I am not doing well with two kids.

[Anonymous]

Start descalating and know the triggers.
Are you setting them both up for disaster?

If 1 yr old destroyed 3 yr old Lego creations, then put legos up on a table or zone off an area where 3 yr old can have his space and fav toys his way w/o the threat of 1 yr old.

Can you do more group things non-age specific things together - put together a big floor puzzle, build a fort, magnatiles, play restaurant, etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Start descalating and know the triggers.
Are you setting them both up for disaster?

If 1 yr old destroyed 3 yr old Lego creations, then put legos up on a table or zone off an area where 3 yr old can have his space and fav toys his way w/o the threat of 1 yr old.

Can you do more group things non-age specific things together - put together a big floor puzzle, build a fort, magnatiles, play restaurant, etc

NP here. Everything is a “trigger” for my kids. They once fought over a crumpled piece of paper. The one year old will knock down magnatiles, pull up puzzles, can’t play restaurant, messes up 3 yr old forts. 3 yr old can build on a table and has a no-baby bedroom but doesn’t want to be in his room alone.

While everyone appreciates suggestions, I don’t think you understand how hard it is with two kids 3 and 1. Or maybe it’s just my kids. Both want to be with me and play with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Start descalating and know the triggers.
Are you setting them both up for disaster?

If 1 yr old destroyed 3 yr old Lego creations, then put legos up on a table or zone off an area where 3 yr old can have his space and fav toys his way w/o the threat of 1 yr old.

Can you do more group things non-age specific things together - put together a big floor puzzle, build a fort, magnatiles, play restaurant, etc

NP here. Everything is a “trigger” for my kids. They once fought over a crumpled piece of paper. The one year old will knock down magnatiles, pull up puzzles, can’t play restaurant, messes up 3 yr old forts. 3 yr old can build on a table and has a no-baby bedroom but doesn’t want to be in his room alone.

While everyone appreciates suggestions, I don’t think you understand how hard it is with two kids 3 and 1. Or maybe it’s just my kids. Both want to be with me and play with me.

NP +1000
Plus this is totally dependent on your kids temperaments. I have one kid who will happily play alone quietly, the other would never. If you have two who would never? Forget it.

[Anonymous]

We're in the same boat. Three-year gap. It was truly miserable when the youngest was between 1 and 2 and the oldest was 4 to 5, in 2020. Covid shutdown in a small condo with kids these ages was... indescribable. I honestly wonder how we survived. Much of that year is blocked from my memory.

So, sooooo much empathy to what you're going through OP.

As others have said, life has improved as the kids have gotten older. I still referee a few fights a day, but things are getting better.

Some things that really helped?

1. We enrolled the oldest in all-day preschool. It's outdoors so he comes home too exhausted to fight. And the youngest is an angel when the oldest isn't here.

2. We started a behavior chart for the oldest. He gets a gold star each day that he doesn't have a tantrum. If he gets five stars a week, he gets dessert or a toy on Friday. His behavior changed overnight. No exaggeration. In 24 hours we went from 10-12 tantrums and fights a day to zero. It taught us that he could behave, which was something I had previously questioned.

3. As soon as the youngest can go to preschool, he'll go. At a certain point, usually way younger than you think, kids just need more stimulation than we can give them at home (unless you're prepared to basically home school starting at 2). I am not a crafty mom or an artsy one. Pre-Covid, I managed toddlerhood with a lot of time at museums, kidzones, etc. But since our youngest absolutely refuses to mask and can't yet be vaccinated, we are stuck with home and park now. We're both so over this routine. He needs more stimulation and he'll get it at preschool the minute he's eligible.

Lastly, don't be afraid of screen time. A lot of people have this crazed, knee-jerk reaction to it. But, carefully curated screen time can be really educational and helpful at home - especially during the pandemic when we often have few other options. I highly recommend the BBC kids' shows Alphablocks and Numberblocks. Our five yo watches these obsessively and can do math at at least a second-grade level - according to his teachers. (He can also do algebraic word problems, which school has confirmed too.)

Hang in there, OP. It gets better!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're in the same boat. Three-year gap. It was truly miserable when the youngest was between 1 and 2 and the oldest was 4 to 5, in 2020. Covid shutdown in a small condo with kids these ages was... indescribable. I honestly wonder how we survived. Much of that year is blocked from my memory.

So, sooooo much empathy to what you're going through OP.

As others have said, life has improved as the kids have gotten older. I still referee a few fights a day, but things are getting better.

Some things that really helped?

1. We enrolled the oldest in all-day preschool. It's outdoors so he comes home too exhausted to fight. And the youngest is an angel when the oldest isn't here.

2. We started a behavior chart for the oldest. He gets a gold star each day that he doesn't have a tantrum. If he gets five stars a week, he gets dessert or a toy on Friday. His behavior changed overnight. No exaggeration. In 24 hours we went from 10-12 tantrums and fights a day to zero. It taught us that he could behave, which was something I had previously questioned.

3. As soon as the youngest can go to preschool, he'll go. At a certain point, usually way younger than you think, kids just need more stimulation than we can give them at home (unless you're prepared to basically home school starting at 2). I am not a crafty mom or an artsy one. Pre-Covid, I managed toddlerhood with a lot of time at museums, kidzones, etc. But since our youngest absolutely refuses to mask and can't yet be vaccinated, we are stuck with home and park now. We're both so over this routine. He needs more stimulation and he'll get it at preschool the minute he's eligible.

Lastly, don't be afraid of screen time. A lot of people have this crazed, knee-jerk reaction to it. But, carefully curated screen time can be really educational and helpful at home - especially during the pandemic when we often have few other options. I highly recommend the BBC kids' shows Alphablocks and Numberblocks. Our five yo watches these obsessively and can do math at at least a second-grade level - according to his teachers. (He can also do algebraic word problems, which school has confirmed too.)

Hang in there, OP. It gets better!

This is a good post. Yes, bribes (sticker charts, toys, etc.) work. My kid was a biter and we have (God willing) moved past that phase with bribes for good behavior days.

[Anonymous]

It is a rough time but the two year gap is awesome when they are older. The whole fam can do the same things together. First you have to get out of the one year old not “letting” you do things. They are one. You are the boss. They don’t let or not let you do anything. The most difficult thing about parenting at this age is patience, consistency and discipline and by discipline I mean the self discipline you have to have to be patient and consistent. Raising kids is a lot like training a dog. The need boundaries and to know what to expect. If you are consistent with those boundaries they will learn to expect whatever negative or positive outcomes you have established. People get offended when you compare kids to dogs but intellectually your one year old pretty Much is a dog - but you aren’t allowed to crate him but you CAN put them in a pack and play! Also it is ok for your one year old to be unhappy and crying. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Start descalating and know the triggers.
Are you setting them both up for disaster?

If 1 yr old destroyed 3 yr old Lego creations, then put legos up on a table or zone off an area where 3 yr old can have his space and fav toys his way w/o the threat of 1 yr old.

Can you do more group things non-age specific things together - put together a big floor puzzle, build a fort, magnatiles, play restaurant, etc

NP here. Everything is a “trigger” for my kids. They once fought over a crumpled piece of paper. The one year old will knock down magnatiles, pull up puzzles, can’t play restaurant, messes up 3 yr old forts. 3 yr old can build on a table and has a no-baby bedroom but doesn’t want to be in his room alone.

While everyone appreciates suggestions, I don’t think you understand how hard it is with two kids 3 and 1. Or maybe it’s just my kids. Both want to be with me and play with me.

Yes we get it. You need to figure out what will work in your home but you are expecting way to much from kids that age and yes, they need your time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is a rough time but the two year gap is awesome when they are older. The whole fam can do the same things together. First you have to get out of the one year old not “letting” you do things. They are one. You are the boss. They don’t let or not let you do anything. The most difficult thing about parenting at this age is patience, consistency and discipline and by discipline I mean the self discipline you have to have to be patient and consistent. Raising kids is a lot like training a dog. The need boundaries and to know what to expect. If you are consistent with those boundaries they will learn to expect whatever negative or positive outcomes you have established. People get offended when you compare kids to dogs but intellectually your one year old pretty Much is a dog - but you aren’t allowed to crate him but you CAN put them in a pack and play! Also it is ok for your one year old to be unhappy and crying. Good luck!

Let me guess, your kids are in college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a rough time but the two year gap is awesome when they are older. The whole fam can do the same things together. First you have to get out of the one year old not “letting” you do things. They are one. You are the boss. They don’t let or not let you do anything. The most difficult thing about parenting at this age is patience, consistency and discipline and by discipline I mean the self discipline you have to have to be patient and consistent. Raising kids is a lot like training a dog. The need boundaries and to know what to expect. If you are consistent with those boundaries they will learn to expect whatever negative or positive outcomes you have established. People get offended when you compare kids to dogs but intellectually your one year old pretty Much is a dog - but you aren’t allowed to crate him but you CAN put them in a pack and play! Also it is ok for your one year old to be unhappy and crying. Good luck!

Let me guess, your kids are in college?

Don't be a jerk (and people with kids in college know a hell of a lot more than us newbies, really -- would you trust someone who's been doing a job for 20 years or someone who just started 2-3 years ago?). This is good advice. The biggest wins I've had in parenting (early potty training, stopping daycare biting habits, sleep training) has been through calm boundary enforcement and consistent expectation-setting, just like dog training.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a rough time but the two year gap is awesome when they are older. The whole fam can do the same things together. First you have to get out of the one year old not “letting” you do things. They are one. You are the boss. They don’t let or not let you do anything. The most difficult thing about parenting at this age is patience, consistency and discipline and by discipline I mean the self discipline you have to have to be patient and consistent. Raising kids is a lot like training a dog. The need boundaries and to know what to expect. If you are consistent with those boundaries they will learn to expect whatever negative or positive outcomes you have established. People get offended when you compare kids to dogs but intellectually your one year old pretty Much is a dog - but you aren’t allowed to crate him but you CAN put them in a pack and play! Also it is ok for your one year old to be unhappy and crying. Good luck!

Let me guess, your kids are in college?

Don't be a jerk (and people with kids in college know a hell of a lot more than us newbies, really -- would you trust someone who's been doing a job for 20 years or someone who just started 2-3 years ago?). This is good advice. The biggest wins I've had in parenting (early potty training, stopping daycare biting habits, sleep training) has been through calm boundary enforcement and consistent expectation-setting, just like dog training.

+1

Mom of a 2 year old and 2 cats, and this totally resonated with me. A 1 year old does not run your house. Definitely put the one year old in a playpen, even if the 1 year old is unhappy about it, if he/she continues to destroy your 3 year old's things. Our cats deserved peace of mind and we had a playpen for the baby to give them space when she was chasing them incessantly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a rough time but the two year gap is awesome when they are older. The whole fam can do the same things together. First you have to get out of the one year old not “letting” you do things. They are one. You are the boss. They don’t let or not let you do anything. The most difficult thing about parenting at this age is patience, consistency and discipline and by discipline I mean the self discipline you have to have to be patient and consistent. Raising kids is a lot like training a dog. The need boundaries and to know what to expect. If you are consistent with those boundaries they will learn to expect whatever negative or positive outcomes you have established. People get offended when you compare kids to dogs but intellectually your one year old pretty Much is a dog - but you aren’t allowed to crate him but you CAN put them in a pack and play! Also it is ok for your one year old to be unhappy and crying. Good luck!

Let me guess, your kids are in college?

Don't be a jerk (and people with kids in college know a hell of a lot more than us newbies, really -- would you trust someone who's been doing a job for 20 years or someone who just started 2-3 years ago?). This is good advice. The biggest wins I've had in parenting (early potty training, stopping daycare biting habits, sleep training) has been through calm boundary enforcement and consistent expectation-setting, just like dog training.

I refuse to taken anyone seriously who compares raising children to training a dog, including you apparently. Good luck with that approach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a rough time but the two year gap is awesome when they are older. The whole fam can do the same things together. First you have to get out of the one year old not “letting” you do things. They are one. You are the boss. They don’t let or not let you do anything. The most difficult thing about parenting at this age is patience, consistency and discipline and by discipline I mean the self discipline you have to have to be patient and consistent. Raising kids is a lot like training a dog. The need boundaries and to know what to expect. If you are consistent with those boundaries they will learn to expect whatever negative or positive outcomes you have established. People get offended when you compare kids to dogs but intellectually your one year old pretty Much is a dog - but you aren’t allowed to crate him but you CAN put them in a pack and play! Also it is ok for your one year old to be unhappy and crying. Good luck!

Let me guess, your kids are in college?

Don't be a jerk (and people with kids in college know a hell of a lot more than us newbies, really -- would you trust someone who's been doing a job for 20 years or someone who just started 2-3 years ago?). This is good advice. The biggest wins I've had in parenting (early potty training, stopping daycare biting habits, sleep training) has been through calm boundary enforcement and consistent expectation-setting, just like dog training.

I refuse to taken anyone seriously who compares raising children to training a dog, including you apparently. Good luck with that approach.

Well then you’ve never trained a dog or raised a child. They are both adorable. They do that on purpose otherwise you wouldn’t tolerate the nonsense.

[Anonymous]

18 months and 4 years old over here. I don't always referee. Sometimes, I observe and just treat it like survival of the fittest. But maybe this is too Darwinian of me? Of course, if one of them (usually the small one) gets too violent and starts pulling her sister's hair, then I will intervene and reprimand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a rough time but the two year gap is awesome when they are older. The whole fam can do the same things together. First you have to get out of the one year old not “letting” you do things. They are one. You are the boss. They don’t let or not let you do anything. The most difficult thing about parenting at this age is patience, consistency and discipline and by discipline I mean the self discipline you have to have to be patient and consistent. Raising kids is a lot like training a dog. The need boundaries and to know what to expect. If you are consistent with those boundaries they will learn to expect whatever negative or positive outcomes you have established. People get offended when you compare kids to dogs but intellectually your one year old pretty Much is a dog - but you aren’t allowed to crate him but you CAN put them in a pack and play! Also it is ok for your one year old to be unhappy and crying. Good luck!

Let me guess, your kids are in college?

Don't be a jerk (and people with kids in college know a hell of a lot more than us newbies, really -- would you trust someone who's been doing a job for 20 years or someone who just started 2-3 years ago?). This is good advice. The biggest wins I've had in parenting (early potty training, stopping daycare biting habits, sleep training) has been through calm boundary enforcement and consistent expectation-setting, just like dog training.

I refuse to taken anyone seriously who compares raising children to training a dog, including you apparently. Good luck with that approach.

No one's hitting their child on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper, lady. They're talking about how consistency is key in teaching good habits (maybe it sounds gentler if you say "teaching" vs. training).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:2 kids (and two years apart) was horrible for years. It got much better and now they are great!

Sadly, this.

It gets much much better with age. 1 and 3 may be the absolute hardest time. When my older one turned 4, it was a bit better. Same with 3 and 5 (much better! but still had a 3 year old). 4 and 6 and up has been terrific. They play together really well and have a blast and it's awesome. But you just gotta ride out that "2 very little kids with different needs" stage.