Retired husband and younger wife still working - did this work for you long term?

[Anonymous]

My husband retired this year. He is 63 years old.

I am 54 and I still work. I enjoy my job and I am hoping to work for at least another 8 to 10 years. I am self-employed and I partially work from home. I work away regularly as it is a huge part of my job. As a matter of fact, it IS the job. I do my preparatory work at home. When I work away it could be anything from 3 to 7 days. I enjoy what I do and I am good at it.

My husband retired 2 months ago and it's early days. Have any of you been in this situation where one spouse retired much earlier than the other and how did it work out?

We don't have kids so no grandchildren either.

My husband doesn't have real 'hobbies'. He likes working and sitting in our (small) yard, reading and binge watching tv.

[Anonymous]

What are you worried about?

[Anonymous]

If you’re both happy, I don’t see a problem. The complaints I hear from friends is when someone isn’t pulling their weight or trying to control the other person’s schedule.

[Anonymous]

Gardening and reading aren’t hobbies?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are you worried about?

That he won't find any hobbies or have much social interaction when I'm away for my job. Right now he's not showing any interest in joining social groups, going to classes, volunteering, making new friends outside work.

That he'll turn into a couch potato and become physically unfit.

That once I retire in 8 or 10 years he will feel 'too old' to start doing things together like travelling, hiking, etc. If I retire in 10 years he will be 73.

That we'll miss out on doing things together while we're still relatively young (which is now). The time for him to do all the things he didn't have time for when he was working is NOW. Life is too short.

That his health could decline and we won't be able to do fun things together once I retire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are you worried about?

That he won't find any hobbies or have much social interaction when I'm away for my job. Right now he's not showing any interest in joining social groups, going to classes, volunteering, making new friends outside work.

That he'll turn into a couch potato and become physically unfit.

That once I retire in 8 or 10 years he will feel 'too old' to start doing things together like travelling, hiking, etc. If I retire in 10 years he will be 73.

That we'll miss out on doing things together while we're still relatively young (which is now). The time for him to do all the things he didn't have time for when he was working is NOW. Life is too short.

That his health could decline and we won't be able to do fun things together once I retire.

I think this is a real possibility. Have you talked about it with him? Hopefully, he'll get bored soon (after the newness wears off) and he'll start finding things to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gardening and reading aren’t hobbies?

OP here. Kind of. They're not exactly social activities. I like doing crosswords and sudoku but I don't consider them to be hobbies.

I think social interaction and having friends is important.

[Anonymous]

OP, first of all you have no responsibility here re: how he spends his day. You do not judge. In your case, your life continues as it always has. He is the one who needs to navigate something new. And I can not repeat this enough: you are not to judge.

Arranging your vacation time, especially if traveling together some is important to him, that could be a focus. Maximizing trip experiences. I hope if he otherwise enjoys traveling, he feels happy to do that solo too.

[Anonymous]

I saw with both my parents that it takes a few months to settle into retirement. At 2 months, he is just starting to get used to his changed routine. He will slowly find other people in a similar situation to him and start to make new social connections.

[Anonymous]

DH met alot of the neighbors. Beyond the few houses next to ours. He discovered there was a library close by. Things he never bothered with when he was working.

The neighbors now know him better than they know me. It was not so much picking out who he would get along with best, but knowing lots of people who he sees on daily walks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are you worried about?

That he won't find any hobbies or have much social interaction when I'm away for my job. Right now he's not showing any interest in joining social groups, going to classes, volunteering, making new friends outside work.

That he'll turn into a couch potato and become physically unfit.

That once I retire in 8 or 10 years he will feel 'too old' to start doing things together like travelling, hiking, etc. If I retire in 10 years he will be 73.

That we'll miss out on doing things together while we're still relatively young (which is now). The time for him to do all the things he didn't have time for when he was working is NOW. Life is too short.

That his health could decline and we won't be able to do fun things together once I retire.

Do you really expect him to be the man he is today in 10 years? Do the hiking and traveling now even if it means you take off some time from your work. There are no guarantees he will be able to keep up with you when you are ready to retire.

[Anonymous]

Take your active vacations now.

[Anonymous]

Retire friend told me he wished his wife would retire too. She was still working and in a job that reguired her to do alot of traveling.with him. I ask, "what would you want to do if you were both retired?" He said, "travel".

It had never occured to him that he could probably find some trips of hers to tag along. That he would want to go on. Be the tag along spouse, on her business trips. Extend the trip some, add-in some other locations, do some sightseeing on your own. Make it work.

[Anonymous]

worried about ... it's in his power, Op. To do a much or as little as he wants, in your eyes. And besides, it's your opinion. Maybe he's always wanted to watch all movies Alred Hitchcock ever produced. Whatever it is, he's earned it.

[Anonymous]

This was my parents. My Dad retired when our family moved because it was getting complicated (wasn't worth it) to get his license to practice in a different state. He binged watched TV for a bit, hung around the house, listened to the news while gardening. Eventually he met some friends and would meet up for breakfast/coffee. He joined a gym, grocery shopped, cooked dinners and tried his hand at doing laundry (usually my mom had done this). They also met new couples that they hung out with socially. They traveled a bit too.