Monitoring College Freshman Assignments/Grades

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Speaking as the parent of a kid who still doesn't know if he's going to graduate in a month because he didn't see that a course from last semester was marked incomplete,

YES, have him give you access to his stuff

I thought you can only get incomplete for medical reasons or because you were caught cheating?

I imagine it depends on the school. He's told me the incomplete is because he only turned in half of his final project - he was supposed to have both a paper and a powerpoint.

Shouldn't that be an F? I have INCs on my transcript due having to withdraw when my father died during exams and had to have the registrar send grads schools an explanation because the assumption is an honor code sanction.

Yeah pp’s kid isn’t telling them something. At some schools honor code hearings are backlogged right now.

Incompletes are temporary and you have one year to either finish the work or take the class again and sub that grade.

Yes, but you usually have to apply for an incomplete. If you don’t “complete” your final exam paper, absent other circumstances, you just fail.

[Anonymous]

Some colleges offer a summer course prior to freshman year starting. Definitely sign up for this if it’s an option! It gives kids a chance to make connections, earn a few credits, and teaches them what is expected as a college student.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Speaking as the parent of a kid who still doesn't know if he's going to graduate in a month because he didn't see that a course from last semester was marked incomplete,

YES, have him give you access to his stuff

Update - kid is graduating!!! The incomplete happened because his exam last semester was moved online and ended up having 3 parts. He finished 2 parts, didn't know there was a 3rd (it was the easiest part - a 10 question multiple choice quiz). Kid didn't check his grades (a reason to get access to your ADHD/executive functioning issue child's grades) and prof never emailed him to say hey, you missed a part. So when DC saw he had a "deficiency" when he tried to sign up for graduation, he contacted the professor, who then had to go through some kind of complicated process to get the missing part back online for DC to take the quiz.

Hope his experience helps someone else avoid something similar. I will note, that he was doing great until Covid hit. All the disruptions, going virtual, having to do things online really affected him. I know many of you can relate.

[Anonymous]

I recommend you think of your ultimate desired outcome for him. I imagine it's not 'get through college', it's for him to be a productive, functioning adult who will be happy and successful once he's completed this education phase of his life. How do you get him there? Not by monitoring his grades and continuing to support him the same way you did in high school, but modifying your approach by treating him as the almost fully formed human he is (the same way you likely modified your approach with him from elem. to high school). Help him figure out how to find the resources he will need in college, the services and support they offer. Talk with him about HIS desired outcomes and what HE thinks he'll need to get there. Help him figure out that path, focusing on the end goal.

While I totally get some kids need more support than others, by not helping him figure out his own way now, how to find the support he needs on his own, you're actually sacraificing his long term happiness for a short term feeling of safety. Good luck to you and your son next year!
(mom of rising college freshman)

[Anonymous]

My DD has some mental health issues and is at a top school, where freshman year has been very tough. Missed doctor appointments, forgetting to get refills on an SSRI which caused awful withdrawal, and then literally sleeping through a required professor meeting last week. It has NOT been easy to sit around and watch it happen among many other lapses. That said, she has paid the price for these issues and i'm crossing fingers that she will not let it happen again. At some point, I can't be the one monitoring her schedule. I get it OP its hard when you're kid is in a bad place mentally and you want to support them so only you knows how to do that but in most cases, its a must do to let them take responsibility for their actions, good or bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the kind of thing that makes me livid about college admissions. My kid was completely independent with her work, class choices, ECs all through high school - and college applications . She made some mistakes and despite recovering beautifully (also on her own), she’s shut out of colleges who will take the perfect but micro-managed kids who aren’t ready to do it alone in college.

Looking at you W & M.

Mine had 2 B-s sophomore year because she completely blew the transition to DL. She is unhooked from NOVA and was admitted to WM w/ a 4.0W this year. She did go ED though— because her transcript wasn’t perfect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the kind of thing that makes me livid about college admissions. My kid was completely independent with her work, class choices, ECs all through high school - and college applications . She made some mistakes and despite recovering beautifully (also on her own), she’s shut out of colleges who will take the perfect but micro-managed kids who aren’t ready to do it alone in college.

Looking at you W & M.

Mine had 2 B-s sophomore year because she completely blew the transition to DL. She is unhooked from NOVA and was admitted to WM w/ a 4.0W this year. She did go ED though— because her transcript wasn’t perfect.

When you think that 2 Bs are a problem, please know you are a big part of the mental health crisis for teens in this country. "Completely blew...?" Get a grip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Land the helicopter.

Or you MYOB and do what is right for you. And nix this over-used trope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same kid here. ADHD. I do some monitoring but I hired a tutor to help organize and monitor. I agree that it shouldn’t be this way but for some kids it is.

Unfortunately, those with neuro-typical kids do not understand that kids with ADHD/Anxiety/all that coexists with these does mean you may have to still be a tiny bit more hands on, even in college, especially the first year.

To the person who said "Jesus", you obviously do not have a kid with ADHD. Lucky you! congratulations!

I have a college senior who managed HS with just tutoring and had a 3.6GPA. Had always suspected ADHD but had no reason to get the diagnosis as kid managed. My kid was diagnosed during freshman year, as situation dictated we needed a diagnosis finally. I let my kid manage most things himself, but stepped in to check in and remind him to stay on track. I did NOT track assignments. Just made sure kid got the assistance due to them from the office of disabilities and made sure kid visited office hours and encouraged them to map out assignments so kids was not stuck doing 3 major projects on the same night.

Know what---freshman year can be a HUGE change. over 1K miles from home, kid getting C/Ds for first time ever and this after kid was actually being organized and studying hard/visiting office hours. Kid needed my guidance to help them decide on new major when it was apparent original major (medical area) was not going to be healthy or work out. Even with all of that first year, kid is graduating, has a great first job (which kid found all by themselves, without any parental connections) and will graduate with an almost 3.5gpa (considering what first year was it's quite impressive).

I'm all for not being a helicopter parent, but when your kid has ADHD, sometimes we do need to check in a bit more with them than a neuro-typical kiddo. And that's ok. My kid was ready to go 1K+ miles from home and loved their experience. Grew up alot, learned alot, and by now I only do things when kid asks me to. But you can bet, I still reminded them to order cap/gown for graduation and to sign up for tickets for the family---because I don't want to miss out if kid missed deadline. I help with 95% less than I did 4 years ago. But as their mom, I will still do what little is needed to prop them up and help them "Adult" well.

And no, I'd never contact their job or boss. But I will remind my kid to pay their rent and auto insurance/etc for the first 4-5 months they are Adulting on their own. In an apartment in a new town, no roommates. They don't just become full adults at age 18 or at age 22. If you do it right, what you assist with/guide is less and less each month/year

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why my child will likely start at community college. If they can’t manage their own assignments by freshman year in college, I don’t think they are ready to be on their own

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can require him to waive FERPA on the condition of you paying your portion of tuition.

Good luck with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD has some mental health issues and is at a top school, where freshman year has been very tough. Missed doctor appointments, forgetting to get refills on an SSRI which caused awful withdrawal, and then literally sleeping through a required professor meeting last week. It has NOT been easy to sit around and watch it happen among many other lapses. That said, she has paid the price for these issues and i'm crossing fingers that she will not let it happen again. At some point, I can't be the one monitoring her schedule. I get it OP its hard when you're kid is in a bad place mentally and you want to support them so only you knows how to do that but in most cases, its a must do to let them take responsibility for their actions, good or bad.

+1

Such is life. You get it, PP.

Also, if the kid is not neurotypical, you might want to keep the closer to home, at least at first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the kind of thing that makes me livid about college admissions. My kid was completely independent with her work, class choices, ECs all through high school - and college applications . She made some mistakes and despite recovering beautifully (also on her own), she’s shut out of colleges who will take the perfect but micro-managed kids who aren’t ready to do it alone in college.

Looking at you W & M.

'

That's awful judgmental and obnoxious of you PP. I posted recently on this thread about my DD who is struggling with freshman year and has required more hand holding than most, but you know what? She was great in HS. Didn't even need a single reminder to get things done, straight A student, very involved great leadership. Then COVID hit and her life changed, lost all motivation junior year and stayed in distance learning until she graduated last year, which really put her behind the 8 ball going back into in person learning at a competitive college. Just because someone has mental health challenges, or even developed them fairly recently, does not mean your kid deserves her spot at the college she's at.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD has some mental health issues and is at a top school, where freshman year has been very tough. Missed doctor appointments, forgetting to get refills on an SSRI which caused awful withdrawal, and then literally sleeping through a required professor meeting last week. It has NOT been easy to sit around and watch it happen among many other lapses. That said, she has paid the price for these issues and i'm crossing fingers that she will not let it happen again. At some point, I can't be the one monitoring her schedule. I get it OP its hard when you're kid is in a bad place mentally and you want to support them so only you knows how to do that but in most cases, its a must do to let them take responsibility for their actions, good or bad.

+1

Such is life. You get it, PP.

Also, if the kid is not neurotypical, you might want to keep the closer to home, at least at first.

As a prof and a parent, I think I would encourage doing some light monitoring Freshman year, esp. in the fall and with mental health issues in the mix. But really for nearly everyone. It's a massively abrupt life change to be on your own for the first time with a whole different approach to course scheduling/assignments--even students that were independent throughout HS falter. I wouldn't micromanage assignments, but I would check the mid-term reports. This basically tells you if your kid is making satisfactory progress in all their classes. So C or higher at the midterm is listed satisfactory, lower is not. If your kid has any unsatisfactories at that point, step it up a bit--tell them to use the study center resources at the university, professor office hours, and lightly nag a bit--what do you have due, when are you doing it? Then during winter break if things didn't go well in the fall ask them to map out how they are going to stay on top of things, what they are going to do when they get in over their heads, how they will course correct. Then let them on their own again, but check the mid-year reports. This time though just remind them of the plan they made.
This little bit of intervention doesn't prevent them from growing up, but it may help lessen the chance they spiral out before they do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same kid here. ADHD. I do some monitoring but I hired a tutor to help organize and monitor. I agree that it shouldn’t be this way but for some kids it is.

There are kids for whom ADHD becomes so overwhelming they do their work, but they can't find the work when it comes to turning it in because their life is so disorganized. That's as good as never having done the work. This is the level where professional therapy might help.