In laws attribute all intelligence to dh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meh. Everyone knows that intelligence stems from the mom.

Yup. They’re just insecure that their son is married to such an intelligent woman. They want to inflate his ego a little to make him feel better.

[Anonymous]

First, I totally get why this would be annoying to you. Second, I agree with advice to ask DH to tell them to stop it.

[Anonymous]

This in part is a cultural thing. They are not going to stop. If your husband asks them to stop, I guarantee they will not understand, or even worse, your MIL will do it even more because she knows she has gotten under your skin (she probably already knows this).

They absolutely believe they are superior to Americans and "American Culture". Don't be so insecure. You are giving them too much headspace. You have to find other ways to eff with them, or, beat them to the punch as others have suggested. Your MIL will respect you more for that.

[Anonymous]

Drinking game? My MIL does the same but I cut her some slack because we lost my FIL a long time ago and she just wants to be reminded of him. Be happy they aren't suspicious about your husbands parentage of the children!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op adding on - it’s very very regular, things like ds does a math problem and they say “you’re good with numbers, you got that from your dad!” Or ds asks curious Qs and they say “you ask clever questions, just like your dad!” - we see them often and there is never ever a “just like your mom!”

Reply with this

"I won't insult your intelligence by suggesting that you really believe what you just said.“

[Anonymous]

OP, I lived this. Literally every time my in-laws saw my kids, from birth, they would pick apart the kids' features and attribute them to someone in DH's family. Blue eyes? From DH's great-grandmother, despite the fact my mom and some siblings are blond and blue-eyes. The shape of their ears? Those are like DH's brother. As kids got older, they started attributing their character traits and athleticism to DH's family. Intelligence? Definitely like DH, despite the fact that we went to the same grad school and I did better academically! Good at swimming? Just like DH's brother - who is so unathletic it's funny, meanwhile I grew up doing swim team and swam year-round. Other PPs can call you sensitive, but I totally get it. It's beyond annoying that they they have some cellular-level need to have your kids be a reflection of them.

[Anonymous]

One of my sons has dark hair and FIL attributed it to a mysterious Mafioso that great grandma Tillie was rumored to have had an affair with. Instead of, oh I don't know, the child's dark haired mother.

[Anonymous]

Ha! Jokes on them. I’ve read that genetically boys get their intelligence from their mothers.

[Anonymous]

joke’s * (stupid autocorrect)

[Anonymous]

https://psychology-spot.com/did-you-know-that-intelligence-is/


Print this and hand out copies at the next paternal family get together!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to tj, majored in economics, went to a top business school, and worked at a prestigious consulting firm

DH went to a west coast math science school, majored in engineering, went to SAME business school and worked for SAME consulting firm

In-laws (who I fully admit bug me for many reasons) attribute 100% of our kids intelligence and cleverness to dh. Literally acting like I’m a potato and they could have only gotten brain cells for dh / their family (they also do this with all positive traits but given I have all boys and they imply they got their smarts from dad particularly gets under my skin) Can I point out our identical background to shut that down? It really bugs me to think my sons would think “dads so smart and mom is nice” or some other very gendered stereotype

Honestly, you do sound dumb. Why did you marry into a family like this?? Sounds like a stupid thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to tj, majored in economics, went to a top business school, and worked at a prestigious consulting firm

DH went to a west coast math science school, majored in engineering, went to SAME business school and worked for SAME consulting firm

In-laws (who I fully admit bug me for many reasons) attribute 100% of our kids intelligence and cleverness to dh. Literally acting like I’m a potato and they could have only gotten brain cells for dh / their family (they also do this with all positive traits but given I have all boys and they imply they got their smarts from dad particularly gets under my skin) Can I point out our identical background to shut that down? It really bugs me to think my sons would think “dads so smart and mom is nice” or some other very gendered stereotype

Honestly, you do sound dumb. Why did you marry into a family like this?? Sounds like a stupid thing to do.

+1. I am questioning your intelligence in all of this -- marrying into a family like this, not being smart enough to know how to handle it, etc. What gives, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meh. Everyone knows that intelligence stems from the mom.

That's probably what's worrying the in-laws. If they offer to start paying for Kumon/tutoring for your kids, OP, you'll know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I lived this. Literally every time my in-laws saw my kids, from birth, they would pick apart the kids' features and attribute them to someone in DH's family. Blue eyes? From DH's great-grandmother, despite the fact my mom and some siblings are blond and blue-eyes. The shape of their ears? Those are like DH's brother. As kids got older, they started attributing their character traits and athleticism to DH's family. Intelligence? Definitely like DH, despite the fact that we went to the same grad school and I did better academically! Good at swimming? Just like DH's brother - who is so unathletic it's funny, meanwhile I grew up doing swim team and swam year-round. Other PPs can call you sensitive, but I totally get it. It's beyond annoying that they they have some cellular-level need to have your kids be a reflection of them.

Our kids have red hair and it is a topic of the ILs' conversation each and every time they visit. They attribute it to DH's father and to DH, both of whom are redheads - while I, with my red hair (which I inherited from BOTH parents), stand there in all of my ginger glory and smile and nod.

It's ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

DHs mother did this for many years. Although it got to be a pathetic joke, I resented it.