Hand-me-down clothes with a "dig"?
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Anonymous
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SIL sends us hand-me-down (across the country) that her son has outgrown. Her DS is a year older than our DS and much, much bigger. My DS takes after my short family and has always been in the under the 50% percentile. Her DS takes after DH's family and is in the 90% percentile. Nice of her to go to the bother of sending clothes for my DS but...
Every box contains a note from her about how my DS probably will not be able to wear the clothes for another five years (with an added "ha-ha") or that she hopes the clothes are not out of style by the time DS can wear them. She has also started addressing card to my DS (only 1.5 so he can't read them) with "Little First Name". DS is not a Junior but a nickname for his name is apparently the name of a character on a 1960's TV show so is recognizable to those of our generation addicted to the TV Land channel. DH doesn't think this is a big deal. He has always been tall. I am short and so are my brothers and I KNOW the teasing they lived through as kids so I am much more sensitive. As I wrote, she lives on the other side of the country and we will rarely see her in person. What, if anything, should I do or say to SIL? Am I over-reacting? TIA |
Anonymous
| Well first tell her to stop sending hand me downs. The postage is a waste of money. There are plenty of consignment shops and consignment sales, thrift shops and garage sales in this area where you can easily get hand me downs cheap. |
Anonymous
OP here - I don't want the clothes. Her taste in clothing is very different than mine. I end up donating about 75% of them to Goodwill. Do you think that asking her to stop sending the clothes would insult her? |
Anonymous
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"Betty, I noticed that you've addressed Larlo as "Little Larlo." You've also made jokes about his size and how he won't wear your son's hand-me-downs for 5 years. Please stop with the jokes and address him as Larlo. Thank you."
Or say nothing, let it go and recognize that she's insensitive. Either is fine. |
Anonymous
She's insulted your son and you're worrying about insulting here??? Lady, you need to grow some balls. "Thanks for thinking of us, but we don't need the clothes. Please pass them along to friends or a charity near your home. Love, Madge" |
Anonymous
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I think your childhood experience is clouding your view.
You are over reacting. |
Anonymous
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Yes, you're being way too sensitive. Addressing a young child as "Little" isn't necessarily a swipe. My dad referred to my son as "Little X" until he said at age 4, "I'm not little!" It was a term of affection and my kid was/is incredibly tall.
If you really don't want the clothes, send an email thanking her for her thoughtfulness but you really don't have the storage space for clothes that he'd wear that far down the line. Since she's ready to pass them on there are probably local friends or organizations that could benefit from her generosity. Get over the sensitivity to the words little or small. Percentiles don't matter--growth curves do. If your kid is happy and healthy that's all that really matters. |
Anonymous
Not OP but I am VERY careful about anything I say/write to my in-laws and I have "brass ones". But I like the wording of your note to the SIL. |
Anonymous
NP - so what if it does? She’s insulting you with her “jokes" |
Anonymous
| While your SIL may think this is funny, it really is not. Calling a boy little is the same as calling a girl fat -- a dig. She probably thinks it is OK to insult your DS -- some people just think that is funny, or acceptable. I would ask her to stop sending clothes -- they do not fit and you can't store them, but thanks anyway!! If she persists, I would just toss them. I never enjoyed hand me downs much with my kids -- kids clothes are pretty cheap these days and I just never felt like doing it after I got the first bundle from a friend. The nice ones are very easy to resell anyway. |
Anonymous
| ^^and it’s ok (social etiquette) to politely decline something like that |
Anonymous
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Your SIL is being a b*tch. She is being competitive with the only thing she can be right now and that is height. Wait until the boys are both in school -- it'll get worse.
Nip it in the bud, OP. Write a nice note as suggested above and do not buy into her competitive nature. PS I was one of the pathetic girls in our generation addicted to TV Land in high school and I am guessing the character is from "Bonanza", right? He was the most handsome and charming of characters on that show if that helps and not short at all. |
Anonymous
| Ignore the cards, accept the clothes and just leave it. In laws sre gonna do what they want, and just tell yourself you are acceptung them for her be |
Anonymous
Benefit not yours. But ignore my comme,t, because I meant to delete it but it the wrong button. |
Anonymous
| Why do you accept clothes you don't want for your son? Just tell her you don't want them. |