
I see a big difference between counseling out in grades 3 and up (maybe even 2), and counseling out in PS, JK, K, in the absence of clear learning disabilities or behavior problems. |
If an 8th or 9th grader is pulling a C- average it would seem quite a risk to stay - especially if there is no indication that they are on the verge of turning around. No school could outweigh grades like that in terms of college acceptance. A fresh start may be the best alternative if nothing seems to be working. |
Counseling out a Pre-K child??? How badly could a child have possibly messed up to be counseled out in Pre-K?
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my thought: why on earth would you pay 30k for a child to have a C- average? That is less than a 2.0 gpa in high school |
I know of 3 kids at my child's school who were counselled out at the transition from middle school to high school. In the first case, the kid had academic and social difficulties throughout middle school. Parents were informed by the school pretty early on; they blamed the school and were total PITA. In the second case, the kid had social difficulties throughout middle school. Again, parents informed early on, blamed the school and were PITA. In the third case, the kid was popular and well-liked by peers and teachers, but had academic difficulties. Again, parents were informed early; again, they blamed the school and were PITA. There's a pattern here. Oh, forgot to mention another similarity: in all cases the child counselled out had an older sib in the school, and, in one case, was also the child of an alum. All three kids found their way to new schools, public or private; the only one we keep up with seems quite happy, though parents still take every opportunity to trash the old school.
Now, here's the part I'm wondering about in light of the way this thread very quickly turned from the subject of counselling out kids to the subject of making accommodations for kids with learning disabilities. My child's school makes those accommodations, e.g., by providing extra time on tests. So, my question is whether the parents of the kids who were counselled out were unwilling to get their kids tested by a neuropsychologist who would provide a diagnosis allowing extra time on tests and other accommodations. My impression is that if you shop around you can find somebody who will gladly label your child as ADHD or as having executive function disorder. And, indeed, there did seem to be an epidemic of those disabilities going around at my kid's school in the first year or two of high school. Whether the parents have to agree to medicate their kids in addition to having them labelled is unclear to me, but the result is that all the other kids know who gets extra time and resent this -- quite reasonably so in my opinion. So, perhaps the parents of the kids who were counselled out are to be admired for refusing to go this route. |
Schools are tougher on granting extra time now, after about 4-5 years ago there was an epidemic of it in private high schools (including the most selective) in this area. Even if you get a "doctor's note" many schools will not necessarily grant the extra time accomodations without their own assessment--others don't want the hassle and won't fight it. And even extra time doesn't help if where the academic deficiencies are that bad (or, for example, if the kid doesn't study at all -- it's just more time to write incorrect answers). |
Teachers do not diagnose, but if responsible they do share observations and information and encourage parents to take them to someone who can diagnose... Win-win for everyone, because the more one understands a child the more one can help the child learn and grow. |
I'm a teacher (whose child has ADD) and this sounds like the grass is greener on the other side syndrome to me. The decision to investigate, diagnose, medicate and perhaps seek accommodations for one's child (we have not and they are not automatic with ADHD) is not a light one. It also calls for honest and deep discussions with one's child. I can't imagine anyone entering into this long journey for a teensy testing advantage. Really? And by the way--unfortunately those kids taken from the room do sometimes feel stigma (well, who wouldn't if their friends 'resent' them?) |
"I know of 3 kids at my child's school who were counselled out at the transition from middle school to high school. In the first case, the kid had academic and social difficulties throughout middle school. Parents were informed by the school pretty early on; they blamed the school and were total PITA. In the second case, the kid had social difficulties throughout middle school. Again, parents informed early on, blamed the school and were PITA. In the third case, the kid was popular and well-liked by peers and teachers, but had academic difficulties. Again, parents were informed early; again, they blamed the school and were PITA. There's a pattern here."
Totally agree. In the case I have direct knowledge of, there parents were informed of the issue, and refused to take it seriously. The school seems to go to great lengths to work with parents who really want to make an effort to rectify the problem. Of course, in a private, any (or at least, most) additional expert help will be at the parent's expense. |
I have no issues with kids getting extra time - but at the end of the day, and all things being equal - I'd really love to know how to distinguish the fast kid from the slow kid when a resume comes across my desk - in MANY industries, this matters. |
My kid was counseled out and he was a kindergartener. He has ADHD and the school did not do enough to help with this problem. We had to ask that certain accommodations be made. When they were he did better. But he still needed redirection and the school was unwilling to provide that redirection. I can assure you that we turned the earth upside down to do our part. We put him on a special diet, we made sure he got good sleep each night, we did neurotherapy, put him in occupational therapy, brought a psychiatrist in to evaluate our child and make suggestions to the school. Evenso if you were to talk to the teacher I bet she would say we were PITA parents. No matter what parents do they will inevitably be labeled PITA if they get too involved with the school. So parents of ADHD kids are damned if they do and they're damned if they don't. We just can't win. And I can assure you that I am, most certainly, angry with my child's school for giving up on him so easily and so quickly even though his case. So do I go around trashing the school to everybody? No. But if I'm asked about the school. I'm honest about our experience, which was not good. |
Children are still growing and learning to cope. For many, these tests get them into scenarios where they continue to strengthen their skills. By the time they are adults they may compensate in so many ways for any delay that they would be your best worker. If not, most people don't want to be in a position that they don't feel successful in. Give them a chance. |
To the poster who wanted to know how to distinguish the fast kids from the slow --- take the time to interview them and ask them situational questions. Check their references. Some "slow" kids are great thinkers ... "haste makes waste"... |
That's a good point. I've known people who have pulled their kids out of private schools for that very reason--why pay $30,000 for a C average, when you can get a C average for free in public school?
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I don't get this line of thinking. Paying 30K is supposed to ensure that your kid earns good grades? |