Condescending daycare/preschool teachers

[Anonymous]

That doesn’t read as condescending to me, but it can be hard to read people through app/text/email. I wouldn’t automatically assume the worst. Fwiw my old 4 year old still reverts back from pencil grip, so I’d give it time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Remember that written communication lacks tone, and I expect you are projecting some of your own insecurities about how your kid is doing onto what they wrote.

This. It's hard not having any face to face time with teachers. It was great when you could chat quickly with the provider in the morning or during pickup to briefly mention these types of concerns. I think the teacher's response was harmless, and I think the lack of tone on both sides is exacerbating the issue. Does your school offer any parent/teacher conferences? Ours does one outside once a quarter, and will set up a zoom call upon request.

If it's something developmental that you're really worried about, bring it up with your pediatrician.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Remember that written communication lacks tone, and I expect you are projecting some of your own insecurities about how your kid is doing onto what they wrote.

This. It's hard not having any face to face time with teachers. It was great when you could chat quickly with the provider in the morning or during pickup to briefly mention these types of concerns. I think the teacher's response was harmless, and I think the lack of tone on both sides is exacerbating the issue. Does your school offer any parent/teacher conferences? Ours does one outside once a quarter, and will set up a zoom call upon request.

If it's something developmental that you're really worried about, bring it up with your pediatrician.

The next ped visit could easily be a year away at this point. It’s fine to ask daycare questions like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Remember that written communication lacks tone, and I expect you are projecting some of your own insecurities about how your kid is doing onto what they wrote.

This. It's hard not having any face to face time with teachers. It was great when you could chat quickly with the provider in the morning or during pickup to briefly mention these types of concerns. I think the teacher's response was harmless, and I think the lack of tone on both sides is exacerbating the issue. Does your school offer any parent/teacher conferences? Ours does one outside once a quarter, and will set up a zoom call upon request.

If it's something developmental that you're really worried about, bring it up with your pediatrician.

The next ped visit could easily be a year away at this point. It’s fine to ask daycare questions like this.

Of course you can ask if they other children under their care are similar, but you shouldn't rely on them to assess your child. Pediatricians can be e-mailed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Daycare here- that does not sound condescending to me. She’s 3 and it really is a learning process. Some kids take longer than others but it’s not a race or competition. You seem to still be worried about it which is why you took it as condescending. I don’t think your helicopter mom but as a parent we all have little things we are worried about and that is normal.

Daycare, I think you are part of the problem. This isn't about OP's worry. Why can't they just give her an answer, which in this case, is "no." Why can't they tell her that her kid's grip is within the normal range, and there's no need to intervene?

Of course it's not a race or a competition. Of course everything is a learning process. Did you really think that needed to be said?

There are developmental norms (and interventions for kids who fall outside them), and you - as a daycare teacher - should stand ready to answer parents' questions about those norms.

We have been told time and time again that we are not to provide “diagnosis” because of liability issues. I am not allowed to tell a parent but I think their child is delayed. I am allowed to ask limited leading questions and everything needs to be referred through doctors and or through occupational therapists. And as an aside, do you really think parents are going listen to me? Read the forms here. Parents have a very low opinion of daycare/preschool teachers. So many people don’t think we know what we’re talking about or have faith in our assessments so we will keep our mouth shut or give a canned reply.

But while you don’t think parents need to be reminded of the learning process, there are many parents who don’t realize it. Or, they think the learning process is shorter than it is. This is not a zing to anybody but really you do see a range of abilities.

[Anonymous]

OP, we make $12 an hour, and our break is "nap time." In your post, you mentioned your daughter doesn't nap. It's not a real break for us if the children aren't sleeping. There's no time to think. It's a very stressful job. Her comment seemed okay. Remember, not everyone has good manners. It's not always intentional.

[Anonymous]

OP- also think about how many questions through the app these daycare providers a day.

[Anonymous]

OP you might think most parents are thoughtful and intelligent like you are but I can tell you, after working in an elementary school for almost two decades, that teachers of all ages have to deal with all kinds of parents, helicoptery is the least of it. And the most strange, ignorant and needy parents are the ones they hear from the most.

A really good teacher handles communication such as yours better than that, if they aren't totally overworked and swamped with emails or whatever. But most teachers are not really good, they are good to mediocre, and some are really lame.

Don't take it personally.

[Anonymous]

I am a director and a real issue is that we expect teachers to be interacting with the children throughout the day, not answering messages in an app. These new communication apps have led to parents asking many more questions and expecting very quick responses. Teachers often need to rush to answer. If you have a concern you’ll get a better response if you call or email to schedule a time to talk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a director and a real issue is that we expect teachers to be interacting with the children throughout the day, not answering messages in an app. These new communication apps have led to parents asking many more questions and expecting very quick responses. Teachers often need to rush to answer. If you have a concern you’ll get a better response if you call or email to schedule a time to talk.

Translation: The teachers never get time to lesson plan or respond to messages because the owners are cheap.

[Anonymous]

My guess is that the average preschool teacher is not great at written communication. I wouldn't take this personally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean being concerned about the pencil grip of a 3yo is helicoptery, whether you think it is or not.

Yep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Daycare here- that does not sound condescending to me. She’s 3 and it really is a learning process. Some kids take longer than others but it’s not a race or competition. You seem to still be worried about it which is why you took it as condescending. I don’t think your helicopter mom but as a parent we all have little things we are worried about and that is normal.

Daycare, I think you are part of the problem. This isn't about OP's worry. Why can't they just give her an answer, which in this case, is "no." Why can't they tell her that her kid's grip is within the normal range, and there's no need to intervene?

Of course it's not a race or a competition. Of course everything is a learning process. Did you really think that needed to be said?

There are developmental norms (and interventions for kids who fall outside them), and you - as a daycare teacher - should stand ready to answer parents' questions about those norms.

That's like a doctor saying your lump was benign and then 3 years later you find out you have Stage IV. They were right at the moment but it turned into something far more complicated and you didn't 'warn' them. They have medical malpractice insurance for that nonsense. A teacher doesn't. So yes, they're going to either deflect or be noncommittal. You want to know if your kid has a learning disability or physical handicap - take them to a proper professional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a director and a real issue is that we expect teachers to be interacting with the children throughout the day, not answering messages in an app. These new communication apps have led to parents asking many more questions and expecting very quick responses. Teachers often need to rush to answer. If you have a concern you’ll get a better response if you call or email to schedule a time to talk.

Translation: The teachers never get time to lesson plan or respond to messages because the owners are cheap.

Translation. Teachers are too tied up with helicopter questions to properly prepare for classes.

[Anonymous]

The days of coddling needy entitled parents are over.