In laws attribute all intelligence to dh
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Anonymous
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I went to tj, majored in economics, went to a top business school, and worked at a prestigious consulting firm
DH went to a west coast math science school, majored in engineering, went to SAME business school and worked for SAME consulting firm In-laws (who I fully admit bug me for many reasons) attribute 100% of our kids intelligence and cleverness to dh. Literally acting like I’m a potato and they could have only gotten brain cells for dh / their family (they also do this with all positive traits but given I have all boys and they imply they got their smarts from dad particularly gets under my skin) Can I point out our identical background to shut that down? It really bugs me to think my sons would think “dads so smart and mom is nice” or some other very gendered stereotype |
Anonymous
| Op adding on - it’s very very regular, things like ds does a math problem and they say “you’re good with numbers, you got that from your dad!” Or ds asks curious Qs and they say “you ask clever questions, just like your dad!” - we see them often and there is never ever a “just like your mom!” |
Anonymous
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1. You sound insecure and overly sensitive.
2. Speak with DH about your feelings and ask him to speak with his parents. |
Anonymous
| Beat them to it. When they he’s good at math (or whatever) cut them off and say, “yep just like me!” |
Anonymous
| Are they from a male oriented culture? it's obnoxious. Your husband should correct them and remind them of how bright you are. |
Anonymous
They are from a middle eastern culture but funnily my MIL was the main breadwinner / professional success. They attribute all things to their family, my one kids blue eyes aren’t from me (who has blue eyes!!) but from great uncle whoever (yes I understand genetics that they needed to have a part to, but they act like I have no part). The smarts one particularly bugs me though bc I don’t want my kids to view me as the female support to my husbands “smart” star |
Anonymous
| They knew your DH at that age, they did not know you so they have no idea if your children also take after you. |
Anonymous
This is correct. It doesn't come from a bad place, but it's certainly insensitive and ultimately rude. Time to craft some zingers, OP! |
Anonymous
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Mine do the same. And when MIL gets together with her sisters, they attribute every characteristic of my kids to their side of the family as in “she gets her singing voice from grandpa Joe” or “that blonde hair comes from grandma” never mind that there are many blondes in my family with good voices! It’s as if I was merely a vessel for my DH’s creation.
It’s annoying AF but I just sit there and grit my teeth. |
Anonymous
| Just smile and nod. Can't fix stupid. By which I mean, them. |
Anonymous
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I’m sorry, OP. That’s maddening. I really don’t think you need to worry about this having any impact on how your kids view you though. They know you are bright from interacting with you every day. They also likely will have a clearer view of your in-laws foibles as they age.
My MIL was very similar when my kids were little and while I tried to rise above it, I had a few weak moments along the way. One still cracks me up. My kids did a genealogy project in 5th grade, and MIL surprised me by volunteering to work with DD on the project—she wasn’t the most helpful in general. I was delighted to get out of this and gave DD my family’s family tree and some photos and bullet points to use for the poster board. She spent a few hours with MIL over the next couple weekends, and they wrapped it the night before it was due. When DD showed it to us, I was very surprised to see that all three of the panels were completely covered with photos of, and facts about, MIL’s family of origin. Not only was there nothing there re my family, she had included nothing for FIL’s family (she later said they ran out of room). I started laughing and said “That is just so classic Grandma Larla!” DD cracked up too, and said she’d noticed that MIL really only ever talked about herself. MIL has gotten better about this with age. I think she eventually realized it wasn’t all a competition she needed to win. |
Anonymous
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Well, thank goodness you were smart enough to marry him.
I'm not being snarky. I am mocking your thin skin. Get over it, OP. Their his parents and they love him. And maybe, just maybe, now that they've figured out how hypersensitive you are about it, they may be escalating a bit. So get over your fine self and maybe they'll back off ... |
Anonymous
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AbsoLUTELY you can and SHOULD point it out to them.
"You DO know that DH and I went to the exact SAME top business school, and worked at a prestigious consulting firm, right? Do you think I'm a potato who contributed nothing but a womb? Because that's how you talk." |
Anonymous
| Sounds like they don't like you, and are doing this to get under your skin. And, clearly, it's working, because here you are. |
Anonymous
| Meh. Everyone knows that intelligence stems from the mom. |