I hate weekend parenting - anyone else?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:This thread is so sad and indicative of how a lot of millennial parents feel about childrearing, including many in my orbit.

To the parents who complain about having to spend time with their young children: why did you decide to have children in the first place if you don't enjoy being around them? I'm genuinely curious.

Kids grow up so fast! Once they're 11 or 12, they no longer want to have anything to do with you. Enjoy your time together while you are still their world.

NP - parenting the last couple years isn't what parenting is supposed to be like! doing it alone in your house (maybe with a nanny) without mom friends and playdates and places to take your kids on weekends and the ability to have a babysitter to go out to dinner and family bbqs and visitors etc etc etc. Adults are made to spend endless hours alone with their kids and thats what the last couple years have been. I moved 2 years ago and have made exactly one friend b/c at school drop off we are expected to distance and shove our 3yos in the door, people have started going to play spaces again but no one is chatting etc. Weekends are miserable - not because i don't love my kids but because parenting in these isolated vacuums isn't normal!

Oh give me a break! My kids are middle schoolers now, so we had no pandemic when they were toddlers. We rarely socialized with friends on weekends unless it was a birthday party. It was our “family time” - we went on hikes, activities, museums, out to eat, explored town, puttered around at home, went to the park and library. Yeah certain things have been closed during the pandemic, but not so much anymore. Staying inside all the time IS depressing, but that’s a choice you make, certainly not a requirement.

Half the stuff you mentioned doing CANNOT BE DONE during the past few years. What don't you understand about that?

Which of the things on her list “CANNOT” be done in any form *now?*

Yes, because many/most things are open now, that MAGICALLY erases the stress of the nearly two years prior where NONE OF IT was available. Gee, I feel so much better.

I also LOVE the risk calculation I have to make for every little thing because my kid STILL CAN'T BE VACCINATED and people (probably including you PP) are carrying on like there is no pandemic at all. And also suffering under the most burdensome and impossible childcare restrictions.

There is basically no way a parent of older kids can relate at all to pandemic parenting of the youngest and toddlers so please stop trying.

I have kids from pre-K to HS. Try again.

[Anonymous]

I'm going to give OP the benefit of the doubt that she's just having a moment of exhausting and venting. We've all been there.

But, these are all solvable problems. If you can start a thread on DCUM, you can use Google, listen to a 15 minute parenting podcast, or just get a little creative with your weekend. Here is a list of stuff to make winter weekends with small kids relatively fun and entertaining, without taking an unreasonable Covid risk:

- Baking
- Take some soccer balls or similar to a field and run around until tired, eat a snack, then run around some more
- Go for a walk (younger kids in carrier/stroller, older kids on bikes or scooters to make this last longer and be less painful). Bring snacks.
- Put on a kids music playlist and let them dance around to it
- Drive to a destination for an item. Play games in the car or listen to kids songs or a stories podcast. Can be any item! Do a pick up order at Ikea or Target. Identify a taco place or a bakery that's a 30 minute drive away and pick up your order.
- Trip to monument or cool outdoor area or playground that is novel -- the Mall, the Reach at the Kennedy Center, Clemyjontri, Grounds of the National Cathedral, the Wizard of Oz playground, Arboretum, Navy Yard, the Wharf, etc. Incredibly easy way to kill 2-3 hours. Bring snacks and/or lunch.
- Themed family dinner nights kids can help prepare and get excited about -- build your own tostado, breakfast for dinner, build your own bean and rice bowl, etc.
- When you are just too tired for any of the above, screen time and forgive yourself

Figure you have 8-12 winter weekends when it's bad. Make a list like the above and add your own personal favorites, plus indoor at-home activities that are your tried and true. I also recommend signing your older kids up for activities if you can (you may be too Covid cautious for most winter activities, but in the future this is a great way to give your weekends structure) and then you can organize outings around that 30 minute swim or 45 minute gymnastics class. Kids LOVE routines and if you can build some routine into the weekend, they get so much easier at this age.

Then the weather starts to warm, you take a vacation at some point, your kids get a little older, it gets a little better. It's really not that bad.

[Anonymous]

When my kids were younger I used to dread weekends too. But now they’re 8 and 5 it’s much better. They basically play with each other all day and don’t need too much input from my husband or I. They are both out of the house from M-F, 8.30am-5pm, so that helps - the don’t get bored of their toys etc as quickly. Also it helps that I’m WFh now so I can get some of the chores (laundry etc) out of the way during the week.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:One of the best things we ever did starting last April that I have zero regrets about is having an overnight sitter every other Friday from 5pm-11am Saturday. Sometimes the hours may change slightly, depending on weekend schedule and there are times we don't need her because of holidays, out of town, etc (where she's still compensated of course and can depend on this income without worry.) We might go out within an hour of her arrival, or 3-4 hours later, or decide to just stay in, same with morning, going out for breakfast or staying in, but just having that general feeling of knowing the kids (3 year old twins) are covered for care and we're free to do what we want is amazing. We aren't well off by DCUM standards but absolutely prioritize this. Makes those weekends so much better. We pay $360 for 18 hours, fyi.

You must have a large house that having a sitter around for 18 hours on nights when you might not even go out doesn't feel horribly awkward. If you stay in and the kids go to bed (at 3 I'm guessing they are in bed by like 7:30 right) what does the sitter do? Just seems bizarre. I get having a regular date-night sitter but I'd just hire her for the same 5-6 hours every week and then, if we wanted to do an overnights somewhere or were going to be out very late, ask her well in advance if she'd like to do an overnight on that specific night and make like triple her usual amount. It's not the money, it's the weirdness I'd feel about having a non-family member hanging around while we're there, including on Saturday morning which is usually a very cozy, private time for my family.

Our house is 2700 square feet. It's a good size for our four person family, but no mansion. Our bedroom is downstairs, kids' and guest bedrooms are upstairs, as well as the playroom. The twins generally sleep from 8:30-get up anywhere between 6/7. I am NOT a morning person at all. Even with needing to be up during the week by 5:30am, I still sleep between 12/2am. True, we could just have a date night sitter but just that two mornings a month of not having to worry about getting up is huge and works for us Andis an easy gig for the sitter.

I get this. When our kid was an early riser she would spend Friday nights with grandparents. Just the opportunity to wake up later and run errands etc was amazing.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I hate all pandemic parenting days and sometimes I wonder why I had kids it’s that bad.

If you were parented with love and attention, you will bestow the same to your children. The WASP parenting is based on individualism and so parents want children to not take up their time. It shows up in the kinds of people they raise. Self-centered, individualistic, incapable of reciprocity, prone to depression and anxiety, incapable of being good parents.

You had kids because you had a checklist. It is not as if you are bonded to your kids or like them.

+1000
I'm a WASP and didn't realize how effed up my parents parenting was/is until I married into an Italian American family. Just completely different values and ways of being a family. It was eye opening and I'm grateful to learn a different way.

i'm Italian American but part of my family is more WASP-y. curious what you mean (though I have an idea)

+1

I'd actually like PP do do an AMA.

I'm PP. My parents are very uninvolved grandparents, they aren't the type to get on the floor with the kids or plan fun outings. Kids are to have a short conversation with during cocktail hour and that's it. They love them very much, just don't "understand" kids or really want to. My in-laws, on the other hand, are all about kids. Kids are the center of their lives. My husband spent a lot of time with his grandparents growing up and my in-laws spend a lot of time with their grandkids. They seem to genuinely enjoy their company. They also just understand how kids work. My mom has never changed a diaper, probably wouldn't even know how (she once texted me to come upstairs when my newborn pooped). If my kids are throwing a fit they shut down and just don't know how to deal, it breaks their brain.

Overall, my husband's family is generally just more family oriented, family is the most important thing to them. In contrast to how I grew up, which was polite distance to family. I remember being driven around once by my grandfather because my grandmother was busy (playing bridge lol) and he only talked to me about golf and the weather. We just aren't a close-knit family, and kids are more of an odd curiosity than a central part of an adult's day to day life.

I love my husband's family and am very glad to have seen another way to parent.

I feel like this is what Donald Trump's family is like.

[Anonymous]

I've had friends admit to me that they regret having kids because it's so hard.

I tell them to hang in until they're older as it gets more fun.

[Anonymous]

You're overwhelmed because you do not spend enough time with your child so the 2 days feel like A LOT. But it's not.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:What's up with nobody being able to handle your kids?

Other than that this sounds like most parents' lives. You are kind of in a Groundhog day situation for now.

It's not that I can't handle them. It's that it's unenjoyable. I don't quite want to say it's miserable because that's too far. But I am a goal oriented person who likes to cross things off a list and get things done. I don't want to stop to look at the weed growing in the crack of the sidewalk or wonder what if some random thing that doesn't exist will never happen. I want to fold the laundry while listening to a podcast and put it all away. I don't want to wait for children to slowly match the socks all while talking nonstop. I could go on and on.

Please read up on mindfulness. It will change your life. This sounds like a sad way to live. You’re literally not stopping to smell the roses (or watch the weed).

Yeah, you know I really don't care. My world just doesn't revolve around my kids and I'm perfectly fine with that. I know a lot of people pride themselves on being martyrs and perfect Pineterest parents, but that's not my goal. I will raise competent, kind and productive children who in some way or ways, make the world a better place. But my world doesn't revolve around them and it's okay if they know that.

How is letting a toddler explore a world that is relatively new to them martyrdom? I am an impatient person but a kid being a kid is not a bad thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've had friends admit to me that they regret having kids because it's so hard.

I tell them to hang in until they're older as it gets more fun.

Well, it is true that a lot of people, even people with older kids, regret having kids. It’s taboo to admit it so many don’t, perhaps even to themselves, but I think that perspective and honesty is valuable. Especially to those who are trying to decide if they should have kids.

I really do like having kids but reading these comments, I wonder if it’s because I had to give up my ambitious ways because of a chronic illness I have that flares up during times of stress. I am a SAHM and I spend a good amount of time just hanging out with my kids doing things we both enjoy, even during the infant and toddler years. If I could only attend to them to meet their immediate needs or spending time with them was a to-do item because I was so busy with other things, I may have disliked spending time with them.

[Anonymous]

I haven’t read this whole thread but I also hated weekends when my kids were little, and I only worked very part time. For me the issue was the change in scheduling and routine. Kids like routines, so when my husband and I were suddenly really PRESENT and READY TO HAVE FUN they were all like, um, okaaay? 😀 srsly though, routines are good for kids and adults and suddenly having no routine is hard on everyone. We ended up creating a “routine” of Dunkin’ Donuts on Saturday mornings and a playground after church on Sundays I think… just something everyone could hang their hat on. Because we ultimately decided that big outings to the ZOO! Or a museum or whatever weren’t worth the effort when they were little- so much disruption, the naps? The snacks? Driving home or metro-ing home more tired than we’d all started. Good luck, OP. My (4!) kids are older now and I enjoy them very much. I didn’t love parenting when they were little but love it now. And you had to do it in a global pandemic!!! My hat is off to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's up with nobody being able to handle your kids?

Other than that this sounds like most parents' lives. You are kind of in a Groundhog day situation for now.

It's not that I can't handle them. It's that it's unenjoyable. I don't quite want to say it's miserable because that's too far. But I am a goal oriented person who likes to cross things off a list and get things done. I don't want to stop to look at the weed growing in the crack of the sidewalk or wonder what if some random thing that doesn't exist will never happen. I want to fold the laundry while listening to a podcast and put it all away. I don't want to wait for children to slowly match the socks all while talking nonstop. I could go on and on.

Please read up on mindfulness. It will change your life. This sounds like a sad way to live. You’re literally not stopping to smell the roses (or watch the weed).

Yeah, you know I really don't care. My world just doesn't revolve around my kids and I'm perfectly fine with that. I know a lot of people pride themselves on being martyrs and perfect Pineterest parents, but that's not my goal. I will raise competent, kind and productive children who in some way or ways, make the world a better place. But my world doesn't revolve around them and it's okay if they know that.

How is letting a toddler explore a world that is relatively new to them martyrdom? I am an impatient person but a kid being a kid is not a bad thing.

NP. I really don't think there was anything in the mindfulness comment to suggest martyrdom. It doesn't seem like OP gets any enjoyment out of hanging out with her kids and I agree that's a sad way to live. I know it is very overwhelming and stressful at times but I agree with PP that it can be really lovely to watch your kids experience the world - you don't need to be a martyr or a Pinterest parent for that to be true. I don't get why OP had kids.

[Anonymous]

I think it's a stage that passes around age 5

[Anonymous]

I love the weekends! It's so easy when all I have to do is hang out with my kid, rather than telework and try to parent at the same time as we are between childcare situations right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my kids were younger I used to dread weekends too. But now they’re 8 and 5 it’s much better. They basically play with each other all day and don’t need too much input from my husband or I. They are both out of the house from M-F, 8.30am-5pm, so that helps - the don’t get bored of their toys etc as quickly. Also it helps that I’m WFh now so I can get some of the chores (laundry etc) out of the way during the week.

Thank you for posting this. I'm a pp, not the OP, but my kids have the same 3-year gap and at 2 and 5 it's miserable when they are both home for weekends or vacation. We just got back from a week-long vacation and I'm more exhausted than when we left. I am counting down the days to next fall, when they will both finally be in school/preschool. Your post gives me so much hope.