Is this an OK ‘line’ to use with needling relative?

[Anonymous]

My cousin’s husband is confrontational and enjoys being “edgy” in his extreme conservative views. Never mind that most of the people in my family vote the same way he does; if he perceives someone to be liberal or remotely tolerant of “liberal views” (even though they maybe only voted for a Democrat for president once or twice), he loves to pounce on them and needle them. He really tries hard to engage with me and with my brother and sister, because we are Democrats. We don’t care to talk about political issues or hot-button social topics at family events, but this guy comes out of the gate and doesn’t even bother saying hello, he just gets all up in your face trying to get you to disagree with him and engage.

Another cousins wedding is coming up, and I just know he’ll try to do this, even though it is a wedding and should be a purely fun and joyful day. I’m thinking if he tries this on me, I can simply say, “Jake, today is about celebrating Anna and Steve, and if you want to dance or eat cake, I’m here for that. But if you want to talk about politics or social issues, I’m afraid I can’t indulge you today.” I know that’s kind of pointed, but this guy ruins every event, honestly. He makes even fellow conservatives uncomfortable because he his so outlandishly rude. As far as I know, no one has ever said this to them or to his wife, but nobody likes having him around. He’s a special type of jerky that even if you agree with his view, you are annoyed by his “look at me, I’m so scandalous” behavior. Many relatives have talked about how tired they are of his antics. Is there a better way to shut this down?

[Anonymous]

That's a mild shut down

[Anonymous]

That sounds like a polite and rational response especially if said with a smile. I wouldnt even call it a "line". Feel free to say this and know that youre not being even slightly rude. Have a fun time at the wedding.

[Anonymous]

That's not pointed. Not at all. I think it's too wordy.

"Jake, we're never talking politics again. Ever. Go away."

[Anonymous]

This is very mild, if he can't say 'got it', then just walk away, no need to engage.

[Anonymous]

Thank you all. I love my cousin, and she and I keep in touch. I don’t even think this guy was so bad maybe 10 years ago, but man…he has become 100% insufferable. I have had positive interactions with every other conservative family member…if political or social-issue topics ever come up, we can have productive conversations. I’ve never felt that anyone else was in “gotcha” or mocking mode about these kinds of things. We don’t always have to agree, and things like that rarely even come up. But this guy is such a jerk that even people who mostly align with him politically try to avoid him. I feel bad for my cousin, because I think she senses that no one likes seeing him when he walks into a room.

[Anonymous]

He sounds like a bully. I'm not sure you need to actually even say so many words. Just stare and walk away. Every time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like a bully. I'm not sure you need to actually even say so many words. Just stare and walk away. Every time.

OKay, I read you love your cousin, so I can see how this would be too much for you. Maybe say "interesting." in a detached way and then walk away. He can make of that what he wishes.

[Anonymous]

I am so embarrassed for her. My husband is kind of shy and introverted at family functions, but at least he’s polite and pleasant. I don’t think you’d be out of bounds to simply say, “I’m not here for that, Billy.” Every time and walk away.

[Anonymous]

He’s a bully. Use fewer words. Joe, I don’t want to engage with you on this now, or ever. Walk away. If he follows you, just ignore and turn your back.

[Anonymous]

Just say thanks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like a bully. I'm not sure you need to actually even say so many words. Just stare and walk away. Every time.

OKay, I read you love your cousin, so I can see how this would be too much for you. Maybe say "interesting." in a detached way and then walk away. He can make of that what he wishes.

This. The fewer words the better. The more you say the more he has to work with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just say thanks

Thanks for what? I wouldn’t thank some jerk for ruining tons of family events. It’s one thing to walk away or ignore him or use a line, but no “thanks.”

[Anonymous]

That's not a line. You're being too nice. And too wordy.

Just say "I don't want to talk politics with you." and either change the subject or find someone else to talk to or just walk away. If he continues, say "please stop. We are here to celebrate x and x today, not talk politics."

[Anonymous]

I look at them as if they're interesting specimens I might dissect later, and I turn around and talk to someone else. I have done that. It's very effective.