Non-teaching school staff offering cookies and candy and to "hang out". Can I object?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 10-yo child's DC-based private school has introduced a formal community-building effort, which includes dedicated staff and space.

Instead of taking recess outdoors, as they are encouraged to do, my kid has opted to visit this staff, who invite students for conversation, offering candy and cookies, which is the notable element in my kid's telling (subject for another post).

Setting aside the merits of this practice, what standing do I have to object? If I tell the school I don't want my kid engaging with this staff, how enforceable is it? The contract with the school doesn't shed light on it.

Thanks for any input.

Omg leave your kid alone. Maybe they are getting some type of social interaction or support they need temporarily there. Leave it be it will pass.

From an administrative assistant with no training in education or counseling...

I think I know the school...

This school has struggled with its social dynamics for literally decades and the school nurse, counsellors and recently front office staff are used to put out fires reactive style by providing social and emotional pop off support that teachers just can't be bothered to. Parents applying are often unaware of these social issues going in, but this use of un- trained Admin Asst. staff should be a red flag to parents and you should ask deeper questions given that these are young children, tuition is high and the school is just not being transparent with how it provides wholesome supervision during recess.

Things to ask:

1) Why does the school prefer to hire outside, un-educated and un- licensed staff to be play ground monitors at recess ? Think about it: these are young kids, play is a BIG part of their social development and their recess breaks are generally ( 2 ) 40 minute breaks a day PLUS lunch- that adds up to 1/3 of school day- all while the persons observing the play dynamics and hopefully trying to encourage positive play dynamics are NOT their college educated teachers with degrees in early childhood development, but low wage workers hired off of the street and paid less than $15/hr OR teachers with low seniority who are mandated to be outside at recess, but are likely not even your kids grade level and likely do not even know the social dynamics of your kid's class cohort.

2) Add to this that half the kids in the class are primarily French or Spanish speakers and come from all sorts of family discipline dynamics - everything from " if someone hits you, hit them back to deter them next time" to " run and get an adult to help "

3) Ask to what degree the Union contract the teachers have determines their scheduled break time and how this impacts that classroom teachers who know their kids are not with them at morning drop off recess before school starts, recess during day, lunch table dynamics ( again, this school does NOT do a family style lunch for elementary like many DC Privates- instead - the teachers get a break and go to Faculty lunch ) and after school pick up routine.

The fact is HALF of your kid's school day they are being supervised only , reactive style by lay person outside staff brought in by the school. Just check their website hiring page. You can do "wayback" function and see that this school has been hiring lay person outside staff to supervise young children at recess every year for over 10 years. Constant turn over too.

Lots of bullying, social isolation and teachers who simply don't know what happens at recess with their OWN classroom students

So, yes, the Admin over uses its student support staff such as counsellors, the nurse and yes - even front office staff- to be pop off pressure release for unhappy kids. Most counsellors and nurses would call this out and address it. You might notice a lot of turn over in those roles, recently ?

Perhaps the front office Admin knows where his break is being buttered and so uses the time with these referred kids to curry favor with their parents and Admin for solving their high mait kid/parent problem and you are unique in that you are sophisticated enough to know that this is inapropriate.

I personally would look very hard at the Union contract the teachers have at this school , given that that is something parents try to avoid when they steer away from Public school.

because , for one thing, their union contracts are written so that their " teacher break time" is written in stone and Admin cannot therefore demand of them that they supervise their own students during recess, which is when many negative social dynamics get missed.

For years the school has simply been reactive to all the negative social dynamics at recess, which btw, is about 2 hours of school day if you factor in 2 recesses and then add lunch ( also not family style with teachers at tables as , again, " teacher's union contract stipulates that they get a break when studn

because they have 2 language immersion programs that basically cut each grade in half socially, making the possible friend group even smaller than the class of 60 or so - in reality its more like 27-34 , half of which will be of the opposite gender.

WIS?
OP—is your child a student at WIS?

[Anonymous]

OP most certainly should be concerned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is weird and I would put a stop to it.

This totally. Candy, especially every day, is no substitute for fresh air!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP’s refusal to articulate the reason for her objection makes me think it’s not so much fear of their child being groomed at school as fear that their child might share what is happening to them outside of school. If you don’t want your child spilling the dirty family secrets, step one is to make sure they don’t develop relationships of trust with any other adults.

OP writing. This is my favorite post from cray-cray-crazyytown so far. Alas, I only seek to know what parents' standing to provide input/object is, in these situations.

There's a weird grooming element to it, in my opinion. Just my gut. And yes, I have talked to the school. Yes, I have talked to my kid.

Happy Holidays.

[Anonymous]

You can certainly ask if the school can make it a priority that your child goes outside during recess. However, depending on the situation (which you haven’t shared communications and reasoning from the school), they can certainly make it clear to your student that they are being kept from a preferred activity “because your parent said so.” Since it’s a private school and this is a program, they could also probably say no, if this is a school wide option open to all students.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can certainly ask if the school can make it a priority that your child goes outside during recess. However, depending on the situation (which you haven’t shared communications and reasoning from the school), they can certainly make it clear to your student that they are being kept from a preferred activity “because your parent said so.” Since it’s a private school and this is a program, they could also probably say no, if this is a school wide option open to all students.

I’m PP. you could also ask that your child not be given cookies and sweets- that seems reasonable to me as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP’s refusal to articulate the reason for her objection makes me think it’s not so much fear of their child being groomed at school as fear that their child might share what is happening to them outside of school. If you don’t want your child spilling the dirty family secrets, step one is to make sure they don’t develop relationships of trust with any other adults.

OP writing. This is my favorite post from cray-cray-crazyytown so far. Alas, I only seek to know what parents' standing to provide input/object is, in these situations.

There's a weird grooming element to it, in my opinion. Just my gut. And yes, I have talked to the school. Yes, I have talked to my kid.

Happy Holidays.

Did you ask the school what your standing is to provide input and/or object? If so, what did they say and why would you need to ask this question on DCUM? If not, why not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP’s refusal to articulate the reason for her objection makes me think it’s not so much fear of their child being groomed at school as fear that their child might share what is happening to them outside of school. If you don’t want your child spilling the dirty family secrets, step one is to make sure they don’t develop relationships of trust with any other adults.

OP writing. This is my favorite post from cray-cray-crazyytown so far. Alas, I only seek to know what parents' standing to provide input/object is, in these situations.

There's a weird grooming element to it, in my opinion. Just my gut. And yes, I have talked to the school. Yes, I have talked to my kid.

Happy Holidays.

When your gut is telling you there's a grooming element, full stop. If the school if ignoring your concerns, there's probably a lot more sh*t going on there. Your child is obviously at risk.

[Anonymous]

I hate to be pessimistic but are there other children with that staff member during these sessions? If your child is alone with the adult, my spidey sense is thinking grooming.

Lunch bunches (with multiple students) aren’t uncommon with younger children, but I’d want to know more details about these get-togethers. Honestly, children need to use their recess time to interact with peers and burn off energy.

-educator who taught at a school where a 4th grade teacher was imprisoned for four years due to inappropriate interactions with students

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP’s refusal to articulate the reason for her objection makes me think it’s not so much fear of their child being groomed at school as fear that their child might share what is happening to them outside of school. If you don’t want your child spilling the dirty family secrets, step one is to make sure they don’t develop relationships of trust with any other adults.

OP writing. This is my favorite post from cray-cray-crazyytown so far. Alas, I only seek to know what parents' standing to provide input/object is, in these situations.

There's a weird grooming element to it, in my opinion. Just my gut. And yes, I have talked to the school. Yes, I have talked to my kid.

Happy Holidays.

The limit of your rights here is to withdraw your child from the school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP’s refusal to articulate the reason for her objection makes me think it’s not so much fear of their child being groomed at school as fear that their child might share what is happening to them outside of school. If you don’t want your child spilling the dirty family secrets, step one is to make sure they don’t develop relationships of trust with any other adults.

OP writing. This is my favorite post from cray-cray-crazyytown so far. Alas, I only seek to know what parents' standing to provide input/object is, in these situations.

There's a weird grooming element to it, in my opinion. Just my gut. And yes, I have talked to the school. Yes, I have talked to my kid.

Happy Holidays.

What did your school say?

I’m a bit confused by your replies. Earlier you said it was a concern different than grooming, but didn’t articulate what it was, which I think is what PP is pointing out. Now, it’s grooming. I’m confused and think I’m on your side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP’s refusal to articulate the reason for her objection makes me think it’s not so much fear of their child being groomed at school as fear that their child might share what is happening to them outside of school. If you don’t want your child spilling the dirty family secrets, step one is to make sure they don’t develop relationships of trust with any other adults.

OP writing. This is my favorite post from cray-cray-crazyytown so far. Alas, I only seek to know what parents' standing to provide input/object is, in these situations.

There's a weird grooming element to it, in my opinion. Just my gut. And yes, I have talked to the school. Yes, I have talked to my kid.

Happy Holidays.

When your gut is telling you there's a grooming element, full stop. If the school if ignoring your concerns, there's probably a lot more sh*t going on there. Your child is obviously at risk.

I work in a school and wonder if the school knows your child is struggling socially and is bringing kids together to help them make friends. If you object to the candy part, ask them not to feed your child junk. But I’d start by figuring out why they’re getting this pull-out time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP writing. I agree about the school's communication.

The person is an administrative assistant with no formal training who has added community 'facilitator' to their responsibilities at the school.

Thanks for the thoughts.

You have a two-way communication problem and you are half of it. Stop relying on your child’s reporting. Call the school and talk to them about what this program is. Tell them that if this is a voluntary program, you are opting your child out. Talk to your child. Why do they want to participate? Then tell them you want them outside at recess and that you have let the school know. You need to communicate better.

Down girl. I have gotten info from the school about it. Not sure why the assumption. Breathe.

Rude. You are definitely part of the problem, going on the offensive and blathering about parental rights rather than communicating with the school directly.

[Anonymous]

I have to agree with the above. Schools will back off from helping students with parents who are quick to go on the offensive, so be careful what you wish for. They might be trying to help your child and all you're doing is getting in the way and discouraging them from bothering. Your tone suggests to me that you're a PIA type of parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP writing. I agree about the school's communication.

The person is an administrative assistant with no formal training who has added community 'facilitator' to their responsibilities at the school.

Thanks for the thoughts.

You have a two-way communication problem and you are half of it. Stop relying on your child’s reporting. Call the school and talk to them about what this program is. Tell them that if this is a voluntary program, you are opting your child out. Talk to your child. Why do they want to participate? Then tell them you want them outside at recess and that you have let the school know. You need to communicate better.

Down girl. I have gotten info from the school about it. Not sure why the assumption. Breathe.

Rude. You are definitely part of the problem, going on the offensive and blathering about parental rights rather than communicating with the school directly.

Read! I have communicated with the school. (Sigh).