Are sons missing a genetic gene on caring about their parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's all socialization. My parents were very co-equal in terms of parenting and domestic tasks, and my dad helps to care for my mom's mother, who is in assisted living near them. My brother lives in the same city as my parents and sees them a few times a year. I live across the country so I don't see them often either, but normally we go out for 9 or 10 days once a year and my parents come visit us 2-3 times for a week each, so I spend a lot more time with them than my brother does. He just doesn't make it a priority.

Yes it is impossible to know what percentage is biology versus socialization. There is no agreement on nature v nurture for explaining gender gap in providing care but we can only do something about the socialization piece.

https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2017/12/05/on-gender-differences-no-consensus-on-nature-vs-nurture/

Twenty-five years after the release of the bestseller “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus,” the debate over how and why men and women are different and what that means for their roles in society is far from settled. A new Pew Research Center survey finds that majorities of Americans say men and women are basically different in the way they express their feelings, their physical abilities, their personal interests and their approach to parenting. But there is no public consensus on the origins of these differences. While women who perceive differences generally attribute them to societal expectations, men tend to point to biological differences.


https://www.oecd.org/dev/development-gender/Unpaid_care_work.pdf

Key messages
 Around the world, women spend two to ten times more time on unpaid care work than men.
 This unequal distribution of caring responsibilities is linked to discriminatory social institutions
and stereotypes on gender roles.
 Gender inequality in unpaid care work is the missing link in the analysis of gender gaps in labour outcomes, such as labour force participation, wages and job quality
 Tackling entrenched gender norms and stereotypes is a first step in redistributing responsibilities for care and housework between women and men.

Plus one

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your mom raised them this way. You reap what you sow. My brother is the same way.

Wow, look what you did there. In trying to make a “feminist” point about social conditioning, you laid all of the parenting blame…at the feet of only the mother.

Wow.

Let that sink in.

How about ***your parents*** raised them this way. THEY reap what THEY sow. Wow.

Plus one thousand

[Anonymous]

I think men find it easier to have boundaries. Women will have no boundaries, get totally enmeshed and burned out, play the martyr and stir up drama rather than doing what they can handle. I used to be so filled with rage toward the sibling who did little and was concerned the GC. I am saying this as a woman who got burned out and depressed dealing with my elderly parents and all their issues for 8 years. There was no appreciation or value for my time after a while. I have learned to set boundaries and detach so I am not filled with resentment and anger so much. Try it.

[Anonymous]

I think it is more about individuals. I have 2 brothers, 1 will go above and beyond for caring for my parents despite having his own busy work and family life. The other doesn't do anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your mom raised them this way. You reap what you sow. My brother is the same way.

Wow, look what you did there. In trying to make a “feminist” point about social conditioning, you laid all of the parenting blame…at the feet of only the mother.

Wow.

Let that sink in.

How about ***your parents*** raised them this way. THEY reap what THEY sow. Wow.

Plus one thousand

Yes plus the Gotcha games on this thread are aimed at blaming mothers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think men find it easier to have boundaries. Women will have no boundaries, get totally enmeshed and burned out, play the martyr and stir up drama rather than doing what they can handle. I used to be so filled with rage toward the sibling who did little and was concerned the GC. I am saying this as a woman who got burned out and depressed dealing with my elderly parents and all their issues for 8 years. There was no appreciation or value for my time after a while. I have learned to set boundaries and detach so I am not filled with resentment and anger so much. Try it.

Wow I hear you and fully believe you.

Yes I agree setting boundaries is important for combatting Female Carer Burnout. Structural societal supports are needed as well. Not disproportionately
blaming mothers and daughters for all family Problems would help too.

[Anonymous]

I saw my brothers do this to our parents too. But our parents raised us girls to put others before ourselves and my brothers to put themselves first.

My parents made us girls clean the house and babysit the younger kids. Our brothers only had to make their beds and do outdoor chores, like mowing.

It was no surprise when the parents got old, the daughters put in most of the caregiving hours. My brothers would turn off their phones when they thought an urgent call from the ailing parents might come in. They took care of themselves first as my parents trained them.

[Anonymous]

I’d like to hear from men about this topic. How much time do you invest in elder care? How often do you call your parents and why? Do your sisters spend more time with them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your mom raised them this way. You reap what you sow. My brother is the same way.

Wow, look what you did there. In trying to make a “feminist” point about social conditioning, you laid all of the parenting blame…at the feet of only the mother.

Wow.

Let that sink in.

How about ***your parents*** raised them this way. THEY reap what THEY sow. Wow.

Plus one thousand

Yes plus the Gotcha games on this thread are aimed at blaming mothers

It’s not “Gotcha” so much as “Wake up, sister: the call is coming from INSIDE the house!”

Men can do better, but guess what? So can women.

[Anonymous]

Don’t underestimate the much greater tolerance husbands have for their wives to provide elder care, vs. wives not tolerating their husbands neglecting them in order to provide eldercare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think men find it easier to have boundaries. Women will have no boundaries, get totally enmeshed and burned out, play the martyr and stir up drama rather than doing what they can handle. I used to be so filled with rage toward the sibling who did little and was concerned the GC. I am saying this as a woman who got burned out and depressed dealing with my elderly parents and all their issues for 8 years. There was no appreciation or value for my time after a while. I have learned to set boundaries and detach so I am not filled with resentment and anger so much. Try it.

because you were raised this way. Why would men find it easier to have boundaries? More than likely they were let off the hook and never expected to be the caretaker. If I look around at my friends with young kids, I see them raising their daughters differently than their sons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I saw my brothers do this to our parents too. But our parents raised us girls to put others before ourselves and my brothers to put themselves first.

My parents made us girls clean the house and babysit the younger kids. Our brothers only had to make their beds and do outdoor chores, like mowing.

It was no surprise when the parents got old, the daughters put in most of the caregiving hours. My brothers would turn off their phones when they thought an urgent call from the ailing parents might come in. They took care of themselves first as my parents trained them.

+100

Most of this over 40 were raised this way. It isn't genetics. People who are genetics want things to stay this way.

[Anonymous]

"A daughter once born is a daughter for life. A son is a son until he takes a wife."

--old proverb

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"A daughter once born is a daughter for life. A son is a son until he takes a wife."

--old proverb

Sexist bull sh@t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"A daughter once born is a daughter for life. A son is a son until he takes a wife."

--old proverb

This is so absurd.

Children grow up the way they were raised
So if you want your sons to behave
As someone who cares for his family
Raise him to know how it ought to be