In laws attribute all intelligence to dh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait—you’re smart enough to go to TJ and graduate from top schools, but you can’t figure out how to ignore some old people enjoying their grandson? Come on, OP. You’re giving smart, accomplished women a bad rep. Grow up and let this go.

+1

[Anonymous]

I could have written this post except my in-laws are S. Asian and treat me like I have an intellectual disability. I just laugh about it because it is so ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

If it really bothers you then gets your transcripts, IQ, CogAT, PSAT, SAT, GMAT scoresheets out and make a small board to show how mommy and daddy performed equally well as students. Keep it out when ILs are visiting.

[Anonymous]

This is what happens when oversensitive meet insensitive. If you are indeed smart, set the record straight once and then just let it go.

[Anonymous]

Your kids will know the truth and will eventually tell their grandparents that their mom is smart too. Annoying that your dh isn’t chiming in and and saying that they got their intelligence from both of you. I think the only way you can shut it down is to say that you don’t want your kids to have to live up to your or dh’s accomplishments so you don’t want there to be any comparisons - ie that your kids are their own individuals, etc.

[Anonymous]

DH noticed that this bothered me. So, the next couple times they said something, he responded. They said, “DD is great at math, just like Dad!” He said, “actually dw has always been better at math than I have.” And he would talk up my professional accomplishments. Felt awkward but I realized that my kids actually don’t know about some
Of the cool things I’ve done either.

[Anonymous]

This is a cultural thing, OP, so you might wanna just ignore it. Also, based on my research boys get their IQ from their mothers so you can relay this fact to your MIL

[Anonymous]

Op, are you telling your kids that you are accomplished?

I realized that I was always complimenting my kids for being bright like my DH, or telling them they were good at something like [relative], and it wasn’t me because I was trying to connect them to our family members. DH take about how smart I am to the kids, but I spend more time with them, so they were hearing more from me about DH than from Him about me.

Then one day my oldest DD asked me when DH was coming home so he could help with a math project. I told her I could help and she told me I wasn’t very good at math. I was shocked - I have a PhD in engineering and do lots of numerical analysis for my job. Now I don’t hesitate to tell my kids what I am good at/have accomplished.

[Anonymous]

Just make sure that you all about yourself a lot in front of the kids. Presumably, they don't see granny that frequently so talk yourself up all the time so that at some point, they can come back and say "granny, did you know that mom was a math major?" or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Sorry. That’s annoying.

My in laws do a variation on this where they attribute all of our kids’ failings to me (I’m the mom). And if it is an academic failing then they whisper-add at the “well, your mother isn’t Jewish like us, so she doesn’t really value education.”

But, but…. I have an MD/PhD! I was in school for 13 years AFTER college. Oh well. I gave up on my in laws long ago. The kids don’t seem to care much anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry. That’s annoying.

My in laws do a variation on this where they attribute all of our kids’ failings to me (I’m the mom). And if it is an academic failing then they whisper-add at the “well, your mother isn’t Jewish like us, so she doesn’t really value education.”

But, but…. I have an MD/PhD! I was in school for 13 years AFTER college. Oh well. I gave up on my in laws long ago. The kids don’t seem to care much anyway.

These stories are all so painful but so funny.

[Anonymous]

It’s annoying but really common in a lot of ways. Some folks are constantly looking for the connection between the kid and their family. Sometimes it’s looks. Sometimes it’s personality, intelligence, and interests, you name it. My in laws are lovely but it really bugged me when kids are babies, but really it’s just about trying to find family connection with their grandchild. For what it’s worth, I find most of that silly; at some point, we are our own people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of my sons has dark hair and FIL attributed it to a mysterious Mafioso that great grandma Tillie was rumored to have had an affair with. Instead of, oh I don't know, the child's dark haired mother.

Ok this is legit hilarious. As is the fact that your FIL is openly admitting his side of the family is illegitimate

[Anonymous]

It's their cultural background to back the fragile male ego.

I agree with the approach of discussing with him and having him reinforce the "both" wording.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ILs do this. They even said something to my parents about it. H and I attended the same Ivy League undergrad. My mother basically told my MIL to jump off a bridge last time she started in on this topic.

lol my mom would stick up for me too

my parent strangely do not do this--they attribute characteristics to both me and my husband