Bought the in-laws house and now they won’t move out for an undetermined amount of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, don’t move in. Tell your husband that you will need to sell that house and buy another one. Need a marriage counselor or individual counselor to walk you through this. If you move in before they move out, it is not your house.

This is your only leverage OP. Get a rental if you have to since your current home is sold. I would absolutely not move in until they move out. If you do, you give up the only leverage you have.

[Anonymous]

I just don't get how your husband gets to decide who you live with without discussing it with you first and making this decision together. You say he is adamant they can stay. Why is he the only one that gets a say?

What a horrible way to treat your wife.

I'm not even saying that it's the right thing to kick your inlaws out right away, but it is 100% wrong to just assume that you have to be ok with this arrangement.

[Anonymous]

You married a man-baby OP! Insist on marriage counseling.

[Anonymous]

get over it or get out
those are your options

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Holy shit, your husband is a jackass for setting you up like this.

He didn’t know either that they would be extending their time in the home - but he doesn’t care either way. He’s happy to live with his parents and support them in whatever they need. Although, I should add they have a SECOND home that’s in a rural area. IMHO - they made bad choices. They chose to refinance every year and has this big plan to move out to the country despite the fact that my MIL is seriously ill and has her entire medical team in town. There’s medical equipment everywhere in the house. My husband wants to rip up the 40+ year old carpet and my SIL’s kids often come over to stay the night. There’s just no peace anywhere - it’s still the family hub.

Oh, dear. Of course he did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I would give him an ultimatum to evict his parents and their things by a certain date or I would divorce. I’m not usually an ultimatum person and don’t take marriage lightly, but this is a serious breach of your marriage bond. How is it that you sold your house and then bought their house without knowing the full situation? Did you use all the proceeds from the sale of your house to buy this one and did you need a mortgage in addition?

OP here - we bought their home 4 months ago and have been paying the mortgage ever since. We just sold ours.

The plan always was that they would stay for a night here and there every few months for my MIL’a doctor appointments. But then they just kind of informed my husband they would be staying for an undetermined amount of time due to their medical issues. They’ve made no movement to move anything. There’s no room for our stuff. I will be tip toeing in my home. My husband is adamant that they can stay as long as they need and we are footing the bill.

What is your husband’s plan for all of the stuff you need to start moving out of your old house? Is he going to pay for a massive storage unit to hold all your furniture?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I would give him an ultimatum to evict his parents and their things by a certain date or I would divorce. I’m not usually an ultimatum person and don’t take marriage lightly, but this is a serious breach of your marriage bond. How is it that you sold your house and then bought their house without knowing the full situation? Did you use all the proceeds from the sale of your house to buy this one and did you need a mortgage in addition?

OP here - we bought their home 4 months ago and have been paying the mortgage ever since. We just sold ours.

The plan always was that they would stay for a night here and there every few months for my MIL’a doctor appointments. But then they just kind of informed my husband they would be staying for an undetermined amount of time due to their medical issues. They’ve made no movement to move anything. There’s no room for our stuff. I will be tip toeing in my home. My husband is adamant that they can stay as long as they need and we are footing the bill.

What is your husband’s plan for all of the stuff you need to start moving out of your old house? Is he going to pay for a massive storage unit to hold all your furniture?

This. Ask him where he thinks everything will fit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Holy shit, your husband is a jackass for setting you up like this.

He didn’t know either that they would be extending their time in the home - but he doesn’t care either way. He’s happy to live with his parents and support them in whatever they need. Although, I should add they have a SECOND home that’s in a rural area. IMHO - they made bad choices. They chose to refinance every year and has this big plan to move out to the country despite the fact that my MIL is seriously ill and has her entire medical team in town. There’s medical equipment everywhere in the house. My husband wants to rip up the 40+ year old carpet and my SIL’s kids often come over to stay the night. There’s just no peace anywhere - it’s still the family hub[b].

Oh, dear. Of course he did.

You said in your original post that you ILs really wanted you and your husband to buy their home. It sounds like they didn't have enough money to keep their home but that they want their cake and eat it too--continue living in their home without having to pay for it and preserve it as the "family hub" where they can continue to host your SIL's kids and carry on as normal--indefinetly while continuing to profess interest in moving to their second home.

I have hosted several relatives (my own and my DH's) recovering from a health problem from periods ranging from 2 weeks to 2 months. I have gladly done it, but it is stressful since their needs (food, doctor's visits, etc) tend to dominate and add extra work to the household (usually shouldered by me since I am at home during the day). You won't just be a "roommate" as you said in an earlier post--you may very well become a caretaker too. How many children do you have?

[Anonymous]

Unless this house is HUGE - like 5,000+ sq ft, there’s zero chance I’d move in. Zero.

Get an apartment and start marriage therapy if you want to stay with him.

[Anonymous]

You sound extremely wealthy. Go rent another house while you sell that one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Holy shit, your husband is a jackass for setting you up like this.

He didn’t know either that they would be extending their time in the home - but he doesn’t care either way. He’s happy to live with his parents and support them in whatever they need. Although, I should add they have a SECOND home that’s in a rural area. IMHO - they made bad choices. They chose to refinance every year and has this big plan to move out to the country despite the fact that my MIL is seriously ill and has her entire medical team in town. There’s medical equipment everywhere in the house. My husband wants to rip up the 40+ year old carpet and my SIL’s kids often come over to stay the night. There’s just no peace anywhere - it’s still the family hub.

He may not have “known” but the red flags were all there.

Marriage counseling stat. Like yesterday. Your in laws aren’t moving.

[Anonymous]

He’s not the one who is going to “support” them however they need. He just signed you up for bedpan duty.

[Anonymous]

Be honest, op. Did you pay market price for the house?

[Anonymous]

You need to look for a job. It's the only way you'll have any leverage, and you're going to need one since your ILs clearly aren't in a good place financially.

Sorry that your DH is a duplicitous weasel. Let this be a lesson to all SAHWs.

[Anonymous]

They are going to stay. The plan is you will become their caregiver in their home.