Is it wrong to want an inheritance early?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s that bad.

You got a problem too PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have more sympathy for OP than most. The way actual wealthy people take care of their kids and grandkids is to give them help young - college paid for, down payment, private school and college for grandkids. This pays dividends over time, and benefits the kids when they most need it. Inheriting a large sum when you're 50 and kids are in college or past it is not the most efficient use of that money.

OP, your MIL doesn't think like that. You have accept it. But it's ok to be disappointed.

Your MIL may well need the money for end of life care. If you do inherit, pay it forward to your kids instead of sitting on it.

1. Her MIL isn't "actual wealthy" in the sense that your first paragraph outlines. $5M at retirement age is "won't be a burden on your kids, and may leave them something" wealth, not "pay for colleges for multiple kids, then private school and college for all THEIR kids" wealth.

2. Where's the consternation that OP's parents don't have the right mindset to shower her and her DH with money? Why are you joining OP's bizarre worldview where her DH's mom is at fault for using her own money for her own needs, but OP's parents get no judgment for . . . anything? Even for raising a terrible daughter?

3. The idea that you think OP would give her money to her kids based on what she's written here is laughable.

[Anonymous]

You can't pull it off even though you make $400k a year?

You suck at money.

[Anonymous]

https://www.nytimes.com/2022/05/27/upshot/housing-market-slow-moving.html?searchResultPosition=1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can't pull it off even though you make $400k a year?

You suck at money.

OP sucks as a person

[Anonymous]

Wow, it’s amazing you have access to a crystal ball and can accurately forecast her health into the future, up to the day she dies and beyond to her funeral! Would you mind if I could take a peek to see how my parents and DH’s parents will fare, health-wise? That way I can count their pennies as my own instead of worrying that surgeries, illnesses, dementia or other complications will change the landscape of the care they will need until they die.

[Anonymous]

Wrong to wish? Wish anything you want. But very wrong to focus on this. You are not entitled to it in any way.

[Anonymous]

OP, realistically you DON’T know that you will be getting any inheritance at all. One stroke or other significant medical event could potentially leave your husband’s mother needing housing and around the clock care for years. Even without nursing care, she could easily need supervised retirement housing for a decade.

Then you’re looking at what’s left being split among four people plus a charitable account.

I think you are vastly overestimating what could be coming your way, much less wanting it ahead of time.

MIL is being smart by managing her funds so she isn’t a burden to her four kids in any way as she enters her 80s.

[Anonymous]

^ actually five people - four children plus a sibling. Then charity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I work very hard and expect to pull in around $400k next year between the two of us.

We would like to move to larger house in an nicer neighborhood, but we can’t financially pull it off even though we work hard and save pretty well.

We have two kids who could benefit from a larger home.

DH’s mom is a widow, nearly 80 and lives in a nice but not super fancy retirement community.

She’s fit and healthy, takes care of herself, sees her grandkids maybe four times per year but doesn’t get super involved and likes her ample free time.

When her husband passed, she inherited $5M, which has grown to $6M over the past few years. When she dies, the plan is to divide up the estate between DH and his three siblings, provide some for her own sibling who is even older than she is and give an ample amount away to charity.

With two young kids and costs for child care/food/gas going through the roof, it would be nice to get some of the inheritance early from her to help provide a stronger cushion and help with a down payment.

We know we will inherit around $1M eventually but it could be another 20 years from now.

DH is adamant about buying a bigger house on earned income instead of her financial gifts but it will take several years to do that and by then we might not want a bigger house and a yard since the kids will be teenagers by then.

Is it wrong to wish we could receive more inheritance now to live out our dreams?

I have seen a few peers get financial help with a down payment to secure the large single family home that they could not afford on their own.

My god, you are beyond avaricious. I hope she somehow sees what you wrote. Quite frankly, I would leave you $1.00. you are a vulture.

[Anonymous]

YES, IT'S WRONG for the myriad of reasons already outlined.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Why don’t you ask her for a loan?

Better still, why doesn't she go to a bank for a loan!

[Anonymous]

Not wrong to want it, but wrong as hell to ask for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I work very hard and expect to pull in around $400k next year between the two of us.

We would like to move to larger house in an nicer neighborhood, but we can’t financially pull it off even though we work hard and save pretty well.

We have two kids who could benefit from a larger home.

DH’s mom is a widow, nearly 80 and lives in a nice but not super fancy retirement community.

She’s fit and healthy, takes care of herself, sees her grandkids maybe four times per year but doesn’t get super involved and likes her ample free time.

When her husband passed, she inherited $5M, which has grown to $6M over the past few years. When she dies, the plan is to divide up the estate between DH and his three siblings, provide some for her own sibling who is even older than she is and give an ample amount away to charity.

With two young kids and costs for child care/food/gas going through the roof, it would be nice to get some of the inheritance early from her to help provide a stronger cushion and help with a down payment.

We know we will inherit around $1M eventually but it could be another 20 years from now.

DH is adamant about buying a bigger house on earned income instead of her financial gifts but it will take several years to do that and by then we might not want a bigger house and a yard since the kids will be teenagers by then.

Is it wrong to wish we could receive more inheritance now to live out our dreams? YES! It is very wrong. So selfish.

I have seen a few peers get financial help with a down payment to secure the large single family home that they could not afford on their own.

[Anonymous]

Your spouse should get rid of you asap