Navigating post-second date

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This man is breadcrumbing you. He likes you enough to want to hang out with you but he has other people he is more interested in and is making the effort with and waiting to see where that goes. He gives you just enough interest to think he might be interested.

I love learning new words.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: update. He sent a text this afternoon that said, "How does Wednesday work for some role playing?" I replied that Wednesday is great.

I'm waiting to see whether this is an actual date, or if that is his way of asking me to come over to his place to hook up (which I'm not planning to do).

definitely don't.

[Anonymous]

I’m afraid he took “role playing” the wrong way.
I find it interesting that a therapist is seeking help here, I thought you had the answer to everything

Good luck on your date

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Update.

Neither of us had texted each other after the last exchange and nearly a week went by. He sent a text yesterday asking how was my week. I replied and we had a friendly banter.

I playfully suggested we should "role play" a counseling technique sometime that we were talking about. He said he'd love that and asked, "what are your plans tomorrow"? I said I have my kids Sun-Tues and free after that. Then, he never replied.

Is this guy just flaky? It's weird that since I was not available the very next night, he never followed up.

Also, discussing counseling techniques after one date seems a bit odd and very unsexy. Are you a therapist so it came up in talk about work?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m afraid he took “role playing” the wrong way.
I find it interesting that a therapist is seeking help here, I thought you had the answer to everything

Good luck on your date

Yeah, I also found it odd that a therapist needed to post her about her lack of communication skills!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am about to jump into online dating for the very first time at age 50. So I read these kinds of threads with interest because it’s all very mystifying to me. Question for the crowd, why wouldn’t the woman in this case say, hey Bob I really enjoyed getting together yesterday and I’d like to see you next Tuesday or next Wednesday. You in?

Again assume the model that both parties are somewhere between 40 and 60 and have been married before. We’re not teenage virgins. So I guess what I’m not understanding is why doesn’t the female take the lead once in a while? In all of these threads it’s a female sitting around wondering exactly how many hours is the right number of hours for the mail two make a move.

OP: I can only speak for myself, but yes I'm 42 and like when the guy takes the lead in the beginning. Women are looking for signals from men that they are interested, and that is attractive to me. Once we're in a relationship, I'm happy to plan stuff, but in the beginning, I would like to be with a guy who makes the effort to ask me out and plan dates.

Ok, but maybe this expectation/desire of yours is in fact having a detrimental effect on your dating life. You're sitting by your phone like a lovelorn teen from the 50's, hoping Johnny Angel will call. If you ask him out directly, you'll have a much better idea of where you stand with him. Or, just give up on him since he's not embodying your macho male ideals.

No. Men who don’t make effort or either lazy or not into you. You don t understand. You said yourself you don’t have much recent experience dating,

[Anonymous]

He sent a text this afternoon that said, "How does Wednesday work for some role playing?" I replied that Wednesday is great.

Did he leave you hanging again?! He's not in a rush, huh...

This feel like him deciding if he should give you his time or not; and like you have all the time available for him (whole Wednesday).
It should be vice versa, at least in the beginning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

He sent a text this afternoon that said, "How does Wednesday work for some role playing?" I replied that Wednesday is great.

Did he leave you hanging again?! He's not in a rush, huh...

This feel like him deciding if he should give you his time or not; and like you have all the time available for him (whole Wednesday).
It should be vice versa, at least in the beginning.

OP: haha yes- he left me hanging again! After I replied that Wednesday is great, he didn't respond. Still waiting to hear whether this will be a "real" date, or more of an invitation to hook up.

The weird thing is that he came on strong during our two dates in person, telling me I'm an amazing woman, and the "real deal". So not sure how to interpret the slow action.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

He sent a text this afternoon that said, "How does Wednesday work for some role playing?" I replied that Wednesday is great.

Did he leave you hanging again?! He's not in a rush, huh...

This feel like him deciding if he should give you his time or not; and like you have all the time available for him (whole Wednesday).
It should be vice versa, at least in the beginning.

OP: haha yes- he left me hanging again! After I replied that Wednesday is great, he didn't respond. Still waiting to hear whether this will be a "real" date, or more of an invitation to hook up.

The weird thing is that he came on strong during our two dates in person, telling me I'm an amazing woman, and the "real deal". So not sure how to interpret the slow action.

Sorry, OP. It sounds like he's a player. He probably says that to all his dates. Other pp's had good insight that he's keeping a lot of women in rotation and you're not a priority. A guy who's really into you would have quickly scheduled a date the multiple times you've provided your availability. You sound like a nice, honest person, and you can do better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

He sent a text this afternoon that said, "How does Wednesday work for some role playing?" I replied that Wednesday is great.

Did he leave you hanging again?! He's not in a rush, huh...

This feel like him deciding if he should give you his time or not; and like you have all the time available for him (whole Wednesday).
It should be vice versa, at least in the beginning.

OP: haha yes- he left me hanging again! After I replied that Wednesday is great, he didn't respond. Still waiting to hear whether this will be a "real" date, or more of an invitation to hook up.

The weird thing is that he came on strong during our two dates in person, telling me I'm an amazing woman, and the "real deal". So not sure how to interpret the slow action.

Sorry, OP. It sounds like he's a player. He probably says that to all his dates. Other pp's had good insight that he's keeping a lot of women in rotation and you're not a priority. A guy who's really into you would have quickly scheduled a date the multiple times you've provided your availability. You sound like a nice, honest person, and you can do better.

OP: Thank you! I'm actually not too stressed because I've gone on 4 dates with another guy who I really like. I'm just kind of waiting to see what, if anything, happens with this other guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

He sent a text this afternoon that said, "How does Wednesday work for some role playing?" I replied that Wednesday is great.

Did he leave you hanging again?! He's not in a rush, huh...

This feel like him deciding if he should give you his time or not; and like you have all the time available for him (whole Wednesday).
It should be vice versa, at least in the beginning.

OP: haha yes- he left me hanging again! After I replied that Wednesday is great, he didn't respond. Still waiting to hear whether this will be a "real" date, or more of an invitation to hook up.

The weird thing is that he came on strong during our two dates in person, telling me I'm an amazing woman, and the "real deal". So not sure how to interpret the slow action.

As always, watch the actions not the words. We've all been through this: them coming on really strong only to deflate and drag their feet shortly after.
I still think there are some other candidates, besides you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

He sent a text this afternoon that said, "How does Wednesday work for some role playing?" I replied that Wednesday is great.

Did he leave you hanging again?! He's not in a rush, huh...

This feel like him deciding if he should give you his time or not; and like you have all the time available for him (whole Wednesday).
It should be vice versa, at least in the beginning.

OP: haha yes- he left me hanging again! After I replied that Wednesday is great, he didn't respond. Still waiting to hear whether this will be a "real" date, or more of an invitation to hook up.

The weird thing is that he came on strong during our two dates in person, telling me I'm an amazing woman, and the "real deal". So not sure how to interpret the slow action.

I told you earlier how to interpret it but you didn't like that answer, I guess. He is breadcrumbing you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

He sent a text this afternoon that said, "How does Wednesday work for some role playing?" I replied that Wednesday is great.

Did he leave you hanging again?! He's not in a rush, huh...

This feel like him deciding if he should give you his time or not; and like you have all the time available for him (whole Wednesday).
It should be vice versa, at least in the beginning.

OP: haha yes- he left me hanging again! After I replied that Wednesday is great, he didn't respond. Still waiting to hear whether this will be a "real" date, or more of an invitation to hook up.

The weird thing is that he came on strong during our two dates in person, telling me I'm an amazing woman, and the "real deal". So not sure how to interpret the slow action.

I told you earlier how to interpret it but you didn't like that answer, I guess. He is breadcrumbing you.

He likes you enough to sleep with you and/or to test drive you. He has not decided that he likes you enough to want a relationship and is leaning either no or increasingly expect you to do the work. Has he spent any real money on you? That is a pretty good indicator of his true interest and intentions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am about to jump into online dating for the very first time at age 50. So I read these kinds of threads with interest because it’s all very mystifying to me. Question for the crowd, why wouldn’t the woman in this case say, hey Bob I really enjoyed getting together yesterday and I’d like to see you next Tuesday or next Wednesday. You in?

Again assume the model that both parties are somewhere between 40 and 60 and have been married before. We’re not teenage virgins. So I guess what I’m not understanding is why doesn’t the female take the lead once in a while? In all of these threads it’s a female sitting around wondering exactly how many hours is the right number of hours for the mail two make a move.

OP: I can only speak for myself, but yes I'm 42 and like when the guy takes the lead in the beginning. Women are looking for signals from men that they are interested, and that is attractive to me. Once we're in a relationship, I'm happy to plan stuff, but in the beginning, I would like to be with a guy who makes the effort to ask me out and plan dates.

So OP the question is if the guy not taking the lead is a deal breaker for you. If it is, you need to move on. If it is something you prefer, but could live with a guy not taking the lead if his other traits compensate for his not doing this, you should ask him out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

He sent a text this afternoon that said, "How does Wednesday work for some role playing?" I replied that Wednesday is great.

Did he leave you hanging again?! He's not in a rush, huh...

This feel like him deciding if he should give you his time or not; and like you have all the time available for him (whole Wednesday).
It should be vice versa, at least in the beginning.

OP: haha yes- he left me hanging again! After I replied that Wednesday is great, he didn't respond. Still waiting to hear whether this will be a "real" date, or more of an invitation to hook up.

The weird thing is that he came on strong during our two dates in person, telling me I'm an amazing woman, and the "real deal". So not sure how to interpret the slow action.

Well. You were stressed enough to make a post about it.
Sorry, OP. It sounds like he's a player. He probably says that to all his dates. Other pp's had good insight that he's keeping a lot of women in rotation and you're not a priority. A guy who's really into you would have quickly scheduled a date the multiple times you've provided your availability. You sound like a nice, honest person, and you can do better.

OP: Thank you! I'm actually not too stressed because I've gone on 4 dates with another guy who I really like. I'm just kind of waiting to see what, if anything, happens with this other guy.