Non-teaching school staff offering cookies and candy and to "hang out". Can I object?

[Anonymous]

My 10-yo child's DC-based private school has introduced a formal community-building effort, which includes dedicated staff and space.

Instead of taking recess outdoors, as they are encouraged to do, my kid has opted to visit this staff, who invite students for conversation, offering candy and cookies, which is the notable element in my kid's telling (subject for another post).

Setting aside the merits of this practice, what standing do I have to object? If I tell the school I don't want my kid engaging with this staff, how enforceable is it? The contract with the school doesn't shed light on it.

Thanks for any input.

[Anonymous]

I have a kid who is in a pretty traumatic situation, and takes advantage of his school counselor's open door at recess on a regular basis. He tells his friends he's going to get candy, but really he needs a listening ear, and moment to decompress.

I think that it's good that your school has this available, and if you don't want your kid to participate you should tell your own kid, not try to take away something that's important to other kids.

[Anonymous]

Why don’t you want your child visiting this staff person?

[Anonymous]

Tell them the child needs to the physical activity of recess and the fresh air, to be at his best as a student.

[Anonymous]

Maybe talk to your kid?

[Anonymous]

Oh so you’re that mom.

[Anonymous]

Years ago, when my oldest was in high school, he would visit the nurse’s office frequently during his lunch break (he has asthma & allergies…visits were never medical). He told me that he talked to her and she gave him apple juice and cookies. Thus, every few months, I would replenish her supplies. I was and still am grateful that she showed him such love.

As a DP said above, speak to your child and do not take this away from other children. With all that children are facing these days, many need this special space.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 10-yo child's DC-based private school has introduced a formal community-building effort, which includes dedicated staff and space.

Instead of taking recess outdoors, as they are encouraged to do, my kid has opted to visit this staff, who invite students for conversation, offering candy and cookies, which is the notable element in my kid's telling (subject for another post).

Setting aside the merits of this practice, what standing do I have to object? If I tell the school I don't want my kid engaging with this staff, how enforceable is it? The contract with the school doesn't shed light on it.

Thanks for any input.

Is the staff in this area considered a FT employee and subject to background checks? Who provides oversight and what is the purpose of this space? "Community-building"? Between whom? Students? Teachers? The school as a whole?

[Anonymous]

Asking because I am trying to understand. What do you object to?

[Anonymous]

Yeah, no. He needs to be going outside, running around and playing with his peers. This is where the community building needs to be happening. The candy is not okay. Ask your kid what’s going on and why he’s choosing this instead of recess. Then connect with the teacher and share that this is not an option. Let your son know that you are having this conversation with the teacher and that you are removing this option for the foreseeable future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Asking because I am trying to understand. What do you object to?

NP. I'd suspect grooming if they're using candy to entice the children. Beware.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Asking because I am trying to understand. What do you object to?

NP. I'd suspect grooming if they're using candy to entice the children. Beware.

More information is needed here. It’s very common for counselors and therapists of many kinds to have open door hours, lunch bunch groups, and other prevention services available to students. In many settings, this allows students to get support in real time, without stigma and without having to qualify for special services.

Before objecting to whatever these meetings might be, perhaps the OP could speak with a school administrator to get a clear idea of what these services might be and who is providing them. If nothing else, OP will have information that will allow her to know what she’s objecting to and formulate a plan to ensure that her child doesn’t avail himself of a resource that might be available to all of the students on an as-needed basis.
If it turns out that her child is reaching out for open office hours from a mental health professional, OP might want to evaluate whether her child could benefit from some type of support — in or out of school. The simplest way to handle it would be to explain to her child that he is not allowed to reach out for whatever this experience is. This might be easier for him than having multiple adults monitoring his behavior and use of these visits IF this is something that’s been described to all of the students as an available school-wide resource.

[Anonymous]

I have a kid the same age. Nothing about this is normal.

Candy to build a community?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a kid the same age. Nothing about this is normal.

Candy to build a community?

Exactly. This sounds like grooming. Parents will not really know what's going on there. No kid wants to get labeled a snitch.

[Anonymous]

I have a different response if it is a school counselor/learning support team member trying to normalize the practice of coming to that office OR if it is someone in the development department - who due to nature of their job may be without background/training in boundaries and in a 1:1 situation with a student.

OP, any more information?