Concerned for H’s mental health. What to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


Don’t fall into the weed trap- small amounts may mimic an anti-depressant but large amounts may worsen depression. Why did he originally stop taking anti-depressants? I would insist on a psychiatrist and anti-depressants, once he is stabilized let him discuss marijuana use with his doctor.

OP. I completely forgot to mention that. He is still on his anti depressants, but has been talking about how he misses the “highs” of his more manic periods. He recognizes that the medication levels him out overall so his lows aren’t as bad but he wants the highs again. This is very concerning to me, and I’m worried he’ll go off his meds without the guidance of a doctor.

He sounds bipolar. He needs to get a second opinion that he’s not. He likely needs something other than an SSRI.

[Anonymous]

I am dealing with a similar situation. DH has gotten on a kick where he responds to every single question, or just anything I, or anyone else, says by responding "Da-dee sang bass" in a very, very looooowwww voice.

How was your meeting? "Da-dee sang bass"
Are you planning to go the grocery store any time soon? "Da-dee sang bass"
Have you seen my keys anywhere? "Da-dee sang bass"

He also insists on wearing his shirts as "pants", with his legs coming through the sleeves. It's only around the house, but I am concerned.

He put a pair of my underwear on his head and said "This hat is too tight!" in full view of a neighbor. What to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I asked him about getting back into therapy but his old therapist has a long waiting list.

Every therapist I've worked with has been able to fit me in when I've contacted them after a period of time without appointments. Now, I may have to wait a few weeks, but they've always worked me in. I don't think a therapist will just put a pervious patient at the end of their waiting list...that doesn't sound right. I'd have him reach out again, especially to communicate that there are issues going on to address, or at least be added to a cancellation list (if someone cancelled, therapist could talk to your H). Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am dealing with a similar situation. DH has gotten on a kick where he responds to every single question, or just anything I, or anyone else, says by responding "Da-dee sang bass" in a very, very looooowwww voice.

How was your meeting? "Da-dee sang bass"
Are you planning to go the grocery store any time soon? "Da-dee sang bass"
Have you seen my keys anywhere? "Da-dee sang bass"

He also insists on wearing his shirts as "pants", with his legs coming through the sleeves. It's only around the house, but I am concerned.

He put a pair of my underwear on his head and said "This hat is too tight!" in full view of a neighbor. What to do?

I'm sorry but this doesn't sound similar at all.

[Anonymous]

OP. Well he just left the house to go to a dispensary and liquor store. Says he can handle it. We argued a little but I got tired of it. I can't control him.

I'm worried this is going to go downhill fast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. Well he just left the house to go to a dispensary and liquor store. Says he can handle it. We argued a little but I got tired of it. I can't control him.

I'm worried this is going to go downhill fast.

It probably is. I would talk to a family law attorney--not because you are necessarily going to get a divorce, but to document his behavior and protect your funds in the event that things get worse.

[Anonymous]

Second the speaking with a family lawyer who has experience with mental illness. Bipolar and $ are not a good mix and he could burn through money quickly. He likely IS bipolar and is self medicating, try to get names of local doctors to try to get him seen. Perhaps the doctor mentioned above could recommend someone good in your area?

Sounds like his job may be on the line or soon will be if he goes on a bender. Do what you can to protect you and the kids re: safety and protecting finances.

Make sure to get yourself some support OP. Is there a place you and the kids can go for the long weekend? You may want to reach out to NAMI asap as well, it might be another source of doc names too. https://www.nami.org/Home

I am so sorry, mental illness is so hard and it's almost like an addiction to the mania or hypomania that makes bipolar esp hard. Please come back and let us know how you are doing. Wishing for the best for all of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. Well he just left the house to go to a dispensary and liquor store. Says he can handle it. We argued a little but I got tired of it. I can't control him.

I'm worried this is going to go downhill fast.

It probably is. I would talk to a family law attorney--not because you are necessarily going to get a divorce, but to document his behavior and protect your funds in the event that things get worse.

Thank you. I got an inheritance recently and almost co-mingled it; I am thanking my lucky stars I decided to keep it separate, despite feeling horribly guilty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. Well he just left the house to go to a dispensary and liquor store. Says he can handle it. We argued a little but I got tired of it. I can't control him.

I'm worried this is going to go downhill fast.

It probably is. I would talk to a family law attorney--not because you are necessarily going to get a divorce, but to document his behavior and protect your funds in the event that things get worse.

This, OP, above. Protect funds pronto. It is sadly all too common for people with mental illness to spend recklessly. I posted earlier about my friend who was misdiagnosed as depressed for years but who actually has bipolar disorder. She absolutely devastated her finances with wild spending when manic and finally got the wake-up call (and the correct diagnosis) when she was was fired from a job, and sued, for misusing a company credit card for personal purposes. She was totally responsible and level-headed and honest when she wasn't manic, but the illness sparked some behaviors that will follow her professionally forever.

If your DH's job involves handling money, even he's not bipolar in the end, whatever the diagnosis, you need to be aware that he could end up doing very damaging things to family finances and his career and earning potential as well.

I'm so sorry he is going out to, let's be blunt, get what he needs to self-medicate. Only, if he's pulled over and is already high or has been drinking, the cops won't take "self-medicating" as an excuse.

You can't control him but you can control what you do next. You have three kids. He just lost any right or privilege to drive them anywhere, I hope. Which puts such a burden on YOU. I'm so sorry. In your shoes I would have to tell him to take his "I can handle it" elsewhere to self-medicate. I'd really try to talk to his doctor. Your DH sounds like he may need an intervention and possibly an inpatient stay to get a solid diagnosis and correct meds and enough time for those meds to work. I know that sounds extreme but he is self-medicating in ways that could get him fired, arrested or even killed. Will he drive home from the dispensary and liquor store high and/or drunk, do you think? He clearly doesn't think so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. Well he just left the house to go to a dispensary and liquor store. Says he can handle it. We argued a little but I got tired of it. I can't control him.

I'm worried this is going to go downhill fast.

It probably is. I would talk to a family law attorney--not because you are necessarily going to get a divorce, but to document his behavior and protect your funds in the event that things get worse.

This, OP, above. Protect funds pronto. It is sadly all too common for people with mental illness to spend recklessly. I posted earlier about my friend who was misdiagnosed as depressed for years but who actually has bipolar disorder. She absolutely devastated her finances with wild spending when manic and finally got the wake-up call (and the correct diagnosis) when she was was fired from a job, and sued, for misusing a company credit card for personal purposes. She was totally responsible and level-headed and honest when she wasn't manic, but the illness sparked some behaviors that will follow her professionally forever.

If your DH's job involves handling money, even he's not bipolar in the end, whatever the diagnosis, you need to be aware that he could end up doing very damaging things to family finances and his career and earning potential as well.

I'm so sorry he is going out to, let's be blunt, get what he needs to self-medicate. Only, if he's pulled over and is already high or has been drinking, the cops won't take "self-medicating" as an excuse.

You can't control him but you can control what you do next. You have three kids. He just lost any right or privilege to drive them anywhere, I hope. Which puts such a burden on YOU. I'm so sorry. In your shoes I would have to tell him to take his "I can handle it" elsewhere to self-medicate. I'd really try to talk to his doctor. Your DH sounds like he may need an intervention and possibly an inpatient stay to get a solid diagnosis and correct meds and enough time for those meds to work. I know that sounds extreme but he is self-medicating in ways that could get him fired, arrested or even killed. Will he drive home from the dispensary and liquor store high and/or drunk, do you think? He clearly doesn't think so.

OP. Yes, absolutely, I’ll be doing the driving from now on. I made it clear to him that any legal trouble is 100% on him and I won’t be helping out.

I’m very worried because he’s also acting in a way I’ve never seen him act. I posted earlier that I’ve never seen him angry, and today I did for the first time. It wasn’t intense, but he came in and started ranting about how he can’t enjoy the yard because the dogs are usually out playing in it, he’s sick of our two dogs, and I’m crazy to think he would have another baby with me when I neglect our dogs (I’ve always wanted three kids, one of ours is his from a previous marriage, he said no after 2 and it’s something I’ve been grieving as I come to the end of my fertility). It’s true our dogs have been somewhat neglected, but that’s because I stopped getting up early to take them on walks so I could handle the kids and he could sleep in.

He’s never spoken to me like this before. Do you think it’s possible he’s having an affair or hitting a midlife crisis?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. Well he just left the house to go to a dispensary and liquor store. Says he can handle it. We argued a little but I got tired of it. I can't control him.

I'm worried this is going to go downhill fast.

Forget that. Start seriously considering your exit plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. Well he just left the house to go to a dispensary and liquor store. Says he can handle it. We argued a little but I got tired of it. I can't control him.

I'm worried this is going to go downhill fast.

It probably is. I would talk to a family law attorney--not because you are necessarily going to get a divorce, but to document his behavior and protect your funds in the event that things get worse.

This, OP, above. Protect funds pronto. It is sadly all too common for people with mental illness to spend recklessly. I posted earlier about my friend who was misdiagnosed as depressed for years but who actually has bipolar disorder. She absolutely devastated her finances with wild spending when manic and finally got the wake-up call (and the correct diagnosis) when she was was fired from a job, and sued, for misusing a company credit card for personal purposes. She was totally responsible and level-headed and honest when she wasn't manic, but the illness sparked some behaviors that will follow her professionally forever.

If your DH's job involves handling money, even he's not bipolar in the end, whatever the diagnosis, you need to be aware that he could end up doing very damaging things to family finances and his career and earning potential as well.

I'm so sorry he is going out to, let's be blunt, get what he needs to self-medicate. Only, if he's pulled over and is already high or has been drinking, the cops won't take "self-medicating" as an excuse.

You can't control him but you can control what you do next. You have three kids. He just lost any right or privilege to drive them anywhere, I hope. Which puts such a burden on YOU. I'm so sorry. In your shoes I would have to tell him to take his "I can handle it" elsewhere to self-medicate. I'd really try to talk to his doctor. Your DH sounds like he may need an intervention and possibly an inpatient stay to get a solid diagnosis and correct meds and enough time for those meds to work. I know that sounds extreme but he is self-medicating in ways that could get him fired, arrested or even killed. Will he drive home from the dispensary and liquor store high and/or drunk, do you think? He clearly doesn't think so.

OP. Yes, absolutely, I’ll be doing the driving from now on. I made it clear to him that any legal trouble is 100% on him and I won’t be helping out.

I’m very worried because he’s also acting in a way I’ve never seen him act. I posted earlier that I’ve never seen him angry, and today I did for the first time. It wasn’t intense, but he came in and started ranting about how he can’t enjoy the yard because the dogs are usually out playing in it, he’s sick of our two dogs, and I’m crazy to think he would have another baby with me when I neglect our dogs (I’ve always wanted three kids, one of ours is his from a previous marriage, he said no after 2 and it’s something I’ve been grieving as I come to the end of my fertility). It’s true our dogs have been somewhat neglected, but that’s because I stopped getting up early to take them on walks so I could handle the kids and he could sleep in.

He’s never spoken to me like this before. Do you think it’s possible he’s having an affair or hitting a midlife crisis?

This is beginning to sound trolling to me. There is so much chaos and so many danger signals but you’re worried about an affair? Let’s hope it’s that. And why would you want to have another child with this person? You sound oddly unstable yourself now.

[Anonymous]

Weed is bad for depression. Maybe he can microdose psychedelics?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am dealing with a similar situation. DH has gotten on a kick where he responds to every single question, or just anything I, or anyone else, says by responding "Da-dee sang bass" in a very, very looooowwww voice.

How was your meeting? "Da-dee sang bass"
Are you planning to go the grocery store any time soon? "Da-dee sang bass"
Have you seen my keys anywhere? "Da-dee sang bass"

He also insists on wearing his shirts as "pants", with his legs coming through the sleeves. It's only around the house, but I am concerned.

He put a pair of my underwear on his head and said "This hat is too tight!" in full view of a neighbor. What to do?

I'm sorry but this doesn't sound similar at all.

He also insists on wearing his shirts as "pants", with his legs coming through the sleeves. It's only around the house, but I am concerned.

OK, I should've said DH uses t-shirts (not regular shirts) as pants, held up with a belt. With regular dress shirts he says he can't his legs through the sleeves. I am losing my mind with this insanity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am dealing with a similar situation. DH has gotten on a kick where he responds to every single question, or just anything I, or anyone else, says by responding "Da-dee sang bass" in a very, very looooowwww voice.

How was your meeting? "Da-dee sang bass"
Are you planning to go the grocery store any time soon? "Da-dee sang bass"
Have you seen my keys anywhere? "Da-dee sang bass"

He also insists on wearing his shirts as "pants", with his legs coming through the sleeves. It's only around the house, but I am concerned.

He put a pair of my underwear on his head and said "This hat is too tight!" in full view of a neighbor. What to do?

I'm sorry but this doesn't sound similar at all.

He also insists on wearing his shirts as "pants", with his legs coming through the sleeves. It's only around the house, but I am concerned.

OK, I should've said DH uses t-shirts (not regular shirts) as pants, held up with a belt. With regular dress shirts he says he can't his legs through the sleeves. I am losing my mind with this insanity.

Serious questions - does he take the pants off to pee, or does he just pee through the head hole?