I hate weekend parenting - anyone else?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of the best things we ever did starting last April that I have zero regrets about is having an overnight sitter every other Friday from 5pm-11am Saturday. Sometimes the hours may change slightly, depending on weekend schedule and there are times we don't need her because of holidays, out of town, etc (where she's still compensated of course and can depend on this income without worry.) We might go out within an hour of her arrival, or 3-4 hours later, or decide to just stay in, same with morning, going out for breakfast or staying in, but just having that general feeling of knowing the kids (3 year old twins) are covered for care and we're free to do what we want is amazing. We aren't well off by DCUM standards but absolutely prioritize this. Makes those weekends so much better. We pay $360 for 18 hours, fyi.

You must have a large house that having a sitter around for 18 hours on nights when you might not even go out doesn't feel horribly awkward. If you stay in and the kids go to bed (at 3 I'm guessing they are in bed by like 7:30 right) what does the sitter do? Just seems bizarre. I get having a regular date-night sitter but I'd just hire her for the same 5-6 hours every week and then, if we wanted to do an overnights somewhere or were going to be out very late, ask her well in advance if she'd like to do an overnight on that specific night and make like triple her usual amount. It's not the money, it's the weirdness I'd feel about having a non-family member hanging around while we're there, including on Saturday morning which is usually a very cozy, private time for my family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Suggestions here can’t solve everything but a combination of new strategies and lowered expectations might be possible on a day you’re more open to it.

Intensive parenting that relies on womens labor while the children are blessedly asleep is an unsustainable strategy.

+ 1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This was our situation prepandemic.

My DH used to bundle up our kids to go to the zoo, museum or aquarium every single Saturday unless someone was sick. He used to carry the baby potty in the back of the minivan, trash bags, food, cooler, blankets, change of clothes, stroller etc. It was an expedition. He was not allowed to come back for at least 6 hours and was under strict instructions to tire them out. My kids grew up with encyclopedic knowledge of all things Smithsonian and tons of photos. They are nostalgic about all the time spent outdoors. Also, DH would get other male friends to do the same with him so there were two or three dads with their broods doing these activities.

I on the other hand would stay home. On Friday, after work, DH and I would get our cars washed, do groceries. give clothes for washing to a laundromat that charged by the pound, give clothes for dry-cleaning. On Saturday, I paid extra for a house cleaner to clean my house under my supervision, I paid a home chef to come and make meals for us and food prep, I had my handyman and my yard guy to take care of stuff in my house. This was pretty much my Saturday. On the way back home from his expedition, DH would pick up the laundry and drycleaning.

We gave kids a bath and dinner, and we all crashed. Sunday was for just chilling. Putting away our folded laundry and dry-cleaning. Putting away costco stuff that mostly remained in the trunk and then somewhat chilling with children. We could afford to entertain because house was clean and food was cooked etc. Our friends were also in the same stage as us so it was not like we had high standards for anything.

I feel this level of support is required for all parents so that they can enjoy being parents. Regardless of if you are SAH or WOH.

I am just astounded at this post. I mean, how much money did you spend to do this? Do you truly think everyone can afford a chef, handy man, landscaper, and to pay for the outsourcing of all the household laundry? I mean this probably cost you a few thousand dollars a month, no? That puts you in the top .00001 of incomes - I just cannot relate to you at all. Not everyone can throw money at the problem. It’s just such insane privilege to have all this and to think that someone struggling can just do what you did, which is sort of the implication.

Also - if you’re working until 5 on Friday where do you just magically have all these hours for going grocery shopping, to the car wash, the laundromat, etc. I mean that alone is a couple hours of errands. Who was watching your kids? Didn’t they need to eat dinner? And do you really think all partners are just ok with watching all the kids for 6 hours every weekend. I just cannot see that going down except in households where mom wears the pants and dad does everything she says. Maybe that’s the dynamic you have but most fathers I know would not be down to do that every weekend so mom could supervise the home chef.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Even with DH bring the main parent the weekend is still too much. I sign the kids up for things, arrange activities, and keep them out of the house as much as possible to get through it.

Yes, my kids are older now but when they were younger we would just get out the house as much as possible. One parent would watch them while the other did errands, or we divided them up. I can’t even imagine what parents went through during the pandemic when so many things were closed and we weren’t even supposed to get together with others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Even with DH bring the main parent the weekend is still too much. I sign the kids up for things, arrange activities, and keep them out of the house as much as possible to get through it.

Yes, my kids are older now but when they were younger we would just get out the house as much as possible. One parent would watch them while the other did errands, or we divided them up. I can’t even imagine what parents went through during the pandemic when so many things were closed and we weren’t even supposed to get together with others.

Went through? I mean, we are still going through it. Under 5s not yet eligible for the vaccine.

[Anonymous]

I'm a SAHM to (once) two under two, soon to be three under four. I hate weekends. Even having DH around doesn't make them better. I like the routine of the week, feeling like we are in a rhythm. I try not to have too many chores to do durning the weekend and focus on those during the week. In some ways it's harder for WOHP because you're trying to cram everything into the weekend that I can take care of durning the week and that's impossible. That being said...you need to get outside more. I promise it will help.

[Anonymous]

My husband works in the NICU so sometimes my life is like this for six days at a stretch. I am an elementary school teacher, so on weekdays I spend all day running around with school aged kids and come home to a baby, who I care for alone on these nights and days because of his long shifts (he leaves hours before she wakes and gets home hours after she’s in bed). I’m alone with the baby from the moment she wakes up to the moment she goes to bed when he works weekends. We have been very COVID cautious because of his job and because we don’t want to expose our own child. When it was warm out this was fine, because at least on weekends alone I could take her for walks, sit outside in the yard, eat outside with a friend, etc. but the winter has been brutal. I am depressed and tired and lonely. I can’t bear the thought of washing one more dish or cleaning up the same five things in our house another time. I’m holding on for spring. I can empathize and that’s all I have to offer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's up with nobody being able to handle your kids?

Other than that this sounds like most parents' lives. You are kind of in a Groundhog day situation for now.

It's not that I can't handle them. It's that it's unenjoyable. I don't quite want to say it's miserable because that's too far. But I am a goal oriented person who likes to cross things off a list and get things done. I don't want to stop to look at the weed growing in the crack of the sidewalk or wonder what if some random thing that doesn't exist will never happen. I want to fold the laundry while listening to a podcast and put it all away. I don't want to wait for children to slowly match the socks all while talking nonstop. I could go on and on.

Please read up on mindfulness. It will change your life. This sounds like a sad way to live. You’re literally not stopping to smell the roses (or watch the weed).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our nanny can handle our 3.5 and 1.5 year old alone during the week and the kids are happy, giggly and fed. And nanny is relaxed and happy. I feel like a crappy mother on weekends because, even with DH, we can’t handle them. Someone is always crying about something or they’re fighting. We scramble to get meals done and get them out of the house.

We both are still working from home so I see how they are with nanny. I love my kids but hate feeling like a failure.

What is the nanny doing that makes it different? Does she have some sort of special training?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's up with nobody being able to handle your kids?

Other than that this sounds like most parents' lives. You are kind of in a Groundhog day situation for now.

It's not that I can't handle them. It's that it's unenjoyable. I don't quite want to say it's miserable because that's too far. But I am a goal oriented person who likes to cross things off a list and get things done. I don't want to stop to look at the weed growing in the crack of the sidewalk or wonder what if some random thing that doesn't exist will never happen. I want to fold the laundry while listening to a podcast and put it all away. I don't want to wait for children to slowly match the socks all while talking nonstop. I could go on and on.

Please read up on mindfulness. It will change your life. This sounds like a sad way to live. You’re literally not stopping to smell the roses (or watch the weed).

+1. Also, you keep writing “I want… I don’t want” but it’s not really about what you want anymore. You have to slow down and go at their pace and do the things they like. Or else outsource all parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's up with nobody being able to handle your kids?

Other than that this sounds like most parents' lives. You are kind of in a Groundhog day situation for now.

It's not that I can't handle them. It's that it's unenjoyable. I don't quite want to say it's miserable because that's too far. But I am a goal oriented person who likes to cross things off a list and get things done. I don't want to stop to look at the weed growing in the crack of the sidewalk or wonder what if some random thing that doesn't exist will never happen. I want to fold the laundry while listening to a podcast and put it all away. I don't want to wait for children to slowly match the socks all while talking nonstop. I could go on and on.

Please read up on mindfulness. It will change your life. This sounds like a sad way to live. You’re literally not stopping to smell the roses (or watch the weed).

+1. Also, you keep writing “I want… I don’t want” but it’s not really about what you want anymore. You have to slow down and go at their pace and do the things they like. Or else outsource all parenting.

This is the OP. I didn’t write this, not sure why someone is pretending to write as me. Weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Even with DH bring the main parent the weekend is still too much. I sign the kids up for things, arrange activities, and keep them out of the house as much as possible to get through it.

Yes, my kids are older now but when they were younger we would just get out the house as much as possible. One parent would watch them while the other did errands, or we divided them up. I can’t even imagine what parents went through during the pandemic when so many things were closed and we weren’t even supposed to get together with others.

It was awful and exhausting and remains largely the same, except DD is now nearly 3 and it's easier in some ways.

[Anonymous]

Weekends are your only time with the kids. You need a new nanny if she cannot handle them. Hire a housekeeper.

[Anonymous]

I feel you OP. I'm a single parent - full time - and I dread weekends, especially 3 day ones. I still have PTSD from the earlier part of the pandemic. It's better now that my DS is a little older but it's still hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's up with nobody being able to handle your kids?

Other than that this sounds like most parents' lives. You are kind of in a Groundhog day situation for now.

It's not that I can't handle them. It's that it's unenjoyable. I don't quite want to say it's miserable because that's too far. But I am a goal oriented person who likes to cross things off a list and get things done. I don't want to stop to look at the weed growing in the crack of the sidewalk or wonder what if some random thing that doesn't exist will never happen. I want to fold the laundry while listening to a podcast and put it all away. I don't want to wait for children to slowly match the socks all while talking nonstop. I could go on and on.

Please read up on mindfulness. It will change your life. This sounds like a sad way to live. You’re literally not stopping to smell the roses (or watch the weed).

Yeah, you know I really don't care. My world just doesn't revolve around my kids and I'm perfectly fine with that. I know a lot of people pride themselves on being martyrs and perfect Pineterest parents, but that's not my goal. I will raise competent, kind and productive children who in some way or ways, make the world a better place. But my world doesn't revolve around them and it's okay if they know that.