Bought the in-laws house and now they won’t move out for an undetermined amount of time.

[Anonymous]

I am pretty financially clueless and my DH takes care of that stuff (before you attack, we are both hardcore feminists but he just likes doing the finances better). So, I consider myself more clueless than is likely healthy. But even I would know if I was buying a house if I was buying the house or a mortgage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be honest, op. Did you pay market price for the house?

If they recently refied OP & DH surely did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go live in their second home. Take the kids. Leave the husband.

And if the second home is too far away, find an apartment. Get into therapy with your husband so you can get on the same page about who you're living with, how much caregiving support the two of you are willing to do for his parents, etc. I wouldn't move into the in-laws house if they haven't moved out, because there's no way you'll have the freedom to move your own stuff in and if they haven't first moved their stuff out.

I would also start looking for a job, because things sound rocky with your DH.

Where did OP say they don’t already work outside the home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go live in their second home. Take the kids. Leave the husband.

And if the second home is too far away, find an apartment. Get into therapy with your husband so you can get on the same page about who you're living with, how much caregiving support the two of you are willing to do for his parents, etc. I wouldn't move into the in-laws house if they haven't moved out, because there's no way you'll have the freedom to move your own stuff in and if they haven't first moved their stuff out.

I would also start looking for a job, because things sound rocky with your DH.

Where did OP say they don’t already work outside the home?

DP but OP says DH is “sole” breadwinner. Thus my concern he’s making her take caregiver role.

[Anonymous]

OP-Take note of the rare DCUM unicorn 🦄: consensus. And it it is a truly rare one. Not only is there agreement about what a jackass your husband is, but there is consensus that you need to leave. This isn’t the usual cry of “DIVORCE!” but rather a measured response to a situation that is not sustainable as presented.

Good luck to you. DCUM Nation has spoken.

[Anonymous]

OP wouldn't be singing this tune if it were her parents living there. Selfish wife, bad life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP wouldn't be singing this tune if it were her parents living there. Selfish wife, bad life.

I would be more upset to live w my parents than my in laws.

-not OP

[Anonymous]

DH is enmeshed with his parents. You will always come last, always. The three of them knew the deal. I’m sorry, OP. Time to meet with a lawyer and review your options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP wouldn't be singing this tune if it were her parents living there. Selfish wife, bad life.

Doubt her husband would have been left out of the decisionmaking. This is financial infidelity.

[Anonymous]

OP here -

No, my name is not on the mortgage but it is on the title. DH and I have always had separate finances. He pays for everything and I don’t pay for any bills. I have a small, side job that pays for any of my personal things but otherwise DH handles and pays for everything on our joint credit card.

OP here, the house was valued around 750, but needs about 200K in repairs. We paid 450.

We don’t have any children together, I have an 18 year old in college. This is both our second marriage. We’ve been together for 10 years and our in our 40’s.

[Anonymous]

So… why don’t you work more. If DH is making all the money, it limits your leverage. Since you don’t work full time, he might think you have the bandwidth to be a caregiver. Can you even afford to move out? Women, don’t ever stop working!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here -

No, my name is not on the mortgage but it is on the title. DH and I have always had separate finances. He pays for everything and I don’t pay for any bills. I have a small, side job that pays for any of my personal things but otherwise DH handles and pays for everything on our joint credit card.

OP here, the house was valued around 750, but needs about 200K in repairs. We paid 450.

We don’t have any children together, I have an 18 year old in college. This is both our second marriage. We’ve been together for 10 years and our in our 40’s.

I’ve re-read your first post and this one. So what is your question? How can we help?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here -

No, my name is not on the mortgage but it is on the title. DH and I have always had separate finances. He pays for everything and I don’t pay for any bills. I have a small, side job that pays for any of my personal things but otherwise DH handles and pays for everything on our joint credit card.

OP here, the house was valued around 750, but needs about 200K in repairs. We paid 450.

We don’t have any children together, I have an 18 year old in college. This is both our second marriage. We’ve been together for 10 years and our in our 40’s.

It sounds like you need to get a job that actually supports yourself and your child. And maybe your DH thinks that now that your child is in college, it's fair for you to be his parents' caregiver since you don't have much of a job. He's still an awful husband for doing this without your consent, but I can see how in his mind your time belongs to the family.

[Anonymous]

This is the exact thing people are thinking of when they warn against being a SAHM. You have no leverage and that's why he is treating you like crap and getting away with it. You need to get a job so that you can move out. Otherwise he won't believe anything you say. He'll just go off to work and leave you to deal with the ILs all day, every day.

[Anonymous]

Look on the brightside: DH's parents can take care of kids during the day and you can go back to work and bring in some income.