Tips for parents with College student returning home to live/work over the summer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

What if I have nowhere to go "between 7 - 11:30PM on Saturday"? Dumb.

Dumb if YOU have no social life. Hope your DC has some social life, an occasional friend over.

So, if you don't go out Saturday evenings, you don't have a social life? My kids have friends come over all the time, just that I'm not going into hiding or become invisible when they are around like you suggest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

What if I have nowhere to go "between 7 - 11:30PM on Saturday"? Dumb.

Dumb if YOU have no social life. Hope your DC has some social life, an occasional friend over.

So, if you don't go out Saturday evenings, you don't have a social life? My kids have friends come over all the time, just that I'm not going into hiding or become invisible when they are around like you suggest.

I go sit in a parking lot all the time when my kid has a Tinder date over, it's the cool thing to do. "/sarc"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just deadbolt the basement and throw bags of Doritos down every couple of days...works like a friggin charm. The bonus is they can't wait to get back in the fall.

"Doritos" --- ooooh, look at the big spender! Kids these days are coddled. No brand-names in my house!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I usually ask my college student to text if he'll be out all night and to smoke weed outside because I hate the smell. That's about it.

Same. And no sex in the pool.

what’s wrong with the pool specifically?

Lubrication can be challenging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

What if I have nowhere to go "between 7 - 11:30PM on Saturday"? Dumb.

Dumb if YOU have no social life. Hope your DC has some social life, an occasional friend over.

So, if you don't go out Saturday evenings, you don't have a social life? My kids have friends come over all the time, just that I'm not going into hiding or become invisible when they are around like you suggest.

I go sit in a parking lot all the time when my kid has a Tinder date over, it's the cool thing to do. "/sarc"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I usually ask my college student to text if he'll be out all night and to smoke weed outside because I hate the smell. That's about it.

Same. And no sex in the pool.

what’s wrong with the pool specifically?

I swim in that pool and can see it from my bedroom window.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:??

You are talking as if you don't know your own kid. Anyways, my 2 cents is that if he is doing well in college and is not directionless, you let him be. What are you scared about?

Wow!! What a cold family.

It's pretty well known that it's difficult when a kid who has had few rules at college then comes home. My kid's high school even warned us about it.

To the OP, at least ask them to text you if they are staying out late or not coming home so you don't stay awake worrying. And ignore the judgmental poster above. By the end of summer I did a happy dance in the driveway as my beloved kid returned to college.

Your high school warned you? That's even weirder than OP's post.

How old are your kids? I'm wondering if you have toddlers and think that the terrible twos are the most challenging time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, especially if he has a girlfriend or is dating, make sure that you share the house. You are all adults. All adults need some time, when it's assured, that they will have the house to themselves. Occasionally. He should get to have company over, without you their. For example, let him know mid week that Saturday night, you will be gone from 7- 11:30pm. Nothing more gets discussed. Don't speculate. Just be gone some and be reliable about it.

No, I pay the mortgage and for college. I come and go from my own house as I please and do not need to schedule alone time for my kid...weird.

Yea, I agree. What a stupid suggestion. It's your friggin house and you should never be expected to vacate it. Your kid living there for free will just have to deal. In fact, it would never occur to any normal kid that a parent should be expected to.

Generally I just find this to be a super weird thread. I guess most of the posters are Type A parents and this is their first child coming home from college?

In our house, this is how it happened. The school year ended, the kid came home, got a job, starting volunteering, whatever. And we co-existed just like we always did. We didn't have to have a sit down or "family meeting" and set "rules" or "define expectations" like "text when you're gonna be really late" or "don't expect that your gf or bf can sleep over" or "no drugs or alcohol in the house," etc etc etc. We didn't have to because our kids had the common sense, decency, and benefit of good parenting before they ever left for college to know what is expected of them.

The whole thing is a non-event. What is it with you people who insist on taking the hard road to parenting???

EXACTLY. Louder for the very strange parents in the back.
DP

Yeah, I agree that this has been our experience. Our kids knew that they had to do some chores around the household and tidy up after themselves like everyone else, so it was a pretty seamless transition back to our dynamic during high school and the pandemic. Different families work differently though, so I guess some families still need to establish these household norms and remind kids of their expectations for coexistence.

This. If you made it to the point that you have college aged kids and haven't figured this out I'm not sure what to say. Families manage things differently and there are lots of formulas to raising successful adults (that might even be different WITHIN families as kids are different). This isn't one size fits all territory.

Good luck, OP.