Please suggest a kind and gentle school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:UVA

+1
My introspective, very bright kid has found their tribe. Ignore the stereotypes.

Nope. I am an alum so no axe to grind but "kind and gentle?" it is not

[Anonymous]

To the OP -- you might reconsider the idea that any size school is fine. Smaller schools where students are in smaller classes from the very start might be helpful for your son. DC has never had a class of more than 30 even as a a freshman in a "101" type of survey class. Almost immediately DC had small seminars where the professors knew every student and were aware if a student missed even one class, or was struggling, or seemed to be having issues. You can get that in certain courses even at larger universities of course, but often, not until a few years in, when the student is taking smaller classes for the major subject. Just something to keep in mind if your son would feel lost or get frustrated in very large lecture courses freshman and sophomore years.

Someone mentioned CTCL (Colleges That Change Lives) above and that's worth a look too.

Also do not be reluctant to ask, or more importantly, have your son ask, about specifics re: counseling staff and facilities. And OP, have him dig into what activities and organizations exist on campuses -- he might find himself settling in better and having a much better experience if he has truly engaging and interesting extracurricular activities like a club or other groups in which he can get involved, have fun, get a break from academics, give a sense of perspective (not everything, 24/7, is about classes), etc.

I would add: A post above makes a vast generalization about how colleges that attract "rich, elite" kids are not going to be good for your son. Apart from the fact that "rich" is relative and "elite" means different things to different people -- my kid goes to what I guess some here would call a SLAC that attracts rich, elite kids, but it also attracts a lot of kids who are neither, and is about as far from competitive and snobby as it gets. More cooperative than competitive, and since it's small, and classes are small, professors do know each student and know when something's up with that student.

Finally all of this is fine but your son should focus first on where he can get the best and most fitting -- for him-- education in the field he wants to study. He could find a gentle, highly supportive college, but if it does not have an academic program for his major that engages, interests and challenges him enough, he might end up bored and frustrated, which could lead to its own problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tread carefully WRT William and Mary. Students have heavy workloads and the profs have very high expectations. The freshman (non-Lemon, or the else Monroe Scholars’) dorms are in deplorable condition for the most expensive state-supported school in the country.
Please be aware that mental health issues can become an issue. https://flathatnews.com/2021/05/03/84-forced-hospitalizations-in-six-years-students-detail-negative-experiences-with-mental-health-services/

Is this true re: W&M? We're waiting to hear application status and were aware of the heavy workloads, but also heard it was a supportive environment. Didn't know the freshman dorms were also horrible - is that true?

didn't you tour the campus?

Sure did, but couldn't see the dorms - actually, when we went we couldn't see much of anything. That's what I asked!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd look for a school with a pre-frosh summer program. My university used to bring incoming freshman to campus for 6-8 weeks for summer programs to help them get acclimated and enrichment. It was super low stress, but meant that you had preexisting friends and knew your way around when you showed up in the fall. You would also hear from upper classmen what courses or professors to avoid. It was a nice soft start.

I have no idea what schools do these now, especially with covid, but it's worth looking.

And, beyond the summer introduction, how do they handle the freshman experience? One thing I liked from our tour of Mary Washington is that all the freshman participate in a small first year seminar (like 15ish students), the professor for that seminar is also their first year advisor and they live in the same dorm with their seminar classmates. It sounds like a good way to build community connections early on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd look for a school with a pre-frosh summer program. My university used to bring incoming freshman to campus for 6-8 weeks for summer programs to help them get acclimated and enrichment. It was super low stress, but meant that you had preexisting friends and knew your way around when you showed up in the fall. You would also hear from upper classmen what courses or professors to avoid. It was a nice soft start.

I have no idea what schools do these now, especially with covid, but it's worth looking.

And, beyond the summer introduction, how do they handle the freshman experience? One thing I liked from our tour of Mary Washington is that all the freshman participate in a small first year seminar (like 15ish students), the professor for that seminar is also their first year advisor and they live in the same dorm with their seminar classmates. It sounds like a good way to build community connections early on.

I'm the one who suggested the summer program. I totally disagree that a class during the semester is useful. It sounds like a total waste of time and make me claustrophobic. You have to live with those 15 people all year? A professor is checking on you? Ick. With a summer program you can keep in touch with those you like and dump those you don't.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the suggestions. My DC is a good student for the most part, but he can be easily derailed by cruelty. The frat scene would not be a good place. He is kind, currently working as a volunteer helping those in need. But he has suffered from depression. I like the idea of schools in sunnier locations, but those would be far away, and the four to five hour drive radius is attractive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the suggestions. My DC is a good student for the most part, but he can be easily derailed by cruelty. The frat scene would not be a good place. He is kind, currently working as a volunteer helping those in need. But he has suffered from depression. I like the idea of schools in sunnier locations, but those would be far away, and the four to five hour drive radius is attractive.

I would not suggest CNU. It’s just anecdotal, but i have two family friends who were not able to get the help they needed for anxiety and depression at CNU. One did stay and graduate in 5 years, but it was a struggle. The other came home.

[Anonymous]

I've always heard that William and Mary is a stress factory full of socially-awkward, high-stress, overly-competitive students who don't know how to have any fun. Doesn't seem like it would be a good fit, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to describe what you are seeking by “kind and gentle” - do you mean kind students (all will have some but bone will have all), easy connections with profs, actual academic and emotional supports.

for starters-Dickinson, Albright, Elon

in state colleges in dcum area - JMU or SMCM

Also Mary Washington

+100

[Anonymous]

No one is going to think W & M is a good fit. Only parents focused more on prestige.

[Anonymous]

I think it's near impossible to consider any campus "kind and gentle" because these places are smaller subsets of the world. The world is not always kind and gentle unfortunately. The best thing you can do for your kiddo is highlight coping mechanisms that he can put into place and that he can control to deal with the moments he is "triggered". Internal locus of control vs. external locus of control. Maybe it's going to the gym, or maybe he gets involved with a club of some sort. I just think there will always be all sorts of people on a college campus. Your son has to learn how to navigate finding a supportive set of like-minded friends or else you are setting him up for failing in the real world. He will always have to deal with some kind of conflict. He might surprise you and that's part of the growth that happens when going to college. Also, talking to a school counselor will help!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the suggestions. My DC is a good student for the most part, but he can be easily derailed by cruelty. The frat scene would not be a good place. He is kind, currently working as a volunteer helping those in need. But he has suffered from depression. I like the idea of schools in sunnier locations, but those would be far away, and the four to five hour drive radius is attractive.

My DD is headed to UMW. They have a couple of things that sound like they would be good for your son. First, they have a very "personal" feel to the school. So different from the big-state-U's that I went to. Second, they have two programs for kids who want to come to campus a little early and do some community service or leadership activities with a smaller group of students -- kind of a way to build connections as well. And then there is the freshman seminar program where you pick a kind of funky class and there are only 15 students in the class, also in the same residence hall, so that you will naturally connect up. When they did the "freshman experience" webinar last week, they talked about "your support team" being the seminar professor, your advisor, an upper class assistant to the seminar, etc... I commented to my kid that when I went to college I didn't have a "support team!" I had myself, and I had to figure it all out. I think there is a real benefit to a college that sets it up for every freshman to have several different support options/faculty connections/student connections from the get-go.

I also get the feeling that the kids who go to UMW are nice, unassuming, somewhat quirky kids -- the kind of people who make good friends, not the toxic-masculinity or toxic-femininity kids.

(1) it's worth looking at UMW and they have rolling admissions -- and merit aid for 3.0 gpa or better. (2) Even if you don't end up there, you should look for similar programs in other schools -- policies and programs built into their college to set kids up for success and get them to connect with others.

[Anonymous]

New College of South Florida in Sarasota. Further away than you want but otherwise ticks all the boxes. I’m 40 now but my best friend in HS, who was very similar to your child, attended and absolutely blossomed and thrives there.

[Anonymous]

A few points: 1. I agree with the poster who said you can’t consider any campus kind and gentle. You will find supportive professors and unsupportive professors on every type of campus. You will also find every type of student. 2. Campus environments have changed a lot bc of Covid the last couple of years and many staff members are just trying to get by. Whereas 5 years ago, they would have gone above and beyond to help a student, now they may be doing the bare minimum. Not bc they don’t care - they are just exhausted and running on fumes. 3. If your ds will need any kind of accommodations (single room, extra time, etc.) look into how those are decided. Not every office is run the same. 4. If you have a child with an actual diagnosis, do not rely on campus counseling. Make sure your child has a private provider in the state where s/he goes to school or that your kid’s current provider is licensed where your kid goes to school for remote sessions. If you live in MD and your provider is there but your kid is going to school in VA, make sure your kid can see provider remotely in VA.

My dd was convinced that a small lac was the best fit for her and that everyone there was so “kind.” Turns out everyone had social skills of 5th graders. When she tried to get accommodations (she has diagnosis), she had to have a meeting with disability office and then they had to have a meeting to vote. By then she decided to transfer to larger public school - she got accommodations (extra time) in one meeting with a rep from disability office. The people are nicer and more inclusive. There are more clubs to join and they are better funded. She feels that there are more options to find your people on a large campus. Her new campus had Greek life but you can find people without joining a sorority or fraternity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:New College of South Florida in Sarasota. Further away than you want but otherwise ticks all the boxes. I’m 40 now but my best friend in HS, who was very similar to your child, attended and absolutely blossomed and thrives there.

would St. Mary’s MD be the closer to home version of New College? Not quite as individualized but still . . .