Tips for parents with College student returning home to live/work over the summer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just deadbolt the basement and throw bags of Doritos down every couple of days...works like a friggin charm. The bonus is they can't wait to get back in the fall.

Ha! We are somewhere between this and the "family meeting" poster. Mine is good about doing chores. But he's also messy and eats all our food.

[Anonymous]

Our kids get pampered when they return home for college. Lots of home cooked meals, lots of take outs, socializing etc.

Our house is well run and I am ok with they getting home friends etc to live with us. The rules of our household has not changed when they were kids and has not changed now.

- No shoes indoors
- No smoking, vaping, drugs
- Drive safely. Let us know your whereabouts
- Be a responsible adult
- Make endless cups of tea for me (their mom) when you want to sit and with me.
- Lots of snuggles, hugs, kisses to the family.

Our home is a place of comfort and love for them. We have raised responsible, high achieving kids. They know the culture of the family and they know that they have to make their career. But, they are always welcome home, they don't have to pay a dime, we will support them in whatever they need. Our house is their house. They will move away soon enough but if they want to live with us as a multi-gen home, that is also acceptable to us.

We love having our kids with them. The only good part of the pandemic was having our family together.

[Anonymous]

Op, especially if he has a girlfriend or is dating, make sure that you share the house. You are all adults. All adults need some time, when it's assured, that they will have the house to themselves. Occasionally. He should get to have company over, without you their. For example, let him know mid week that Saturday night, you will be gone from 7- 11:30pm. Nothing more gets discussed. Don't speculate. Just be gone some and be reliable about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My biggest issue would be food. I have strict meal times if you miss it you go hungry. Breakfast 8 lunch noon dinner 5:30. I don’t make breakfast at 11 I don’t make dinner at 9 pm. Bedtime is as always 8 pm. I’m done at 8. 5 am to 8 pm is my on time on the weekends.

Do your college kids actually come home for the summer? That environment sounds oppressive for anyone, especially young adults. It certainly doesn’t sound like a welcoming home.

[Anonymous]

OP-- I have two siblings and my parents always said the years we were home on college break/summers were rough.

I remember we were basically living on our dorm schedule and not even going out for the evening until late at night, coming home early, burning pizza in the oven at 2am, etc. (thinking we were being as quiet as possible).

AND, we all always had jobs and did well in college.

It's a very weird time and transition and with parents used to empty nest and their lifestyle then being thrust with a bunch of man/woman-children things get hectic.

My mom also said they never worried when we were away at college (what you don't know doesn't keep you up at night), but when we were out late when we in their house they would worry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, especially if he has a girlfriend or is dating, make sure that you share the house. You are all adults. All adults need some time, when it's assured, that they will have the house to themselves. Occasionally. He should get to have company over, without you their. For example, let him know mid week that Saturday night, you will be gone from 7- 11:30pm. Nothing more gets discussed. Don't speculate. Just be gone some and be reliable about it.

No, I pay the mortgage and for college. I come and go from my own house as I please and do not need to schedule alone time for my kid...weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, especially if he has a girlfriend or is dating, make sure that you share the house. You are all adults. All adults need some time, when it's assured, that they will have the house to themselves. Occasionally. He should get to have company over, without you their. For example, let him know mid week that Saturday night, you will be gone from 7- 11:30pm. Nothing more gets discussed. Don't speculate. Just be gone some and be reliable about it.

Ew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My biggest issue would be food. I have strict meal times if you miss it you go hungry. Breakfast 8 lunch noon dinner 5:30. I don’t make breakfast at 11 I don’t make dinner at 9 pm. Bedtime is as always 8 pm. I’m done at 8. 5 am to 8 pm is my on time on the weekends.

Do your college kids actually come home for the summer? That environment sounds oppressive for anyone, especially young adults. It certainly doesn’t sound like a welcoming home.

They have to be joking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS is returning home from freshman year away at college! He had a great year and is a good kid, I love him, but the six days of spring break felt long!
He has a job 35 hours a week. Help me frame a conversation and prepare some structure, rules, expectations that worked for your family. I’d like to respect his growth and independence but has to be balanced with the consideration of living with us (two parents and you get sister).

Thanks.

You sound really cold and business like. He is your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, especially if he has a girlfriend or is dating, make sure that you share the house. You are all adults. All adults need some time, when it's assured, that they will have the house to themselves. Occasionally. He should get to have company over, without you their. For example, let him know mid week that Saturday night, you will be gone from 7- 11:30pm. Nothing more gets discussed. Don't speculate. Just be gone some and be reliable about it.

No, I pay the mortgage and for college. I come and go from my own house as I please and do not need to schedule alone time for my kid...weird.

Yea, I agree. What a stupid suggestion. It's your friggin house and you should never be expected to vacate it. Your kid living there for free will just have to deal. In fact, it would never occur to any normal kid that a parent should be expected to.

Generally I just find this to be a super weird thread. I guess most of the posters are Type A parents and this is their first child coming home from college?

In our house, this is how it happened. The school year ended, the kid came home, got a job, starting volunteering, whatever. And we co-existed just like we always did. We didn't have to have a sit down or "family meeting" and set "rules" or "define expectations" like "text when you're gonna be really late" or "don't expect that your gf or bf can sleep over" or "no drugs or alcohol in the house," etc etc etc. We didn't have to because our kids had the common sense, decency, and benefit of good parenting before they ever left for college to know what is expected of them.

The whole thing is a non-event. What is it with you people who insist on taking the hard road to parenting???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, especially if he has a girlfriend or is dating, make sure that you share the house. You are all adults. All adults need some time, when it's assured, that they will have the house to themselves. Occasionally. He should get to have company over, without you their. For example, let him know mid week that Saturday night, you will be gone from 7- 11:30pm. Nothing more gets discussed. Don't speculate. Just be gone some and be reliable about it.

No, I pay the mortgage and for college. I come and go from my own house as I please and do not need to schedule alone time for my kid...weird.

Yea, I agree. What a stupid suggestion. It's your friggin house and you should never be expected to vacate it. Your kid living there for free will just have to deal. In fact, it would never occur to any normal kid that a parent should be expected to.

Generally I just find this to be a super weird thread. I guess most of the posters are Type A parents and this is their first child coming home from college?

In our house, this is how it happened. The school year ended, the kid came home, got a job, starting volunteering, whatever. And we co-existed just like we always did. We didn't have to have a sit down or "family meeting" and set "rules" or "define expectations" like "text when you're gonna be really late" or "don't expect that your gf or bf can sleep over" or "no drugs or alcohol in the house," etc etc etc. We didn't have to because our kids had the common sense, decency, and benefit of good parenting before they ever left for college to know what is expected of them.

The whole thing is a non-event. What is it with you people who insist on taking the hard road to parenting???

LOL, I'm the PP and yes, really weird. You speak common sense, it's interesting that this is a thing. My kid just came home and is living a normal life just like they do at school and I will not be scheduling Saturday night "cuddle" time for my kid, so strange.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our kids get pampered when they return home for college. Lots of home cooked meals, lots of take outs, socializing etc.

Our house is well run and I am ok with they getting home friends etc to live with us. The rules of our household has not changed when they were kids and has not changed now.

- No shoes indoors
- No smoking, vaping, drugs
- Drive safely. Let us know your whereabouts
- Be a responsible adult
- Make endless cups of tea for me (their mom) when you want to sit and with me.
- Lots of snuggles, hugs, kisses to the family.

Our home is a place of comfort and love for them. We have raised responsible, high achieving kids. They know the culture of the family and they know that they have to make their career. But, they are always welcome home, they don't have to pay a dime, we will support them in whatever they need. Our house is their house. They will move away soon enough but if they want to live with us as a multi-gen home, that is also acceptable to us.

We love having our kids with them. The only good part of the pandemic was having our family together.

This post makes me happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, especially if he has a girlfriend or is dating, make sure that you share the house. You are all adults. All adults need some time, when it's assured, that they will have the house to themselves. Occasionally. He should get to have company over, without you their. For example, let him know mid week that Saturday night, you will be gone from 7- 11:30pm. Nothing more gets discussed. Don't speculate. Just be gone some and be reliable about it.

Um, no...... (entitled, much?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, especially if he has a girlfriend or is dating, make sure that you share the house. You are all adults. All adults need some time, when it's assured, that they will have the house to themselves. Occasionally. He should get to have company over, without you their. For example, let him know mid week that Saturday night, you will be gone from 7- 11:30pm. Nothing more gets discussed. Don't speculate. Just be gone some and be reliable about it.

WTF?? Are you really this much of a doormat in other areas of life? GMAFB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, especially if he has a girlfriend or is dating, make sure that you share the house. You are all adults. All adults need some time, when it's assured, that they will have the house to themselves. Occasionally. He should get to have company over, without you their. For example, let him know mid week that Saturday night, you will be gone from 7- 11:30pm. Nothing more gets discussed. Don't speculate. Just be gone some and be reliable about it.

No, I pay the mortgage and for college. I come and go from my own house as I please and do not need to schedule alone time for my kid...weird.

Yea, I agree. What a stupid suggestion. It's your friggin house and you should never be expected to vacate it. Your kid living there for free will just have to deal. In fact, it would never occur to any normal kid that a parent should be expected to.

Generally I just find this to be a super weird thread. I guess most of the posters are Type A parents and this is their first child coming home from college?

In our house, this is how it happened. The school year ended, the kid came home, got a job, starting volunteering, whatever. And we co-existed just like we always did. We didn't have to have a sit down or "family meeting" and set "rules" or "define expectations" like "text when you're gonna be really late" or "don't expect that your gf or bf can sleep over" or "no drugs or alcohol in the house," etc etc etc. We didn't have to because our kids had the common sense, decency, and benefit of good parenting before they ever left for college to know what is expected of them.

The whole thing is a non-event. What is it with you people who insist on taking the hard road to parenting???

My two kids are completely different, despite having the same standard of parenting. One of them fits in returning home and the other one causes more chaos when they return - they stay up all night and sleep all day like a vampire. I think that parents adjust their lives to an empty nest and their own relationship changes (for better or worse) then the kids return to this changed environment. It isn't just the college years. We rented places when travelling "back home" for vacations, because staying with my parents with our young kids was a nightmare for all.