Found out my 15 yr old DS is gay AND sexually active

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you be less distressed that he is sexually active if he weren’t gay? I am not sure what your specific concerns are here.

As a generally matter, though, there is fairly little you can do to stop a sexually active teen from continuing the activity. Make sure he is fully informed of the risks and how to keep himself safe, and make sure he has access to condoms.

Just stop.

It depends on the situation and OP is wise to be concerned.

Is he in a good mental place? Is he depressed? Is he having random hookups with older men?

I'm sure many gay boys have a sweet experience of meeting a same age boy and having "firsts" together. But, many don't and feel self-destructive and have run-ins with older men that parents would not consider healthy.

All of this should be a concern for heterosexual sex as well.

Sure, if that sex includes self-hatred and internalized homophobia that sadly some gay boys need to process, regardless of how supportive their family is.

Wouldn’t that be a concern even if he wasn’t sexually active?

[Anonymous]

Thank God no one is getting pregnant,
Have him see a Dr. that specializes in gay men's issues.

Make sure he knows the laws about statutory rape.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank God no one is getting pregnant,
Have him see a Dr. that specializes in gay men's issues.

Make sure he knows the laws about statutory rape.

What kind of doctor specializes in “gay men’s issues”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank God no one is getting pregnant,
Have him see a Dr. that specializes in gay men's issues.

Make sure he knows the laws about statutory rape.

What kind of doctor specializes in “gay men’s issues”?

I'm assuming PP meant psychologist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you be less distressed that he is sexually active if he weren’t gay? I am not sure what your specific concerns are here.

As a generally matter, though, there is fairly little you can do to stop a sexually active teen from continuing the activity. Make sure he is fully informed of the risks and how to keep himself safe, and make sure he has access to condoms.

Just stop.

It depends on the situation and OP is wise to be concerned.

Is he in a good mental place? Is he depressed? Is he having random hookups with older men?

I'm sure many gay boys have a sweet experience of meeting a same age boy and having "firsts" together. But, many don't and feel self-destructive and have run-ins with older men that parents would not consider healthy.

All of this should be a concern for heterosexual sex as well.

Sure, if that sex includes self-hatred and internalized homophobia that sadly some gay boys need to process, regardless of how supportive their family is.

Wouldn’t that be a concern even if he wasn’t sexually active?

Um, yeah. Of course.

OP just learned of his coming out and his sexual activity. Kids can mask stuff for a while. Now to address all of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I assumed that my son was gay, but I wasn’t ready to hear he was sexually active. I assumed this was the age kids start having sex, but now I’m overly concerned, as I think about std’s. Has anyone else run into this?

My DS is gay but we're not at that stage yet.

Try listening to this podcast and you can even reach out to the host. She talks about her son coming out and his previously unknown sexual activity and how they dealt with this. Her son comes on the program, too.

https://chrysalismama.com

Thank you so much!

Are there any podcasts for the teens themselves?

There actually are quite a few podcasts. He'll have to find something that resonates with him.

There is also this book that I found interesting:
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/a-gay-mans-guide-to-life-britt-east/1137118433

My one beef with it is that it was written by a man who came up in a completely different generation and I don't think that his generation's hang-ups should be my son's hang-ups. I don't want to my son to bear that old school legacy. But, he's insightful. Not sure how appropriate it is for a 15-year old, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank God no one is getting pregnant,
Have him see a Dr. that specializes in gay men's issues.

Make sure he knows the laws about statutory rape.

What kind of doctor specializes in “gay men’s issues”?

I'm a gay man & I made sure that I have a gay doctor so that there is no judgment or misunderstandings about health in the gay world. It used to be because of HIV. Now it's Prep. It's just easier.

It's sort of like women who prefer female obgyns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank God no one is getting pregnant,
Have him see a Dr. that specializes in gay men's issues.

Make sure he knows the laws about statutory rape.

What kind of doctor specializes in “gay men’s issues”?

I'm a gay man & I made sure that I have a gay doctor so that there is no judgment or misunderstandings about health in the gay world. It used to be because of HIV. Now it's Prep. It's just easier.

It's sort of like women who prefer female obgyns.

Aw, that's a good point.

[Anonymous]

You just need to talk to him. Open dialogue all the time. If you have hang ups, you need to get over them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you be less distressed that he is sexually active if he weren’t gay? I am not sure what your specific concerns are here.

As a generally matter, though, there is fairly little you can do to stop a sexually active teen from continuing the activity. Make sure he is fully informed of the risks and how to keep himself safe, and make sure he has access to condoms.

Just stop.

It depends on the situation and OP is wise to be concerned.

Is he in a good mental place? Is he depressed? Is he having random hookups with older men?

I'm sure many gay boys have a sweet experience of meeting a same age boy and having "firsts" together. But, many don't and feel self-destructive and have run-ins with older men that parents would not consider healthy.

All of this should be a concern for heterosexual sex as well.

Not as often, no. First real relationships for heterosexuals are overwhelmingly within the same age range. I would share OP's concern about this, that her son could fall prey to an older predator. I would absolutely take it seriously and do whatever I could to stop it. 15 is too young for anyone to be having sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:yea, I'd be concerned if my 15 yr old was sexually active, period.

+1. Focus on your studies and ECs,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank God no one is getting pregnant,
Have him see a Dr. that specializes in gay men's issues.

Make sure he knows the laws about statutory rape.

What kind of doctor specializes in “gay men’s issues”?

I'm a gay man & I made sure that I have a gay doctor so that there is no judgment or misunderstandings about health in the gay world. It used to be because of HIV. Now it's Prep. It's just easier.

It's sort of like women who prefer female obgyns.

NP with a 16 yo gay son, and thank you for this perspective. I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me, but I’m going to talk with him about whether/when he might want to switch doctors. His female pediatrician has been great and talked with him about Prep, so I think he feels supported, but this is important to keep in mind. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank God no one is getting pregnant,
Have him see a Dr. that specializes in gay men's issues.

Make sure he knows the laws about statutory rape.

What kind of doctor specializes in “gay men’s issues”?

I'm a gay man & I made sure that I have a gay doctor so that there is no judgment or misunderstandings about health in the gay world. It used to be because of HIV. Now it's Prep. It's just easier.

It's sort of like women who prefer female obgyns.

See

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank God no one is getting pregnant,
Have him see a Dr. that specializes in gay men's issues.

Make sure he knows the laws about statutory rape.

What kind of doctor specializes in “gay men’s issues”?

I'm a gay man & I made sure that I have a gay doctor so that there is no judgment or misunderstandings about health in the gay world. It used to be because of HIV. Now it's Prep. It's just easier.

It's sort of like women who prefer female obgyns.

NP with a 16 yo gay son, and thank you for this perspective. I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me, but I’m going to talk with him about whether/when he might want to switch doctors. His female pediatrician has been great and talked with him about Prep, so I think he feels supported, but this is important to keep in mind. Thanks.

Sorry if this is a dumb question but what does Prep mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank God no one is getting pregnant,
Have him see a Dr. that specializes in gay men's issues.

Make sure he knows the laws about statutory rape.

What kind of doctor specializes in “gay men’s issues”?

I'm a gay man & I made sure that I have a gay doctor so that there is no judgment or misunderstandings about health in the gay world. It used to be because of HIV. Now it's Prep. It's just easier.

It's sort of like women who prefer female obgyns.

NP with a 16 yo gay son, and thank you for this perspective. I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me, but I’m going to talk with him about whether/when he might want to switch doctors. His female pediatrician has been great and talked with him about Prep, so I think he feels supported, but this is important to keep in mind. Thanks.

Sorry if this is a dumb question but what does Prep mean?

Pre-exposure prophylaxis, to protect against contracting HIV.