Condescending daycare/preschool teachers

[Anonymous]

I remember feeling like this when my kid was 0-3 in day care. I realized that these day care givers have Seen It All. I appeciated that and that they were SO much more knowledgeable about babies/toddlers than me. I was so anxious. So typing out something like "Your 3yo's crayon grip is within range of normal" is about all I think you can expect, and then over time you start to see that's all you *should* expect. You, as mom, are interested in like, is my 3yo's grip in the top or bottom percentile of his class?? But the day care teacher has no time for that, she is busy making sure he is fed, potty trained, stimulated, comforted, and she/the facility will let you know if someting is out of range of normal. The rest is on you.

Getting called "mom" - this really surprised me as anew mom too, but I have zero problem with it. They do at doctor's office and dentist too. They need to know Larlo's name. To them, I am Larlo's mom. OK with me. They can save mental energy to spend on Larlo, he is the one here who is being cared for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Remember that written communication lacks tone, and I expect you are projecting some of your own insecurities about how your kid is doing onto what they wrote.

Yes, and it goes both ways. Your message, OP, may have also come across a lot more helicoptery than you intended. 🙍‍♀️

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Remember that written communication lacks tone, and I expect you are projecting some of your own insecurities about how your kid is doing onto what they wrote.

Yes, and it goes both ways. Your message, OP, may have also come across a lot more helicoptery than you intended. 🙍‍♀️

Not the emoji I intended, lol... Speaking of tone issues...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I remember feeling like this when my kid was 0-3 in day care. I realized that these day care givers have Seen It All. I appeciated that and that they were SO much more knowledgeable about babies/toddlers than me. I was so anxious. So typing out something like "Your 3yo's crayon grip is within range of normal" is about all I think you can expect, and then over time you start to see that's all you *should* expect. You, as mom, are interested in like, is my 3yo's grip in the top or bottom percentile of his class?? But the day care teacher has no time for that, she is busy making sure he is fed, potty trained, stimulated, comforted, and she/the facility will let you know if someting is out of range of normal. The rest is on you.

Getting called "mom" - this really surprised me as anew mom too, but I have zero problem with it. They do at doctor's office and dentist too. They need to know Larlo's name. To them, I am Larlo's mom. OK with me. They can save mental energy to spend on Larlo, he is the one here who is being cared for.

Oh, I wanted to add:

- your day care person wrote something more condescending than what I described above. Still though, cut them a break, their perspective is way different than yours

- where I live, kindergarteners do not take naps, but PK3 and PK4 in public school do, for maybe 30 mins (or 45 mins at the most? My kid would not nap either and they had him to rest and look at books.) And stuffed animals were definitely allowed!! So I think this "weaning off comfort object" is not cool for pre-K.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean being concerned about the pencil grip of a 3yo is helicoptery, whether you think it is or not.

Or maybe the daycare teachers are dumb jerks? Both things can be true...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The whole idea of a messaging app where parents are allowed to harass teachers with dumb questions is terrible and so unfair to teachers who are busy with kids.

The teachers answer was dismissive. She could have easily given you an actual answer; “larla is in the normal range for this, I’m not concerned”.

I agree, the response was dismissive and something like the above response would have taken no more effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, we make $12 an hour, and our break is "nap time." In your post, you mentioned your daughter doesn't nap. It's not a real break for us if the children aren't sleeping. There's no time to think. It's a very stressful job. Her comment seemed okay. Remember, not everyone has good manners. It's not always intentional.

+1 These people are barely educated and barely clear minimum wage. Why do you think they would be good resources?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, we make $12 an hour, and our break is "nap time." In your post, you mentioned your daughter doesn't nap. It's not a real break for us if the children aren't sleeping. There's no time to think. It's a very stressful job. Her comment seemed okay. Remember, not everyone has good manners. It's not always intentional.

+1 These people are barely educated and barely clear minimum wage. Why do you think they would be good resources?

Ugh, how can you say that? I have an AA. Preschool teacher here. I went to college, and I still make crap money. Would you say the same thing about a nurse with a 2-year degree?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Remember that written communication lacks tone, and I expect you are projecting some of your own insecurities about how your kid is doing onto what they wrote.

This. The message could also be read as an attempt at warmth and reassurance, yet you've assumed condescension.

I also think it's probably annoying as a childcare provider to be looked down as a warm body barely deserving of a living wage, yet expected to give expert child development advise to obsessive helicopter moms. Whether you think so or not, you ARE being one. What did you expect your daycare teacher to tell you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, we make $12 an hour, and our break is "nap time." In your post, you mentioned your daughter doesn't nap. It's not a real break for us if the children aren't sleeping. There's no time to think. It's a very stressful job. Her comment seemed okay. Remember, not everyone has good manners. It's not always intentional.

+1 These people are barely educated and barely clear minimum wage. Why do you think they would be good resources?

Ugh, how can you say that? I have an AA. Preschool teacher here. I went to college, and I still make crap money. Would you say the same thing about a nurse with a 2-year degree?

That PP was very rude. I have huge amounts of respect for the amazing, high-quality day care workers who took care of my son so well, and taught me a thing or two. I appreciate you SO much!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, we make $12 an hour, and our break is "nap time." In your post, you mentioned your daughter doesn't nap. It's not a real break for us if the children aren't sleeping. There's no time to think. It's a very stressful job. Her comment seemed okay. Remember, not everyone has good manners. It's not always intentional.

+1 These people are barely educated and barely clear minimum wage. Why do you think they would be good resources?

Ugh, how can you say that? I have an AA. Preschool teacher here. I went to college, and I still make crap money. Would you say the same thing about a nurse with a 2-year degree?

Please go finish your BA, PP. That’s what I would tell a two year RN as well. I’m sure you’re great at your job but you don’t have the education to advance. With your experience and a college degree, you could be earning over $30 an hour as a nanny plus benefits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, we make $12 an hour, and our break is "nap time." In your post, you mentioned your daughter doesn't nap. It's not a real break for us if the children aren't sleeping. There's no time to think. It's a very stressful job. Her comment seemed okay. Remember, not everyone has good manners. It's not always intentional.

+1 These people are barely educated and barely clear minimum wage. Why do you think they would be good resources?

Ugh, how can you say that? I have an AA. Preschool teacher here. I went to college, and I still make crap money. Would you say the same thing about a nurse with a 2-year degree?

Please go finish your BA, PP. That’s what I would tell a two year RN as well. I’m sure you’re great at your job but you don’t have the education to advance. With your experience and a college degree, you could be earning over $30 an hour as a nanny plus benefits.

I don't want to be a school teacher or a nanny, PP. I enjoy my work. I don't make $12 per hour, but that is the average pay for a LEAD teacher. I understand why some are resentful. My husband makes six figures, so I am okay with low income. I was offering another perspective. Finishing my BA to be a nanny seems silly. I would have debt, and the hours are longer. I could also find a nanny position without a BA. Nanny families are also crazy. I like the structure of the classroom. I don't have to deal with crazy parenting styles, creepy dads, pets, employers thinking I stole their organic honey etc. Most long-term nannies don't have young children. They're usually in theirs 20s, or the kids are out of the house. If you want high-quality childcare, then you should treat us with respect. Telling someone they're barely educated when they have a two-year degree is mean. I have met plenty of people with college degrees who don't know how to use commas. A 4-year degree doesn't always mean the person is "educated."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, we make $12 an hour, and our break is "nap time." In your post, you mentioned your daughter doesn't nap. It's not a real break for us if the children aren't sleeping. There's no time to think. It's a very stressful job. Her comment seemed okay. Remember, not everyone has good manners. It's not always intentional.

+1 These people are barely educated and barely clear minimum wage. Why do you think they would be good resources?

Ugh, how can you say that? I have an AA. Preschool teacher here. I went to college, and I still make crap money. Would you say the same thing about a nurse with a 2-year degree?

That PP was very rude. I have huge amounts of respect for the amazing, high-quality day care workers who took care of my son so well, and taught me a thing or two. I appreciate you SO much!!

Absolutely agree, I have so much respect for my kids' preschool and daycare teachers and am so grateful. All these PPs who sit at a computer in their pajamas wouldn't last a day wrangling that many kids let alone making it fun and educational for them. The gall of looking down on the people you trust with your precious children, makes me so angry.

And absolutely they know what is normal behavior and development and what needs attention or intervention. Some worthless BA degree doesn't give you that, it's the sheer experience of being with so many kids. I have multiple friends whose kids' issues were flagged by a preschool teacher and then needed ST/OT / developmental ped. And one of these parents was a Dr herself! But also smart enough to take the important info and not look down on others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, we make $12 an hour, and our break is "nap time." In your post, you mentioned your daughter doesn't nap. It's not a real break for us if the children aren't sleeping. There's no time to think. It's a very stressful job. Her comment seemed okay. Remember, not everyone has good manners. It's not always intentional.

+1 These people are barely educated and barely clear minimum wage. Why do you think they would be good resources?

Ugh, how can you say that? I have an AA. Preschool teacher here. I went to college, and I still make crap money. Would you say the same thing about a nurse with a 2-year degree?

That PP was very rude. I have huge amounts of respect for the amazing, high-quality day care workers who took care of my son so well, and taught me a thing or two. I appreciate you SO much!!

Absolutely agree, I have so much respect for my kids' preschool and daycare teachers and am so grateful. All these PPs who sit at a computer in their pajamas wouldn't last a day wrangling that many kids let alone making it fun and educational for them. The gall of looking down on the people you trust with your precious children, makes me so angry.

And absolutely they know what is normal behavior and development and what needs attention or intervention. Some worthless BA degree doesn't give you that, it's the sheer experience of being with so many kids. I have multiple friends whose kids' issues were flagged by a preschool teacher and then needed ST/OT / developmental ped. And one of these parents was a Dr herself! But also smart enough to take the important info and not look down on others.

Thank you. I know not everyone is like you. If people talk down on us, who do they expect to stay in this field and care for the children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The whole idea of a messaging app where parents are allowed to harass teachers with dumb questions is terrible and so unfair to teachers who are busy with kids.

The teachers answer was dismissive. She could have easily given you an actual answer; “larla is in the normal range for this, I’m not concerned”.

I agree, the response was dismissive and something like the above response would have taken no more effort.

I agree with this, too. And I’m a preschool teacher. The original comment was a little condescending.