Non-teaching school staff offering cookies and candy and to "hang out". Can I object?

[Anonymous]

OP, just tell your kid you want him to go outside for recess instead of visiting this person. You control your kid, not other people.

(And why does it matter that it is non-teaching staff?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a kid the same age. Nothing about this is normal.

Candy to build a community?

Exactly. This sounds like grooming. Parents will not really know what's going on there. No kid wants to get labeled a snitch.

We don't even know who these people are luring the children with candy. SP

[Anonymous]

Ask the school about this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a kid the same age. Nothing about this is normal.

Candy to build a community?

Exactly. This sounds like grooming. Parents will not really know what's going on there. No kid wants to get labeled a snitch.

We don't even know who these people are luring the children with candy. SP

“Grooming? “Luring”? More information would be helpful. I’m near the other end of the continuum — imagining a counselor with a candy jar on their desk.

[Anonymous]

Just ask the staff member what is going on. I teach middle school and have students who want to eat lunch with me. Often it is to avoid peers. Kids can be mean.
School is rough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 10-yo child's DC-based private school has introduced a formal community-building effort, which includes dedicated staff and space.

Instead of taking recess outdoors, as they are encouraged to do, my kid has opted to visit this staff, who invite students for conversation, offering candy and cookies, which is the notable element in my kid's telling (subject for another post).

Setting aside the merits of this practice, what standing do I have to object? If I tell the school I don't want my kid engaging with this staff, how enforceable is it? The contract with the school doesn't shed light on it.

Thanks for any input.

First question: who’s needs are being met here; is the staff member being used as a baby sitter by Admin ? Is this staff person using his access to these kids to curry favor with their parents and/ or Admin

If these kids have social adjustment problems ( problems with peers at recess) what is the professional training this staff person has to work therapeutically with kids to their actual benefit as opposed to his own ( currying favor )

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a kid the same age. Nothing about this is normal.

Candy to build a community?

Exactly. This sounds like grooming. Parents will not really know what's going on there. No kid wants to get labeled a snitch.

We don't even know who these people are luring the children with candy. SP

“Grooming? “Luring”? More information would be helpful. I’m near the other end of the continuum — imagining a counselor with a candy jar on their desk.

The candy is your clue... oldest trick in the book, besides the lost puppy!

[Anonymous]

OP writing. Thanks for all the input. Unfortunately, I don't think I heard anyone chime in about where I stand insofar as objecting to MY kid.

A couple of questions came up -- not sure why these facts matter. Then again, DCUM can be vicious, so I am not surprised.

This is non-teaching staff. A part-time community facilitator or somesuch. Not a counselor of any type. I pointedly said non-teaching staff in order to establish that this is not a teacher that my kid would encounter in the normal course of school activities. The label I chose was not intended as pejorative.

The school has a good counseling element. My kid knows the people there informally and is comfortable going there on their own.

I have zero interest in preventing other kids from hanging out with this staff member. That was an incorrect presumption of some posters. Just thinking of MY kid. Other kids can have at it.

Anyway, if anyone knows about parental rights here, I'd be grateful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP writing. Thanks for all the input. Unfortunately, I don't think I heard anyone chime in about where I stand insofar as objecting to MY kid.

A couple of questions came up -- not sure why these facts matter. Then again, DCUM can be vicious, so I am not surprised.

This is non-teaching staff. A part-time community facilitator or somesuch. Not a counselor of any type. I pointedly said non-teaching staff in order to establish that this is not a teacher that my kid would encounter in the normal course of school activities. The label I chose was not intended as pejorative.

The school has a good counseling element. My kid knows the people there informally and is comfortable going there on their own.

I have zero interest in preventing other kids from hanging out with this staff member. That was an incorrect presumption of some posters. Just thinking of MY kid. Other kids can have at it.

Anyway, if anyone knows about parental rights here, I'd be grateful.

You don't have a parental right to pick and choose which staff members at a school your kid can be with. It doesn't work that way. If you don't trust the school's child protection policies, or their hiring practices, then go elsewhere.

I'm still unclear why you just don't tell your kid he's not allowed to do that because you want him outside at recess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP writing. Thanks for all the input. Unfortunately, I don't think I heard anyone chime in about where I stand insofar as objecting to MY kid.

A couple of questions came up -- not sure why these facts matter. Then again, DCUM can be vicious, so I am not surprised.

This is non-teaching staff. A part-time community facilitator or somesuch. Not a counselor of any type. I pointedly said non-teaching staff in order to establish that this is not a teacher that my kid would encounter in the normal course of school activities. The label I chose was not intended as pejorative.

The school has a good counseling element. My kid knows the people there informally and is comfortable going there on their own.

I have zero interest in preventing other kids from hanging out with this staff member. That was an incorrect presumption of some posters. Just thinking of MY kid. Other kids can have at it.

Anyway, if anyone knows about parental rights here, I'd be grateful.

I'd be alarmed, OP. Do you know what formal job mr. candyman has within the school? Or are they some sort of volunteer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP writing. Thanks for all the input. Unfortunately, I don't think I heard anyone chime in about where I stand insofar as objecting to MY kid.

A couple of questions came up -- not sure why these facts matter. Then again, DCUM can be vicious, so I am not surprised.

This is non-teaching staff. A part-time community facilitator or somesuch. Not a counselor of any type. I pointedly said non-teaching staff in order to establish that this is not a teacher that my kid would encounter in the normal course of school activities. The label I chose was not intended as pejorative.

The school has a good counseling element. My kid knows the people there informally and is comfortable going there on their own.

I have zero interest in preventing other kids from hanging out with this staff member. That was an incorrect presumption of some posters. Just thinking of MY kid. Other kids can have at it.

Anyway, if anyone knows about parental rights here, I'd be grateful.

Thanks for the reply. I asked about the non-teaching staff relevance sincerely.

But my suggestion to talk to your kid and give him the instruction still stands. You original post indicated this was a "formal" program. So I gather they know it is happening and is sanctioned. And it is likely beneficial to some kids.

Your parental right is to tell your kid what he can and cannot do. You get to make that call. Sure, you can ask the school to help enforce your decision, and they likely would. What more would you want them to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP writing. Thanks for all the input. Unfortunately, I don't think I heard anyone chime in about where I stand insofar as objecting to MY kid.

A couple of questions came up -- not sure why these facts matter. Then again, DCUM can be vicious, so I am not surprised.

This is non-teaching staff. A part-time community facilitator or somesuch. Not a counselor of any type. I pointedly said non-teaching staff in order to establish that this is not a teacher that my kid would encounter in the normal course of school activities. The label I chose was not intended as pejorative.

The school has a good counseling element. My kid knows the people there informally and is comfortable going there on their own.

I have zero interest in preventing other kids from hanging out with this staff member. That was an incorrect presumption of some posters. Just thinking of MY kid. Other kids can have at it.

Anyway, if anyone knows about parental rights here, I'd be grateful.

I'd be alarmed, OP. Do you know what formal job mr. candyman has within the school? Or are they some sort of volunteer?

Agreed. Does this person have any formal training for this part time community facilitator gig? Is this an actual paying job.

The simple answer is to tell your kid and the school that he/she must be outside at recess not eating candy in someone's office.

The longer answer is the school needs to do a much better job with communication and should explain who this facilitator is/the role/the qualifications/the interactions with students/etc.

[Anonymous]

OP writing. I agree about the school's communication.

The person is an administrative assistant with no formal training who has added community 'facilitator' to their responsibilities at the school.

Thanks for the thoughts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP writing. I agree about the school's communication.

The person is an administrative assistant with no formal training who has added community 'facilitator' to their responsibilities at the school.

Thanks for the thoughts.

You have a two-way communication problem and you are half of it. Stop relying on your child’s reporting. Call the school and talk to them about what this program is. Tell them that if this is a voluntary program, you are opting your child out. Talk to your child. Why do they want to participate? Then tell them you want them outside at recess and that you have let the school know. You need to communicate better.

[Anonymous]

Honestly sounds like lazy community facilitation if that’s the role. Engagement through coercion or bribery is hardly engagement. I’d be telling our school that they can try harder, and my kid will be getting some fresh air (which happens to be so important for kids right now in many ways).