his business and theirs. You're already found what works. Why are you stirring this up??? Sounds like there is more than one person in the family who hopes to get a reaction, just sayin'.

Looks like we’ve found the guy who can’t read the room. Bye!

LOL. The poster CAN read the room. It's you who is off. Why do you have to stir things up? What's wrong with you that you have to cause a scene in order to make your point? Grow up.

DP.

NP. Please tell me how OP would be “causing a scene” if she tells someone who starts talking politics at a wedding that she…isn’t going to talk politics at a wedding? I don’t recall anyone advising her to scream this or to stomp her feet.

Here is what she said in her OP:

I’m thinking if he tries this on me, I can simply say, “Jake, today is about celebrating Anna and Steve, and if you want to dance or eat cake, I’m here for that. But if you want to talk about politics or social issues, I’m afraid I can’t indulge you today.” I know that’s kind of pointed, but this guy ruins every event, honestly. He makes even fellow conservatives uncomfortable because he his so outlandishly rude. As far as I know, no one has ever said this to them or to his wife, but nobody likes having him around. He’s a special type of jerky that even if you agree with his view, you are annoyed by his “look at me, I’m so scandalous” behavior. Many relatives have talked about how tired they are of his antics. Is there a better way to shut this down?

Why can't she simply say "It is nice to see you, too, Jake! What did you think of the ceremony? Wasn't it lovely!?!" But nooooooo. OP needs to make a statement. That's rude and she is causing a scene. I would disinvite OP before I would disinvite Jake.

You live in an entirely different universe than the rest of us. It's funny how the rwnjs get so upset when people point out their behavior is rude. I never discuss politics with neighbors or co workers unless I am close to them. One neighbor is a full on drumpian. She and her dh always try to find a way to inject politics into our 5 minute hi, how are you chats. I finally said something about preferring not to discuss politics and heard from a mutual friend the next day how this neighbor complained I wouldn't stop with the politics. You people are crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My cousin’s husband is confrontational and enjoys being “edgy” in his extreme conservative views. Never mind that most of the people in my family vote the same way he does; if he perceives someone to be liberal or remotely tolerant of “liberal views” (even though they maybe only voted for a Democrat for president once or twice), he loves to pounce on them and needle them. He really tries hard to engage with me and with my brother and sister, because we are Democrats. We don’t care to talk about political issues or hot-button social topics at family events, but this guy comes out of the gate and doesn’t even bother saying hello, he just gets all up in your face trying to get you to disagree with him and engage.

Another cousins wedding is coming up, and I just know he’ll try to do this, even though it is a wedding and should be a purely fun and joyful day. I’m thinking if he tries this on me, I can simply say, “Jake, today is about celebrating Anna and Steve, and if you want to dance or eat cake, I’m here for that. But if you want to talk about politics or social issues, I’m afraid I can’t indulge you today.” I know that’s kind of pointed, but this guy ruins every event, honestly. He makes even fellow conservatives uncomfortable because he his so outlandishly rude. As far as I know, no one has ever said this to them or to his wife, but nobody likes having him around. He’s a special type of jerky that even if you agree with his view, you are annoyed by his “look at me, I’m so scandalous” behavior. Many relatives have talked about how tired they are of his antics. Is there a better way to shut this down?

This is way, way too polite.

"Jake, you do realize you ruin every event with this behavior, right? And you embarrass your wife. Just this once, please don't make a spectacle of yourself, and concentrate on celebrating Steve and Anna."

You do realize, OP, this is your (all of your) fault for not calling out this behavior earlier.

OP here. I have definitely challenged this behavior, but I have never gone as the pointed language I suggested. In the past, I’ve said things like, “I don’t want to talk about that when there are crab cakes.” So I’ve never just like let him sit there and lecture me. Thing is, he hops from person to person until he gets a reaction.

And actually? No, HIS BEHAVIOR is not *my fault.* It’s his, primarily, and if anyone else should have stopped him by now, it should have been his wife. But you tried it.

If you think the language you suggested is "pointed" you haven't actually challenged his behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:you don’t have to have a conversation with him. just smile and kind of look over his shoulder - oh I’ve got to say hi to Ann, oh I must run to the ladies, how are the kids?, this wedding is so beautiful and so on. whatever he says say one of these back or ignore or smile and squeeze his arm and say great to see you and walk away.

Find a delicate way to discover the seating chart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My cousin’s husband is confrontational and enjoys being “edgy” in his extreme conservative views. Never mind that most of the people in my family vote the same way he does; if he perceives someone to be liberal or remotely tolerant of “liberal views” (even though they maybe only voted for a Democrat for president once or twice), he loves to pounce on them and needle them. He really tries hard to engage with me and with my brother and sister, because we are Democrats. We don’t care to talk about political issues or hot-button social topics at family events, but this guy comes out of the gate and doesn’t even bother saying hello, he just gets all up in your face trying to get you to disagree with him and engage.

Another cousins wedding is coming up, and I just know he’ll try to do this, even though it is a wedding and should be a purely fun and joyful day. I’m thinking if he tries this on me, I can simply say, “Jake, today is about celebrating Anna and Steve, and if you want to dance or eat cake, I’m here for that. But if you want to talk about politics or social issues, I’m afraid I can’t indulge you today.” I know that’s kind of pointed, but this guy ruins every event, honestly. He makes even fellow conservatives uncomfortable because he his so outlandishly rude. As far as I know, no one has ever said this to them or to his wife, but nobody likes having him around. He’s a special type of jerky that even if you agree with his view, you are annoyed by his “look at me, I’m so scandalous” behavior. Many relatives have talked about how tired they are of his antics. Is there a better way to shut this down?

This is way, way too polite.

"Jake, you do realize you ruin every event with this behavior, right? And you embarrass your wife. Just this once, please don't make a spectacle of yourself, and concentrate on celebrating Steve and Anna."

You do realize, OP, this is your (all of your) fault for not calling out this behavior earlier.

OP here. I have definitely challenged this behavior, but I have never gone as the pointed language I suggested. In the past, I’ve said things like, “I don’t want to talk about that when there are crab cakes.” So I’ve never just like let him sit there and lecture me. Thing is, he hops from person to person until he gets a reaction.

And actually? No, HIS BEHAVIOR is not *my fault.* It’s his, primarily, and if anyone else should have stopped him by now, it should have been his wife. But you tried it.

If you think the language you suggested is "pointed" you haven't actually challenged his behavior.

Yes. So you’ve said. And yet you haven’t actually offered an actual response that you would deem challenging. Interesting, that. Almost sounds like you’re exactly the loves-to-argue a-hole that OP is trying to avoid.