Retired husband and younger wife still working - did this work for you long term?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm sorry but c'mon -- you married a much older man, and he retired at a reasonable age. He is who he is, and you should have seen this coming. Don't start nagging or attempting to control him about what he should or shouldn't be doing in HIS retirement years. And, yes, in 8 or 10 years from now when you're ready to retire he probably won't be ready/willing to drop everything and join in with you in "all the fun." He'll be in his friggin 70s with a decade worth of retirement already behind him.

Let the man live his own life the way he sees fit.

Yeah. OP here.

We don't know what the future will bring. I hope my husband doesn't do what his late father, my FIL, did. FIL was a successful businessman who worked until his early 70s. After he retired he had little interest in the world, and as years passed he didn't want to leave his house anymore, he complained about things in general (mainly to my MIL) and longed for the achievements and successes of his younger years.

[Anonymous]

Honestly why did you not think about this at all! Is it some big surprise that he got old, or that he's still exactly as much older than you as he's always been?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly why did you not think about this at all! Is it some big surprise that he got old, or that he's still exactly as much older than you as he's always been?

Agree. And so many other issues are bound to pop up over the next decade. I didn't want to be with an old fart so I married someone my age (well 1.5 years younger).

[Anonymous]

I get to travel around the country for work, I stay in nice hotels

If he were the traveling type, he'd be going with you. Some. Now. If he chooses not to, ever, this is about him wanting to do other things in retirement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
If he were the traveling type, he'd be going with you. Some. Now. If he chooses not to, ever, this is about him wanting to do other things in retirement.

Totally depends on the destination. If it's work travel to San Diego or Hawaii, ok yeah I'll come along. If it's to Knoxville or Fort Wayne, nah, I'll pass.

[Anonymous]

I'm the older, retired spouse and my wife works from home. She resents my being retired and is annoyed by every move I make in the house. I'm not social but try to get out of the house as much as I can. Walking, riding the bus into the city centre, mowing the grass at church, doing all the house work, doing my own laundry, keeping up the garden, watercolour painting, reading voraciously, riding my Harley Davidson, taking our dog on "adventure walks". All this and she still "hates on me every time she drinks". I feel like an old dog being kicked around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are you worried about?

That he won't find any hobbies or have much social interaction when I'm away for my job. Right now he's not showing any interest in joining social groups, going to classes, volunteering, making new friends outside work.

That he'll turn into a couch potato and become physically unfit.

That once I retire in 8 or 10 years he will feel 'too old' to start doing things together like travelling, hiking, etc. If I retire in 10 years he will be 73.

That we'll miss out on doing things together while we're still relatively young (which is now). The time for him to do all the things he didn't have time for when he was working is NOW. Life is too short.

That his health could decline and we won't be able to do fun things together once I retire.

My DH and I are 13 years apart; I'm 52 and he's 65. He hasn't retired yet, but likely will in the next 3-4 years or so. All of these concerns you enumerate just kind of come with the territory with the age difference. We try to take time off from work and take a major trip at least once a year now. We try to hike on the weekends whenever there is a long weekend, etc. This is made easier by the fact that I have a flexible job. But for us -- we are doing as much as we can now even though both of us still work. We aren't saving it all for retirement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the older, retired spouse and my wife works from home. She resents my being retired and is annoyed by every move I make in the house. I'm not social but try to get out of the house as much as I can. Walking, riding the bus into the city centre, mowing the grass at church, doing all the house work, doing my own laundry, keeping up the garden, watercolour painting, reading voraciously, riding my Harley Davidson, taking our dog on "adventure walks". All this and she still "hates on me every time she drinks". I feel like an old dog being kicked around.

See the likely heart of the problem, above. It isn't your work status.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the older, retired spouse and my wife works from home. She resents my being retired and is annoyed by every move I make in the house. I'm not social but try to get out of the house as much as I can. Walking, riding the bus into the city centre, mowing the grass at church, doing all the house work, doing my own laundry, keeping up the garden, watercolour painting, reading voraciously, riding my Harley Davidson, taking our dog on "adventure walks". All this and she still "hates on me every time she drinks". I feel like an old dog being kicked around.

Shoulda married your own age.

[Anonymous]

He's earned whatever retirement he wants

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the older, retired spouse and my wife works from home. She resents my being retired and is annoyed by every move I make in the house. I'm not social but try to get out of the house as much as I can. Walking, riding the bus into the city centre, mowing the grass at church, doing all the house work, doing my own laundry, keeping up the garden, watercolour painting, reading voraciously, riding my Harley Davidson, taking our dog on "adventure walks". All this and she still "hates on me every time she drinks". I feel like an old dog being kicked around.

Shoulda married your own age.

This does not guarantee you will move through retirement at the same pace. Have seen many couples within 3 years in age of each other where one is not healthy/chronically ill and worse. There are no guarantees in life. Good luck!