Found out my 15 yr old DS is gay AND sexually active

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you be less distressed that he is sexually active if he weren’t gay? I am not sure what your specific concerns are here.

As a generally matter, though, there is fairly little you can do to stop a sexually active teen from continuing the activity. Make sure he is fully informed of the risks and how to keep himself safe, and make sure he has access to condoms.

Just stop.

It depends on the situation and OP is wise to be concerned.

Is he in a good mental place? Is he depressed? Is he having random hookups with older men?

I'm sure many gay boys have a sweet experience of meeting a same age boy and having "firsts" together. But, many don't and feel self-destructive and have run-ins with older men that parents would not consider healthy.

All of this should be a concern for heterosexual sex as well.

Sure, if that sex includes self-hatred and internalized homophobia that sadly some gay boys need to process, regardless of how supportive their family is.

There are plenty of self-hating straight people especially girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you be less distressed that he is sexually active if he weren’t gay? I am not sure what your specific concerns are here.

As a generally matter, though, there is fairly little you can do to stop a sexually active teen from continuing the activity. Make sure he is fully informed of the risks and how to keep himself safe, and make sure he has access to condoms.

Just stop.

It depends on the situation and OP is wise to be concerned.

Is he in a good mental place? Is he depressed? Is he having random hookups with older men?

I'm sure many gay boys have a sweet experience of meeting a same age boy and having "firsts" together. But, many don't and feel self-destructive and have run-ins with older men that parents would not consider healthy.

All of this should be a concern for heterosexual sex as well.

Sure, if that sex includes self-hatred and internalized homophobia that sadly some gay boys need to process, regardless of how supportive their family is.

There are plenty of self-hating straight people especially girls.

No one said there weren’t.

OP’s post concerns her son, who is a gay male.

Does this thread involve teen girls, who are straight? No?

So WTF do you feel the need to drag teen girl problems into this thread?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank God no one is getting pregnant,
Have him see a Dr. that specializes in gay men's issues.

Make sure he knows the laws about statutory rape.

What kind of doctor specializes in “gay men’s issues”?

I'm a gay man & I made sure that I have a gay doctor so that there is no judgment or misunderstandings about health in the gay world. It used to be because of HIV. Now it's Prep. It's just easier.

It's sort of like women who prefer female obgyns.

NP with a 16 yo gay son, and thank you for this perspective. I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me, but I’m going to talk with him about whether/when he might want to switch doctors. His female pediatrician has been great and talked with him about Prep, so I think he feels supported, but this is important to keep in mind. Thanks.

This is a great point. At the very least, make sure his doctor/medical practice is LGBTQ-friendly: they are not homophobes, and have experience with gay men's health who will handle it in the supportive, nonjudgmental way every person should be able to receive from their health care providers.

Now its got me wondering, how many pediatric offices display some LGBTQ ally info, to normalize and show they are affirming. Seems important to do, but I imagine this would be controversial with some patients' families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Looking into Prep. Do they give that to minors?

Yes, as long as they are over 75lbs.

I actually read an interesting article that everyone who is sexually active should be taking it. It was interesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Looking into Prep. Do they give that to minors?

Yes, as long as they are over 75lbs.

I actually read an interesting article that everyone who is sexually active should be taking it. It was interesting.

Interesting ! I would like to read that, if you happen to still have a link.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I think 15 is way too young. That being said, if he’s sexually actively, there’s not much you can do to stop him. It’s just life. Make sure he’s got condoms and get him checked for STI’s regularly. Talk to him about the possible consequences too.

[Anonymous]

When I was 14 (male here) and unsure/confused/in denial about my sexuality one of my best friend's father (probably 40 years my senior) masturbated and fellated me. And I liked it and went back for more. To this day I have trouble accepting that it wasn't consensual because of my age and that I was molested. It's had a huge impact on my life. OP needs to make sure her son is not a victim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Looking into Prep. Do they give that to minors?

Yes, as long as they are over 75lbs.

I actually read an interesting article that everyone who is sexually active should be taking it. It was interesting.

Interesting ! I would like to read that, if you happen to still have a link.

Was it part of a Big Pharma commercial?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you be less distressed that he is sexually active if he weren’t gay? I am not sure what your specific concerns are here.

As a generally matter, though, there is fairly little you can do to stop a sexually active teen from continuing the activity. Make sure he is fully informed of the risks and how to keep himself safe, and make sure he has access to condoms.

Agree. Intentionally or not, OP’s post is seriously homophobic !

DP. “Homophobic” or not, society views relationships between adult men and teen girls and older men and teen boys differently. The movie “Call Me By My Name” was considered inspirational and won awards. Would it have been viewed the same if the teenager was a girl having an affair with a 30 year old man?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank God no one is getting pregnant,
Have him see a Dr. that specializes in gay men's issues.

Make sure he knows the laws about statutory rape.

What kind of doctor specializes in “gay men’s issues”?

I'm a gay man & I made sure that I have a gay doctor so that there is no judgment or misunderstandings about health in the gay world. It used to be because of HIV. Now it's Prep. It's just easier.

It's sort of like women who prefer female obgyns.

NP with a 16 yo gay son, and thank you for this perspective. I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me, but I’m going to talk with him about whether/when he might want to switch doctors. His female pediatrician has been great and talked with him about Prep, so I think he feels supported, but this is important to keep in mind. Thanks.

This is a great point. At the very least, make sure his doctor/medical practice is LGBTQ-friendly: they are not homophobes, and have experience with gay men's health who will handle it in the supportive, nonjudgmental way every person should be able to receive from their health care providers.

Now its got me wondering, how many pediatric offices display some LGBTQ ally info, to normalize and show they are affirming. Seems important to do, but I imagine this would be controversial with some patients' families.

My kids’ pediatricians are part of a very large practice associated with their hospital. There are multiple pediatricians listing “LGBTQ adolescent health” and “trans health” as some of their special areas of interest/practice. So I would check doctor bios for this kind of info.