If your college kid skips a class

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:What other country??? Are we talking Canada? Did you go to college OP? Did you ever skip class??

Op here. DC is supposed to be in country x for study abroad. They went to Italy with friends long weekend, missed classes. After the initial where tf are you text chat and what about school question, I got over it shaking my head. But curious what drum parents would do in that situation.

omg!!! cut the apron strings!! study abroad is about travel and experiencing world culture. not about an academic grind.

Heck. yes! Cutting class is OK periodically if you are managing the course and the expectations. And do it for fun good things, like, road trip to another college for a concert, traveling to another city, first perfect spring day to just hang out on the quad on blankets.

If you need more information on the details and the rationale (this is the most serious onion article I have ever read: https://www.theonion.com/account-manager-fondly-remembers-day-in-college-when-ev-1819565644

it’s part of being an adult to learn how to make the tradeoffs between fun and work properly.

the only thing I would be disappointed about is if my kid in a study abroad program was hanging out exclusively with Americans and speaking English all the time.

LOL. I studied abroad. My spouse studied abroad. All of our kids studied abroad. Whether it's a foreign language program or not (and most of ours were), you're spending the overwhelming majority of your time hanging out and traveling with the other Americans on your program. The only exception is if you're cute and female, in which case you get attention from foreign guys who think American women are easy.

you only think that because that’s what you did! I spent the majority of my time with native speakers and locals. I deliberately made sure I wasn’t rooming with Americans only.

Well, either you are a super nerd, are lying, or were putting out. Because that's the exception, not the rule.

Yikes sorry you're having such a bad day that you need to feel so nasty. I'm another person here who studied abroad and spent at least half the time, if not more, with natives instead of Americans, because I lived in a dorm filled with natives (I was the only American on my floor) and took classes at the university with natives. To this day I have close friends from that country, as well as some of the other Americans in the program.

There were a handful of students in my program who made it a point not to hang out with Americans, just with the native students.

Not all study abroad programs are the same.

Did you record your time spent with each group for future reference? When you traveled during your breaks, did you travel with locals or other Americans? I find that as time goes by people tend to romanticize and exaggerate these things.

DP: It really depends on the structure of your study abroad program. If you go to a university and have a roommate who is from the host country you are way more likely to be immersed. You're living full-time with students from the country (who are just making friends at the same time you are there) and taking classes that are in the language and are part of the curriculum of the host university rather than special exchange student classes. I did see other programs where exchange students all lived together, took classes together and traveled together and it did just seem like an American party, but that wasn't how mine was structured. I'd go to the bars, clubs and restaurants with my roommate and her friends or other people from classes. I can look at the pictures I took and that's what they are all of so it's not like I have to rely on memory. I also went to the family homes of 6 or so of my friends in all different parts of the country for long weekends and breaks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: But curious what drum parents would do in that situation.

This DCUM would ask to see photos, I think? Ask about the new friends they made?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't relate to parents who brag about "not caring" what they children do.

And I can't imagine how I would feel if I was a very young woman in another country, and had the sense that my parents did not care what I was up to.

My mom could never wait to hear from me when I was overseas. She wanted every detail (what I wore, what I ate). She reminded me of how to stay safe. It made me feel loved.

You seem very literal.

[Anonymous]

My kid had never missed a single class in 4 years but he missed graduation because he overslept.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What other country??? Are we talking Canada? Did you go to college OP? Did you ever skip class??

Op here. DC is supposed to be in country x for study abroad. They went to Italy with friends long weekend, missed classes. After the initial where tf are you text chat and what about school question, I got over it shaking my head. But curious what drum parents would do in that situation.

omg!!! cut the apron strings!! study abroad is about travel and experiencing world culture. not about an academic grind.

Heck. yes! Cutting class is OK periodically if you are managing the course and the expectations. And do it for fun good things, like, road trip to another college for a concert, traveling to another city, first perfect spring day to just hang out on the quad on blankets.

If you need more information on the details and the rationale (this is the most serious onion article I have ever read: https://www.theonion.com/account-manager-fondly-remembers-day-in-college-when-ev-1819565644

it’s part of being an adult to learn how to make the tradeoffs between fun and work properly.

the only thing I would be disappointed about is if my kid in a study abroad program was hanging out exclusively with Americans and speaking English all the time.

LOL. I studied abroad. My spouse studied abroad. All of our kids studied abroad. Whether it's a foreign language program or not (and most of ours were), you're spending the overwhelming majority of your time hanging out and traveling with the other Americans on your program. The only exception is if you're cute and female, in which case you get attention from foreign guys who think American women are easy.

you only think that because that’s what you did! I spent the majority of my time with native speakers and locals. I deliberately made sure I wasn’t rooming with Americans only.

Well, either you are a super nerd, are lying, or were putting out. Because that's the exception, not the rule.

wow um ok. I can assure you I was out at the bar with my local roommates. And yes, studying the language diligently. The great thing about being a language nerd abroad is that going to bars and watching TV constitute nerding out. Most of the American friends I had abroad or have spent serious time studying language or cultures leave the US because they want to be immersed. That’s kind of … the whole point?

but yeah there always is a subset of obnoxious americans who seem to view study abroad as a giant frat party. I would be disappointed if my kid was one of those.

NP. My dd studied abroad in Spain. She enrolled directly in the Spanish university, but there were 15 other students from her university who were also enrolled so she mostly hung out with them. Plus she had a few other friends from her university who were also studying in various places in Europe so she met up with them on her weekend trips. She's never been much of a partier, but did go clubbing for the first time which I think is awesome! There weren't dorms there and the natives seemed to mostly commute in from distances up to an hour away.

Still an amazing, transformative experience. Living in a new country for a semester or a year, solidifying her knowledge and use of the Spanish language (that she now uses every single day in her career as a bilingual nurse in a low-income, predominately Hispanic neighborhood in NYC), taking classes conducted entirely in that language, navigating all sorts of things she'd never done before...why on earth would I be disappointed about that?! She learned so, so much, challenged herself, and came back with a newfound sense of independence and strength *Shrug* Trying to dictate my kid's study abroad experience is just sooo not me. Because, you know, it was HER experience not mine. Different strokes, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid had never missed a single class in 4 years but he missed graduation because he overslept.

aww. Poor guy.

[Anonymous]

This forum has been overrun with non-parent no life trolls. It’s blatantly obvious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you even know (they tell you)? Do you care?
What if they skipped class bc they went someplace…say, crossed the state line for some fun and shenanigans ?…
What if they skipped class bc they went someplace…say another country and only told you After they did it

No they do not tell you.

Once a bunch of us rented an RV and drove to an away football game skipping a Thursday and a Friday. On the RV were two now lawyers and now big law partners, one now Big 4 partner accountant and two now wall street firm managing directors, plus others.

They get to live their life and figure it out and you do not have any say or at least you should not.

Troll. How many cringe cliches can you force into every post here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What other country??? Are we talking Canada? Did you go to college OP? Did you ever skip class??

Op here. DC is supposed to be in country x for study abroad. They went to Italy with friends long weekend, missed classes. After the initial where tf are you text chat and what about school question, I got over it shaking my head. But curious what drum parents would do in that situation.

OMG, I missed weeks of classes when i studied abroad!! Travel!! Who cares about classes?? I got all As in those easy-peasy for foreign students classes, despite missing lots of time in the actual classroom. But the living classroom was a fabulous, broadening, enlightening education.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid had never missed a single class in 4 years but he missed graduation because he was hungover.

FTFY

[Anonymous]

My parents had no idea if I was going to class when I was in college. You need to let them handle this. If there are signs they are failing classes, then you discuss the expectations that come with your financial support for education. Until then, it’s on them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What other country??? Are we talking Canada? Did you go to college OP? Did you ever skip class??

Op here. DC is supposed to be in country x for study abroad. They went to Italy with friends long weekend, missed classes. After the initial where tf are you text chat and what about school question, I got over it shaking my head. But curious what drum parents would do in that situation.

I would ask to see pictures and inquire about who he went with, was it fun, what did you see? Having a "where tf are you chat" (WTF?) and asking about school would not cross my mind. My kid hasn't studied abroad yet, but I have every expectation he'll skip a class or two to go on long weekend trips with friends. Kinda comes with the territory. In 20 years my kid probably won't remember what he learned on a random Thursday afternoon class, but he WILL remember the trip to Italy with friends. As long as he gets what he needs to get done, who the heck cares about a missed class?

[Anonymous]

It’s Europe. Going to a different country is not a big deal. Do you realize how small Europe is compared to the US?

[Anonymous]

When I was in grad school, I skipped two of my classes and also cancelled the class I was teaching that night because I was presented with the opportunity to go to game 3 of the 1991 world series. When I approached my supervisor about cancelling my class to go to the game, he looked at me as if I had grown two heads and was like...ummm...duh...you go to the game. You'll probably never have this opportunity again. Gasp! Minnesota Twins vs. Atlanta Braves. 12 inning thriller. Life experiences, man. It's a class, who cares.

[Anonymous]

He'll likely never again in his life have the opportunity to just randomly go to Italy for a weekend, but there WILL be plenty more classes. Wouldn't even register in my mind as a problem.