What’s your advice to a soon-to-be high school parent?

[Anonymous]

My oldest is in 8th grade and will be choosing classes soon for HS next year. I know it’s early and we are not putting pressure on them to research colleges or do early SAT prep or anything of the sort. We don’t even care much about top schools despite having a pretty smart kid who has been on the advanced track (I know, a dime a dozen around here!).

I was on my own for college planning when I was in HS and it also seems like a totally different ballgame now.

Any advice for those of us whose kids are just getting into the HS years? Anything you wish your DC had done differently? Anything to ease the stress of it all?

[Anonymous]

Encourage your kid to find and devote time to something they love. Get involved in a group activity (doesn't have to be sports). Stay attuned to mental health changes.

[Anonymous]

One thing to consider is course progression --most schools look for progression in the "solid 5" -- English, Math, Sci, Social Studies, Language. What some top HS require to graduate (for example 2 or 3 years language, 3 yrs sci) is minimum and not necessarily what is needed to even be considered for a mid or top tier school. DS always knew he would be taking 4 years of spanish (we required it), but his HS only required 3 yrs of sci and 2 years of a language (as long as the student reached language level III) Colleges DS was applying to (virginia state -- W&M, UVA and a smaller private) were looking for 4 yrs sci and 4 yrs of same language. He doubled up on Sci his senior year. Don't assume your guidance counselors who help with course selection talk to college counseling. Start thinking through course progression and multiple paths freshman year -- one that has the right balance for your child to provide the right challenge and time for activities. You dont need to share all the options with your child to not stress DC out, but have a couple paths in your mind, see how DC does academically, and adjust as necessary

Fortunately, my husband realized this while our son was selecting his junior year classes and stumbled on the information just by looking at college websites --fortunately we had enough time to adjust courses. But because DS had to double up on a sci his sr year, he was not able to take a preferred elective. ironically, there were many kids in this situation.

Good luck -- the 4 years will go fast

[Anonymous]

Get your act together freshman year. After that, you're out of runway and it all starts to matter.

[Anonymous]

I would say, opt for rigor in the course schedule, but if possible include some cushion like a non-HW/test intensive class (like PE or arts). Neither of mine could do this because of magnet programs, but it would have been nice. Though, it seems to be working out that they couldn't take these in 9th -- it's been good to have some of these during the more intense Jr year and Fall of Sr year to give them a break.

Also, consider pulling back on ECs if courseload is hard. Clubs might be fun, but some activities can be really intense.

AP classes aren't that hard (if offered in 9th), but preparing for the test is, so consider not feeling pressure to take the test. Mine took 2 APs but only 1 test -- APUSH but not Physics 1 test -- I don't think they would have gotten much out of P1 (score-wise or in terms of credits if they had done well). You can look up who gives credit for what APs online.

So, if kid already does well in school, I'd say choose challenge in classes (colleges look for rigor), but try to find ways to offer some leeway if you need it. Find at least 1 EC that isn't too time intensive but allows kid to connect because it's good to have something on college app that is all 4 years. Consider getting more involved in Soph year, so bulk of ECs span more than 2 years. And, keep in mind HS is an adjustment.

[Anonymous]

My kid was just accepted into a top 5 college and here’s what I learned. First get yourself a copy of Who Gets In and Why. Its a quick read. College admissions is a game. You make yourself a competitive player with grades, course rigor, and SAT/ACT.

Extracurriculars round that out. The word to keep front and center is AUTHENTIC. Don’t sign your kid up for research or a prestigious camp or a service trip. Find a spot of time this summer to hear what your kid loves. My kid’s interests are … niche. That’s a kind way of saying weird. But he’s all in! He’s his best self. Never did a science fair, never won a state award, never joined the honor society or whatever. Did his own thing and did it with a fervor.

I crinnnnnged at his essays thinking colleges would not be impressed. I was wrong. Admitted to a top 5 school.

[Anonymous]

Wish I’d pulled DC out of private and away from crazy parents of classmates. Nothing I/we could do successfully counteracted the consistent (and consistently effed up) messaging re college that DC encountered in that environment.

Re easing the stress of it all. Find safeties DC loves. Hedge early apps (e.g. public as well as private, rolling admissions). Tell DC it’s a multi-stage process. Be realistic about what you can afford/are willing to pay before applications are submitted.

Personally, I thought my parents had a good approach back in the day. Basically, it was explain to me why the school you want is worth $x more than the best state school you can get into. (It helped that the best state school was Berkeley!)

[Anonymous]

Chill the F out

[Anonymous]

DS is a freshman-- he's bright but has EF challenges. We're making sure that he is in a few extra curricular activities that he truly enjoys (and will participate in all four years) and that he has study hall to take some of the homework pressure off at night.
DS likes science so we're helping him with summer camps that he will get a lot out of and will demonstrate to colleges that science is his genuine area of interest. It helps fill out the "extras" without overloading him during the school year when he needs to be focused on grades.
We're going to take him on informal college tours next year and we're going to listen to what makes him happy, while keeping it realistic (finances, chances of acceptance, etc.) and try to help him find a niche. I attended grad school at a place that was (in terms of weather and size) difficult for me. Even as an adult I became depressed my first year. A good environment is key.

[Anonymous]

You sound intense Op.

There will be open houses and info sessions in August that will answer all your questions and much more.

Just let him enjoy the rest of MS That chapter will close quickly so no need to make it less fun by bugging him with HS course selection, PSAT prep, and the like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Chill the F out

+1! What a ridiculous post!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS is a freshman-- he's bright but has EF challenges. We're making sure that he is in a few extra curricular activities that he truly enjoys (and will participate in all four years) and that he has study hall to take some of the homework pressure off at night.
DS likes science so we're helping him with summer camps that he will get a lot out of and will demonstrate to colleges that science is his genuine area of interest. It helps fill out the "extras" without overloading him during the school year when he needs to be focused on grades.
We're going to take him on informal college tours next year and we're going to listen to what makes him happy, while keeping it realistic (finances, chances of acceptance, etc.) and try to help him find a niche. I attended grad school at a place that was (in terms of weather and size) difficult for me. Even as an adult I became depressed my first year. A good environment is key.

pp here-- you're smart to be thinking about this (in spite of the "chill out" responses). Colleges admissions can't be sugarcoated and it's worse to "chill out" then find out that your options are extremely limited because no one explained how it works. We're trying to go the middle ground with good information, guidance, and reasonable expectations and let our kid pick up the slack (or not, that ultimately has to be his decision).

[Anonymous]

Our high school makes a big deal about kids advocating for themselves and then ignores them unless a parent becomes involved. Wish we had known that from the beginning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Encourage your kid to find and devote time to something they love. Get involved in a group activity (doesn't have to be sports). Stay attuned to mental health changes.

This.

[Anonymous]

Here’s something tactical:

Start a detailed academic resume. Keep track of every activity, award, honor, and community service. You’ll need it down the road for applications. Has been helpful to have that all kept in one place all along.