Navigating post-second date

[Anonymous]

I would say: I’d love to see you again. Are you free x date or y date? He will either say he’s available, ask about another time, or something else (which sound let you know he’s not interested). No matter what, you’ll know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Update.

Neither of us had texted each other after the last exchange and nearly a week went by. He sent a text yesterday asking how was my week. I replied and we had a friendly banter.

I playfully suggested we should "role play" a counseling technique sometime that we were talking about. He said he'd love that and asked, "what are your plans tomorrow"? I said I have my kids Sun-Tues and free after that. Then, he never replied.

Is this guy just flaky? It's weird that since I was not available the very next night, he never followed up.

Sorry, OP. It sounds like he's just not that into you. Stop worrying about this guy and go out with guys who make the effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So he keeps asking you when you are available, and you aren’t (understandably) because of your kids.

Tough logistics.

But she IS available. She's telling him dates that would work then he's not following up. OP, I would drop this guy.

[Anonymous]

I am about to jump into online dating for the very first time at age 50. So I read these kinds of threads with interest because it’s all very mystifying to me. Question for the crowd, why wouldn’t the woman in this case say, hey Bob I really enjoyed getting together yesterday and I’d like to see you next Tuesday or next Wednesday. You in?

Again assume the model that both parties are somewhere between 40 and 60 and have been married before. We’re not teenage virgins. So I guess what I’m not understanding is why doesn’t the female take the lead once in a while? In all of these threads it’s a female sitting around wondering exactly how many hours is the right number of hours for the mail two make a move.

[Anonymous]

*male obviously

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Update.

Neither of us had texted each other after the last exchange and nearly a week went by. He sent a text yesterday asking how was my week. I replied and we had a friendly banter.

I playfully suggested we should "role play" a counseling technique sometime that we were talking about. He said he'd love that and asked, "what are your plans tomorrow"? I said I have my kids Sun-Tues and free after that. Then, he never replied.

Is this guy just flaky? It's weird that since I was not available the very next night, he never followed up.

Also, discussing counseling techniques after one date seems a bit odd and very unsexy. Are you a therapist so it came up in talk about work?

OP: haha, yes- I am a therapist and he specifically asked me about a counseling technique that he was curious about and said he wanted to learn more about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am about to jump into online dating for the very first time at age 50. So I read these kinds of threads with interest because it’s all very mystifying to me. Question for the crowd, why wouldn’t the woman in this case say, hey Bob I really enjoyed getting together yesterday and I’d like to see you next Tuesday or next Wednesday. You in?

Again assume the model that both parties are somewhere between 40 and 60 and have been married before. We’re not teenage virgins. So I guess what I’m not understanding is why doesn’t the female take the lead once in a while? In all of these threads it’s a female sitting around wondering exactly how many hours is the right number of hours for the mail two make a move.

OP: I can only speak for myself, but yes I'm 42 and like when the guy takes the lead in the beginning. Women are looking for signals from men that they are interested, and that is attractive to me. Once we're in a relationship, I'm happy to plan stuff, but in the beginning, I would like to be with a guy who makes the effort to ask me out and plan dates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am about to jump into online dating for the very first time at age 50. So I read these kinds of threads with interest because it’s all very mystifying to me. Question for the crowd, why wouldn’t the woman in this case say, hey Bob I really enjoyed getting together yesterday and I’d like to see you next Tuesday or next Wednesday. You in?

Again assume the model that both parties are somewhere between 40 and 60 and have been married before. We’re not teenage virgins. So I guess what I’m not understanding is why doesn’t the female take the lead once in a while? In all of these threads it’s a female sitting around wondering exactly how many hours is the right number of hours for the mail two make a move.

OP: I can only speak for myself, but yes I'm 42 and like when the guy takes the lead in the beginning. Women are looking for signals from men that they are interested, and that is attractive to me. Once we're in a relationship, I'm happy to plan stuff, but in the beginning, I would like to be with a guy who makes the effort to ask me out and plan dates.

Ok, but maybe this expectation/desire of yours is in fact having a detrimental effect on your dating life. You're sitting by your phone like a lovelorn teen from the 50's, hoping Johnny Angel will call. If you ask him out directly, you'll have a much better idea of where you stand with him. Or, just give up on him since he's not embodying your macho male ideals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am about to jump into online dating for the very first time at age 50. So I read these kinds of threads with interest because it’s all very mystifying to me. Question for the crowd, why wouldn’t the woman in this case say, hey Bob I really enjoyed getting together yesterday and I’d like to see you next Tuesday or next Wednesday. You in?

Again assume the model that both parties are somewhere between 40 and 60 and have been married before. We’re not teenage virgins. So I guess what I’m not understanding is why doesn’t the female take the lead once in a while? In all of these threads it’s a female sitting around wondering exactly how many hours is the right number of hours for the mail two make a move.

OP: I can only speak for myself, but yes I'm 42 and like when the guy takes the lead in the beginning. Women are looking for signals from men that they are interested, and that is attractive to me. Once we're in a relationship, I'm happy to plan stuff, but in the beginning, I would like to be with a guy who makes the effort to ask me out and plan dates.

Did you two kiss or he kissed you? If you two kissed and you told him you had a great time, that's a clear signal that you like him. I would move on.

If he kissed you and you let him but didn't kiss back and your unavailability when he asked, it could be a mixed signal for the guy. In that case, I would keep him at "friendly banter" texting and see how it goes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am about to jump into online dating for the very first time at age 50. So I read these kinds of threads with interest because it’s all very mystifying to me. Question for the crowd, why wouldn’t the woman in this case say, hey Bob I really enjoyed getting together yesterday and I’d like to see you next Tuesday or next Wednesday. You in?

Again assume the model that both parties are somewhere between 40 and 60 and have been married before. We’re not teenage virgins. So I guess what I’m not understanding is why doesn’t the female take the lead once in a while? In all of these threads it’s a female sitting around wondering exactly how many hours is the right number of hours for the mail two make a move.

OP: I can only speak for myself, but yes I'm 42 and like when the guy takes the lead in the beginning. Women are looking for signals from men that they are interested, and that is attractive to me. Once we're in a relationship, I'm happy to plan stuff, but in the beginning, I would like to be with a guy who makes the effort to ask me out and plan dates.

Did you two kiss or he kissed you? If you two kissed and you told him you had a great time, that's a clear signal that you like him. I would move on.

If he kissed you and you let him but didn't kiss back and your unavailability when he asked, it could be a mixed signal for the guy. In that case, I would keep him at "friendly banter" texting and see how it goes.

OP: yes we kissed. We made out on the second date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am about to jump into online dating for the very first time at age 50. So I read these kinds of threads with interest because it’s all very mystifying to me. Question for the crowd, why wouldn’t the woman in this case say, hey Bob I really enjoyed getting together yesterday and I’d like to see you next Tuesday or next Wednesday. You in?

Again assume the model that both parties are somewhere between 40 and 60 and have been married before. We’re not teenage virgins. So I guess what I’m not understanding is why doesn’t the female take the lead once in a while? In all of these threads it’s a female sitting around wondering exactly how many hours is the right number of hours for the mail two make a move.

OP: I can only speak for myself, but yes I'm 42 and like when the guy takes the lead in the beginning. Women are looking for signals from men that they are interested, and that is attractive to me. Once we're in a relationship, I'm happy to plan stuff, but in the beginning, I would like to be with a guy who makes the effort to ask me out and plan dates.

Did you two kiss or he kissed you? If you two kissed and you told him you had a great time, that's a clear signal that you like him. I would move on.

If he kissed you and you let him but didn't kiss back and your unavailability when he asked, it could be a mixed signal for the guy. In that case, I would keep him at "friendly banter" texting and see how it goes.

OP: yes we kissed. We made out on the second date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am about to jump into online dating for the very first time at age 50. So I read these kinds of threads with interest because it’s all very mystifying to me. Question for the crowd, why wouldn’t the woman in this case say, hey Bob I really enjoyed getting together yesterday and I’d like to see you next Tuesday or next Wednesday. You in?

Again assume the model that both parties are somewhere between 40 and 60 and have been married before. We’re not teenage virgins. So I guess what I’m not understanding is why doesn’t the female take the lead once in a while? In all of these threads it’s a female sitting around wondering exactly how many hours is the right number of hours for the mail two make a move.

Well, I would and do that! I am 58 and have buried a husband and both parents so I am not afraid of a little rejection, and have no interest sitting around waiting for some man to come after me. I want a mutually equal relationship, which means I have to expend a little effort, too. They like me or they don't. Next!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Update.

Neither of us had texted each other after the last exchange and nearly a week went by. He sent a text yesterday asking how was my week. I replied and we had a friendly banter.

I playfully suggested we should "role play" a counseling technique sometime that we were talking about. He said he'd love that and asked, "what are your plans tomorrow"? I said I have my kids Sun-Tues and free after that. Then, he never replied.

Is this guy just flaky? It's weird that since I was not available the very next night, he never followed up.

This doesn't sound good. He's replying to keep you interested but he has no intention of locking a date with you. And you kissed, so it should be really hot and exiting like it always is, when it's REAL.
I think he's spinning plates and you're on the back burner. He has to line up women, in priority order.

[Anonymous]

OP: update. He sent a text this afternoon that said, "How does Wednesday work for some role playing?" I replied that Wednesday is great.

I'm waiting to see whether this is an actual date, or if that is his way of asking me to come over to his place to hook up (which I'm not planning to do).

[Anonymous]

This man is breadcrumbing you. He likes you enough to want to hang out with you but he has other people he is more interested in and is making the effort with and waiting to see where that goes. He gives you just enough interest to think he might be interested.