Husband doesn't play with the kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk about first world problems...what's so painful about playing games with your kids for awhile a few times a week? I don't get it. Any intelligent or creative person could make it enjoyable for themselves AND the kids. If not, your husband may be super stressed and need to talk to a therapist. For real, I hope he can get some help and enjoy life (and his kids) more.

No. A "first world problem" is identifying not playing games with your kids as a real issue. You have it backwards, sister.

Np here interestingly having spent time in so called non first world countries totally outdated terminology btw, I witnessed parents and other adults playing with their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adults don’t have to play with kids and it’s actually modeling healthy boundaries to say something like “I’m fine here, I’m going to rest and watch you play!” That said it’s important to be kind and present. Maybe emphasize the latter over the former.

Of course they don't HAVE to...but unless they truly have no time that's not spent supporting the family, why the heck wouldn't they sometimes? Carpe diem. YOLO. This time together is fleeting. Your kids (gasp) love to spend time with you. Whatever slogan you need, it's not like someone's asking you to withstand torture. Perspective, patience, and love will help.

What makes you think that just because dad doesn't play with them that he's not spending time with them? There are plenty other things to do with your kids in all this "fleeting" time besides play. He could teaching them to cook, change tires, plant flowers, cut grass, wash the car, watching sports, teaching them to drive, reading with them, helping with homework, surfing, swimming... Just because he doesn't one thing they ask him to do doesn't mean he's not supporting the family. Get outta here.

I get what you're saying on one level, but doing something the other person wants to do (unless it's damaging to you) is part of healthy relationships. "My dad helped me with homework and taught me how to cut grass" may or may not lead to healthy development, self-image, etc. in a child who's ASKING his/her dad to play with them.

This is such laughable, unadulterated BS. There's not a child in the world who is going to be damaged by a good parent who happens to not like to play friggin games and says as much. Get real. You don't have to do every single thing your kids asks you to do.

dp [Well speaking as a child whose parents didn't play but, I asked it did hurt me because I wanted to do something with them and was rejected. So, I did get over it obviously but, I chose to play games and even do plays with my kids! Such fun times and good memories. So much anger in your post. Maybe somebody should have played candy land with you!

This. I had a parent who only wanted to play on their terms, what they found interesting. As a child it was frustrating. As an adult I understand that they were emotionally neglected as a child and also a little narcissistic so they weren't able to see beyond their own needs. I don't resent them we all do the best we can. At the same time when you know better you do better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adults don’t have to play with kids and it’s actually modeling healthy boundaries to say something like “I’m fine here, I’m going to rest and watch you play!” That said it’s important to be kind and present. Maybe emphasize the latter over the former.

Of course they don't HAVE to...but unless they truly have no time that's not spent supporting the family, why the heck wouldn't they sometimes? Carpe diem. YOLO. This time together is fleeting. Your kids (gasp) love to spend time with you. Whatever slogan you need, it's not like someone's asking you to withstand torture. Perspective, patience, and love will help.

This. I have good memories of my parents playing with me and yes I had siblings but there was something special about when mom and dad joined in.
And patiently tolerating and indulging are silly games.

Sure it's not the most exciting thing you will do but it means so much to them

[Anonymous]

This is such a tiresome thread. Some of us spend so much time with our kids and do so much with and for them that we don't have to feel bad about not doing every single thing that they might ask of us or want to do, like play games.

Maybe if you all weren't working all day long and sticking your kids in day care or with nannies you'd understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This does not matter in the slightest. It’s a recent thing for parents to play with kids. I grew up in the 70s & 80s and parents playing with kids was not a thing. They can do other kinds of projects, outings, quality time that he is actually into. It’s fine.

+1. I rarely play with my child and she is 2. It wasn't the way for a long time. We do activities together (nature walks, etc.) but I do not sit on the floor and play.

[Anonymous]

I was kind of like this when my kids were younger, I was never great at playing on the floor and that sort of stuff. But when they got older like six or seven I would have them do everything with me, waxing the boat, cleaning out the garage, chopping vegetables…whatever.
Your husband might not be wired to do intentionally fun things but if he takes them and has them doing things with him I don’t think there’s going to be any problem in the future; like Roy said in Ted Lasso – kids just want to be part of your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This does not matter in the slightest. It’s a recent thing for parents to play with kids. I grew up in the 70s & 80s and parents playing with kids was not a thing. They can do other kinds of projects, outings, quality time that he is actually into. It’s fine.

+1. I rarely play with my child and she is 2. It wasn't the way for a long time. We do activities together (nature walks, etc.) but I do not sit on the floor and play.

You ignored your daughter during her infancy. Awesome!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is such a tiresome thread. Some of us spend so much time with our kids and do so much with and for them that we don't have to feel bad about not doing every single thing that they might ask of us or want to do, like play games.

Maybe if you all weren't working all day long and sticking your kids in day care or with nannies you'd understand.

So what you're saying is you're a sahp who homeschool s your kid and you have never gotten a babysitter because that's the only effing way your comment would make sense!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This does not matter in the slightest. It’s a recent thing for parents to play with kids. I grew up in the 70s & 80s and parents playing with kids was not a thing. They can do other kinds of projects, outings, quality time that he is actually into. It’s fine.

+1. I rarely play with my child and she is 2. It wasn't the way for a long time. We do activities together (nature walks, etc.) but I do not sit on the floor and play.

You ignored your daughter during her infancy. Awesome!

I did not ignore. I engage, but I'm not a "get down on the floor and play stickers" kind of parent. I do play a little, just not all day.

Also, I'm talking about now, not when she was incapable of independent play as an actual infant. When I said "it wasn't the way," I mean in previous generations.

P.S. I ran around in the woods all day as an elementary schooler, was often left in front of the TV after school, was certainly not played with on the floor as a toddler, and have a very secure, loving relationship with my parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This does not matter in the slightest. It’s a recent thing for parents to play with kids. I grew up in the 70s & 80s and parents playing with kids was not a thing. They can do other kinds of projects, outings, quality time that he is actually into. It’s fine.

This is BS. I’m 55 years old. I have very clear and fond memories of my dad playing card games with my siblings. I learned Gin Rummy from him. He also taught us Parchesi.

Good for you. I'm 45. Neither of my parents played with me or my siblings. They were too busy working or taking care of us or the house. Parents don't "need" to play with their kids in that sense. My husband is very smart and highly successful. it's hard for him to play with our 9 year old. But, he does spend many hours teaching her math, grammar, etc for school and also learning how to ride a bike, swim, etc. He will take her to landscaping stores because she loves flowers. There are plenty of things a parent can do with their kids besides "play".

Nothing wrong with it.

I love the name drop of “successful”. So he bought his way out of being a parent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This does not matter in the slightest. It’s a recent thing for parents to play with kids. I grew up in the 70s & 80s and parents playing with kids was not a thing. They can do other kinds of projects, outings, quality time that he is actually into. It’s fine.

+1. I rarely play with my child and she is 2. It wasn't the way for a long time. We do activities together (nature walks, etc.) but I do not sit on the floor and play.

You ignored your daughter during her infancy. Awesome!

I did not ignore. I engage, but I'm not a "get down on the floor and play stickers" kind of parent. I do play a little, just not all day.

Also, I'm talking about now, not when she was incapable of independent play as an actual infant. When I said "it wasn't the way," I mean in previous generations.

P.S. I ran around in the woods all day as an elementary schooler, was often left in front of the TV after school, was certainly not played with on the floor as a toddler, and have a very secure, loving relationship with my parents.

Why the hell would you be playing stickers with an infant? It's okay to accept that somethings don't apply to you as a mother of less than 2 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk about first world problems...what's so painful about playing games with your kids for awhile a few times a week? I don't get it. Any intelligent or creative person could make it enjoyable for themselves AND the kids. If not, your husband may be super stressed and need to talk to a therapist. For real, I hope he can get some help and enjoy life (and his kids) more.

No. A "first world problem" is identifying not playing games with your kids as a real issue. You have it backwards, sister.

Np here interestingly having spent time in so called non first world countries totally outdated terminology btw, I witnessed parents and other adults playing with their kids.

sure, but no child is damaged because their parents didn't play cards with them when they were kids. If the parent is completely ignoring the child, not spending any quality time with their child, that's one thing, but just because the parent doesn't want to play childhood games with their child isn't going to cause lasting damage to the child. Get a grip.

I swear, no wonder why so many people need therapy these days.

FWIW, I played board games and such with my kids when they were younger even though I didn't enjoy it. We had time to do it. My kids are teens now, and they know how much I don't like board games. My parents, oth, were too busy trying to put food on the table to play with us, so I played with my siblings and neighborhood kids. That's how most of us prior to the late 80s grew up.

My parents are from a former 3rd world country, and I asked my mom if she ever played with my siblings back in their home country, and she said no, that was not a thing back then, and that kids just went outside and played with other kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This does not matter in the slightest. It’s a recent thing for parents to play with kids. I grew up in the 70s & 80s and parents playing with kids was not a thing. They can do other kinds of projects, outings, quality time that he is actually into. It’s fine.

This is BS. I’m 55 years old. I have very clear and fond memories of my dad playing card games with my siblings. I learned Gin Rummy from him. He also taught us Parchesi.

Good for you. I'm 45. Neither of my parents played with me or my siblings. They were too busy working or taking care of us or the house. Parents don't "need" to play with their kids in that sense. My husband is very smart and highly successful. it's hard for him to play with our 9 year old. But, he does spend many hours teaching her math, grammar, etc for school and also learning how to ride a bike, swim, etc. He will take her to landscaping stores because she loves flowers. There are plenty of things a parent can do with their kids besides "play".

Nothing wrong with it.

I love the name drop of “successful”. So he bought his way out of being a parent?

Yup. That's how a lot of these people are money is all that matters. They want praise for feeding their kids and doing homework with them and teaching them life skills. And high fives for doing stuff they like with their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is such a tiresome thread. Some of us spend so much time with our kids and do so much with and for them that we don't have to feel bad about not doing every single thing that they might ask of us or want to do, like play games.

Maybe if you all weren't working all day long and sticking your kids in day care or with nannies you'd understand.

Must be nice to have the time and money to spend "all day" with your kids. Most families both parents work and have to take care of bills, living expenses, investing, college funds, etc. Not all parents have enough time or energy to play with their kids all day.

Get a clue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s fine if he doesn’t want to “play” with them but hopefully he has things he *does* like to do with them. I’m the reader/ cards and board game parent here. Spouse doesn’t like any of those - but he plays sports, washes cars, builds things, gardens with them. I think it’s fine to know the types of things you enjoy and do those things with your kids.

I totally agree that playing is unnecessary and that this was much less common in our parents and grandparents’ generations.

It might be more productive to come up with some suggested activities your husband could do with the kids that don’t involve playing - reading, hiking, sports, archery, listening to music or going to a concert together, chores (gardening, painting a fence, handyman tasks), cooking.

My dad and I used to just enjoy walks after dinner or go to the library together and read on their sofas side by side. You can enjoy a parent’s attention and quality time without playing, and there’s no guilt about not being the type of parent who wants to play.