What’s your advice to a soon-to-be high school parent?
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Anonymous
- Talk often, openly and early about constraints. Make it very clear what you think you can afford. If you’re willing to pay more for certain schools or programs than for others, talk about that. If your child truly wants to major in women’s studies, talk about the concept of double majoring in marketing or accounting. But don’t let your kid get into Yale and only then say Yale costs too much. - Try to be positive about all sorts of schools and life paths. Talk about how well going to plumbing school can work out. Talk about the idea of going to community school and transferring to a four-year school. - Get new or used copies of books like Lisa Birnbach’s college guides or Princeton Review college guides, and have them lying around, so your kid might, through reading or osmosis, get the sense that some schools are a lot different than others. - Surrender enough of your privacy to at least get a free Niche.com login, so you can see click through past the regular admissions scattergrams and see how the intended major affects the results. The bottom line: It’s usually better to tell a selective school that you want to be a history major or math major than a CS major, business major or premed. Whenever possible, kids who want to go to famous schools should try to present themselves as wanting to major in the humanities, or in the more theoretical sciences. For kids who aren’t obvious CS geniuses, telling a selective school you want to major in CS is like saying, “I just applied as a way to donate the application fee to you. Please reject me instantly.” - Think hard about your origins. Do you or your spouse come from a country with universities that would be great for your kid? How selective would those schools be? What would they cost? - Make it clear what kind of help you can and can’t provide with things like paying for tutoring test fees, standardized l tests and college tours. - Once you’ve done these things, back off. Let your kid and your kid’s high school do the rest. Surface only when your kid needs your credit card, or needs help with financial aid form info, transportation to interviews or help with international schools’ admissions and visa processes. The reasoning: If your kid takes no initiative and doesn’t help with the college search process, that’s a sign your kid isn’t really ready for college. Maybe some kids from homes where no one has gone to college need help with understanding how and why to play the game. But I think pushing an unmotivated, middle class kid from a supportive home kid into college is going to lead to bad results. It would be better to talk to kids like that about job training programs. If your talented kid does get involved, but doesn’t spontaneously do a great job of prepping for standardized tests, and, say, ends up with UMBC, rather than Johns Hopkins: Chances are this kid will end up being a big happy frog in a small UMBC pond, instead of one of these poor kids who’s struggling to pass organic chemistry at Johns Hopkins. When a bright kid doesn’t prep, and just glides into college along the path of least resistance, that’s a sign the kid needs to minimize stress more than to get into the toughest possible college. If your kid takes charge of picking colleges, choosing suitable AP classes and prepping for tests: That will be a kid with the energy and independence to thrive at a very selective college, or to do well in tough classes at a big state school. Of course, if you hire an expensive consultant, that person might be able to jam your kid into Johns Hopkins as, for example, a biology major. But, really, it’s completely insane to jam a kid into weedout classes at a place like Johns Hopkins or Wash. U. Helping a so so science student squeeze into STEM programs at Wash. U. or Johns Hopkins, let alone Harvard or Yale, is like helping Stephen Colbert squeeze onto an NFL team. He might feel proud for three minutes, but then, once he’s on the field, he’ll be pulverized. You don’t want your kid to be the regular biology major in a room full of biology giants. If you have plenty of money for consultants, it seems as if consultants could be helpful with helping kids decide between Bates, Colby or Bowdoin, or figuring out how to apply to schools in Scotland. But, if your kid will probably really be applying to your state flagship, a safety like UMBC, and some well-known glamor schools, then you don’t need a consultant. |
Anonymous
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OP a couple of pieces of advice which may be
somewhat contradictory: 1) It's good to plan the 4yr trajectory of your kid's courses. Other PPs have explained why. You don't need to pick every elective, etc., but it's important to make sure that your kid is going to be on track to meet the relevant requirements for the school (or type of school) that s/he may want to apply to. If there are big OOS schools that might be in your orbit, look now since some (like the UCs) have specific requirements. 2) When it's time to research schools, there's TONS of data online. One of the big things that good college counselors do is help steer your kid toward the right batch of schools to apply to -- but you can do a lot of the legwork yourself using the Common Data Set, the enrolled student profiles, and other materials including naviance if your school makes that available to parents. Don't bother with the aggregator sites - they're often outdated or incomplete. Go direct to the source. 2) Recognize that the whole admissions process is in some flux right now - we've had two years of almost universal test-optional and MUCH higher numbers of applications to the higher tier schools. These are big changes, and they may change further by the time your kid is a HS. It's possible that applications will revert to their previous levels; it's also possible that test optional or test blind will become much more widespread. Take every bit of advice in the context in which it's offered - my kid's experience this year is very different than a kid only two years ago (now there are more apps overall, more early apps, more TO/TB, etc.) So when someone tells you what 'worked' just remember that it may not be as relevant as they think! And yes, chill out for the most part. It will all work out in the end. |
Anonymous
| OP stop listening to all of this Type A baloney. First and foremost, say nothing about college to your kid for at least two more years. Let them enjoy life. |
Anonymous
Best advice so far - Harvard alum class of 2004 |
Anonymous
You are full of baloney. Back off your kid you tiger nut |
Anonymous
I always laugh at posts signed liked this, as if they somehow make the opinion more important. |
Anonymous
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DD’s 8th grade guidance counselor talked about DD’s course trajectory in the beginning of 8th grade when we moved to a new city and school. DD test scores were extremely high and he wanted her to take full advantage of what was available in the high school. She took Algebra I in 8th and Geometry in the summer before freshman year so she could do Algebra II, pre calc/trig, and then get in both AP Calculus classes junior and senior year. He also started her in a new foreign language so she could do the AP by senior year. Some of the kids in her track did freshman bio in 8th so they could get 2 science AP’s in but DD was worried it would be too much.
It’s tracking the trajectory that matters early on. For example certain honors classes lead into AP English classes and you need to be aware of which if interested. DD was always certain about her ECs and electives and did all of them for all four years. She just got EA to her first choice college so it worked out for her. And she truly enjoys high school. |
Anonymous
My advice is to not think about college at all until junior year. Don't even mention it to your child. If she brings it up, then you can answer questions, but do not offer advice or anything at all about college. Don't even think about college prep, other than to make sure your kids takes the normal English, math, science, social studies and language courses that most 4-year colleges require. But don't mention those in terms of college! Almost all high schools require those courses to graduate. I made the HUGE mistake of bringing up college when my kid was in 8th grade!! I wanted to do everything right, prepare my really bright kid to get into a college I deemed worthy of her exceptional intellect!! It completely backfired. 100% backfired. My kid pushed back, and refused to work in high school, stumbling along, despite my pressure. I finally gave up, and told DH to work with her. She did bring up her grades, but it was too late by then. She did well on standardized tests (1560 on the SAT, 35 on the ACT), but so what? With a 3.2, she's not getting into any selective college. It also really tainted my relationship with her. Every time I brought up college or grades, my kid started yelling at me, so I just stopped completely. If I could do it over again, I'd never have brought it up until junior year, and then only asked her what she wanted to do, and let her figure it out or ask for help. But your kid may be different, I don't know. Mine is extremely bright, like Rhodes Scholar bright, and a great athlete, and my ambitions for her far exceed her own. Her teachers agree that she's exceptional, but doesn't show it very often in her schoolwork. Enjoy your kid, OP. She'll be off to college before you know it, and you won't have the chance to repair the mistakes you've made. But you can learn from my mistakes. |
Anonymous
NP. Our school doesn’t give students this level of choice and flexibility. The kids only get one elective. My daughter chose a leadership/student government elective over foreign language. And guidance counselors don’t talk to the 8th graders unless they have mental health problems. |
Anonymous
My child's high school (in the Midwest) provides sample colleges/universities and typical course list/ACT scores expected from each (see below). Maybe your HS has similar? SAMPLE COLLEGES AND UNIVERSITIES: Amherst, Berkeley, Carleton College, Duke, Harvey Mudd, Ivy League, Johns Hopkins, Northwestern, Pomona, Stanford, Swarthmore, Tufts, University of Chicago, Wash U, Wesleyan ACT: 32-35 4 yrs. English 4 yrs. Advanced Math 4 yrs. Laboratory Science 4 yrs. World Language 3 yrs. Social Science SAMPLE COLLEGES AND UNIVERSITIES: American University, Boston University, Claremont McKenna, Colby, George Washington, Macalester, Michigan, New York University, Oberlin, Skidmore, Tulane, UCLA, University of Rochester, University of Virginia, Vanderbilt ACT: 29-32 Same coursework as above MAJOR PUBLIC UNIVERSITIES AND LIBERAL ARTS COLLEGES, including: College of Wooster, Dayton, DePaul, DePauw, Indiana University, Iowa, Loyola, Marquette, Miami University, Northeastern University, St. Louis University, Syracuse, University of Denver, University of Illinois, University of Missouri, University of Vermont ACT: 25-28 Same coursework as above except: 2-4 years World Language COMMUNITY COLLEGES & TRADE/TECH SCHOOLS: ACT: not required Coursework: HS diploma or equivalent 4 yrs. English 3 yrs. Math 2 yrs. Laboratory Science World Language Not Required 3 yrs. Social Science 1.5 yrs. Fine Arts or CTE |
Anonymous
Your kid seems like a late bloomer who might learn from their own mistakes. Many other children would welcome this guidance though. |
Anonymous
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I was of the opinion that you shouldn't be talking about college early in HS, other than being sure you map out a good course progression, aim for 4-years of all core classes, rigorous but not overwhelming. Encourage kids to spend time on ECs that interest them. -- not because it "looks good for college apps" but because it makes for more interesting people and a more enjoyable life. But, parents should spend time focusing on educating yourself about the process and particularly financial aid, how merit aid works, etc.
This worked fine for my DS but DD had a huge meltdown in 10th grade about college pressure, feeling like she wasn't doing enough ECs, that she was behind, that she'd not get into a "good" college if she didn't have all As. Basically, by my not talking about it I left a void filled by pressure from peers and her school. So I showed her a bunch of schools that were not the most selective that also have awesome opportunities for what she wants to do and talked with her about the kind of education she wants and she ended up in a good place where she can tune out the race for UVA among her classmates and focus on what will be right for her given her interests and where she ends up in GPA/test scores/etc. So, recognize that whether the parent says anything or not, these kids are already getting a lot of pressure about college so they likely need someone to broaden their perspective and counter the idea that there is a small group of acceptable colleges. |
Anonymous
| I agree with the poster who stated not to bring up college too early --while my husband and I didnt bring it up, we sure as heck did a lot of homework so we were prepared (and not playing catchup) when DC started talking about his post-high school plans. We figured out what we could afford, identified a range of schools (in-state, out of state, urban, rural, $$$$, scholarship opportunities, gap year, enlisting in the military) DS is not an athlete. We were by no means experts, but just armed ourselves with basic info to guide him on his search. |
Anonymous
You sound like a psycho too |
Anonymous
This. Exactly. I have one who graduated HS in 2020, one graduating this year,and one graduating in 2023. Make them do something long enough to find out if they love it---dabbling in lots of things turns out to be fine, but only if they also have one or two principal interests to dig into deep. And I don't mean this advice just for college admissions (tho it seems to be what many colleges look for) Kid will likely be happier if they have some devotions and when mental health issues do pop up (they have in 2 out of 3 of mine), try to address right away with counseling/therapy/meds |