Condescending daycare/preschool teachers

[Anonymous]

This is mostly just venting... I consider myself to be a pretty chill mom (honestly!) but the couple times I've asked a "serious" question in the daycare app to DD's teachers, I feel like I get the most condescending responses. Are teachers just conditioned to dealing with helicopter, obsessive parents, so they can't take my questions at face value?

I mentioned today how my 3 year old still grips with her whole fist whenever she draws. I was deferring to their knowledge of whether or not she should be upgrading from that, as she's refused advice from me or her dad. I asked if they thought it was something that should be worked on, but that if it was normal, great. All I got was an "everything is a learning process mom, she'll be fine." Like they think I'm over here freaking out.

[Anonymous]

I also am a new mom, experiencing condescending childcare providers at our current daycare. Curious if we're sending our kids to the same school...

[Anonymous]

I mean being concerned about the pencil grip of a 3yo is helicoptery, whether you think it is or not.

[Anonymous]

Maybe that is their copy paste response to all so they don't have to take time considering the inquiry.

[Anonymous]

Get used to it, OP. I experienced this basically starting from birth when I heard "all babies cry" after expressing concerns to our nurse.

Turned out he had a broken collarbone.

[Anonymous]

Daycare here- that does not sound condescending to me. She’s 3 and it really is a learning process. Some kids take longer than others but it’s not a race or competition. You seem to still be worried about it which is why you took it as condescending. I don’t think your helicopter mom but as a parent we all have little things we are worried about and that is normal.

[Anonymous]

OP I don't know. Our preschool never did that. But our public elementary does. I agree that it's a knee-jerk reaction to the helicopter parents but it's also lazy. You didn't ask if your DD would be fine, you asked for information, which they didn't give.

Also, I hate when adults, who are not my children, call me, "mom."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I don't know. Our preschool never did that. But our public elementary does. I agree that it's a knee-jerk reaction to the helicopter parents but it's also lazy. You didn't ask if your DD would be fine, you asked for information, which they didn't give.

Also, I hate when adults, who are not my children, call me, "mom."

It’s a clutch because they don’t know your name. They don’t want to appear rude.

[Anonymous]

Remember that written communication lacks tone, and I expect you are projecting some of your own insecurities about how your kid is doing onto what they wrote.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Daycare here- that does not sound condescending to me. She’s 3 and it really is a learning process. Some kids take longer than others but it’s not a race or competition. You seem to still be worried about it which is why you took it as condescending. I don’t think your helicopter mom but as a parent we all have little things we are worried about and that is normal.

Daycare, I think you are part of the problem. This isn't about OP's worry. Why can't they just give her an answer, which in this case, is "no." Why can't they tell her that her kid's grip is within the normal range, and there's no need to intervene?

Of course it's not a race or a competition. Of course everything is a learning process. Did you really think that needed to be said?

There are developmental norms (and interventions for kids who fall outside them), and you - as a daycare teacher - should stand ready to answer parents' questions about those norms.

[Anonymous]

Your question was pretty helicoptery but their response was not okay. Part of their job is communicating with you, even if they think you’re questions are stupid. If that keeps happening I’d consider looking for new childcare.

[Anonymous]

We had the opposite. The teacher of our 3 year old room wanted me to work with my DD at home on her letters are really I was not worried because she'd learn it just fine. She did. She's 8 now

[Anonymous]

Don't take your insecurities out on teachers, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is mostly just venting... I consider myself to be a pretty chill mom (honestly!) but the couple times I've asked a "serious" question in the daycare app to DD's teachers, I feel like I get the most condescending responses. Are teachers just conditioned to dealing with helicopter, obsessive parents, so they can't take my questions at face value?

I mentioned today how my 3 year old still grips with her whole fist whenever she draws. I was deferring to their knowledge of whether or not she should be upgrading from that, as she's refused advice from me or her dad. I asked if they thought it was something that should be worked on, but that if it was normal, great. All I got was an "everything is a learning process mom, she'll be fine." Like they think I'm over here freaking out.

That's not condescending, it's good advice.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I don't think insecure is the right word for how I felt about it, but sure maybe a little? I have one kid, don't know much about them, so I was wondering. She's pretty smart and just generally awesome. It was only a question.

I recently had a discussion with the same teacher about nap (my child does not nap, ever, hasn't for many months but sleeps great at night). She lies there, rolls around on the cot, sometimes gets a book, and I think is sometimes told to be quiet. We do our best to remind her of that and tell her some friends are sleeping. She likes to bring a stuffed animal to hold during nap and the teacher said we should wean her off of that because "she won't be able to do that in kindergarten" and "it's naptime not playtime." Well geez... she won't be on a cot for two hours in kindergarten either!

Anyway, my DD generally loves it at this place and we will not be switching. The teachers seem to do a fine job, with HER. But we can't go in the room because of COVID and the app is about the only communication we get. So yeah I feel like they could take a minute to answer a question sometimes without making me feel like a helicopter parent, even if they think I am one (I still maintain that I am not )