Concerned for H’s mental health. What to do?

[Anonymous]

What does he work in? Maybe something happened there that he can’t talk about.

Not saying your guy is a drone operator, but… listen to a podcast or read about it on NYT. They can’t talk about some crazy stuff.

Maybe your H doesn’t need or have TSC but.. the pattern fits with this one guy’s story from the nyt coverage. Self-medicating, shame(?), keeping you at a distance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does he work in? Maybe something happened there that he can’t talk about.

Not saying your guy is a drone operator, but… listen to a podcast or read about it on NYT. They can’t talk about some crazy stuff.

Maybe your H doesn’t need or have TSC but.. the pattern fits with this one guy’s story from the nyt coverage. Self-medicating, shame(?), keeping you at a distance.

No, nothing like that. He has a job that’s pretty easy, allows him to do things he loves, and pays well.

Honestly I can understand if his boss is frustrated because he does have a tendency to wander off, not do things, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am dealing with a similar situation. DH has gotten on a kick where he responds to every single question, or just anything I, or anyone else, says by responding "Da-dee sang bass" in a very, very looooowwww voice.

How was your meeting? "Da-dee sang bass"
Are you planning to go the grocery store any time soon? "Da-dee sang bass"
Have you seen my keys anywhere? "Da-dee sang bass"

He also insists on wearing his shirts as "pants", with his legs coming through the sleeves. It's only around the house, but I am concerned.

He put a pair of my underwear on his head and said "This hat is too tight!" in full view of a neighbor. What to do?

Saw your other post too. So...t-shirts as pants. Well, thank God he at least uses a belt. Thanks for the detail. It's too much detail and I'm betting you know that most here assume you are a troll, mocking mental illness, right? Ending with "What to do?" is too breezy, by the way. Work harder next time on your writing skills if you're going to troll like this.

If a real DH were as far gone, mentally, as doing all the things you claim, he should already have been admitted to an inpatient mental health hospital. On the infinitesimally slim chance you are for real, you should have committed him for non-negotiable help already. But your post smacks loudly of fabricated TV-sitcom ideas of what "crazy" looks like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am dealing with a similar situation. DH has gotten on a kick where he responds to every single question, or just anything I, or anyone else, says by responding "Da-dee sang bass" in a very, very looooowwww voice.

How was your meeting? "Da-dee sang bass"
Are you planning to go the grocery store any time soon? "Da-dee sang bass"
Have you seen my keys anywhere? "Da-dee sang bass"

He also insists on wearing his shirts as "pants", with his legs coming through the sleeves. It's only around the house, but I am concerned.

He put a pair of my underwear on his head and said "This hat is too tight!" in full view of a neighbor. What to do?

Saw your other post too. So...t-shirts as pants. Well, thank God he at least uses a belt. Thanks for the detail. It's too much detail and I'm betting you know that most here assume you are a troll, mocking mental illness, right? Ending with "What to do?" is too breezy, by the way. Work harder next time on your writing skills if you're going to troll like this.

If a real DH were as far gone, mentally, as doing all the things you claim, he should already have been admitted to an inpatient mental health hospital. On the infinitesimally slim chance you are for real, you should have committed him for non-negotiable help already. But your post smacks loudly of fabricated TV-sitcom ideas of what "crazy" looks like.

I forget if I saw it here or on Reddit, but I remember a post where a husband acted like that for a year, talking complete nonsense and doing crazy sh!t like underwear as a hat. The wife was freaking out, and a year into it, finally her husband confessed he had a bet with a friend that he could act like that for a year and she wouldn’t divorce him. Begged her to stay so he could win the bet. I believe she left him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am dealing with a similar situation. DH has gotten on a kick where he responds to every single question, or just anything I, or anyone else, says by responding "Da-dee sang bass" in a very, very looooowwww voice.

How was your meeting? "Da-dee sang bass"
Are you planning to go the grocery store any time soon? "Da-dee sang bass"
Have you seen my keys anywhere? "Da-dee sang bass"

He also insists on wearing his shirts as "pants", with his legs coming through the sleeves. It's only around the house, but I am concerned.

He put a pair of my underwear on his head and said "This hat is too tight!" in full view of a neighbor. What to do?

Saw your other post too. So...t-shirts as pants. Well, thank God he at least uses a belt. Thanks for the detail. It's too much detail and I'm betting you know that most here assume you are a troll, mocking mental illness, right? Ending with "What to do?" is too breezy, by the way. Work harder next time on your writing skills if you're going to troll like this.

If a real DH were as far gone, mentally, as doing all the things you claim, he should already have been admitted to an inpatient mental health hospital. On the infinitesimally slim chance you are for real, you should have committed him for non-negotiable help already. But your post smacks loudly of fabricated TV-sitcom ideas of what "crazy" looks like.

I forget if I saw it here or on Reddit, but I remember a post where a husband acted like that for a year, talking complete nonsense and doing crazy sh!t like underwear as a hat. The wife was freaking out, and a year into it, finally her husband confessed he had a bet with a friend that he could act like that for a year and she wouldn’t divorce him. Begged her to stay so he could win the bet. I believe she left him.

Any person who would do that for that length of time (or any length of time beyond...five minutes) is truly out of whack mentally and emotionally. If that story is true, I hope the wife DID leave him. It's insanely immature behavior. Not just the nonsensical actions but the choice to keep them up for so long and to give that kind of priority to a bet with a buddy, over the welfare of the marriage or the wife's stress dealing with what she thought were genuine problems. Got to be a fictional story though...right? One can hope. I'm just pi$$ed at the PP who is laying on the nonsense here, when the OP is dealing with very real and potentially life-altering mental health issues in her very real DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am dealing with a similar situation. DH has gotten on a kick where he responds to every single question, or just anything I, or anyone else, says by responding "Da-dee sang bass" in a very, very looooowwww voice.

How was your meeting? "Da-dee sang bass"
Are you planning to go the grocery store any time soon? "Da-dee sang bass"
Have you seen my keys anywhere? "Da-dee sang bass"

He also insists on wearing his shirts as "pants", with his legs coming through the sleeves. It's only around the house, but I am concerned.

He put a pair of my underwear on his head and said "This hat is too tight!" in full view of a neighbor. What to do?

I'm sorry but this doesn't sound similar at all.

He also insists on wearing his shirts as "pants", with his legs coming through the sleeves. It's only around the house, but I am concerned.

OK, I should've said DH uses t-shirts (not regular shirts) as pants, held up with a belt. With regular dress shirts he says he can't his legs through the sleeves. I am losing my mind with this insanity.

Serious questions - does he take the pants off to pee, or does he just pee through the head hole?

Yes. He calls it the "escape hatch" which doesn't help. I am just so tired of it and all his "Da-dee sang bass" responses to everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am dealing with a similar situation. DH has gotten on a kick where he responds to every single question, or just anything I, or anyone else, says by responding "Da-dee sang bass" in a very, very looooowwww voice.

How was your meeting? "Da-dee sang bass"
Are you planning to go the grocery store any time soon? "Da-dee sang bass"
Have you seen my keys anywhere? "Da-dee sang bass"

He also insists on wearing his shirts as "pants", with his legs coming through the sleeves. It's only around the house, but I am concerned.

He put a pair of my underwear on his head and said "This hat is too tight!" in full view of a neighbor. What to do?

Saw your other post too. So...t-shirts as pants. Well, thank God he at least uses a belt. Thanks for the detail. It's too much detail and I'm betting you know that most here assume you are a troll, mocking mental illness, right? Ending with "What to do?" is too breezy, by the way. Work harder next time on your writing skills if you're going to troll like this.

If a real DH were as far gone, mentally, as doing all the things you claim, he should already have been admitted to an inpatient mental health hospital. On the infinitesimally slim chance you are for real, you should have committed him for non-negotiable help already. But your post smacks loudly of fabricated TV-sitcom ideas of what "crazy" looks like.

I forget if I saw it here or on Reddit, but I remember a post where a husband acted like that for a year, talking complete nonsense and doing crazy sh!t like underwear as a hat. The wife was freaking out, and a year into it, finally her husband confessed he had a bet with a friend that he could act like that for a year and she wouldn’t divorce him. Begged her to stay so he could win the bet. I believe she left him.

Any person who would do that for that length of time (or any length of time beyond...five minutes) is truly out of whack mentally and emotionally. If that story is true, I hope the wife DID leave him. It's insanely immature behavior. Not just the nonsensical actions but the choice to keep them up for so long and to give that kind of priority to a bet with a buddy, over the welfare of the marriage or the wife's stress dealing with what she thought were genuine problems. Got to be a fictional story though...right? One can hope. I'm just pi$$ed at the PP who is laying on the nonsense here, when the OP is dealing with very real and potentially life-altering mental health issues in her very real DH.

OP. Honestly the crazy husband with the shirt for pants made me laugh and brightened my day, ha.

Anyway. Caught H smoking in the garage late last night. He didn’t get to bed until almost 3am. I told him I’m done with taking care of the kids so he can sleep in if this is how he’s going to behave and he better be up at the crack of dawn to help out. Sure enough, he was up, actually did some cleaning, and started working on house projects. Amazing how he’s suddenly able to do those things when I stop trying to “help”.

But, I left the house for the day and I’ll probably leave tomorrow, too. I think a weekend of having some actual responsibility will do him good.

[Anonymous]

So glad to hear it OP. I am PP and you inspired me to confront DH when we walked/waddled through the living room in his t-shirt "pants." I told him I was sick of it and he needed to start dressing normally. I said please, please, let's make this work and he looked at me and said in this fake low voice "Da-dee sang bass." And I lost it. I screamed my lungs out out of frustration and hurt. Then he ran back into the bedroom and has stayed in there. A bit after he heard me walk past the shut bedroom door and I heard him say, from inside the bedroom, "Da-dee sang bass." I am not sure where to turn.

[Anonymous]

He walked/waddled

[Anonymous]

NP.
Has he been evaluated for ADD/ADHD? He sounds very similar to my friend who takes Lexapro, Wellbutrin, and Focalin and still insists he needs to use cannabis daily (has a medical card). Without the Focalin, he had a difficult time finding motivation and not sleeping in. Maybe a low dose extended release ADHD med would help your DH.

Also, absolutely speak with a family law attorney and an estate planner ASAP. I just passed the 13 month point of being separated from my DH, and final divorce is still 1-2 years away. DH’s un-treated mental health struggles have made the process extremely complicated and also incredibly expensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. Well he just left the house to go to a dispensary and liquor store. Says he can handle it. We argued a little but I got tired of it. I can't control him.

I'm worried this is going to go downhill fast.

The fact that he was looking for your signoff on substance use in the first place was a very bad sign.

Al-Anon for you. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

OP,
Can he be trusted with the kids if he is using and drinking?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So glad to hear it OP. I am PP and you inspired me to confront DH when we walked/waddled through the living room in his t-shirt "pants." I told him I was sick of it and he needed to start dressing normally. I said please, please, let's make this work and he looked at me and said in this fake low voice "Da-dee sang bass." And I lost it. I screamed my lungs out out of frustration and hurt. Then he ran back into the bedroom and has stayed in there. A bit after he heard me walk past the shut bedroom door and I heard him say, from inside the bedroom, "Da-dee sang bass." I am not sure where to turn.

If you are not a troll, your husband is having major issues. He could be having neurological problems. Please treat this like the emergency it is and not some cutesy thing to post about online. Make an appointment with his primary care doctor and tell them about all this bizarre behavior. If he’s having a real health crisis, they can figure it out, and if not, having to “sober up” and present well to doctors might change things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound incredibly supportive and he's fortunate. Please don't forget that YOU are a person in this family too, with your needs. At the risk of sounding cold (but it's easy for me to do since I'm a stranger) but I think you might want to start telling him he needs to commit to getting a handle on his issues rather than burdening you with them and seeking permission to do things he knows aren't in his or his family's best interest, because your support tank is running dry and your resentment tank is starting to fill. And you mention that you have kids?! Kids pick up on more than we think. Have you checked in with them about their joyless, do nothing father? Separation might be best for everyone involved.

Thanks I wouldn’t say he’s joyless around the kids. It’s more like, I’m trying to be supportive by letting him sleep in, which means I care for the kids all morning. Which is fine once in awhile, but every weekend is wearing on me.

https://coda.org/

[Anonymous]

Being 20 years into this, if you don't have children, please leave. I know it isn't the PC answer, but it is a long hard lonely road. There isn't enough love in the world to make up for the neglect and loneliness that the depressed person brings when they aren't physically or emotionally present. It is an incredibly sad way to survive. I am sorry OP.