Are kids who go to private school better behaved in general?

[Anonymous]

The % of drug/alcohol users and shoplifters was higher in my younger daughter's 2 private high schools as compared to my older daughters 2 public high schools. (We're a military family.) I will disclaim my younger daughter would have found the same type of person at either school, but I still feel I can speak to the accuracy of my comment due to both daughters playing the same sport all 4 years of their high school years. (Hence, having similar "crowds" to compare.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have kids in two different private elementary schools. In one school, the kids are extremely polite and well behaved. The other is full of bullies and bad behaving kids. We are leaving the school and putting our kid in public. The kids have to be nicer than what we have experienced.

Can you say which schools these are?

[Anonymous]

Also, I wonder what you mean better behaved? Private kids are better able to mask their bad behavior, they're sneakier, and when they are caught, repercussions are less severe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m curious if this is true. Do private schools have more strict behavioral policies or are the kids just naturally better behaved?

NOT IN LOWER SCHOOL. Behavior problems, bullying and lack of discipline galore. And no, it's not due to covid shutdowns and lack of socialization.

At the elementary level, good private schools are going to be more thoughtful about how they handle behavior problems. With small classes and more teacher attention to individual children, the teachers often have a better sense of the root of a behavior problem. Is the child impulsive (and possibly ADHD)? Is the child sensory-seeking and therefore is constantly banging into things and people? Is the child hungry or tired? Is it just a social maturity issue? A particularly bad clash of personalities that the kids don't have the maturity to handle?

The teachers (and administration) are much less likely to start from a base of "this is a bad child" or "this child needs to be disciplined/punished". They're more likely to turn to their SEL toolbox or to research-based practices for how to foster good behavior in young children.

I do think there's sizable variance in how much individual teachers and school administrations reach out to parents to address issues -- i.e. at one point does someone say, "Your kid is pushing other kids in the classroom, and we think you should get an assessment for ADHD?" (And then subsequently, how long the school gives the family to try to resolve such issues, before taking action.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m curious if this is true. Do private schools have more strict behavioral policies or are the kids just naturally better behaved?

NOT IN LOWER SCHOOL. Behavior problems, bullying and lack of discipline galore. And no, it's not due to covid shutdowns and lack of socialization.

At the elementary level, good private schools are going to be more thoughtful about how they handle behavior problems. With small classes and more teacher attention to individual children, the teachers often have a better sense of the root of a behavior problem. Is the child impulsive (and possibly ADHD)? Is the child sensory-seeking and therefore is constantly banging into things and people? Is the child hungry or tired? Is it just a social maturity issue? A particularly bad clash of personalities that the kids don't have the maturity to handle?

The teachers (and administration) are much less likely to start from a base of "this is a bad child" or "this child needs to be disciplined/punished". They're more likely to turn to their SEL toolbox or to research-based practices for how to foster good behavior in young children.

I do think there's sizable variance in how much individual teachers and school administrations reach out to parents to address issues -- i.e. at one point does someone say, "Your kid is pushing other kids in the classroom, and we think you should get an assessment for ADHD?" (And then subsequently, how long the school gives the family to try to resolve such issues, before taking action.)

This thoughtful approach exists at public schools, too.

I'll add that private schools are less likely to let in new students who exhibit disruptive behavior, because they have their choice of so many students. But exhibiting obviously disruptive behavior in elementary is different from doing more underhanded destructive things in middle and high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have kids in two different private elementary schools. In one school, the kids are extremely polite and well behaved. The other is full of bullies and bad behaving kids. We are leaving the school and putting our kid in public. The kids have to be nicer than what we have experienced.

We're almost at that point and see a natural break coming up before intermediate middle school starts. One school is very well run, other is very poorly run and it manifests in poorly behaving kids - all the kids can smell blood in a free-for-all private school. No way our top public ES and MS can be this bad plus having more kids will be better for a well-adjusted kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m curious if this is true. Do private schools have more strict behavioral policies or are the kids just naturally better behaved?

NOT IN LOWER SCHOOL. Behavior problems, bullying and lack of discipline galore. And no, it's not due to covid shutdowns and lack of socialization.

At the elementary level, good private schools are going to be more thoughtful about how they handle behavior problems. With small classes and more teacher attention to individual children, the teachers often have a better sense of the root of a behavior problem. Is the child impulsive (and possibly ADHD)? Is the child sensory-seeking and therefore is constantly banging into things and people? Is the child hungry or tired? Is it just a social maturity issue? A particularly bad clash of personalities that the kids don't have the maturity to handle?

The teachers (and administration) are much less likely to start from a base of "this is a bad child" or "this child needs to be disciplined/punished". They're more likely to turn to their SEL toolbox or to research-based practices for how to foster good behavior in young children.

I do think there's sizable variance in how much individual teachers and school administrations reach out to parents to address issues -- i.e. at one point does someone say, "Your kid is pushing other kids in the classroom, and we think you should get an assessment for ADHD?" (And then subsequently, how long the school gives the family to try to resolve such issues, before taking action.)

Ha! If ONLY this was the approach that one of my kids schools would take. They were not more thoughtful and very much developmentally inappropriate in how they have handled issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m curious if this is true. Do private schools have more strict behavioral policies or are the kids just naturally better behaved?

NOT IN LOWER SCHOOL. Behavior problems, bullying and lack of discipline galore. And no, it's not due to covid shutdowns and lack of socialization.

At the elementary level, good private schools are going to be more thoughtful about how they handle behavior problems. With small classes and more teacher attention to individual children, the teachers often have a better sense of the root of a behavior problem. Is the child impulsive (and possibly ADHD)? Is the child sensory-seeking and therefore is constantly banging into things and people? Is the child hungry or tired? Is it just a social maturity issue? A particularly bad clash of personalities that the kids don't have the maturity to handle?

The teachers (and administration) are much less likely to start from a base of "this is a bad child" or "this child needs to be disciplined/punished". They're more likely to turn to their SEL toolbox or to research-based practices for how to foster good behavior in young children.

I do think there's sizable variance in how much individual teachers and school administrations reach out to parents to address issues -- i.e. at one point does someone say, "Your kid is pushing other kids in the classroom, and we think you should get an assessment for ADHD?" (And then subsequently, how long the school gives the family to try to resolve such issues, before taking action.)

That implies progress by April or May, not flatlining or deterioration of misbehaviors, which was the case.

Time for a new "toolbox" with some effectiveness in it.

[Anonymous]

Please tell us about your new toolbox.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Better behaved in the classroom? Sure, due to a variety of factors (stricter policies, kids with more resources and oversight, etc.).

Better behaved outside of school? No.

This

Signed,
Private school parent

[Anonymous]

I am about as snobby as they come, and I think your question is snobbish and presumptuous OP. Parents pretty much determine how their kids act. Most people cannot afford private so do not hold it against them or their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, they are in that they know when to behave and how to do it. However, it doesn't mean that they are better kids. Just that the boundaries of acceptable behavior for them are tighter and heavily enforced.

I agree with this. It is what my kids tell me.

Our kids go to well-recognized DMV private schools and I am a teacher at a DMV public school. The differences in behavior is 180 degrees. Behavior is far better at private schools than at public schools.

The difference between behaviors isn't because the kids at my public school are bad kids, they have simply learned that they don't have to behave because there are no consequences. While at our kids' private schools, there are lots of consequences, that run the gamut from social to school consequences.

[Anonymous]

Yes because there is a screening process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes because there is a screening process.

Not during Covid year

[Anonymous]

We found that if the parents are big donors, a lot of bad behavior is excused.