Surrogate without a medical reason?

[Anonymous]

If you are doing DE+GC, why not just adopt? Was it that important to propagate the husband/partner's sperm? If the shoe was on the other foot, how many men would be okay with having and raising a child through sperm donation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are doing DE+GC, why not just adopt? Was it that important to propagate the husband/partner's sperm? If the shoe was on the other foot, how many men would be okay with having and raising a child through sperm donation?

You are so clueless.
Do you know how long it takes to adopt and how difficult the process is? Some people remain unsuccessful even after years of trying to adopt. When someone comes to the stage of DE+GC they are usually at the end of a long struggle with infertility and they have likely already expended a lot of their resources. Going to donor egg + GC usually guarantees a child within an reasonable time frame as opposed to starting all over with uncertain prospects.
Do you think adopting a child is just like walking into a store and going home with a baby?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are doing DE+GC, why not just adopt? Was it that important to propagate the husband/partner's sperm? If the shoe was on the other foot, how many men would be okay with having and raising a child through sperm donation?

You are so clueless.
Do you know how long it takes to adopt and how difficult the process is? Some people remain unsuccessful even after years of trying to adopt. When someone comes to the stage of DE+GC they are usually at the end of a long struggle with infertility and they have likely already expended a lot of their resources. Going to donor egg + GC usually guarantees a child within an reasonable time frame as opposed to starting all over with uncertain prospects.
Do you think adopting a child is just like walking into a store and going home with a baby?

This.
Plus the risk of having an adoption in progress, only to find out that the birth mother or father has changed their mind. While this is perfectly understandable and acceptable, it can be devastating for the adoptive parents. I actually know a family who ended up having to surrender the adoptive child after several months, before the adoption was finalized, due to these circumstances. While it was good for the birth family, the adoptive mother was absolutely traumatized by the experience, especially after repeated losses dealing with infertility. I would never want to subject myself to that potential for heartbreak.

[Anonymous]

^^Then your friend did not adopt from the right state. Only adopt from states that have very short periods of wait. We adopted our 2 fairly easily this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^Then your friend did not adopt from the right state. Only adopt from states that have very short periods of wait. We adopted our 2 fairly easily this way.

That's right. Even Supreme Justice Roberts flew the birthmom from Ireland to Peru and they adopted their kids from there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^Then your friend did not adopt from the right state. Only adopt from states that have very short periods of wait. We adopted our 2 fairly easily this way.

You should stand outside a fertility clinic and preach this sage advice to every patient who comes out. Gee, what would the world do without people like you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re 44, you have a child. Move on.

Jeeze, that's kind and helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, why wouldn’t you be able to be?

You need a medical reason to use a surrogate. You can’t use a surrogate just because you don’t want to be pregnant. OP understands that but I don’t think a lot of the people responding understand that. Which means, OP, that I think you need to ask a doctor and not DCUM. If you have high blood pressure or something in addition to being 44, that might be enough of a reason.

I have a friend who had a very difficult first pregnancy with constant vomiting and also has a cardiac issue. She wanted to pursue surrogacy for her second pregnancy but neither her OB nor her cardiologist would say her life or health were at risk from a second pregnancy. I’m sure she could have found SOME doctor to do the paperwork probably? But she stopped pursuing it at that point and carried herself.

This is simply wrong. I have a friend using a surrogate for a pregnancy right now, and she has zero medical need. She just didn’t want to be pregnant (yes, I think it’s nuts but not my business). We are in California.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why women think its okay to put other women through this when its not an absolute necessary. You do realize most surrogates are from economically weaker section of society, right? This is not surrogacy, its rent-a-womb. When did this become a norm, to just willy-nilly rent-a-womb?

It's no different than selling kidneys, and it's grotesquely exploitative. It should be banned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re 44, you have a child. Move on.

Jeeze, that's kind and helpful.

And yet, it's what most women do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, why wouldn’t you be able to be?

You need a medical reason to use a surrogate. You can’t use a surrogate just because you don’t want to be pregnant. OP understands that but I don’t think a lot of the people responding understand that. Which means, OP, that I think you need to ask a doctor and not DCUM. If you have high blood pressure or something in addition to being 44, that might be enough of a reason.

I have a friend who had a very difficult first pregnancy with constant vomiting and also has a cardiac issue. She wanted to pursue surrogacy for her second pregnancy but neither her OB nor her cardiologist would say her life or health were at risk from a second pregnancy. I’m sure she could have found SOME doctor to do the paperwork probably? But she stopped pursuing it at that point and carried herself.

Yet Anderson Cooper could hire a surrogate. What was his medical reason?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re 44, you have a child. Move on.

Jeeze, that's kind and helpful.

It's not bad advice. She's tried for 8 years. She's exhausted all options except the most extreme. She's would be 45 at the earliest when this child is born - and the journey towards that point would be expensive, emotional, fraught with uncertainty, and a legal minefield. Why spend more of her DC's fleeting childhood trying to get another child? Sometimes people just need to give themselves permission to move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^Then your friend did not adopt from the right state. Only adopt from states that have very short periods of wait. We adopted our 2 fairly easily this way.

That's right. Even Supreme Justice Roberts flew the birthmom from Ireland to Peru and they adopted their kids from there.

Extremely unethical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I gave birth at 45 to a baby conceived by donor egg as well as having several other children conceived without medical intervention in my mid to late 30s.

The pregnancy at 44-45 was no problem.

Dealing with a teenager in my late 50's is the only part that has been really hard.

dealing with a teenager at any age is hard. I am in my 60s dealing with a teenager. Big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why women think its okay to put other women through this when its not an absolute necessary. You do realize most surrogates are from economically weaker section of society, right? This is not surrogacy, its rent-a-womb. When did this become a norm, to just willy-nilly rent-a-womb?

Yeah, you'd rather those "economically weaker" women instead get themselves a second or third service job so you can get your french fries and manicures more easily, wouldn't you? Talk about gross. Women of any economic background are sentient beings who can make their own choices about what to do with their bodies without your patronizing input and control, thanks.

Surrogacy is the only job some women can do, for example a woman with childcare obligations and/or a woman who simply chooses not to have smb else raise her kids.