Beautiful women, do you look down on ugly women?

[Anonymous]

People who make fun of others do so to distract the attention from landing on them.

If everyone is laughing at Chubby Charlotte or Zitty Zoey, they can't laugh at the person making the statement.

[Anonymous]

If a woman is saying those things about another woman, then they are not beautiful.

I know a lot of women who I would not consider to be physically attractive but I find to be beautiful and enticing. Having confidence and being kind go a long way.

[Anonymous]

I would never, ever judge someone for acne or their complexion. People who have never experienced it have no idea. If it was some simple fix, there wouldn’t be a billion dollar industry of products to combat it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course not. But my whole personality is not about my looks. Occasionally, I want to pull a woman aside and ask "Have you heard about using coconut oil to deep condition hair?" when they are clearly using the wrong conditioner and clearly brushing their hair. But that's like once or twice a year, max.

I notice how warm someone's smile is, and how smart their eyes look.

Sometimes I wish a beautiful woman would pull me aside and tell me what I could do to look better. I need, like, explicit instructions.

+1 I would love advice on affordable fixes. I'm not offended.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do judge weight. Sorry, but I do. There is normal variation, but if you have a lot of extra weight, I see that as a flaw- both in your eating habits and lifestyle.

I don’t judge complexion bc that isn’t controllable often times and can take a very long time and expensive treatments to sort out.

I don’t judge bad dye jobs either. Sometimes it happens even with the best intentions and also isn’t always quick or cheap to fix.

I do judge is you look like a totally frump/sloppy or smell. I assume you are either lazy or depressed.

PP, that ok. Everyone probably judges you for being an insufferable b*$#h ;-0

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never, ever judge someone for acne or their complexion. People who have never experienced it have no idea. If it was some simple fix, there wouldn’t be a billion dollar industry of products to combat it.

I have terrible acne scarring. I am 45 and JUST had enough disposable income to get two rounds of micro-needling. I think I need one more, but now my rosacea seems super pronounced and I don't know what to do about that. Maybe I am doomed to awful skin. I wish we could shave off a slab of fat from my thigh to give me a face transplant, and then laser off the hair.

[Anonymous]

Omg NO I would never. “Beauty” is skin deep. I love people and connecting with other women. Society’s definition on beauty sometimes gets in the way. I feel like I always need to be nicer and more helpful and whatnot to deserve your time. All bc I’m considered beautiful. For what it’s worth - I don’t think I’m “all that”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People who make fun of others do so to distract the attention from landing on them.

If everyone is laughing at Chubby Charlotte or Zitty Zoey, they can't laugh at the person making the statement.

Ding ding ding ding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not beautiful but I have a pretty face and know how to present myself well. And no, absolutely not, I don't look down on anyone because of their looks. I grew up middle class and sometimes poor and I didn't learn how to look good until I was in my 20s. I had awful acne in my teens and into my 20s, which I have since learned is absolutely tied to stress for me (and feeling financially insecure and unattractive were sources of stress). I also had a deeply insecure mother who often told me I wasn't attractive (which is also how she saw herself). So I had no confidence, terrible posture, had no idea how to dress. It took me a long time to figure all this out.

If you want tips on addressing acne and breakouts, I have them. Everyone's skin is different, but I will say that I managed to get to clear skin without having to pay for expensive prescriptions (I mean, at one point I did, but the ultimate solution lay elsewhere) or do anything drastic.

I also had to figure out my hair, which is now one of my assets but for years was limp and hard to manage and took a lot of work to make look good.

I will say the one thing I've always had going for me is that I'm naturally thin. But everyone has something. Everyone. There is no one who doesn't have at least one enviable feature, whether it's great hair with lots of natural volume, or beautiful eyes, or height or long legs or whatever. There is something beautiful in everyone, I really believe it. And it can require privilege to bring it out.

So no, I never look down on a less attractive women because I know what it is to go through life not knowing how to put your best foot forward, and I know often appearance is beyond your control.

I do judge women who are arrogant about their looks or who only befriend other women if they look a certain way. I also judge women who, like me, got more attractive later in life and who then believe this is an excuse to treat less attractive women poorly. I had a friend like this once and it hurt my heart because I knew her behavior stemmed from her own insecurity and her belief that it was her "turn" to be a queen bee. It was sad.

PP, pls give us your acne and hair tips. I can't be the only who could use them. Thanks!

Ok, I know this isn't ground breaking, but these are the things that changed my skin and hair definitively:

Skin

After years of trying every prescription under the sun, I went cold turkey and quit all medication. For about a year, my skin was a mess. But the other thing I did around the same time was stop wearing foundation, powder, etc. I adopted an extremely simple routine -- cleanse once a day with a very gentle cleanser, then a calming skin treatment (I used to use Aveda Out of Trouble, which I still love, but have used a variety of toners and serums over the years including ingredients like witch hazel, cicapair, CBD), then my acne treatment, an OTC salicylic acid treatment. That's it. In the morning I rinsed with water, moisturized, and added SPF. For makeup I wore ONLY a cc cream (favorites include Clinque, Dr. Jarts, Laura Mercier) -- no cover up, no powder. I just accepted that my face was red and inflamed (though less so since my skin treatment was minimal and focused on shrinking zits and calming my skin.

After about a year, my skin found an equilibrium and the bad breakouts stopped. I kept up with a simple routine and minimal makeup. Over the years I invest more in moisturizing (I'm older) and have become fond of bakuchinol, which is a retinol alternative that is good for sensitive skin and doesn't make you sun sensitive (two things that are huge acne triggers for me). I've learned not to overreact to small breakouts, and I don't change my routine when I get them. They go away quickly and never get red or inflamed like they used to. In the last 10 years, I've gotten one of those big, under-the-skin zits maybe 3 times? And each time I stuck with my routine and it never spread and went away. An interesting thing I've learned is that Abreva (which is a treatment for cold sores) will get rid of these. No idea why. I do hold onto a little tube of Abreva in case one pops up. On occasion I've had large zits shrunk by a term, but I can't remember the last time this was necessary. maybe 7 years ago? Keep it simple, calm your skin, use basic treatment for the acne, moisturize and protect your skin from the sun. Those are my rules.

Hair

I've become a total convert on embracing natural texture. I have loosely wavy hair, which I used to hate because it's not super wavy/curly, but also not straight. It poofs/frizzes easily, but because it's not thick and not really curly, I don't have the benefit of lots of natural volume. So for a long time, I used a ton of heat on my hair -- blowouts, straightening irons, curling irons, rollers, those combo brush dryers, you name it. I could make my hair look smooth and shiny in the moment, but it looked terrible after sleeping on it, and it looked awful if I washed and didn't style. I also colored it a lot because I was addicted to the way my hair looked when freshly colored (shiny, bright) but this led to more dullness over time, especially combined with so much heat.

I went cold turkey on heat styling, started washing less (every other day), and use products for protecting wavy hair and giving some hold to the waves. My hair is still somewhat flat, but is shiny and healthy with pretty waves, all without any heat. It doesn't look as good the second day, but good enough. I started getting it dry cut by someone who specializes in textured hair, and it helps a ton. It now looks kind of tousled and "done" with virtually no effort. Like last night I wore it up in a bun to bed, and this morning I took it down and just kind of finger combed it out, and then did nothing else. Magically, my hair looks better now than it did when I woke up this morning, because it's well moisturized and is allowed to relax into its natural waves. I could go out to dinner tonight and not even have to touch it beyond maybe running comb through it.

I still color my hair, but less frequently and I just do a very light lift of my natural color. Because it's so healthy and naturally shiny now, it's mostly just to blend out my grays. And honestly, I don't even mind my grays at this point because my hair looks good enough that I can see myself just embracing gray over the next decade or so and still feeling pretty good about my hair. It's no longer frizzy and split and I don't spend half my life with it in a messy ponytail just because I didn't have time to style. Grays aren't as big of a deal when your hair is healthy and you have a good cut, I've realized.

All in all, I've learned less is more, sometimes you just have to accept certain things (a zit, some gray hair, the fact that you will never have perfect skin or hair) and you can look A LOT better. I'm not a super model, but I get compliments on my skin and hair and, more importantly, I feel pretty good about myself when I leave the house. And back when my skin was really bad, I often avoided leaving the house just to avoid people seeing me mid-breakout. So I'm pretty happy with where I wound up.

[Anonymous]

What are these printed leggings everyone is talking about?

[Anonymous]

I went to a a super nerdy college. A few miles away there was a similarly sized liberal arts college known for preppy, attractive students. We at the nerdy school were fairly obsessed with being “better than” the LAC. I am pretty sure they never thought about us at all.

As a not beautiful woman, I assume it’s the same with beautiful people - I spend a lot more time thinking about them than they spend thinking about me. In fact unless I am directly in front of them, I assume they don’t think about me at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not beautiful but I have a pretty face and know how to present myself well. And no, absolutely not, I don't look down on anyone because of their looks. I grew up middle class and sometimes poor and I didn't learn how to look good until I was in my 20s. I had awful acne in my teens and into my 20s, which I have since learned is absolutely tied to stress for me (and feeling financially insecure and unattractive were sources of stress). I also had a deeply insecure mother who often told me I wasn't attractive (which is also how she saw herself). So I had no confidence, terrible posture, had no idea how to dress. It took me a long time to figure all this out.

If you want tips on addressing acne and breakouts, I have them. Everyone's skin is different, but I will say that I managed to get to clear skin without having to pay for expensive prescriptions (I mean, at one point I did, but the ultimate solution lay elsewhere) or do anything drastic.

I also had to figure out my hair, which is now one of my assets but for years was limp and hard to manage and took a lot of work to make look good.

I will say the one thing I've always had going for me is that I'm naturally thin. But everyone has something. Everyone. There is no one who doesn't have at least one enviable feature, whether it's great hair with lots of natural volume, or beautiful eyes, or height or long legs or whatever. There is something beautiful in everyone, I really believe it. And it can require privilege to bring it out.

So no, I never look down on a less attractive women because I know what it is to go through life not knowing how to put your best foot forward, and I know often appearance is beyond your control.

I do judge women who are arrogant about their looks or who only befriend other women if they look a certain way. I also judge women who, like me, got more attractive later in life and who then believe this is an excuse to treat less attractive women poorly. I had a friend like this once and it hurt my heart because I knew her behavior stemmed from her own insecurity and her belief that it was her "turn" to be a queen bee. It was sad.

PP, pls give us your acne and hair tips. I can't be the only who could use them. Thanks!

Ok, I know this isn't ground breaking, but these are the things that changed my skin and hair definitively:

Skin

After years of trying every prescription under the sun, I went cold turkey and quit all medication. For about a year, my skin was a mess. But the other thing I did around the same time was stop wearing foundation, powder, etc. I adopted an extremely simple routine -- cleanse once a day with a very gentle cleanser, then a calming skin treatment (I used to use Aveda Out of Trouble, which I still love, but have used a variety of toners and serums over the years including ingredients like witch hazel, cicapair, CBD), then my acne treatment, an OTC salicylic acid treatment. That's it. In the morning I rinsed with water, moisturized, and added SPF. For makeup I wore ONLY a cc cream (favorites include Clinque, Dr. Jarts, Laura Mercier) -- no cover up, no powder. I just accepted that my face was red and inflamed (though less so since my skin treatment was minimal and focused on shrinking zits and calming my skin.

After about a year, my skin found an equilibrium and the bad breakouts stopped. I kept up with a simple routine and minimal makeup. Over the years I invest more in moisturizing (I'm older) and have become fond of bakuchinol, which is a retinol alternative that is good for sensitive skin and doesn't make you sun sensitive (two things that are huge acne triggers for me). I've learned not to overreact to small breakouts, and I don't change my routine when I get them. They go away quickly and never get red or inflamed like they used to. In the last 10 years, I've gotten one of those big, under-the-skin zits maybe 3 times? And each time I stuck with my routine and it never spread and went away. An interesting thing I've learned is that Abreva (which is a treatment for cold sores) will get rid of these. No idea why. I do hold onto a little tube of Abreva in case one pops up. On occasion I've had large zits shrunk by a term, but I can't remember the last time this was necessary. maybe 7 years ago? Keep it simple, calm your skin, use basic treatment for the acne, moisturize and protect your skin from the sun. Those are my rules.

Hair

I've become a total convert on embracing natural texture. I have loosely wavy hair, which I used to hate because it's not super wavy/curly, but also not straight. It poofs/frizzes easily, but because it's not thick and not really curly, I don't have the benefit of lots of natural volume. So for a long time, I used a ton of heat on my hair -- blowouts, straightening irons, curling irons, rollers, those combo brush dryers, you name it. I could make my hair look smooth and shiny in the moment, but it looked terrible after sleeping on it, and it looked awful if I washed and didn't style. I also colored it a lot because I was addicted to the way my hair looked when freshly colored (shiny, bright) but this led to more dullness over time, especially combined with so much heat.

I went cold turkey on heat styling, started washing less (every other day), and use products for protecting wavy hair and giving some hold to the waves. My hair is still somewhat flat, but is shiny and healthy with pretty waves, all without any heat. It doesn't look as good the second day, but good enough. I started getting it dry cut by someone who specializes in textured hair, and it helps a ton. It now looks kind of tousled and "done" with virtually no effort. Like last night I wore it up in a bun to bed, and this morning I took it down and just kind of finger combed it out, and then did nothing else. Magically, my hair looks better now than it did when I woke up this morning, because it's well moisturized and is allowed to relax into its natural waves. I could go out to dinner tonight and not even have to touch it beyond maybe running comb through it.

I still color my hair, but less frequently and I just do a very light lift of my natural color. Because it's so healthy and naturally shiny now, it's mostly just to blend out my grays. And honestly, I don't even mind my grays at this point because my hair looks good enough that I can see myself just embracing gray over the next decade or so and still feeling pretty good about my hair. It's no longer frizzy and split and I don't spend half my life with it in a messy ponytail just because I didn't have time to style. Grays aren't as big of a deal when your hair is healthy and you have a good cut, I've realized.

All in all, I've learned less is more, sometimes you just have to accept certain things (a zit, some gray hair, the fact that you will never have perfect skin or hair) and you can look A LOT better. I'm not a super model, but I get compliments on my skin and hair and, more importantly, I feel pretty good about myself when I leave the house. And back when my skin was really bad, I often avoided leaving the house just to avoid people seeing me mid-breakout. So I'm pretty happy with where I wound up.

If you are in the DMV area can you list your stylist cuz I have very similar hair.

I also experienced the very same thing with acne and going cold turkey on products as well as no makeup, no makeup was honestly the number one biggest thing that changed my skin.
I only use trader Joe's gentle cleanser, marula oil, and tinted SPF plus lash curler and brow brush. That's it 99.9% of the day.

[Anonymous]

I’ve never looked down on someone based on their looks. If someone is a slob, that’s different. I actually think I’d rather be average than attractive. I think it would help me have more women friends and would help me in my male dominated career. When you’re an above average woman, people make all sorts of assumptions about you. Women assume you’re a stuck up B**** who will try to sleep with their husbands and men assume you’re not as smart (which is particularly challenging in a male dominated field which I am in). Even really minor things like wearing heels, which for an average woman makes her look polished, for someone like me makes me look instantly overly sexy. I try hard to walk the line between maintaining myself just enough to look while also downplaying my physical attributes.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, PP, for the hair and acne advice. What specific products do you recommend for hair? My hair sounds very similar too.

[Anonymous]

Unless someone looks repulsive or grotesque, then no. I have a friend who is not at all conventionally attractive. But there's something about the way that she carries herself that pulls your interest. In any case, while I like having friends who can give me tips about clothes and who can be shallow with me, it's not necessary at all in terms of being friends.